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KymmieL

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Good Sunday morning everyone

 

i finally got a decent nights sleep. First one in nearly a month and I did it with out a sleep aid.  
 

Sunny and hot today.  It’s a great beach day.  Only problem is all the other people thinking the same thing.  Finding a place to park is likely to be impossible.

 

I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t promised to not change my name. I can see that as being an issue with life.  For example I can’t use my credit or debit card without giving away my dead name.  I got called sir yesterday at the grocery store.  Fully dressed with makeup.  Why? Because the only thing she noticed was the name on my debit card.  I do admit I don’t always remember to use my female voice register.  I’ve got to be better about that.

 

Willow

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Wow I REALLY need to get on here more and at least keep up on things!  For those that are struggling my heart goes out to you and I hope it gets better. 
 

Well my week has been… hell. Tuesday evening as I was checking in at work our building security guy came in to ask for me coin sheet. He’s been a friend for years but has not been correctly naming or gendering me. Asked if we had “his coin sheet” so I called him on it. What do I get back

 

”Well you still have a d!($ between your legs” 

 

Yeah that triggered me and hard. Couple of days and my customers were always asking me what was wrong. Side note- I have some absolutely amazing customers. If that wasn’t bad enough, in the midst of my depressive state, I got followed into the bathroom for the first time. Ran back in after a stop and just got followed into the ladies room. I think he realized he messed up as the door closed since I was obviously armed, he didn’t try anything but I was scared as hell. 
 

The guy at work has since messaged me a couple times apologizing profusely and I’ve tried to use it as an educational opportunity but the pain is still there. I guess it has solved one thing for me, I’ve always been back and forth over wether I want to get surgery, I’m pretty solidly on the surgery side now. 

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@Katie23Excellent advice. Thank you so much. Hugs 🤗 Also, to both you and

@Bri2020This is why TGP is so valuable. Those who have gone before helping those of us taking first steps.

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@JustineM it is very unfortunate that some people who know us before can’t accept us now.  I still have a stick shift between my legs.  But it hasn’t shifted my gears in years.  I’ve disconnected and removed the T injection system and the stick is gettIng smaller, easily hidden but still there on those rare circumstances when I need a uranyl.  At my age I didn’t see the sense in going any further.  A younger person or an active person would likely have a different need.  
 

I get, but ignore the odd looks.  I had to learn how to do that.  I also had to learn how to blow off the misgendered “sirs”.  I don’t think I look so bad it’s an instant give away.  But I admit I had a really bad setback 9 months ago.  I was ready to give up.  But instead I went to see my therapist and I’m better than ever.

 

willow

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3 minutes ago, Willow said:

 I still have a stick shift between my legs

I've come to think of it as the "meat straw".

 

4 minutes ago, Willow said:

But I admit I had a really bad setback 9 months ago.  I was ready to give up.  But instead I went to see my therapist and I’m better than ever.

It's comments like this that give me hope.  Thank you for sharing.

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35 minutes ago, JustineM said:

The guy at work has since messaged me a couple times apologizing profusely and I’ve tried to use it as an educational opportunity but the pain is still there. I guess it has solved one thing for me, I’ve always been back and forth over wether I want to get surgery, I’m pretty solidly on the surgery side now. 

Why do I always feel like I'm intruding or Freya forbid..*gasp* "mansplain-ing".  This is literally why we are here!

 

Anyway, as I am safely tucked away in my little closet, I haven't yet had to deal with this sort of thing but... 

 

In life I try to remember that absolutely nothing that anyone has ever done to me has had anything to do with me.  It is about their failings, short comings, misconceptions.  They have been taught to be who they are, belive what they believe and beliefs aren't something you can choose. We either are or are not convinced by.  Humans instinctually react to things they don't understand with fear and men tend to lash out when in fear.

 

If you feel your friend is sincere, give them a chance if you think they deserve it but let them know that you will not accept the unacceptable and there are invisible lines that cannot be un-crossed.

 

Hope I'm not out of line hear but I saw your earlier post with a trigger warning and felt a need to share a perspective that has changed my life.

