Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Heather Nicole]

8 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

 

"Heat from Fire, Fire from Heat" would definitely be my choice for covert signalling.

 

Oh! And if you can find one, maybe pair it with a pin of Blahaj the shark!

[Ticket For Epic]

@Heather Nicole I sort of wish it didn't have the trans colors but I feel like only trans (is trans the plural for trans?  I feel like it should be.) and allies would recognize it and possibly rabid members of "team terf".

[Ticket For Epic]

@Ertha  That is more than a touch concerning!  I'm not admin and don't know nearly enough about the interwebs to explain much of anything but if I may offer some advice.  Get yourself an anonymous internet handle that is not in any way associated with your "cis" life, remember to use incognito and I would highly recommend a VPN service and keep a vigilant eye on your cookie settings.  You can also set up your browser to erase all cookies and trackes as well as your browsing history automatically when it closes.  

 

I'm sorry to see you go but I understand that trust can be nye impossible to regain.  That said why reach out to admin or wait for a response as this may not even be an issue they are aware of.  This is a self supported little operation run out of love and passion not corporate pros or a big nonprofit.  I think that's why this place is a magical as it is. 

 

Fare well and may the worst of your future be the best of your past.

 

 

[Heather Nicole]

2 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

@Heather Nicole I sort of wish it didn't have the trans colors but I feel like only trans (is trans the plural for trans?  I feel like it should be.) and allies would recognize it and possibly rabid members of "team terf".

 

Actually, honestly, I was thinking the same things about the trans colors on it, but I kind of didn't want to say anything because I thought it sounded like maybe you just didn't see that as anything to be concerned about and I didn't want to be a wet blanket. Yea, I think we're thinking pretty much exactly the same thing about it, like it would be a perfect impulse buy (I definitely would too!) if it weren't for the trans flag colors in it, but then I'm also completely uncertain about general public awareness of the trans flag/colors. I can't even remember when or how *I* learned about the trans flag! Before or after figuring myself out? Before or after when I started to look into transness and signed up here? (???!)

[Davie]

11 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

@Marcie JensenNo national security concerns, maybe industry trade issues. I'm guessing. Nobody is allowed to have/use personal cell phones at work, no photographs. Keep everything in house, that kind of stuff, as I understand it. Badges have individuals' picture and a chip or something for access. One at a time through the building access points. I'm told I'll get mine in the mail. If I don't get it today (probably not likely, and I won't say anything if it does) it won't be until Tuesday at the earliest. So at least I won't have to deal with it Monday.

 

@VidanjaliI admittedly have had a life of relative privilege, but I have been learning, through coming out 2 years ago and through the past 6 months here, of the importance of self-advocacy, as well as for the community. To quote Chief Dan George's character in "The Outlaw Josey Wales," I shall "endeavor to persevere."

 

I heard Chief Dan George speak once, and got to meet him—he's as smart and wise as this seems.

 

“There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other.”
-- Chief Dan George

 

--Davie

[MirandaB]

@Davie rumor is by end of the year a new version of Cliff House will open. 

[CD Rachel]

Good morning,

 

Coffee sponsor is Green Mountain Dark Magic. It makes me wish I could work a little magic in my life right now. 

 

Since my last weekend was much like a wonderful weekend in Trans Disney World this one has been and will continue to be..... well crappy. No chance of being Rachel this weekend. Spent 2 days at my wifes helping her with opening her pool and fixing some plumbing issues when her plumber just flat out walked out of the house leaving things torn out and not repaired.  

 

Getting ready now to head down to visit my family for a Memorial day party and to celebrate my wifes' birthday. Last night she was refusing to go because she is afraid that the conversation will revolve around my coming out. I was able to convince her to go by promising that I will not allow my coming out to be a topic of discussions since most of my family is not yet aware of my transitioning.

 

My mental and emotional state is very chaotic right now at best. I am flying high one minute and uncontrollably sobbing the next. Going to back down on the HRT for a couple days to see if I can stabilize this. The funny thing I have always been over emotional but I have always been able to clamp down on my feelings and chain them up in the corner. I am not sure if the wild emotions right now are just the HRT or if it is Rachel trying to learn how to deal with the things that I have been suppressing all of my life.

