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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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I was on the fence about telling my new friend that I'm trans but did it anyway. Turns out she's an allie and supporter which is why she never said or did anything to make me suspect she knew. We're planning to meet up for lunch on Sunday.

 

Today is also my name change anniversary but it's hard to be happy about it considering that other thing that happened today.

 

I'm still chipping away at purse project. I had to, yet again, redesign some parts but now it's just endless hours of printing out and assembling the pieces. As long as my supply of filament holds out I should have it done by next weekend.

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23 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

@Elizabeth Star & @Davie thanks!! 

 

@SheenaT glad you're recovering so well. 

 

@Jaycie always beautiful to hear a cheer of euphoria! It boosts us all, I believe. 

 

@Ticket For Epic perhaps your ex needs time to process. Doesn't feel so good, the ghosting - obviously any communication would be preferable. I hope you have super fun at pride! So, your sister will be your companion at pride, but you are not out to her? What is her interest in attending pride? Doesn't it feel like the stakes are soooo much higher when considering telling people you're close to? I've had an easier time mentioning it casually and spontaneously to people I barely know or see. But those who are closer to me? Very few know. Who knows - maybe pride will inspire you. I was struck by your comment that you feel wrong/bad for starting a new thread. In doing so, you assert yourself to some extent. I just want to affirm that you are assertable (a word I made up just for you, lol). We WANT to see you & hear from you; you are worthy, valid & beautiful. 

 

Related to coming out, I was discussing, via text, my top dysphoria with my friend, T, whom I recently came out to. She said she completely understood how it relates to gender ID. I asked, you do??? She said that when I told her I'm trans, she'd actually known that about me for a long time & it was no surprise to her when I told her. She validated how stressful and potentially devastating ordinary things like putting oneself together to leave the house could be. I was like, wow. It's a beautiful thing when someone really sees you. I told her that for years while I was trying my darndest to be a "normal" woman, that I tried to convince myself that all women routinely had complete borderline psychotic meltdowns while fixing their hair or getting dressed, but I didn't really believe it - I always felt like an imposter, alien, monster. I mean, I did have some hideous PMS, but these instances were not necessarily "periodic". Live and learn. Last night, I was telling my husband that these days, I care much much less what others think about the way I look, but that the key to that is increasingly accepting and liking how I look, myself. I'm no longer trying to squeeze myself into a ill-fitting mold. 

 

 

Thank you! Just wish it had been GCS.

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Meeting with the mediator went well. All should be done by the end of July🤞. And it's filed in the one county (where my wife lives) that has the option of not having to show up in court in person, or even Zoom. Now for the name change.

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Hi

 

we took it easy today unpacked some previously moved boxes.  Bought a new coffee maker.  Choice of making a single cup or a pot.  I think that solves some issues we were having with either not enough or too much.  Also bought some pillows and a small teak table for the porch.  
 

it’s a beautiful evening on the porch  just cool enough to be comfortable but warm enough to enjoy.  Tomorrow we will have to bring some more things to the condo. I need to find my big iMac.  We have one more piece for the guest bedroom to bring and a 4 piece wall unit which will divide the dining room from the living room.  I will also use a desk that is part of it.  I do need to find my cords and cables. I brought over our printer but discovered it does no good without the power cord which wasn’t with it.  The number of not found things is becoming annoying.  
 

@SheenaT I still have my prostate but I’ve had two prostate surgeries.  I know they weren’t fun and you have to take it easy for a while to let things heal.  Yes, it’s too bad it’s couldn’t have just been combined with a GCS.  

 

@Hannah Renee whether you Don’t have to be at court or not, I would think it would be in your best interest to be there “just in case”. I’m learning things the hard way about courts and even though my attorney said I didn’t have to be there unless he tells me differently I’m pretty sure I’m going to go to each scheduled hearing.  Until it’s resolved.  
 

have a great evening and a good night.

