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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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My wife and I are planning to move next year.  The plan is to spend this year getting the house ready to put on the market and show, and then to list it next spring.  We want to move down off the mountain and be closer to services.  Ideally, right in a small town so that we can walk places.

 

We took the first concrete step today: talking to the bank about a pre-approved mortgage.  We don't have a mortgage on our current house, and we plan on buying in the same price range.  But the market is over-heated right now, and might still be pretty warm next year.  Houses are selling in three days for $50,000 - $100,000 over asking price!  So if we see a place we like, we can't make an offer conditional on financing or on selling our current house.  We have to be able to move fast.  Hence the pre-approval.

 

The bank will come back to us in a few days with the amount they are willing to lend, in the form of a line of credit secured by our current house.  That way, when the time comes, we can write a cheque when we see a nice house.  The loan would hopefully only be for a few weeks until the current house sells.

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Everyone's brought up a lot of good points about my new friend. We ended up texting through out the day today. We've both been through a lot of similar things in life and come to find out, she literally lives across the lake from me. However, I did tell her I was married to a woman for many years but it didn't seem to phase her at all and the conversation kept moving along without incident. Although I don't feel a need to out myself to her since I have no intentions of even trying to take things past friendship my GF feels I might need to when (her words) things change. I'll tell ya, It's a strange feeling to be in a committed relationship with someone who encourages dating additional people.

 

One of my coworkers broke his silence today and told me how much he likes and more femme I look with blue hair vs the multi-color. I know it was hard for him to say with his red hat attitude and being at risk of possibly (in his mind) coming across as gay. His masculinity is so so fragile but I'm taking it as a genuine compliment. Maybe he trying to be better....

 

I also talked to my mother on my drive home from work. I've been trying to see if we can have a relationship after things that happened in the past and with my changes. I'm still on the fence with it but trying. She asked how my GF was doing. Mostly a  "standard" conversation but then out of the blue she asked me if my GF was also trans (I think someone's been stalking me on Face Book😆). I won't deny it so I said yes but also explained that I learned I like and love people for who, not what, they are. I feel trying to explain the term pansexual might be over her head for now. It's gonna be interesting to see how this goes.

 

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@Elizabeth StarI sounds as if you have some positive relational things going there. Awesome.

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Talking about houses. After 35 years in a large place we are finally down-sizing. Problem number one is we are collectors of note - we have got rid of a lot of stuff, but not nearly enough. Problem number 2 is that other than in the US, the market here is very much a buyer's market. Not only have we let the old one go for a low price, but now it seems that the buyers might not be able to get together enough to actually afford it. And we are moving on Monday, which means we are currently without curtains (they are being remade for the new place), in the middle of our winter! It's enough to make anyone miserable.

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1 minute ago, Jaycie said:

Feeling lots of gender euphoria today, makes me feel so much more self loving and confident!!!
Hope you all have an amazing day!!!

🤗

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Just popping in to say hello. Surgery recovery went well. As for the rest just following the status quo. 

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5 minutes ago, SheenaT said:

Just popping in to say hello. Surgery recovery went well. As for the rest just following the status quo. 

I'm SO glad your surgery recovery went well. YAY!

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1 minute ago, Marcie Jensen said:

I'm SO glad your surgery recovery went well. YAY!

I don't know why but not having a prostate anymore is kind of exciting. It may just be a coincidence but some of my desires/feelings have lessened. I feel a bit more myself. Is that weird?

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On 6/22/2022 at 11:10 AM, Mmindy said:

Good morning everyone,

 

My coffee maker has no filter. May be a cartoon of text that says 'νου look tired! Mind you, you look tired all the time... and that hair sure doesn't help! That car't be the look youre going far... THE COFFEE HAS No FILTER M ST A Lanere PeN № HA G000'

 

Behold, the power of suggestion. This is how I read the first bubble for a second. 😆

 

image.thumb.png.e442d46f42c54a59c1b777440fd834f5.png

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Today is my Transpulse-iversary! One year ago today, I joined this community. In the last year, my life has drastically changed for the better, and this community has been absolutely pivotal in that. I am happier & more confident, my relationship with my spouse is better and freer than I could have dreamed. I am a more integrated, expressive and genuine individual because of your friendship and support. I love you and appreciate you all more than I am able to express. Bless you all. 