 

Wow, I have already typed more here then I meant to... guess that I needed to vent a little. Thank you for listening to me. I don't know how I could have made it this far with out these forums to share my feelings with.

 

Hope everyone has a good weekend and remember to take a minute to remember those who paid the ultimate price for the freedoms that we enjoy today.

 

~Rachel

 

 

[Guest]

22 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I do understand that, and, yes, for a transgender, it kinda goes with the territory. I just don't feel I should have to wear a sign on my shirt that essentially tells every person I encounter. Don't misunderstand me, I really don't give a **** what people - strangers or not - think of me. I just think the situation is a breach of confidentiality and privacy.

Hannah,

 

This journey has many twists and turns. For all of the genuinely supportive organizations, there are some organizations that may talk the talk, but stumble walking the walk. Recently I discovered an identity policy for just this type of thing at my university. I had not been told about it. I was able to request to use my chosen name for email, ID badge, etc. When made my first request, I received an email telling me that they would wait for my legal name change, which is in process. I then replied that I wanted to do this before the court date, and I sent the HR director a copy of the policy. Within 6 hours I had my email changed, a new official ID, my name was updated in the employee directory, they had me pose for a new ID badge, and took my picture for the faculty photo wall. 

 

At the hospital where I am on staff, I am still required to use my legal name because of the healthcare licensing and DEA requirements. I cannot change my name or use an alias. I have to wait until I have my court order and make requests for legal name change. It is a pain as I look nothing like my former self. The staff accepts me as Katie, and they struggle with what to call me as well. I am one of the girls at work. I make no excuses or try to get evasive if a patient asks about my appearance or my name. I have my pony tail, I am in female scrubs, and I have clearly noticeable coral nail color on my fingers. My earrings are in place. Not one person, no matter from where they are from has given me any grief at all. Not one nasty comment or refusal to be seen by me. While there is negativity out there, the only places where I see the bulk of it is on Fox News (that unbalanced and unfair news outlet) and the Republican Party members who seem to want to eradicate us.

 

Hang in there. Just do a good job, and let your performance speak for itself. Let them like you for you. I worked hard at my professional and personal relationships so that they knew my core values and capabilities. My appearance and journey are secondary. I still get questions about my transition and I just give them honest and straight forward answers. Most folks seem to accept this. I get some very personal questions at times, but it is okay. I would rather someone ask and get the truth, rather than they make up stuff about me. The transparency pays many dividends. I meet regularly with my HR director at the hospital. She and I had a very good conversation just last week that lasted close to an hour and a half. She had never managed a situation involving someone transitioning and she has been happy to get firsthand information. 

 

Hang in there and again, just be yourself and wow them with your performance. 

 

Good luck!

Katie

[Ivy]

36 minutes ago, Katie23 said:

I still get questions about my transition and I just give them honest and straight forward answers. Most folks seem to accept this. I get some very personal questions at times, but it is okay. I would rather someone ask and get the truth, rather than they make up stuff about me.

When I first came out in public there were some questions from a few people.  I just answered them - as long as they were in good faith.  A lot of people are more curious than hostile.  I'm happy to talk to folks about it, as long as it's honest questions.

[MetaLicious]

21 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

Morning all,

I have to drop in on my employer today, so u have to go full on 'boy mode'...sigh.  I don't really present in public but I do little things... a touch of mascara, slightly feminine hair or head piece.   By the way, I don't think men are likely to notice light mascara, but women definitely will!

 

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

I recognized it at once!  After a while, I saw the words, "If you know, you know."  Spot on!  I think it's perfect.  

[Ticket For Epic]

9 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

Actually, honestly, I was thinking the same things about the trans colors on it

It has just dawned on me that I'm a carpenter, woodworker and general DIY'er and if I can't figure out how to make that pin sans the the trans colors, I might as well turn in my craftsman card.  (I know craftsman isn't actually gendered but that felt dirty to type...  eeewww!)