 

hugs

 

Willow

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24 minutes ago, Willow said:

The number of not found things is becoming annoying.

This describes my life.  Sigh.

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@WillowI get your point. The way we've handled this has been through a mediator. We each submitted financial disclosure forms, which were used to formulate maintenance, child support, life and health insurance, etc. We have worked together to work out the specifics regarding the house and associated ongoing expenses (no mortgage). This has all been put in legal mumbojumbo and appropriate court documents. Last review wast today, wife, mediator, and myself. One final document signed, ready for submission, the other one will be in a few days. Request for dissolution has already been filed. Now it is just a formality for the judge to sign off.

 

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

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Good morning!

 

Had my fifth cut and color (I think) since I started the coming out mode, second one at the place I found on strandsfortrans.com.  I kinda thought I'd be getting over the emotional reaction to getting the hair done, but nope.  A few tears again, and a hug from the stylist. Maybe next time it'll be just another hair cut. 

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3 hours ago, RhondaS said:

A few tears again, and a hug from the stylist.

I am so jealous.  My lack of hair is a major trigger for me…  sigh.

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Day that they announced Roe was overturned- depressed, cries. Felt like I turned a point. 

Like up to now, I had been really careful to align with cis hetero culture living in the 'white' neighborhood and being "appropriate"- the nice, unthreatening trans girl I guess? "Please accept me and like me".

Nah, if it's a warzone out there then I've no more f-##$ to give. It's YOUR problem if you don't like what you see. I'm at the grocery in my pajama pants and crop top.

Up to then I was still pretty preoccupied with fears of eviction, etc. But when you realize you may end up literally fighting for your existence, kinda changes things.

Then name change paperwork arrived. 

More cries....but joyful.

Then visited my special friend and we just hung out and talked and ordered pizza. Might turn into a "thing" as she says.

I am having some deep feels. I basically ended up telling her how much she meant to me and confessing my love without actually using that word. Fear is I don't want to mess it up. We are really having a good time. No intimacy. She said she's not bi but then admitted she had some deep feels for another girl once, non sexual. 

 But it's all happened naturally so far. Last night I ended my text with "Love ya", justification being most of my other women friends and I ended up saying that, but honestly I really have wanted to say I love you. But she replied "Love you too".

Ugh. So sweet.

Actually, I am pretty darn happy with that. She is attractive, tall, smart, (a mechanical engineer), and hilarious. Go ahead and be jealous.

But it's different this time. I actually really care about this person deeply. Libido stuff isn't even on the table. I think about what intimacy might be like (probably HAWT lol), but really the relationship has a mind of it's own and things arise so naturally and spontaneously....I can perhaps try to imagine she might think the last thing she ever expected would be being with a trans girl too, possibly. And she is too, in a new season of life.

There's probably a lot that I am missing since I am usually dull as a cow in relationships.

Sorry for TMI, haven't been with my therapist in awhile. 

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@Jandi I too wish I had my own hair to style.  Instead I have to wear a wig and hope it stays in place in public.

 

my bigger issue is the size of my boobettes.  Both hair and them require artificial improvements.

 

@stveee I know how you must feel.  We all need that one special friend that we can open up to.  Lay our cards on the table and not get rejected.  It’s the rejection I fear the most.

 

Willow

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5 hours ago, Jandi said:

I am so jealous.  My lack of hair is a major trigger for me…  sigh.

@JandiI know how you feel sister as my lack of hair is also a major trigger.

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So Good Sunday afternoon from central Texas, to dang hot for coffee so drinking iced tea. I was under the weather most of last week and yesterday was the first day I felt like doing anything I did go to my HRT doctor last Tuesday and she is very happy with all of my numbers, she also told me that she is excited for on being close to getting FFS sometime Feb, March time frame. She also wrote the letter for me to start the process of gender marker and name change I hope to be ready to submit sometime late July.

 

Hugs Riley.

