Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, Bri2020 said:

This has gotten me down to my goal weight but it's an illusion. It's mostly fluids and muscle loss. At this point, my goal is to not let myself drop more than 1-3 lbs more. I mean, you are going to drop weight anytime you are forced to limit your diet to fluids/puree but you want to make sure you don't lose muscle mass and bone density from malnutrition in the process.  I hate to think about it but my spring will have to involve a workout program.  My surgeon wants me to "truly rest" for 4-6 weeks, no working, exercising or stress.

4-6 weeks is similar to the amount of time you need for GRS. I appreciate your story because it provides some clarity about how difficult this surgery is. Thank you and I hope that, after you recover, you will not have a straw phobia.

[Bri2020]

9 minutes ago, Erica Gabriel said:

4-6 weeks is similar to the amount of time you need for GRS. I appreciate your story because it provides some clarity about how difficult this surgery is. Thank you and I hope that, after you recover, you will not have a straw phobia.

I did not give this surgery enough respect. I've had 13 surgeries in my life including some major back ones and shoulder repairs.  This has been right up there with regard to pain and challenges.  I was walking (albeit slowly) the day after spinal fusions so I figured this would be a walk in the park.   I was wrong.  That's not meant to scare anyone away from it. Just listen to your doctor, plan on LOTS of fortified liquids and take your pain meds as prescribed. Have someone stay with you the first week if possible.  The timing of this for me ended up sucking given that I recently separated and now living alone. My ex stayed with me the first three days which was nice but I figured I could manage with just friends checking in after that. I could have used someone hounding me on eating and drinking more vs just curling up in bed and trying to "get through it"   My stubbornness can be self sabotaging.   Well, my ride is hear to take me to get an IV, see you all in a couple hours.

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

Post op Day 6: Things have caught up to me today.  I've been trying to avoid/minimize the narcotics for pain control since I ended up addicted to them after a back surgery many years ago but I think that has led to its own problems. Eating and drinking is hard after FFS and the constant pain has exhausted me to the point of not pushing myself to eat/drink enough. I've lost 10lbsand am weak as shiit right now. I'm heading in to urgent care to get some IV fluids/electrolytes this morning. I'm guessing just on weight I am behind by 2 litres of fluids.  My skin is like parchment (skin looks like I'm 80 years old) and I'm struggling to concentrate .  

Point of the story- follow your Drs orders post op.  I will be fine but I probably would have felt much better energy wise all week if I had managed my pain appropriately.  Then eating/drinking wouldn't have been so hard (it's been painful)

 

 

Take care of yourself sweetie. It sounds like you'd benefit from somebody to ride your butt to make sure you're getting enough fluids and calories in you.

 

And yes. Always follow your doctor's instructions to the letter. If you're not sure, ask for more details.

 

Hugs!

[Jackie C.]

15 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Thank you for understanding. I just don't want people to think less of me.

 

When someone you love is sick like that and sick for such a long time, you grieve them before they're finally gone. There's a little bit left at the end, but you've had plenty of time to make your peace. I've had relations suffer so much, I was just relived when they finally let go and, hopefully, knew some peace.

 

Hugs!

[Vidanjali]

@Elizabeth Star I'm very glad to hear how you're processing this major change in your life so far. Similar to @Mmindy my spouse's father did not have quality of life for many years before he passed away from covid last January. My spouse said he felt that he'd been mentally preparing for this for such a long time that his experience of grief felt mostly like a sense of freedom. And it showed outwardly. For instance, I'd wanted him to get some new clothes for a while, and after his father passed, he himself motivated a shopping trip. I'm glad you commented about your concern over being judged so that you don't have to keep that to yourself. Definitely, no judgment here! 

 

@Bri2020 I'm sorry your recovery has gone a bit awry. I believe you're a very sensible and courageous woman and it sounds like you've learned what you needed to from this recent experience. Go forth, heal well! Try not to construe this as a setback, but rather an opportunity to learn better how to care for yourself. 

[Jani]

6 hours ago, Charlotte Ye Ye said:

“Every woman becomes their mother. That's their tragedy. And no man becomes his. That's his tragedy.”  Algernon Moncrieff

Well, not really!  

[Jackie C.]

6 minutes ago, Jani said:

Well, not really!  

 

Loophole. You were never really a man.

 

Of course I also refuse to turn into my mother so there's that.

 

Hugs!

[Elizabeth Star]

2 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Of course I also refuse to turn into my mother so there's that.

 

Hugs!

Same here.

