Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Mmindy]

57 minutes ago, stveee said:

Well my name change got approved yesterday, so as soon as I get the papers it's legal and official... I am Stevie Ophelia!

The the last outing left- work, so I can now start that process. Not even worried about it anymore, how it's all going to play out...there's no sitting still. Either I am moving forward or going backward, and there is no going back for me.

Yea Stevie! That's great news and a wonderful attitude. Keep moving forward............>

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy

[Willow]

Good Saturday morning y’all

 

Well, yesterday was an interesting day.  We met with the lawyer.  I hired him.  Much better narrative than the first on I talked to.  We were about half way home when we get a phone call.  I answered over the car, he asks for my wife so she spoke while I continued driving home. Turns out he wants to deliver our bed!  This wasn’t supposed to be delivered until next week!  So I turn around and we go back and wait.  Very nice person helps as much as he can.  We take about half of it to our storage units which are the next building down come back and get the other half. Now there are two frames as this is a split king.  Each frame weighs 180 pounds!  We managed.  But we are dead today.  Sure hope this isn’t too big for our bedroom.  
 

everything appears to be done on our unit.  Walk through next week and schedule of closing.

 

I was going to take the boat out today but life happened and yesterday changed all our plans.  Besides this weekend is not the best time to be on the ICW. Too many inexperienced boaters charging around.  And even though I am slow, I’m probably twice the size and a lot heavier so I can’t avoid very well.  
 

speaking of life happening, I’m sorry about everyone else’s issues mentioned yesterday,  very unfortunately there were a lot.

 

I finally got my preliminary estrogen level. It’s down 60 points.  That’s not good as far as I’m concerned but I won’t get anything from my endocrinologist until next week.

 

please honor our military hero’s this weekend. All who served to keep our country free and great.  
 

Willow
 

 

[Hannah Renee]

39 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

Oh my Hannah,

I hope HR is able to help you straighten this out.

 

Hugs

 

Mindy

What really started hitting me about this late last night, as in trying to go to sleep,is this:

 

The first shift supervisor with whom I worked my first two days is the only one who's supposed to know. That's because he has to understand the dynamic of the different names during site in-processing. I've been treated very respectfully, name and pronouns, restrooms, no questions, and no one else knows any differently. What is wrong is that the host company policy, which I'm told may have something to do with building security, compromises my security and my right to choose when and to whom I come out. Outing me via policy should not be allowable.

[Jandi]

6 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Outing me via policy should not be allowable.

You're right.  But…

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.  Some will do it deliberately, some by accident.  Sometimes we just FU and do it ourselves.

[Jandi]

1 minute ago, Jandi said:

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.

I guess I'm just trying to say we have to be prepared.

[Hannah Renee]

I do understand that, and, yes, for a transgender, it kinda goes with the territory. I just don't feel I should have to wear a sign on my shirt that essentially tells every person I encounter. Don't misunderstand me, I really don't give a **** what people - strangers or not - think of me. I just think the situation is a breach of confidentiality and privacy.

[Marcie Jensen]

35 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

What really started hitting me about this late last night, as in trying to go to sleep,is this:

 

The first shift supervisor with whom I worked my first two days is the only one who's supposed to know. That's because he has to understand the dynamic of the different names during site in-processing. I've been treated very respectfully, name and pronouns, restrooms, no questions, and no one else knows any differently. What is wrong is that the host company policy, which I'm told may have something to do with building security, compromises my security and my right to choose when and to whom I come out. Outing me via policy should not be allowable.

@Hannah Renee, I agree with you completely about being outed by "policy." That seems to me to be an excuse or code for "I don't know." Or worse, "I don't care." I'm glad you've been treated with respect, etc., and hope that continues. The thing that puzzles me though is the question over security concerns. If there is a legitimate security issue here, it almost makes sense. That said, I assume your badge has a photograph on it, which ought to obviate the need for legal names; unless the host company is dealing with federal government classified documents or similar items. Otherwise, the badge should show your preferred name.  I'm sorry you're going through this as it has to be nerve wracking.

[Vidanjali]

Thanks so much, everyone, for the kindness and support regarding me leaving my job. Y'all are truly family to me. 