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5 hours ago, Billie75B said:
10 hours ago, Jandi said:

I am so jealous.  My lack of hair is a major trigger for me…  sigh.

@JandiI know how you feel sister as my lack of hair is also a major trigger.

We should start a club! 

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good morning everyone

 

 coffee is hot and the night is sleepless

 

funny for a girl that has every thing one could want , i find i have nothing,, not one real friend ,

just old and lonely even with some one in the next room ,,,

 i just had to let it out, if i read it maybe i can fix it some how ,,,  maybe its real maybe im crazy , to many hour's alone with little sleep right now ,,

sorry  forgive me don't be mad , the struggle is real ,

 

peace, hugs and love to all

                      Betty B

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4 hours ago, Betty_B said:

good morning everyone

 

 coffee is hot and the night is sleepless

 

funny for a girl that has every thing one could want , i find i have nothing,, not one real friend ,

just old and lonely even with some one in the next room ,,,

 i just had to let it out, if i read it maybe i can fix it some how ,,,  maybe its real maybe im crazy , to many hour's alone with little sleep right now ,,

sorry  forgive me don't be mad , the struggle is real ,

Mad at what, sharing in a safe place designed for exactly that?  Lol  In all seriousness though, I get it, I often feel like I'm imposing or intruding here but that assumption has always been proven false.  Vent, share, rant... that's why we are here.  

 

I think a lot of us here feel isolated in some form or another, I know I do and knowing I'm not alone in that, somehow helps.  So, my sister in solitude, thanks for sharing and consider yourself well and truly hugged... should such a thing be welcome. 

 

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1 minute ago, Ticket For Epic said:

I think a lot of us here feel isolated in some form or another, I know I do and knowing I'm not alone in that, somehow helps. 

This is true.

Coming here helps me a lot.  Helps me realize I'm not the only one.

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@Betty_B I have the same problem. I have no true friends. Yeah, I have people I work with and people I know but no one to just call and talk to about anything.  Or go out with for coffee. Other than on this board I have no trans friends. That is just about the way my whole life has been. Even with people I call good friends, I am the one who initiates the contact, that soon breaks off, again. My one true friend is my wife and most everyone here knows her stance on my transition.

 

However I trudge on.

 

I have been in fair mood lately. I've been able to get out and work on stuff. Been out on the bike. Hit the trails. When I express to my wife that hey we will have our own home soon. She throws salt on the wound and says. The current owners haven't found a place so until they do we ain't going anywhere.

 

Sorry for being debbie downer, everyone.

 

Have a great day.

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

 

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Hugs,, Kymmie ,,, i guess im not alone in being alone , at least we have the hope for it to feel differently

 

 

 

 

 Peace , love and hugs to all

    Betty B

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On 6/24/2022 at 10:52 AM, Vidanjali said:

So, your sister will be your companion at pride, but you are not out to her? What is her interest in attending pride?

Usually, it's me tagging along as an ally.  She came out over 20 years ago and I only discovered I'm polysexual on a corresponding demi spectrum (does that make sense?) in the last couple of years.  This was my first pride as an out (well, halfway) member of the community. (That's a whole post by itself!)

 

Yeah, my sister is my closest and dearest friend, a queer woman that married a trans man (recently separated), who could be easier to come out to?!!?

 

Well, I don't think she is the ally she thinks she is.   We have on several occasions had heated debates over the non-binary community and pronouns. Just yesterday we were talking about sexuality and she said "I think I'm a little bit bi."  to which I responded "You married a man." and the reply I got was "but...  well he's a trans man" I reiterated "yes, he's a man" then she rolled her eyes dismissively and moved on.  

 

Anyway, that's just one example, there are more.

 

On 6/24/2022 at 10:52 AM, Vidanjali said:

Doesn't it feel like the stakes are soooo much higher when considering telling people you're close to? I've had an easier time mentioning it casually and spontaneously to people I barely know or see.

Truer words have never been spoken, I've come out to more than one perfect stranger!