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44 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

Today is my Transpulse-iversary! One year ago today, I joined this community. In the last year, my life has drastically changed for the better, and this community has been absolutely pivotal in that. I am happier & more confident, my relationship with my spouse is better and freer than I could have dreamed. I am a more integrated, expressive and genuine individual because of your friendship and support. I love you and appreciate you all more than I am able to express. Bless you all. 

Hey @Vidanjali Happy Anniversary! Great to hear. In community we find strength.

— Davie

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So I was going to sign a contract today and make a significant purchase but ever since around 3 months HRT, my intuition has seemed to be heightened, or I am more aware of it. It happened my last relationship with red flags early on and I didn't listen. Seems only takes me about a day to meditate on something and my gut pretty much knows what decision i will make.

 

So I just kinda felt like i was PMSing or something this morning as I went to check out a school. The admissions woman actually asked me when I started transing during interview which was a plus. Cool, that's out of the way. Affirmed.

But she was really pressuring a fast, hard sell. I got three texts within 2 days about confirming my appt. And I was thinking if she was that concerned about getting my signature, she would at least use proper pronouns and use my preferred name.. I understand not everyone has gender training, but it also made me reappraise if i wanted to commit right now.

So that reminded me of what they say in the 12 step program about avoiding major decisions in the first year of sobriety if you can because your body is going through changes and not to put yourself in an unnecessary crisis. It feels more natural to me to go slow and take my time with things. When things are rushed, it usually has to do with impatience, and impatience is rooted in fear.

The school's possible fear is interest rate hike, costs going up and keeping that cashflow positive.

 

I already feel better now by putting it behind me. So I guess I am not ready for the extra load right now.

There was another thing I was thinking of doing which would be fairly major and permanent and it came down to giving it time and patience. I really feel and see the HRT changes happening. I am holding on to these 12 hour shifts as long as I can then I guess i will decide where to go next if I can't do it anymore. 

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If you're not comfortable with something, there's usually a reason.

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Hey all, 

 

I hate it when I'm off site for a while, come back and have NO idea what's going on with the y'all.  I hope pride month has been joyous all around.

 

It's been a month on my end.  My girlfriend, who coincidentally is my oldest friend, has come to the conclusion that she is straight, which though disappointing was oddly validating.  It was expected and in no way came as a shock, I have a feeling she couldn't help but see her old friend "dead name" in women's clothes and for a long while couldn't separate the "man" she'd known for almost 20 year from the woman I am...  until she did and I think I know the moment too.  We were talking about past relationships and experiences and she just went on this tangent (a very complementary tangent) about how I'm not like "other guys" and all the ways I'm not like "other guys", rattling off a laundry list differences, emotional availability, openness, communication style,  consent and reaffirming consent...  All the while misgendering me (to be clear, I've never specifically asked her to gender me properly) and there I am in women's clothes,  nail polish and a touch of make-up, just waiting.  Then it happened... she looked up at me, we locked eyes, I cocked my head, she nodded silently and everything changed. 

 

I didn't hear from her for a couple weeks then got a kindly worded "dear jane" text explaining that she isn't gay.  I replied that I knew this was coming, that there were no hard feelings and that when she got things sorted and separated in her head that I'm still in the market for "girlfriends".  She responded that I was right, that she would need time to sort things out.  It's been months now and nothing... ghosted.  I really didn't expect that, I know it's not my transness (is that a word?) As she dated a trans man in her youth and is both progressiveand an ally.  

 

I miss my friend, not only is she my oldest friend, she is the only friend I have in the area.

 

On the bright side, I'm visiting my sister for pride in NYC!  YIPPEE!!!  The one down side is, and I'm quoting her here.  "I'm going to have to ditch you Saturday night for a girls party."  Ouch!  My fault for lying to her but I'm just not ready.  Why do I feel like the most important person to me will be one of the last to know?

 

I'm sure these ramblings belong elsewhere on the forum but I'm not really looking for advice, I just wanted to share.  Besides, I always feel like I'm doing something wrong/bad when I create a new topic.

 

much luv

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1 hour ago, Jandi said:

If you're not comfortable with something, there's usually a reason.