 

Much luv

 

 

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11 hours ago, Davie said:

 

I heard Chief Dan George speak once, and got to meet him—he's as smart and wise as this seems.

 

“There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other.”
-- Chief Dan George

 

--Davie

Thanks, Davie for sharing that quote. It's not only inspiring, but demonstrates just why he is such a wise man.

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1 hour ago, JustineM said:

Wow I REALLY need to get on here more and at least keep up on things!  For those that are struggling my heart goes out to you and I hope it gets better. 
 

Well my week has been… hell. Tuesday evening as I was checking in at work our building security guy came in to ask for me coin sheet. He’s been a friend for years but has not been correctly naming or gendering me. Asked if we had “his coin sheet” so I called him on it. What do I get back

 

”Well you still have a d!($ between your legs” 

 

Yeah that triggered me and hard. Couple of days and my customers were always asking me what was wrong. Side note- I have some absolutely amazing customers. If that wasn’t bad enough, in the midst of my depressive state, I got followed into the bathroom for the first time. Ran back in after a stop and just got followed into the ladies room. I think he realized he messed up as the door closed since I was obviously armed, he didn’t try anything but I was scared as hell. 
 

The guy at work has since messaged me a couple times apologizing profusely and I’ve tried to use it as an educational opportunity but the pain is still there. I guess it has solved one thing for me, I’ve always been back and forth over wether I want to get surgery, I’m pretty solidly on the surgery side now. 

I'm so sorry this happened to you, @JustineM. I HATE it when I get misgendered. Especially when it's on purpose. At least the guy apologized. It doesn't take the hurt and pain away, but it's a small "something."

 

Being followed into the restroom is becoming a "thing," I think. Something similar happened to me a couple weeks ago. I was shopping in a local big box store, wearing a dress and heels believe it or not, and had to take care of business. So, I went into the ladies' room, and was followed by an employee (hall monitor, maybe?). I marched straight to a stall, took care of business, and when I came out, there the employee was, scowling at me; if looks could maim, I'd have been been a quadriplegic. So I smiled at her, said "have a nice day" and left. It was upsetting, but I refuse to let them get to me.

 

The point to all this, is you are not alone. Jerks are everywhere and seem to be becoming more and more plentiful. Wish I had an answer...

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Thanks everyone for the encouragement. 
@Willow I’m sorry to hear you had the setback but I am glad that you are better than ever.  
 

@Ticket For Epic those are some words inspired by the Esir and Vanir. Thank you

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Back from the music festival. It was so punk!

 

Now doing music with my friend Sacha, they're playing the White Stripes on the guitar and I'm singing.

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1 hour ago, JustineM said:

Esir and Vanir.

Hehe hehe he he.... yay!

 

1 hour ago, JustineM said:

Thank you

Anytime sister.

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7 hours ago, RhondaS said:

@Davie rumor is by end of the year a new version of Cliff House will open. 

@RhondaS Cool. Hope the seals and sea lions get a say—they have Mother Nature's ear and her good sense.

Covid is rising in CA again—my sister's got it, but recovering well.

Nothing needs more healing than American healthcare itself.

— Davie

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3 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

So, I went into the ladies' room, and was followed by an employee (hall monitor, maybe?). I marched straight to a stall, took care of business, and when I came out, there the employee was, scowling at me

I'm not sure I could. handle this.

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5 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

It has just dawned on me that I'm a carpenter, woodworker and general DIY'er and if I can't figure out how to make that pin sans the the trans colors, I might as well turn in my craftsman card.  (I know craftsman isn't actually gendered but that felt dirty to type...  eeewww!)

 

I'm not very handy with those sorts of things, but I know there are places online you can order non-bulk custom-designed items at reasonable prices (stickers, mugs, shirts, etc. Probably pins too I would think). I've been thinking of firing up the ol' image editor on the computer and come up with something simple to send in and order. I'm no graphic designer, but I've been able to muddle my way through things like Photoshop/Gimp/etc before...

