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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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50 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

@MmindyYou look like you could use a few more hugs. I have plenty for you. ❤️❤️

Thank you, I’m really lucky that the main pinch point of my fall under the prop was behind my knee, and the size of my calf muscle kept me from sustaining a terrible knee injury.

 

Proud congratulatory hug for you and your name change.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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4 hours ago, Jaycie said:

Good morning, all!!

Working from home and gender euphoria is flowing!! Hope you all have a lovely day!! 🤗💜

😊👍

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Thanks, everyone, for the congrats. Still on Cloud 9, but on my walk to burn off excess nervous energy, I tried to sabotage it all by taking it down to Cloud 8. While it should be by the end of the month, we still don't have the final date for our divorce. The name change has no effect on any of the divorce stuff, but I tried to convince myself to feel guilty about the timing for my wife's sake. I guess I'm still only about 98% on "It's my life." And she actually told me that during our meeting last weekend. I'm getting there.

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4 hours ago, Mmindy said:

I'm nursing a bruised leg after on of my props fell on me yesterday morning.

Yikes!  Glad to hear it wasn't worse.  

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4 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

Legal name change to Hannah Renee

Congratulations

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On 6/22/2022 at 7:07 PM, KathyLauren said:

Houses are selling in three days for $50,000 - $100,000 over asking price!  So if we see a place we like, we can't make an offer conditional on financing or on selling our current house.  We have to be able to move fast.  Hence the pre-approval.

 

 

Things are chilling out in the DC area. still a seller market but they aren't getting those inflated offers anymore. Too many buyers dropped out of the market and inventory is sitting longer, almost 3 weeks on average now.  It was a rapid turn. Price will slowly go up but probably at only a 6% year or year level (according to realtor.com's latest numbers yesterday)

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Good morning everyone.

@Hannah Renee Congratulations on the name change. The process in our state is a little weird but at least changing your gender marker is easy peasy.

 

@MmindyI'm sorry to hear about your mishap and thankful you're, more or less, OK.

 

I know I've been pretty quiet here for a while. I've had a LOT of traumas surfacing. Thankfully, my GT actually specializes in trauma and since I'm in a holding pattern with my transition right now we decided to switch gears. I've come to find out that I'm full of automatic trauma responses. Just the simple action of my supervisor calling me into his office fills me with anxiety and triggers a fight or flight response. Just normal, everyday things are setting me off and I can't keep going like this anymore. It's going to be a long and emotionally painful process but it needs to be done. I can't keep running from my problems.

 

 

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Good morning, everyone.

 

I didn't sleep too hot last night (nightmares galore!). And my husband has me worried because he's panicking over the Supreme Court ruling and is having conversations with his parents that don't involve me at all...even though I'm the subject of the conversation. It's making me a little uneasy. I know he's worried and doesn't want me to worry, but he doesn't realize that by not including me in the conversation, it's making me worry. I tried telling him that and he just changed the subject.

 

28 minutes ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Good morning everyone.

@Hannah Renee Congratulations on the name change. The process in our state is a little weird but at least changing your gender marker is easy peasy.

 

@MmindyI'm sorry to hear about your mishap and thankful you're, more or less, OK.

 

I know I've been pretty quiet here for a while. I've had a LOT of traumas surfacing. Thankfully, my GT actually specializes in trauma and since I'm in a holding pattern with my transition right now we decided to switch gears. I've come to find out that I'm full of automatic trauma responses. Just the simple action of my supervisor calling me into his office fills me with anxiety and triggers a fight or flight response. Just normal, everyday things are setting me off and I can't keep going like this anymore. It's going to be a long and emotionally painful process but it needs to be done. I can't keep running from my problems.

 

 

 

I'm so sorry you're going through that, Elizabeth. As someone with CPTSD, I can certainly relate to having automatic trauma responses. You are doing the right thing by seeking treatment. I wish you the best of luck! ❤️

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@Elizabeth StarI had to go in person (which I preferred anyway) since that e-file system is so convoluted. Being in a small county helped that process.

 

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this stress. I also know that you are a woman of strength, and you will get through this.

 

Hugs 

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@Mmindy I'm so glad you're thoroughly taking care of yourself. I hope you heal soon. Consider getting some arnica cream which helps with inflammation and bruising. 

 

@Hannah Renee CONGRATULATIONS! 