 

@miz miranda point definitely taken. It's not that I'm seeking the advocacy of HR, but rather taking the opportunity to report in writing some incorrect/illegal things I was told verbally in previous disability accommodations meetings. I don't expect any particular response from them. I appreciate your thoughts. I will look into how to document such things before I exit. I'm acquainted with an employment attorney - perhaps I'll see if she has a moment to offer insight. 

 

@awkward-yet-sweet yes! I am "coming out" as an artist. (I also have musical abilities, but that's more of a hobby than a potential income source.) I have not had the time or space to realize and fully express that part of me. Now, I am experiencing creative energy and feel excited about being able to make things. I actually have some projects going on right now. I've been asked to make portraits of local Black pioneers whom we'll be honoring at a Juneteenth celebration. I'll be showing a few pieces at an art show hosted by the church where I sing. And, I hope to create a couple pieces and have time to get the image printed on stickers to hand out at the Stonewall Pride festival. Thanks for asking about this - I'm very excited! Speaking of which, I found this tee-shirt which I'm thinking of getting for the festival:

 

@Davie & @Astrid thank you so much for highlighting my writing ability. I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it - my cognitive functions are pretty burnt out at the moment - I hope as I get more rest that I'll be able to write as fluidly as I have in the past. @Astrid I have written an algebra book, lol, and I recently had lunch with a former-student-friend who told me he never once had to crack open the textbook for calc 1 & 2 because the supplemental packets I wrote were so clear and thorough. I have dreamed of writing either a memoir or some semi-autobiographical fiction - queer stories! I also desire to write advocacy & visibility centric articles - use my teaching skills to endeavor to dispel ignorance & illuminate new perspectives in other aspects of life.

 

@Ticket For Epic aw geez, egg epoxy. "Use in a well ventilated area!"

 

@stveee CONGRATULATIONS! Your name is beautiful. 

 

@RhondaS that is so cool. I started reading "Whipping Girl" I guess over a year ago, but got distracted by work/stress. I found it fascinating, though. Thanks for mentioning it - I'll have time to immerse myself in it soon. 

 

@Hannah Renee I hope you're able to persist to get this issue resolved. You're advocating not just for yourself, but for any other trans employees, and for culture at large. No pressure, lol. I just want you to know I'm sorry this is such a ridiculous hassle, I hope you'll have the energy to see this through & I hope you'll connect with someone in power who sees clearly how inappropriate this policy is. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ticket For Epic]

Morning all,

I have to drop in on my employer today, so u have to go full on 'boy mode'...sigh.  I don't really present in public but I do little things... a touch of mascara, slightly feminine hair or head piece.   By the way, I don't think men are likely to notice light mascara, but women definitely will!

 

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

[Hannah Renee]

@Marcie JensenNo national security concerns, maybe industry trade issues. I'm guessing. Nobody is allowed to have/use personal cell phones at work, no photographs. Keep everything in house, that kind of stuff, as I understand it. Badges have individuals' picture and a chip or something for access. One at a time through the building access points. I'm told I'll get mine in the mail. If I don't get it today (probably not likely, and I won't say anything if it does) it won't be until Tuesday at the earliest. So at least I won't have to deal with it Monday.

 

@VidanjaliI admittedly have had a life of relative privilege, but I have been learning, through coming out 2 years ago and through the past 6 months here, of the importance of self-advocacy, as well as for the community. To quote Chief Dan George's character in "The Outlaw Josey Wales," I shall "endeavor to persevere."

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Vidanjali Awesome!  Glad you already have projects, and celebratory ones at that.  Cute shirt too!  If I was a bit bolder I'd totally wear one

[Astrid]

8 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

yes! I am "coming out" as an artist.  ...  I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it -

 

@Vidanjali--

 

Wait!  You're talented as an artist...and you're certainly a talented writer.  So...I've got a new career direction for you!

Drum roll...ART CRITIC!!

 

(Ducking to avoid the first object near to you that you're throwing at me when you read this )

 

Have fun as you discern what lies ahead!

 

Astrid

[Heather Nicole]

8 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

 

"Heat from Fire, Fire from Heat" would definitely be my choice for covert signalling.

 

Oh! And if you can find one, maybe pair it with a pin of Blahaj the shark!

[Ticket For Epic]

@Heather Nicole I sort of wish it didn't have the trans colors but I feel like only trans (is trans the plural for trans?  I feel like it should be.) and allies would recognize it and possibly rabid members of "team terf".