Too true! Wisdom for the ages there.

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4 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Today is my Transpulse-iversary! One year ago today, I joined this community.

Congrats. Another milestone.

 

1 hour ago, Ticket For Epic said:

went on this tangent (a very complementary tangent) about how I'm not like "other guys" and all the ways I'm not like "other guys", rattling off a laundry list differences, emotional availability, openness, communication style,  consent and reaffirming consent...

I can relate. I've had some exes and friends show up in life over the last couple years and they were all like "well, now it all makes sense."

 

1 hour ago, Ticket For Epic said:

It's been months now and nothing... ghosted. 

I've also had a lot of this happen. I can think of five friends off the top of my head but I'm sure there's more.

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10 hours ago, SheenaT said:

Surgery recovery went well. As for the rest just following the status quo. 

That’s great Sheena, 

 

Listen to your body, as you recover.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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5 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

 

Behold, the power of suggestion. This is how I read the first bubble for a second. 😆

 

image.thumb.png.e442d46f42c54a59c1b777440fd834f5.png

😄😂🤣😆😁❤️

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Good morning?


I had store brand dark roast, black coffee this morning..  we e had it before.  I need to find our remote controls. I am very limited in my ability to control our devices.  We want to get hooked up to a streaming service but my Apple TV is not able to properly connect without its remote.  Frustrating to say the least.  I also need to get the bottom half of our China hutch over here.  If I do that, the dining area would be pretty close to done.not being able to put away the kitchen is a killer.  I can’t believe how many boxes say kitchen on them.

 

I finally slept all night.  Not sure about my wife, but she is still asleep.  I don’t want to wake her up.  She’s had a few pretty rough nights.

 

I suppose I could find a few things to do in the meantime.  
 

I’ll check back later.

 

Willow

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@Elizabeth Star & @Davie thanks!! 

 

@SheenaT glad you're recovering so well. 

 

@Jaycie always beautiful to hear a cheer of euphoria! It boosts us all, I believe. 

 

@Ticket For Epic perhaps your ex needs time to process. Doesn't feel so good, the ghosting - obviously any communication would be preferable. I hope you have super fun at pride! So, your sister will be your companion at pride, but you are not out to her? What is her interest in attending pride? Doesn't it feel like the stakes are soooo much higher when considering telling people you're close to? I've had an easier time mentioning it casually and spontaneously to people I barely know or see. But those who are closer to me? Very few know. Who knows - maybe pride will inspire you. I was struck by your comment that you feel wrong/bad for starting a new thread. In doing so, you assert yourself to some extent. I just want to affirm that you are assertable (a word I made up just for you, lol). We WANT to see you & hear from you; you are worthy, valid & beautiful. 

 

Related to coming out, I was discussing, via text, my top dysphoria with my friend, T, whom I recently came out to. She said she completely understood how it relates to gender ID. I asked, you do??? She said that when I told her I'm trans, she'd actually known that about me for a long time & it was no surprise to her when I told her. She validated how stressful and potentially devastating ordinary things like putting oneself together to leave the house could be. I was like, wow. It's a beautiful thing when someone really sees you. I told her that for years while I was trying my darndest to be a "normal" woman, that I tried to convince myself that all women routinely had complete borderline psychotic meltdowns while fixing their hair or getting dressed, but I didn't really believe it - I always felt like an imposter, alien, monster. I mean, I did have some hideous PMS, but these instances were not necessarily "periodic". Live and learn. Last night, I was telling my husband that these days, I care much much less what others think about the way I look, but that the key to that is increasingly accepting and liking how I look, myself. I'm no longer trying to squeeze myself into a ill-fitting mold. 

 

 

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Got an email from our divorce mediator this morning. The petition for dissolution of marriage has been filed, and we finally have a case number. We're meeting with her tomorrow morning to avoid multiple back and forth emails for the final draft of our agreements. Helps when both parties can agree right up front. Of course, we can't seem to agree that I'm not faking my life now.

 

And next weekend, she's flying out to Taos to spend a few days with the former college roommate whom she helped transition MTF 30 or so years ago.

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20 hours ago, Mmindy said:

That’s great Sheena, 

 

Listen to your body, as you recover.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

🤗👍

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