 

5 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Just going to throw this out there for those facing name issues. You can get a court order for a name change but not use that name everywhere. You have the order to use in the places that you want to be addressed with your new name.  Tax people don't care what your name is, just your #.  banks can receive direct deposits with a different name, etc etc. The only place it will crop up is once you start changing legal IDs they kinda have to match for W-2/new job, passports, security clearances etc. People use alias in legitimate applications all the time.

 

 

You know, while logically I might have kinda known that, I have to admit it really hadn't fully sunk in. I'd been figuring I'd start my official name-change stuff once I'm already out everywhere and full-time, but maybe I'll find it might turn out better to do it more the other way around. That'll be a good option I'll have to keep in mind.

 

7 hours ago, CD Rachel said:

My mental and emotional state is very chaotic right now at best. I am flying high one minute and uncontrollably sobbing the next. Going to back down on the HRT for a couple days to see if I can stabilize this. The funny thing I have always been over emotional but I have always been able to clamp down on my feelings and chain them up in the corner. I am not sure if the wild emotions right now are just the HRT or if it is Rachel trying to learn how to deal with the things that I have been suppressing all of my life.

 

I've been wondering whether I might be getting a little bit of this, too, although admittedly to a lesser degree from the sound of it. I can definitely relate very much to the part about having always been a quite emotional, but always, as you said, kept it clamped firmly down. (As a teen, I saw Spock and the Vulcans as big role models!)

 

My dysphoria's been up a bit lately, but then it always does get worse for me when the winter's over and the weather, eventually...gets nicer. It's because of all the young women out in the lighter, comfier-looking (and more revealing) summer wardrobes. It's funny how imagery you've always found incredibly beautiful can be so incredibly painful at the same time (cue "Paint it Black"! lol!) Speaking of which, I may have to start avoiding Target - it seems to be the favored shopping place of attractive young women around here. Last time I was there I needed a bit of a cry break by the time I got back to the car. Took at least a couple more errands before I'd really started to shake that feeling. Maybe the E was part of it, but then I have had that happen even before the E, too.

 

That actually seems to be a fair summary of how I'm feeling on E so far - Very hard to put my emotional state into words simply because, I can't for the life of me tell whether or not I'm feeling any different. There are things that might be a little different (like the occasional "happy" or "content" maybe feeling a little more genuine and real). But they're soo subtle I could easily just be imagining the changes I'm expecting to feel. Well, luckily my next bloodtest is coming up in a couple weeks. I always look forward to that. And in this case maybe it might provide some insight into how likely these things may be one way or the other.

 

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6 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Just going to throw this out there for those facing name issues. You can get a court order for a name change but not use that name everywhere. You have the order to use in the places that you want to be addressed with your new name.  Tax people don't care what your name is, just your #.  banks can receive direct deposits with a different name, etc etc. The only place it will crop up is once you start changing legal IDs they kinda have to match for W-2/new job, passports, security clearances etc. People use alias in legitimate applications all the time.

 

I've been thinking about this for the past few hours. I'm realizing that the name issue is by far the most triggering for me. Yes, ideally I'd like to have a couple more physical changes, but I've come to actually despise my birth name. I have a huge list of "places" to inform of my name change. If that's all I'm ever able to do, I can live with that.

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9 hours ago, Willow said:

I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t promised to not change my name. I can see that as being an issue with life.  For example I can’t use my credit or debit card without giving away my dead name.  I got called sir yesterday at the grocery store.  Fully dressed with makeup.  Why? Because the only thing she noticed was the name on my debit card.  I do admit I don’t always remember to use my female voice register.  I’ve got to be better about that.

 

Willow

What about getting an additional card issued to WIllow? I have thought about that.

 

Kymmie

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Hi @KymmieL t tried to do that, they refused.  Master card said they were going to allow a card issued in another name but they haven’t worked it out yet.  Originally said this year but it’s not looking that good right now.  If they start offering it that’s our one hope.

 

Willow

 

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Good morning!

 

Yesterday on a beautiful day on our trip to San Francisco i took a walk over to the Transgender District to allow some paint and some banners to make me feel proud to be me. 