[Ticket For Epic]

@Ertha  That is more than a touch concerning!  I'm not admin and don't know nearly enough about the interwebs to explain much of anything but if I may offer some advice.  Get yourself an anonymous internet handle that is not in any way associated with your "cis" life, remember to use incognito and I would highly recommend a VPN service and keep a vigilant eye on your cookie settings.  You can also set up your browser to erase all cookies and trackes as well as your browsing history automatically when it closes.  

 

I'm sorry to see you go but I understand that trust can be nye impossible to regain.  That said why reach out to admin or wait for a response as this may not even be an issue they are aware of.  This is a self supported little operation run out of love and passion not corporate pros or a big nonprofit.  I think that's why this place is a magical as it is. 

 

Fare well and may the worst of your future be the best of your past.

 

 

[Heather Nicole]

2 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

@Heather Nicole I sort of wish it didn't have the trans colors but I feel like only trans (is trans the plural for trans?  I feel like it should be.) and allies would recognize it and possibly rabid members of "team terf".

 

Actually, honestly, I was thinking the same things about the trans colors on it, but I kind of didn't want to say anything because I thought it sounded like maybe you just didn't see that as anything to be concerned about and I didn't want to be a wet blanket. Yea, I think we're thinking pretty much exactly the same thing about it, like it would be a perfect impulse buy (I definitely would too!) if it weren't for the trans flag colors in it, but then I'm also completely uncertain about general public awareness of the trans flag/colors. I can't even remember when or how *I* learned about the trans flag! Before or after figuring myself out? Before or after when I started to look into transness and signed up here? (???!)

[Davie]

11 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

@Marcie JensenNo national security concerns, maybe industry trade issues. I'm guessing. Nobody is allowed to have/use personal cell phones at work, no photographs. Keep everything in house, that kind of stuff, as I understand it. Badges have individuals' picture and a chip or something for access. One at a time through the building access points. I'm told I'll get mine in the mail. If I don't get it today (probably not likely, and I won't say anything if it does) it won't be until Tuesday at the earliest. So at least I won't have to deal with it Monday.

 

@VidanjaliI admittedly have had a life of relative privilege, but I have been learning, through coming out 2 years ago and through the past 6 months here, of the importance of self-advocacy, as well as for the community. To quote Chief Dan George's character in "The Outlaw Josey Wales," I shall "endeavor to persevere."

 

I heard Chief Dan George speak once, and got to meet him—he's as smart and wise as this seems.

 

“There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other.”
-- Chief Dan George

 

--Davie

[RhondaS]

@Davie rumor is by end of the year a new version of Cliff House will open. 

[CD Rachel]

Good morning,

 

Coffee sponsor is Green Mountain Dark Magic. It makes me wish I could work a little magic in my life right now. 

 

Since my last weekend was much like a wonderful weekend in Trans Disney World this one has been and will continue to be..... well crappy. No chance of being Rachel this weekend. Spent 2 days at my wifes helping her with opening her pool and fixing some plumbing issues when her plumber just flat out walked out of the house leaving things torn out and not repaired.  

 

Getting ready now to head down to visit my family for a Memorial day party and to celebrate my wifes' birthday. Last night she was refusing to go because she is afraid that the conversation will revolve around my coming out. I was able to convince her to go by promising that I will not allow my coming out to be a topic of discussions since most of my family is not yet aware of my transitioning.

 

My mental and emotional state is very chaotic right now at best. I am flying high one minute and uncontrollably sobbing the next. Going to back down on the HRT for a couple days to see if I can stabilize this. The funny thing I have always been over emotional but I have always been able to clamp down on my feelings and chain them up in the corner. I am not sure if the wild emotions right now are just the HRT or if it is Rachel trying to learn how to deal with the things that I have been suppressing all of my life.

 

Wow, I have already typed more here then I meant to... guess that I needed to vent a little. Thank you for listening to me. I don't know how I could have made it this far with out these forums to share my feelings with.

 

Hope everyone has a good weekend and remember to take a minute to remember those who paid the ultimate price for the freedoms that we enjoy today.

 

~Rachel

 

 

[Katie23]

22 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I do understand that, and, yes, for a transgender, it kinda goes with the territory. I just don't feel I should have to wear a sign on my shirt that essentially tells every person I encounter. Don't misunderstand me, I really don't give a **** what people - strangers or not - think of me. I just think the situation is a breach of confidentiality and privacy.