 

I feel for you @Elizabeth Star & @NashySlashy . It's not easy. Speaking from personal experience, (C)PTSD can be painful & quite a nuisance, frankly, for every day functioning. I was walking on the beach with my friend two days ago. We stopped to sit on a concrete slab. There was a backhoe driving back and forth, raking piles of seaweed. The driver seemed to be positioning the truck to drop the rake/hoe thing as close to the concrete slab as possible, but instead slammed it down on the slab. My friend and I both screamed. I felt extremely light headed, as if I stood up too quickly x10, but I was sitting. I felt so sick from the sudden rush of adrenaline - I was trying to collect myself, but kept seeing stars be felt sick. I commented to my friend, well there goes all my cortisol for the day. Next day (yesterday) I was in bed half the day - just had no energy. I did manage to make it to choir rehearsal last night, and I'm doing a bit better today. 

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8 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

I feel for you @Elizabeth Star & @NashySlashy . It's not easy. Speaking from personal experience, (C)PTSD can be painful & quite a nuisance, frankly, for every day functioning. I was walking on the beach with my friend two days ago. We stopped to sit on a concrete slab. There was a backhoe driving back and forth, raking piles of seaweed. The driver seemed to be positioning the truck to drop the rake/hoe thing as close to the concrete slab as possible, but instead slammed it down on the slab. My friend and I both screamed. I felt extremely light headed, as if I stood up too quickly x10, but I was sitting. I felt so sick from the sudden rush of adrenaline - I was trying to collect myself, but kept seeing stars be felt sick. I commented to my friend, well there goes all my cortisol for the day. Next day (yesterday) I was in bed half the day - just had no energy. I did manage to make it to choir rehearsal last night, and I'm doing a bit better today. 

Ick, that's awful. I'm sorry that happened. :(

 

I'm glad you're feeling better today!

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My morning so far:

 

Woke up at 5:30 feeling nauseous. Not great, considering what else was in store. My wife is having a colonoscopy, so my older daughter took her. Dropped my younger daughter off at school, then headed to my wife's house. I am watching my youngest, along with a friend's 22 year old son with severe CP, 2 goldfish, a guinea pig that my older daughter wanted and now ignores, a foster dog, foster chicken and duck, and my younger daughter's ferret, because she'll be staying here for the holiday helping her sister take care of the friend's son, because the friend is out of town again and my wife is leaving tomorrow to visit her TG friend in Taos. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)  Heck, she doesn't have to go that far - I'm only 25 miles away. Guess I'm not her friend. Maybe I can spice things up with her by telling her I filed for my name change. Sorry. I'm in a peculiar mood today. 

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4 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

Sorry. I'm in a peculiar mood today. 

It happens

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20 minutes ago, Jandi said:

It happens

Frequently these days 🙂

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Sitting at the side of the road in a dead car, waiting for a tow. I mentioned in another thread that I've come to like lavender. So here we are.

 

IMG_20220701_152133824~2.jpg

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1 hour ago, Hannah Renee said:

Sitting at the side of the road in a dead car, waiting for a tow.

Bummer.   At least you do have a nice view.

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Wow,  @Mmindy get well soon.

 

@Hannah Renee congratulations on the name news.

 

@Bri2020  the Myrtle Beach market still appears to be pretty hot.  Fastest growing area.  We just moved in and the theoretical value is up about $40k.

 

three more buildings and they are done.  They have barely started on the next building.  It’s on the other side of the parking lot from ours.

 

I did not go to group this evening.  Traffic is bad and roads are wet so not a good travel day.

 

willow 

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Well got a message from our realtor. the current owner has signed a contract on another house. Yea, now just have to wait till the closing date. Come on July 29th.

 

I am wondering if I will have my own bathroom in our new house. the master bath has a shower. and the other bathroom has the tub and shower. Being my wife and youngest most of the time take a bath. I wonder if I will have the master bath to myself.

Just after I got the good news I texted my wife. It was before noon. I had to ask her while out at dinner if she got it. over 6 hours later. I don't know what is going on with her. Does she want to move or not? She has complained about this place for over 5 yrs especially when recertification time comes. I just wonder what she has on her mind, about the house.  She doesn't seem to thrilled at the idea of getting one.

Is she expecting me to pay all the housing bills. like I do now. while she seems to always have money to burn. While I don't know bit I think she has about 4-5k in her savings. I know she has her retirement from her other job, and the reissued xmas check from her father I never saw. She calls it her Lincoln fund. She actually took 500 out of it to help pay the ernist money.

 

I'll tell you that if the SHTF with us. I have no qualms of just up and leaving her the house. 

 

Well I hope everyone has a good weekend. Of course I have to work.