[Ivy]

11 hours ago, Mmindy said:

we had started our mourning process when mom was no longer recognized as the loving person she was before her horrible battle with Alzheimer’s. 

My mother also passed (eventually) with Alzheimers.  We all knew it was coming and in a lot of ways it was a relief.  Of course there was still the sadness.

[Guest]

I think it’s a good exercise to understand our parents faults and try not to repeat and pass that on to our children. Despite that, I’m very much like my mother and have to fight it everyday.

[Ivy]

7 hours ago, Charlotte Ye Ye said:

Be Yourself.  Everyone else is already taken.

Love it

[Jani]

I heard this on the radio some time ago.

 

“It’s a shame that children can’t know their parents when they’re young, ‘cause if they could things would fall into place.”  Scott Simon (NPR) attributed to his mother.   He goes on to say “ideally you make enough mistakes to be more understanding of those of others.”

 

Jani

[stveee]

Been following everyone's struggles and the only thing that comes to mind is in the end, we have to take care of ourselves and love ourselves because no one else can do it for us.

And surgery in your upper 40's and beyond is a different game too. I'm not 21 and "indestructible" anymore. I just had a little piece of my neck taken off and can only imagine what @Maddee and @Bri2020 are going through.

My thoughts are with them as they do the deal and hope you girls do well, thanks for sharing your journeys!

[Mmindy]

10 hours ago, Charlotte Ye Ye said:

Be Yourself.  Everyone else is already taken.

💖

[Heather Nicole]

3 hours ago, Jandi said:

My mother also passed (eventually) with Alzheimers.  We all knew it was coming and in a lot of ways it was a relief.  Of course there was still the sadness.

 

I think the "relief" part of things (including feeling a little guilty about it) is much more common than many people think. My mom didn't have Alzheimers, for her it was pancreatic cancer, but just the same, it was a gradual progression that we fully knew the eventual result of. Taking care of her was a considerable amount of work for us (some of which we really weren't equipped to handle), and of course, she certainly wasn't having a great time herself. Then, for her final week we had no choice but to have her go to hospice - which we knew she hadn't wanted. So between all of that, once she passed, it was a definite mix of both sadness and relief. And we still couldn't help feeling a bit of guilt about the sense of relief.

 

Relief, guilt, sadness, it all just goes with the territory in situations like these. Although one nice thing that also comes with it is the comradery with others who have gone through similar things.

 

Well, on a totally different note...

 

I wouldn't want to turn into my mom either, but I'd gladly take it if the only other choice was to turn into my dad!

 

It was kind of funny: One time I tried running my photo through faceapp's "older" filter...and I know full well faceapp's results aren't realistic, but OMG, aside from the long hair it looked nearly just like my dad. That was so creepy!

 

[Mmindy]

3 hours ago, Erica Gabriel said:

I think it’s a good exercise to understand our parents faults and try not to repeat and pass that on to our children. Despite that, I’m very much like my mother and have to fight it everyday.

I hold hope that in most cases, the next generation is a little bet better than the previous one. I've said this for a long time when mentoring young parents. Mostly new parents around the firehouse dinner table. My parents were better parents, than my grandparents, I was a better parent than my own. My son, and daughter are way better than I was.

 

Oh and a baby only cries when it's hungry, dirty, sick or mistreated. As a public servant learn to keep your eyes open for the latter.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Bri2020]

Well, heading home feeling almost normal!  3 liters of fluids before I had to pee. Lol. I think I will focus more on getting enough fluids in me over the next few days. 

[Willow McKenzie]

5 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I did not give this surgery enough respect. I've had 13 surgeries in my life including some major back ones and shoulder repairs.  This has been right up there with regard to pain and challenges.  I was walking (albeit slowly) the day after spinal fusions so I figured this would be a walk in the park.   I was wrong.  That's not meant to scare anyone away from it. Just listen to your doctor, plan on LOTS of fortified liquids and take your pain meds as prescribed. Have someone stay with you the first week if possible.  The timing of this for me ended up sucking given that I recently separated and now living alone. My ex stayed with me the first three days which was nice but I figured I could manage with just friends checking in after that. I could have used someone hounding me on eating and drinking more vs just curling up in bed and trying to "get through it"   My stubbornness can be self sabotaging.   Well, my ride is hear to take me to get an IV, see you all in a couple hours.

I hope you get on track asap.    My partner is a care-giver for the state.   Too bad you are clean across the country or I would loan them to you.    