 

On 6/24/2022 at 10:52 AM, Vidanjali said:

I was struck by your comment that you feel wrong/bad for starting a new thread. In doing so, you assert yourself to some extent. I just want to affirm that you are assertable (a word I made up just for you, lol). We WANT to see you & hear from you; you are worthy, valid & beautiful. 

Thank you, I needed that...  also...  How dare you make me feel feelings! 😜🤣

 

Much luv

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Was out for my morning trail walk earlier.   We have a local trail along a river.  It's been there for years, but a footbridge had been washed out in a flood a couple years ago.  Also some parts along the bank had been washed away.  They have been working on repairs though.  A new (fancy suspension) bridge was recently completed and the trail now "officially" opened.

 

I have been using it since early spring - the part I walk was just not "officially open."  I try to go out around sunrise, and there are seldom other folks down there.  That is a good and bad thing.  Good because I usually have the place to myself - bad because I'm alone in a secluded area.  (I am out full-time but certainly do not "pass")  Since the official opening, there have been more people, although still not many out that early.  I usually see no one else.

 

About a week ago, I was there alone when I heard someone coming.  They were arguing loudly.  Since I was in a place where I could, I kinda slipped off the trail and watched from a less visible place.  Turned out that only one person came by (a pissed off woman) so that was that.  But I had been concerned for a bit.  Perhaps I was just being silly IDK.

 

This morning I hadn't been on the trail long when I saw someone through the trees, coming towards me, about 100yds away.  We both stopped and looked at each other for a bit - almost a minute maybe.  Then started walking toward each other.  I could tell it was a woman.  I was wearing a dress of course, so I expect I did "pass" at a distance.  About 50ft she stopped and said she wasn't dangerous, and I said the same.  As we passed she said it wasn't always safe there alone.  I said, "Yeah, I know" and we went on our ways.

 

The take away I had was, in that moment we had a mutual understanding of vulnerability in that environment.

 

Gave me something to think about.

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3 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

polysexual on a corresponding demi spectrum (does that make sense?) 

 

Yes. I believe I understand. Similarly, I'm ace and panromantic.

 

3 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

Yeah, my sister is my closest and dearest friend, a queer woman that married a trans man (recently separated)...

We have on several occasions had heated debates over the non-binary community and pronouns. Just yesterday we were talking about sexuality and she said "I think I'm a little bit bi."  to which I responded "You married a man." and the reply I got was "but...  well he's a trans man" I reiterated "yes, he's a man" then she rolled her eyes dismissively and moved on.  

 

I think many people erroneously assume that anyone in the alphabet soup is necessarily a seamless ally for everyone else. Add familial baggage to that (even despite having a close relationship with someone), and indeed, it can be intimidating and complicated. For example, one of my closest friends is a gay cis man. I have had three major heart to heart conversations with him about my gender - the most recent of which was more of a reckoning during which I told him how I felt hurt by his lack of understanding. I thought we had a breakthrough. Then, just yesterday, he addressed me and another female friend collectively as "ladies". Sigh.

 

About your sister's questioning bi-ness - I suspect that it's not unusual for folks who engage in relationships with a trans partners question their sexual orientation to some extent. Please forgive me if I am not expressing myself well - I mean no offense to anyone - if there is some aspect of their partner's physicality which they associate maleness or femaleness with, irrespective of their partner's gender, then it's possible that attraction may be a gateway to desiring further exploration regarding how they may find sexual fulfillment with other partners with similar qualities in other contexts. It's a sticky issue, yes, because we strive to be 100% affirming. This is why I personally like the general term "queer". 

 

3 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

How dare you make me feel feelings! 😜🤣

 

😜😁

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Hi everyone 

 

my wife had her second round of eye surgery today.  I guess it will be about a month until we know for sure if this had the desired effect.