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, CD Rachel said:

 

My mental and emotional state is very chaotic right now at best. I am flying high one minute and uncontrollably sobbing the next. Going to back down on the HRT for a couple days to see if I can stabilize this. The funny thing I have always been over emotional but I have always been able to clamp down on my feelings and chain them up in the corner. I am not sure if the wild emotions right now are just the HRT or if it is Rachel trying to learn how to deal with the things that I have been suppressing all of my life.

 

Probably both.  The emotional HRT rollercoaster does get better with time, you just have to get through it like puberty . Absolutely, this whole process is making you look closer at yourself and all the things being trans has meant so of course it's going to be emotional.  Given yourself some grace. 

[Bri2020]

Just going to throw this out there for those facing name issues. You can get a court order for a name change but not use that name everywhere. You have the order to use in the places that you want to be addressed with your new name.  Tax people don't care what your name is, just your #.  banks can receive direct deposits with a different name, etc etc. The only place it will crop up is once you start changing legal IDs they kinda have to match for W-2/new job, passports, security clearances etc. People use alias in legitimate applications all the time.

 

[Willow]

Good Sunday morning everyone

 

i finally got a decent nights sleep. First one in nearly a month and I did it with out a sleep aid.  
 

Sunny and hot today.  It’s a great beach day.  Only problem is all the other people thinking the same thing.  Finding a place to park is likely to be impossible.

 

I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t promised to not change my name. I can see that as being an issue with life.  For example I can’t use my credit or debit card without giving away my dead name.  I got called sir yesterday at the grocery store.  Fully dressed with makeup.  Why? Because the only thing she noticed was the name on my debit card.  I do admit I don’t always remember to use my female voice register.  I’ve got to be better about that.

 

Willow

[JustineM]

Wow I REALLY need to get on here more and at least keep up on things!  For those that are struggling my heart goes out to you and I hope it gets better. 
 

Well my week has been… hell. Tuesday evening as I was checking in at work our building security guy came in to ask for me coin sheet. He’s been a friend for years but has not been correctly naming or gendering me. Asked if we had “his coin sheet” so I called him on it. What do I get back

 

”Well you still have a d!($ between your legs” 

 

Yeah that triggered me and hard. Couple of days and my customers were always asking me what was wrong. Side note- I have some absolutely amazing customers. If that wasn’t bad enough, in the midst of my depressive state, I got followed into the bathroom for the first time. Ran back in after a stop and just got followed into the ladies room. I think he realized he messed up as the door closed since I was obviously armed, he didn’t try anything but I was scared as hell. 
 

The guy at work has since messaged me a couple times apologizing profusely and I’ve tried to use it as an educational opportunity but the pain is still there. I guess it has solved one thing for me, I’ve always been back and forth over wether I want to get surgery, I’m pretty solidly on the surgery side now. 

[Willow]

@JustineM it is very unfortunate that some people who know us before can’t accept us now.  I still have a stick shift between my legs.  But it hasn’t shifted my gears in years.  I’ve disconnected and removed the T injection system and the stick is gettIng smaller, easily hidden but still there on those rare circumstances when I need a uranyl.  At my age I didn’t see the sense in going any further.  A younger person or an active person would likely have a different need.  
 

I get, but ignore the odd looks.  I had to learn how to do that.  I also had to learn how to blow off the misgendered “sirs”.  I don’t think I look so bad it’s an instant give away.  But I admit I had a really bad setback 9 months ago.  I was ready to give up.  But instead I went to see my therapist and I’m better than ever.

 

willow

[Ticket For Epic]

3 minutes ago, Willow said:

 I still have a stick shift between my legs

I've come to think of it as the "meat straw".

 

4 minutes ago, Willow said:

But I admit I had a really bad setback 9 months ago.  I was ready to give up.  But instead I went to see my therapist and I’m better than ever.

It's comments like this that give me hope.  Thank you for sharing.

[Ticket For Epic]

35 minutes ago, JustineM said:

The guy at work has since messaged me a couple times apologizing profusely and I’ve tried to use it as an educational opportunity but the pain is still there. I guess it has solved one thing for me, I’ve always been back and forth over wether I want to get surgery, I’m pretty solidly on the surgery side now. 

Why do I always feel like I'm intruding or Freya forbid..*gasp* "mansplain-ing".  This is literally why we are here!