 

I'll be checking in.

 

Kymmie

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Good early morning

 

The NWS woke me up at 5am when they issued a Tropical Storm Warning for our area.  Gee last night it was only 10% chance it would produce any more than rain and maybe a thunderstorm.  
 

@KymmieL I’m sorry you are going through all this trauma.  None of us deserve to be treated like this, but many are.  I know more who have than who haven’t unfortunately.  
 

I could use a refill on my coffee.  Who’s hosting today?  Oh I guess I am.   I need to make a pot so everyone can enjoy a cup.  Any volunteers to bring the donuts?  maybe some Jersey blueberries?

 

If the rain doesn’t cancel it, the COA is having an ice cream social this afternoon.  Looking forward to that.  Our first social gathering/meet and greet.

 

hugs

 

Willow
 

 

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7 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Well I hope everyone has a good weekend. Of course I have to work.

 

At least you're not alone. I've got clients today too.

 

Hugs!

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Happy Independence Day weekend to those in the USA 😊

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17 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I've come to like lavender. So here we are

Good morning Hannah,

Lavender is my fragrance of choice these days.

I hope the car troubles are minimal, and your house/kid sitting went well.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Well, as far as the car is concerned, it has actually been a dead piece of metal sitting just off my wife's driveway for the past month or two. It had already been replaced for actual usage, so we just wanted to sell it and recoup our money from previous repairs. "Probably only needs a new alternator." Yeah, definitely needs one, along with a radiator (didn't we just have work done on that in March?). Oh, and the chassis is rotting out from underneath it. Buh-bye. 