1DAD6367-0D37-4ECD-974B-0615DC5FC3A8.jpeg

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11 hours ago, Willow said:

Hi @KymmieL t tried to do that, they refused.  Master card said they were going to allow a card issued in another name but they haven’t worked it out yet.  Originally said this year but it’s not looking that good right now.  If they start offering it that’s our one hope.

 

Willow

 

Wow, that's weird. I went into my bank account, pulled up the credit cards, added another user with "her" phone number, and the card was sent in a week. Katie now has the convenience of a new Visa credit card. I could do the same thing for my Mastercard account. They do not ask and you do not have to tell. You just add "another person" to your account. The merchants could care less. 

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12 hours ago, KymmieL said:

What about getting an additional card issued to WIllow? I have thought about that.

 

Kymmie

Of all of the pronouns out there, I absolutely despise this "sir" crap. They could call me an expletive and I would be happier. Lately I have taken to just looking at them, cocking my head and saying "Really, do I look like a knight from old England with my earrings, makeup, nail polish, and female clothing, really?" Just love that bewildered look on their face. The other thing is if I am given the "sir" treatment, the tip is gone. 

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I would add, if the server is particularly nice to me, they get a great tip. I was recently in Gillette Wyoming and ate at a steak place down town and the server was so nice and friendly. She asked me about my nails and eyelashes (she liked them a lot), and was really attentive. I had no problem dropping a 35% tip. 

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37 minutes ago, Katie23 said:

I absolutely despise this "sir" crap. They could call me an expletive and I would be happier.

Yeah.  "Sir" is particularly grating to hear.  

 

13 hours ago, KymmieL said:

What about getting an additional card issued to WIllow? I have thought about that.

I didn't know you could do this.  I was thinking you'd still need an ID…  But then, practically no one ever asks for one.  

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43 minutes ago, Jandi said:

Yeah.  "Sir" is particularly grating to hear.  

like nails on a chalkboard. I get it all the time at work. Makes me cringe.

 

Fencometer is showing 40. quite a change from yesterday waking up in Lincoln, NE. shorts weather. 80s over the weekend there.

 

Was a great trip the wagon ran flawlessly. I however need to get the A/C put back in.

 

Another weird one, Friday night we hit the pool and hot tub to relax. We get back to our room after a shower. My wife asks me to braid her hair. Then she offers to braid mine.  mind you that she is 57 and never learned the proper way to braid hair. but she makes a half way decent attempt. I take that as another step forward in acceptance.

 

My son and daughter in law never said anything about transgender the whole weekend. 😁

 

Saturday evening, my son rents Sing 2. All through the movie I have a cuddle bug, my granddaughter cuddles right next to me the whole movie. It was fantastic.

 

Have a great holiday everyone. Remember the fallen.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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2 hours ago, Katie23 said:

Of all of the pronouns out there, I absolutely despise this "sir" crap. They could call me an expletive and I would be happier. Lately I have taken to just looking at them, cocking my head and saying "Really, do I look like a knight from old England with my earrings, makeup, nail polish, and female clothing, really?" Just love that bewildered look on their face. The other thing is if I am given the "sir" treatment, the tip is gone. 

Good for you! @Katie23that's the best response I've heard of. ANd, as to the whole "sir" thing, I agree with eveyone--being called sir while is awful. I simply refuse to respond to it.

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On 5/28/2022 at 11:33 AM, Ticket For Epic said:

 

Screenshot_20220527-212015_Firefox.thumb.jpg.615691c9d47bfe2fff53aa5f123f5889.jpg

 

On 5/28/2022 at 9:01 PM, Ticket For Epic said:

@Heather Nicole I sort of wish it didn't have the trans colors but I feel like only trans (is trans the plural for trans?  I feel like it should be.) and allies would recognize it and possibly rabid members of "team terf".

 

If you want to add layers of obscurity, may I interest you in a nice "John Dowland with lute" tee shirt? Screenshot_20220530-140911_Chrome.thumb.jpg.1f987946398f8768142021cc499c741c.jpg

 

He penned the song from which the phrase is taken, I believe. Listen from 2:20 and you'll hear the verse. 

 

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