I too have had several BIG surgeries.   Total replacement of both knees in the last 10 years, to name a couple.   My FFS surgery took most of the day and having a throbbing knee is bad, but it is way down your leg.   Big surgeries on a person's head are absolutely hell.  That's where your being resides.    Surgery, nose up is all about careful precision.    Chin and jaw surgery has a different kind of violence.   You had both in one day.    You will get through this and be many years younger than I, plus look absolutely radiant. 

   Do exactually what your Dr. says, but this is what my Dr. insisted along with other prescriptions.   I was already on the collagen which he approved and he added the protein shakes too.  I'm not trying to promote any brands, but these work for me.

[Jackie C.]

20 minutes ago, Bri2020 said:

Well, heading home feeling almost normal!  3 liters of fluids before I had to pee. Lol. I think I will focus more on getting enough fluids in me over the next few days. 

 

Yes, please do. Your body needs those to heal.

 

Hugs!

[Aggie1]

Drinking coffee in bed made by my daughter who wants me to get up and take her to the post office so she can mail her autism diagnosis to the Washington state department of social services who can provide her with help when she moves into an apartment of her own, … and reading the headlines about Amy’s 40 streak win on jeopardy finally coming to an end.

 

here’s what she said.

 

https://www.jeopardy.com/jbuzz/contestants/amy-schneider-what-i-learned-my-jeopardy-experience?fbclid=IwAR0kmfU0VZicCe8OyRas1sRGmALCbiLWx8EZDOjxEh4ird5U4VTRyc3mX7I
 

And while, as I’ve said, my trans identity is only one part of myself, it has also been the source of easily the biggest rewards I’ve gotten from this experience. The first one is personal: a few months ago, deep down, I simply did not believe that I could ever really be accepted for who I was. That is, I had come to believe (not without some difficulty) that at least some people accepted me: my family, my girlfriend, my inner circle of friends. But I always believed that most people would see me as trans people have so often been seen: a freak, a pervert, a man in a dress, a liar, mentally ill. And as the days counted down to my episodes airing, I braced myself for the rejection I was sure would come. And then… it just didn’t. Sure, there have been a few isolated voices trying to bring me down, but the overwhelming reaction has been of support and acceptance. People actually believe me when I say who I am. They don’t think there’s something wrong with me. And because of that, for maybe the first time in my life, I’m starting to think there really isn’t anything wrong with me either.

 

[Vidanjali]

13 hours ago, Charlotte Ye Ye said:

“Every woman becomes their mother. That's their tragedy. And no man becomes his. That's his tragedy.”  Algernon Moncrieff

 

6 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Loophole. You were never really a man.

 

Of course I also refuse to turn into my mother so there's that.

 

Hugs!

 

6 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Same here.

 

Loophole 2: I was never really a woman! And ditto on breaking that chain, if there ever was one!

[Mmindy]

6 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Well, heading home feeling almost normal!  3 liters of fluids before I had to pee. Lol. I think I will focus more on getting enough fluids in me over the next few days. 

Yea! 👏🏼 

[HollyNG]

A new customer is glad I learned about her well.She is a post mtf female transsexual and was glad I fixed her tractor right the first time.I even told her I am a part time crossdresser today and she is going to meet me as Holly for the first time this weekend.Found out I am welcomed to come out to a group of her friends that are transgender and crossdressers

[MirandaB]

Endo appointment today...apparently my hormones are like those of a pregnant woman, so we're cutting back on the dosage of estradiol. 

 

I asked what the heck I'm supposed to answer on medical forms when they say M or F. She says, hormonally you're a woman, so F unless it's something to do with the private parts. (I had to pick one on an online covid test registration deal). 

 

Other comments: "You seem happier" "love your hair", things like that. Never thought going to the doctor would be such a fun way to start a day. 

[Elizabeth Star]

I took the plunge and met with an lgbt group this evening. I was a little worried it was going to be overly male dominated but much to my surprise it wasn't. Half men, half women (8 people including me) and thankfully there was another transwoman there. Being that today is International Holocaust Remembrance Day the topic seemed to dominate the conversions. I find it interesting that they meet at 7pm on Thursdays. It was the same day and time that I was seeing my other therapist. They appear to be a good group of people and I plan to go back next week.

 

I did manage to get out to work around lunch time. Not to work but to say "hi" to everyone before I try to come back tomorrow. I had gotten my partner a job there when we met and she was there for 4 years so there were a lot of tears and hugs. I'm not scheduled to work but they're happy to let me come in and see if I can handle it. I usually live by the seat of my pants but no I feel like I really need to get some semblance of a routine going.