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    • VickySGV
      I was in a situation earlier today where I was overhearing a Homo/Transphobic rant from one person to another who disagreed with him .  The phobic one turned to me, yes ME!!" and asked if I agreed with him.  I simply told him NO. He asked me why I could disagree with his position and I told him flat out that I was under no obligation to do so.  He could not let that one go!! So I told him a very slight untruth , that the answer was a course I teach on the subject would cost him $75 per hour with two hour minimum up front.  He decided not to pay the money for the educational experience. { I usually ask for a $50 per hour payable to my LGBTQ Center which was the fib. }  He did not "read" or "clock" me as Trans, but he got away from me as soon as he could.  The person who had been talking to him gave me a big grin and waved as he followed Mr. H8 out the door.  No sign he had made me as Trans either, but by now I don't care unless it puts me in danger as I was first alert to if I answered Mr H8.  I have NO OBLIGATION to instruct people who do not want to listen, I just do not.  I love setting boundaries.   The main point really for telling this (which has happened a few times before where I did not use the teaching fee statement) is that when we are out as our best selves and are comfortable and dignified, although pleasant in that self, we are not going to be really seen as Trans even by those who are avowed H8ers.  This guy had a cartoonish idea of what LGBT people looked like, and I was pretty sure he had half a T-byte of CD Fetish Porn and did not know he was looking at a bona fide Trans woman.  As I told him, I am not under any obligation to teach him for free when he has paid so much (porn is not cheap) for misinformation.  If we hold our dignity and act assured in public there are few that will have a problem with us at all.  I have been out 12 years by now and while careful about where I go within reason it is ordinary caution for women in general that I follow.  I do give Trans 101 lectures and have fun doing it but the people I do it for WANT to learn about us and not call us names.  The information I give is based on Five Sense Science with enough sensitivity for close held beliefs of my students that I can overcome those as needed.  But even there I do set boundaries and stay in them myself.
    • VickySGV
      Many Trans activists that I know consider that behavior to be a form of Violence against us.  Accidents do happen and I evaluate them as they come.  Hanging up the phone, if that is how you talk to them would work for a bit.  Sending them an actual U.S.P.S. letter setting YOUR BOUNDARIES would be highly appropriate, but do get ready for some blow back on it.  Your Gender Therapist can be a big help in strategies to deal with this too.
    • MayBea
      So I've come out to my family for about a a year and a half. And I've been on hrt for over a year. And some of my family still struggles with misgendering me and deadnaming me? My sister seems to be trying but she constantly makes mistakes even during my last visit a few weeks ago(and has misgendered me in public without even thinking about it several times). My cousin did fine for a while, until he started randomly deadnaming me and misgendering me the last few months(all on the phone to be clear). Luckily my friends who known me before transition treat me perfectly. I guess my question is, how do I handle this? Being misgendered and deadnamed is painful for me but I try to remember how long they knew me before my transition and try to understand it might be difficult for them to adjust. I do correct them and they seem to realize they messed up and apologize. But it keeps happening. And I'm not sure how to talk to them about it(if I even should). Am I being unreasonable in being hurt by them?
    • Mmindy
      Good questions Mark, and thank you for being a caring enough person to think about and prepare to meet your cousin. I know she will be very proud of you, when you handle the meeting with love and respect.   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Carolyn Marie
      Mark, you did a good thing in joining this site; it shows you to be an ally and a thoughtful, caring person.   I can't think of a single thing that @Vidanjalididn't cover expertly.  I could not have said it better.  If you think of other questions, or wish to ask anything of anyone off line, once you have five posts you can PM anyone, but you don't have to wait to talk privately to any staff member here.  Good luck to you and your cousin.   Carolyn Marie
    • heatherd
      He will be in for a long time based on his record.Judge is looking at that too.I credit the prosecutor not giving up on me including the police.
    • Vidanjali
      @MarkCT that's kind of you to reach out to this community to ask such questions. Just based on your willingness to learn and be supportive, I am sure you will succeed.    My understanding is that your cousin transitioned male to female. In that case, she's always been "she". Because she was socialized as male, he/him pronouns had been used in the past. But now that she's discovered she's a woman, she should always be referred to as she (unless she tells you otherwise - some individuals use various pronouns for various reasons). If referring to her before transition, still use she/her, but if the context is important to what you're saying, you can specify "before she transitioned" - don't say "when she was he" or "before she became a woman" or "before she turned trans" or anything like that. Think of her as always having been female, but having worn a male mask for several years. Now, she's removed the mask and is her genuine self.    If there's any doubt, just ask her what are her pronouns. She will probably be more appreciative of you asking rather than assuming.   If you slip and say the wrong thing, just apologize and correct yourself, then move on - don't linger on the mistake potentially making it more awkward and putting her in the position of consoling you. If you hear someone else use the wrong pronoun, be a good ally and correct them matter-of-factly. It sometimes takes practice to adapt to a person's new pronouns. There's a learning curve and it requires patience and compassion.    As for her wife, treat that like anyone's ex-partner situation. If it's a given that they're still friends, no harm in mentioning her. If there's obvious tension, don't mention it unless she brings it up. But don't assume to refer to her as her ex's former "husband" as she may or may not be comfortable with that male-gendered title. It's safer to use gender neutral terms like partner or spouse until you know for sure how a person prefers to refer to themself.    Likewise with personal stuff, just use etiquette you'd use with any other person. But, particularly with a trans individual, the details of her transition are her business only. For example, it's not appropriate to ask someone what meds they take, or what surgeries they've had or not had, etc. Don't treat her as exotic. Just chat with her like you would with anyone else. If she wants to share personal stuff, it's her choice.    In big family gatherings, be a good ally and keep an eye on her if you're worried. If you notice she's uncomfortable in a conversation, interject and change the subject or use an excuse to take her away from it. You'll see it's more about common sense.    Again, good on you for caring and asking. I hope you have a beautiful time with your family. 