Hannah,

 

This journey has many twists and turns. For all of the genuinely supportive organizations, there are some organizations that may talk the talk, but stumble walking the walk. Recently I discovered an identity policy for just this type of thing at my university. I had not been told about it. I was able to request to use my chosen name for email, ID badge, etc. When made my first request, I received an email telling me that they would wait for my legal name change, which is in process. I then replied that I wanted to do this before the court date, and I sent the HR director a copy of the policy. Within 6 hours I had my email changed, a new official ID, my name was updated in the employee directory, they had me pose for a new ID badge, and took my picture for the faculty photo wall. 

 

At the hospital where I am on staff, I am still required to use my legal name because of the healthcare licensing and DEA requirements. I cannot change my name or use an alias. I have to wait until I have my court order and make requests for legal name change. It is a pain as I look nothing like my former self. The staff accepts me as Katie, and they struggle with what to call me as well. I am one of the girls at work. I make no excuses or try to get evasive if a patient asks about my appearance or my name. I have my pony tail, I am in female scrubs, and I have clearly noticeable coral nail color on my fingers. My earrings are in place. Not one person, no matter from where they are from has given me any grief at all. Not one nasty comment or refusal to be seen by me. While there is negativity out there, the only places where I see the bulk of it is on Fox News (that unbalanced and unfair news outlet) and the Republican Party members who seem to want to eradicate us.

 

Hang in there. Just do a good job, and let your performance speak for itself. Let them like you for you. I worked hard at my professional and personal relationships so that they knew my core values and capabilities. My appearance and journey are secondary. I still get questions about my transition and I just give them honest and straight forward answers. Most folks seem to accept this. I get some very personal questions at times, but it is okay. I would rather someone ask and get the truth, rather than they make up stuff about me. The transparency pays many dividends. I meet regularly with my HR director at the hospital. She and I had a very good conversation just last week that lasted close to an hour and a half. She had never managed a situation involving someone transitioning and she has been happy to get firsthand information. 

 

Hang in there and again, just be yourself and wow them with your performance. 

 

Good luck!

Katie

[Jandi]

36 minutes ago, Katie23 said:

I still get questions about my transition and I just give them honest and straight forward answers. Most folks seem to accept this. I get some very personal questions at times, but it is okay. I would rather someone ask and get the truth, rather than they make up stuff about me.

When I first came out in public there were some questions from a few people.  I just answered them - as long as they were in good faith.  A lot of people are more curious than hostile.  I'm happy to talk to folks about it, as long as it's honest questions.

[MetaLicious]

21 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

Morning all,

I have to drop in on my employer today, so u have to go full on 'boy mode'...sigh.  I don't really present in public but I do little things... a touch of mascara, slightly feminine hair or head piece.   By the way, I don't think men are likely to notice light mascara, but women definitely will!

 

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

I recognized it at once!  After a while, I saw the words, "If you know, you know."  Spot on!  I think it's perfect.  

[Ticket For Epic]

9 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

Actually, honestly, I was thinking the same things about the trans colors on it

It has just dawned on me that I'm a carpenter, woodworker and general DIY'er and if I can't figure out how to make that pin sans the the trans colors, I might as well turn in my craftsman card.  (I know craftsman isn't actually gendered but that felt dirty to type...  eeewww!)

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, CD Rachel said:

 

My mental and emotional state is very chaotic right now at best. I am flying high one minute and uncontrollably sobbing the next. Going to back down on the HRT for a couple days to see if I can stabilize this. The funny thing I have always been over emotional but I have always been able to clamp down on my feelings and chain them up in the corner. I am not sure if the wild emotions right now are just the HRT or if it is Rachel trying to learn how to deal with the things that I have been suppressing all of my life.

 

Probably both.  The emotional HRT rollercoaster does get better with time, you just have to get through it like puberty . Absolutely, this whole process is making you look closer at yourself and all the things being trans has meant so of course it's going to be emotional.  Given yourself some grace. 

[Bri2020]

Just going to throw this out there for those facing name issues. You can get a court order for a name change but not use that name everywhere. You have the order to use in the places that you want to be addressed with your new name.  Tax people don't care what your name is, just your #.  banks can receive direct deposits with a different name, etc etc. The only place it will crop up is once you start changing legal IDs they kinda have to match for W-2/new job, passports, security clearances etc. People use alias in legitimate applications all the time.