 

Anyway, as I am safely tucked away in my little closet, I haven't yet had to deal with this sort of thing but... 

 

In life I try to remember that absolutely nothing that anyone has ever done to me has had anything to do with me.  It is about their failings, short comings, misconceptions.  They have been taught to be who they are, belive what they believe and beliefs aren't something you can choose. We either are or are not convinced by.  Humans instinctually react to things they don't understand with fear and men tend to lash out when in fear.

 

If you feel your friend is sincere, give them a chance if you think they deserve it but let them know that you will not accept the unacceptable and there are invisible lines that cannot be un-crossed.

 

Hope I'm not out of line hear but I saw your earlier post with a trigger warning and felt a need to share a perspective that has changed my life.

 

Much luv

 

 

[Marcie Jensen]

11 hours ago, Davie said:

 

I heard Chief Dan George speak once, and got to meet him—he's as smart and wise as this seems.

 

“There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other.”
-- Chief Dan George

 

--Davie

Thanks, Davie for sharing that quote. It's not only inspiring, but demonstrates just why he is such a wise man.

[Marcie Jensen]

1 hour ago, JustineM said:

Wow I REALLY need to get on here more and at least keep up on things!  For those that are struggling my heart goes out to you and I hope it gets better. 
 

Well my week has been… hell. Tuesday evening as I was checking in at work our building security guy came in to ask for me coin sheet. He’s been a friend for years but has not been correctly naming or gendering me. Asked if we had “his coin sheet” so I called him on it. What do I get back

 

”Well you still have a d!($ between your legs” 

 

Yeah that triggered me and hard. Couple of days and my customers were always asking me what was wrong. Side note- I have some absolutely amazing customers. If that wasn’t bad enough, in the midst of my depressive state, I got followed into the bathroom for the first time. Ran back in after a stop and just got followed into the ladies room. I think he realized he messed up as the door closed since I was obviously armed, he didn’t try anything but I was scared as hell. 
 

The guy at work has since messaged me a couple times apologizing profusely and I’ve tried to use it as an educational opportunity but the pain is still there. I guess it has solved one thing for me, I’ve always been back and forth over wether I want to get surgery, I’m pretty solidly on the surgery side now. 

I'm so sorry this happened to you, @JustineM. I HATE it when I get misgendered. Especially when it's on purpose. At least the guy apologized. It doesn't take the hurt and pain away, but it's a small "something."

 

Being followed into the restroom is becoming a "thing," I think. Something similar happened to me a couple weeks ago. I was shopping in a local big box store, wearing a dress and heels believe it or not, and had to take care of business. So, I went into the ladies' room, and was followed by an employee (hall monitor, maybe?). I marched straight to a stall, took care of business, and when I came out, there the employee was, scowling at me; if looks could maim, I'd have been been a quadriplegic. So I smiled at her, said "have a nice day" and left. It was upsetting, but I refuse to let them get to me.

 

The point to all this, is you are not alone. Jerks are everywhere and seem to be becoming more and more plentiful. Wish I had an answer...

[JustineM]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. 
@Willow I’m sorry to hear you had the setback but I am glad that you are better than ever.  
 

@Ticket For Epic those are some words inspired by the Esir and Vanir. Thank you

[Tellington]

Back from the music festival. It was so punk!

 

Now doing music with my friend Sacha, they're playing the White Stripes on the guitar and I'm singing.

[Ticket For Epic]

1 hour ago, JustineM said:

Esir and Vanir.

Hehe hehe he he.... yay!

 

1 hour ago, JustineM said:

Thank you

Anytime sister.

[Davie]

7 hours ago, RhondaS said:

@Davie rumor is by end of the year a new version of Cliff House will open. 

@RhondaS Cool. Hope the seals and sea lions get a say—they have Mother Nature's ear and her good sense.

Covid is rising in CA again—my sister's got it, but recovering well.

Nothing needs more healing than American healthcare itself.

— Davie

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

So, I went into the ladies' room, and was followed by an employee (hall monitor, maybe?). I marched straight to a stall, took care of business, and when I came out, there the employee was, scowling at me

I'm not sure I could. handle this.