    • Mmindy
      G'Day @Jamey-Heather I hope all is well with you and yours. I love that this forum has a global reach.   @WillowI've spent time in all of the lower 48 states thanks to Fire Departments, State Police, and Emergency Management. aka Homeland Security. Oh and I can't leave out our Armed Forces, they had us in for Base Management and Hazardous Materials Response to Bulk Deliveries. We always managed to see some local sites while traveling around teaching. Now I'm taking my wife to the most interesting locations. We hope to add Alaska, and Hawaii, completing all 50 states for me. I've also been to several locations in Mexico, and Canada when I was a Safety Manager for a Chemical Tank Truck Company. We're also looking into the British Isles, Dunkirk, and Normandy in France.   Well today's yard 👩‍🌾 work was enough exercise for a couple of days. They're calling for rain and high winds tonight. Saturday we return to normal February Winter Weather.    Hugs,   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Glad that there's been some progress. Hopefully things will continue to improve over time.
    • Vidanjali
      Great to hear that @Russ Fenrisson . Any progress is a relief and helps to strengthen one's faith that things can be even better. 
    • Willow
      Hi @Jamey-Heather.  Nice to see you.   @Mmindy  that sounds like an interesting trip.  I’ve never been to either state. Actually I’m down to about 10 I haven’t been to yet.  And I don’t mean stopped in an airport but spent at least an hour.  I’ve also been to the majority of the US territories.  Just not American Samoa although I spent several hours in Samoa and in Okinawa and I don’t know that I’ve stepped foot in Guam.  I think we will try to close out Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee and Arkansas, then Minnesota and Wisconsin this summer.  That leaves me with Alaska.  Places in Canada I’d like to go are Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island.    Willow
    • Russ Fenrisson
      Just wanted to address a slight change in the situation.   Things are about the same but I was able to come up with a nickname that is pleasing to both me and those around me. The new nickname has been used on and off, but at least I can see an effort to try to make me feel accomodated.   I also wrote down my thoughts in a letter and after getting my feelings out, I felt a lot better. I probably won't need to use it now but if there is a time I feel not understood again, I always have it to use to get my thoughts out in a clearer manner.   I want to thank everyone again for responding and providing me with advice. I really appreciate it.
    • Russ Fenrisson
      I've also wondered about the same thing, especially since a lot of media I see, if they include a trans character at all, is usually transfeminine. I think it really boils down to what @Carolyn Mariesaid: how said individuals are perceived in society and the acceptibility of it. It's a shame transwomen and transfeminine people are made to feel bad for who they are or to be afraid of how they identify or choose to present themselves. This might be why you see more stories concerning them. To spread awareness and to show transwomen are not scary and are people just like everybody else.   In regards to transmen and transmasculine people, I've done much reading and thinking, and have come to the conclusion that perhaps such individuals are not explored or discussed is because of a private, safety factor. I've read more and more individuals have been coming out as FtM compared to recent years, such as in the 90s or early 2000's, and they may not be as transparent or as seen as MtF individuals just because of the fact they could face ridicule or repercussion for coming out or exploring their identity. It appears the expression of women is much more flexible nowadays than it was before, but that doesn't mean it is all inclusive. It probably just depends on where you are and the kind of atmosphere that is present.   What I always think is, whether I know it or not, I've at least run into someone like myself without knowing it. It provides a sense of mystery but it's at least a little bit comforting in these strange times.
    • MarkCT
      Hi All   This is my first, and in many was I hope my last, post on this forum but here goes and apologies in advance if it is a bit long winded but I think you’d need to know the full picture if you are going to give me any tips, which I do hope you will.    Back in 1963 my mum’s family (her mum, dad and numerous much younger siblings) emigrated to Sydney as “£10 Pommes”. I was two years old at the time and we were due to join them the following year but for various reasons we didn’t go. My dad had no family apart from his parents, who died many years ago. So, it has always been important to me, my wife and our (now grown up) children to visit the family regularly.     So now we get to the main point. I’ve always been saddened that, whilst everyone of my Aussie family have been so excited to see us when we visit there has always been one exception; a first cousin who was really nice but always seemed very standoffish and distant. You can imagine my surprise when she announced that she had transitioned! I’m not great at social media but my wife contacted her and they converse on and off, not a lot but as much as before she transitioned.    But now with Covid out of the way 🤞we are planning our next trip so (as my cousin is not on the main family WhatsApp group) I wrote to her. I said we (my wife and I) were going to be in Sydney and Brisbane, where most of the family live, but that Ballarat really was going to be just too much of a stretch- especially as she is the only one who lives there. I was amazed and so happy when she immediately wrote back and said she’d make sure she came to see us (if you look at the map and at the cost of flights you’ll realise that is no small commitment).    Now this may seem obvious to you but it is all totally new territory to me and my wife so we are worried about inadvertently saying something that might be hurtful.  so any tips would be most welcome. I have some particular questions:   In chatting do we always use feminine pronouns or do we use masculine when talking about the time before transition (ie our previous visits etc)?   Do we talk about his/her(? )wife, who has now gone her own way, although I suspect they are still friends?    Do we steer well clear of discussing anything at all personal I’m thinking of both emotional and practical issues)? Or perhaps my wife could whereas I shouldn’t?   What do we do about our normal big family gatherings? We’d love her to be there but don’t obviously want to put any undue pressure. We do see on Facebook that some of the family are very kind and accepting but in the cases of a good many others we just don’t know.  Thats just a few of the questions we have but any other comments or tips would be most welcome before we get on the plane from Heathrow at the end of the month.    Thanks 😊    Mark    
    • MiraF
      I think if anyone will take over the US as führer, it will be DeSantis. Trump is already being removed from his position as head of the republicans, with people like fox news and Breitbart saying DeSantis is the future of the party. Considering Trump's incompetence and Ron's actions so far, he may actually be worse.   Apart from that, I agree with you 100%.
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