 

talking about friends and being lonely.  I had no friends throughout most of my adult life.  No one I could call and talk to, have a beer or any such thing.  Combine that with the loneliness of having thoughts that I couldn’t share with anyone.  I broke that when we moved to South Carolina.  I made friends with the neighbors and would talk to them.  
 

now I talk to all of you and consider you all my friends.  I have refound people I went to high school with and we share on Facebook.  I’m actually amazed that they are all ok with me.  Guess I had more high school friends than I realized.  
 

and then there is the group I meet with in Wilmington.  They are all my friends and there are several whom I could call or even visit most anytime.

 

no it’s not quite the same just as you are saying but it’s the best I’ve had most of my life.

 

Willow

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I had lunch with my new friend yesterday. Her car was in the shop so she asked if I could pick her up. She lives literally a 5 minute drive from me. After lunch we went back to her place and I hung out for a few hours. I met her kids and BF. It was a lot for me to take in. I had been with the same person for 15 years but no kids, just dogs. There was so much going on I started to get overloaded but I had  still an amazing time and we're definitely going to be friends.

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  • Posts

    • Betty K
      Phew, well we can agree on the "be yourself" bit! And yes, chatting to others as yourself; in my experience that is so crucial. My sense is that, on the whole, people warm to me far more now that I am out of the closet than they ever did before when I was hiding.
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    • Carolyn Marie
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    • VickySGV
      @awkward-yet-sweet  You folks are all doing very much alright.  Keep it going.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @VickySGV You've got an interesting, very broad definition of activism.  Seems to encompass almost any sort of positive activity, even perhaps reaching to things that aren't directly LGBTQ.  I suppose under that umbrella even I might be an activist of a sort (unusual thought).    I'm certainly involved in my community's food program, and I've been part of finding jobs for my two trans friends (and I doubt they'll be the last.)  To me, those things just seem like everyday human stuff.  And I suppose my presence could even have a mild influence in government.  My husband is a member of the Defense Board, our sheriff is a close family friend, and my sister (she's lesbian) is running for Constable of our township.  Husband's mother is the coroner and head of the county medical clinic, and her office is decidedly respectful and inclusive after hiring my friend as a nurse - complete with nondiscrimination signage on the wall.  If these sorts of things are aspects of activism, it is certainly quieter than what's often associated with the word. 
    • KayC
      I'm with you, @Timi!  Happy I could share this with those that haven't seen it before (as somebody else did for me).     And ... I am totally with you too, @Vidanjali!  I couldn't have said it better myself 🙏😊
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      That is so great to hear, Vicky. Much respect to you and Carolyn Marie.     Awesome! Again, so great to hear. And thanks for giving me some ideas.
    • Betty K
      I apologise, I should not have used the word "synonym", since it can mean both a word that means the same as another word and a word that means something similar. (Eg, "night" is supposedly a synonym for "dark", but I doubt many people would claim they meant the same thing. If it's daylight outside and I turn off the light in a windowless room, am I now in the dark or in the night?) What I should have said is that logic, rationality and common sense are not all interchangeable; they do not mean the same thing. But I take your point, people do often use them interchangeably. I find this worrying, because many people also seem unable to reason logically. For eg, recently one of my teenage clients told me that all people with brightly coloured hair are trans; when I related this comment to some people at a trans support group one of them said, "But that means I can't be trans, because I don't have brightly coloured hair." That is a thoroughly illogical argument, and the type of misunderstanding that is the source of so many disagreements.   But I am going way in the weeds here. Again, sorry everyone. I will try not to go down any more language rabbit-holes.   As to what "activist" means in your neck of the woods, luckily I don't think that meaning has become accepted common usage just yet. Of course that is a grey area, but there are still certainly people in many countries who use the word in the sense I used it above.     I understand that this is your view as you have expressed it many times elsewhere, and tbh I think many people on the left would fundamentally agree with you, though they would slightly favour the Democrats over the Republicans. But I still find it very strange how you framed your lack of safety as if it were more the fault of the Democrats than the Republicans.
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