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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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Good morning everyone,

 

Thank you for the well wishes, and concern about my mishap and knee injury.

 

I've been working early in the shop to take advantage of the lower temperatures. So my coffee was hours ago, and I've switched to cool water, and the occupational sports drink to keep up my electrolytes. 

 

My knee is still very tender where the darkest of bruising still exists. I never lost any range of motion while wearing shorts, however my jeans put pressure on the side of my knee when I sit or squat. I have a real busy schedule for the next three weeks, and will only take Sunday and Monday evening to celebrate our Independence Day festivities. IMS Symphony on the Prairie at Conner Prairie, IN, then Monday evening we'll take in Westfield Rocks the 4th, in Westfield, IN

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋 

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Impressed with every a couple months on my transition going well.My parents say they do not miss the unhappy son they once had now a much happier daughter.My wife loves my soft skin and how my breast development is going.A b cup right now and my goal is a c cup wanting 38 C breasts.My estrogen levels look good so far,this is from my latest check up with the hrt specialist

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Well, I am beginning to think my relationship with E. may be that the girl has never had ever had a real friendship, or very few. Lots of other kinds, and dysfunctional abusive kinds.

If someone really strikes my fancy, I generally love easily and there is little that can happen to change my loyalty, but I have been minding my emotions because I didn't want to ruin it. But when you start caring for a person and they are sick, or still abusing themselves or hurting in general- it hurts. So perhaps the best I can do is just be there for her. 

The strange thing is that she really isn't unique. So many people have to work through healing trauma, that can take a lifetime, myself included. So it is a lesson for me to learn to put my feelings aside and really trying to be nurturing, which isn't always direct. Sometimes, it's about giving space and time to another to work their own garden in their own time and being patient and tolerant. 

Sometimes love is wanting to see the other person find their healing and become whole regardless if it includes you or not.

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Good morning all

 

instead of a single cup pod, I made a pot of coffee. First time for this coffee maker.  Well, I have mixed results.  The taste beats any pod I’ve ever used, but, if you don’t care for strong coffee, you would care for this.  I actually do like it but can see that I got the ratio of coffee to cups wrong.

 

The tropical storm warning was a non-event where I live.  We did get a heavy downpour around 5pm., but that was it.  By then the center of Colin was 60 plus miles north of here on the other side of Wilmington NC.  it was a backside storm.

 

we went to the ice cream social ii spite of the rain.  We met about 24 neighbors, and learned how the parties worked.  I

think we will be going to more parties here than we did at our previous home. At least so far, the people seem friendlier.

 

we are making progress with getting out of one storage unit but we have a lot more things to move.  It is obvious we won’t be able to get out of the smaller one unless the sell or give away more things.  Won’t know for sure until we start getting closer to emptying the bigger one to see what’s left.  
 

I’m still making little mistakes that upset my wife.  For example I mentioned our daughter to someone yesterday.  My wife later reminded me that if I am going to be Willow full time I can’t say we have a daughter or a son.  Honestly I hadn’t given that any thought until she mentioned it.  These people only know me as a woman, not a transgender woman.

 

well, I hope everyone celebrates our Independence Day and stays safe.  South Carolina is one of the few east coast states where fireworks are legal.  Unfortunately that also means people will get hurt.

 

Hugs to all

 

🙋‍♀️ Willow 

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41 minutes ago, Willow said:

I’m still making little mistakes that upset my wife.  For example I mentioned our daughter to someone yesterday.  My wife later reminded me that if I am going to be Willow full time I can’t say we have a daughter or a son.  Honestly I hadn’t given that any thought until she mentioned it.  These people only know me as a woman, not a transgender woman.

Good morning Willow,

 

I have the fullest of confidence that you will master the coffee maker.

 

This is an interesting thought, and perspective when being out with a spouse. I never thought about not saying our daughter, our son as a way to give up or out yourself as transgender. Does she expect you to disown them when you are with her? Her son, her daughter, or will you just not talk about family?

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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49 minutes ago, Willow said:

I’m still making little mistakes that upset my wife.  For example I mentioned our daughter to someone yesterday.  My wife later reminded me that if I am going to be Willow full time I can’t say we have a daughter or a son.  Honestly I hadn’t given that any thought until she mentioned it.  These people only know me as a woman, not a transgender woman.

 

Hi, Willow. Glad you're getting to know your neighbors. And, while I'm sorry your wife got upset, YOU made no mistake. It isn't wrong to mention your daughter. For all the neighbors know, you and your wife are a lesbian couple that either adopted or used in vitro with a sperm donor to conceive a child. You are her parent after all. And, as for being trans or not, that shouldn't be an issue either. To be blunt, and please forgive me but this needs to be said, sister, the issue isn't yours; it's your wife's. You did nothing wrong, made no mistake and that's it.  I agree completely with @Mmindy. Does your wife expect you to disown your children? If so, she's in the wrong.

 

Apologies for the rant. Afraid this pushed a button. SOrry

 

Hugs

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Oh yeah. Forgot to say this, @Willow. It isn't wrong to be trans. If you want the neighbors to know, that's perfectly fine. If not, that's okay too.

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Glad my son has been improving accepting I am finally happy.It has been good with him and calls me Holly most of the time now.He has seen the changes too,felt my right arm and told me my skin is soft like mom's skin.Plus wife and I are talking over a decision I may change on,the gender corrective surgery.Decided not to have it done at first and there are feelings I want to have this done.Said she is still supportive and wants to see me happy

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2 hours ago, Willow said:

 

I’m still making little mistakes that upset my wife.  For example I mentioned our daughter to someone yesterday.  My wife later reminded me that if I am going to be Willow full time I can’t say we have a daughter or a son.  Honestly I hadn’t given that any thought until she mentioned it.  These people only know me as a woman, not a transgender woman.

 

While it is ultimately your decision how you handle that, I agree with @Mmindyand @Marcie Jensen that it isn't wrong to say that you (plural) have a daughter or a son. Perhaps that is something that you two agreed upon? Having said that, I struggle with saying "my wife" given my transgender status, but that is more a matter, to me, of becoming more accustomed publicly to said status. Of course, in a matter of a few weeks, unlike you, we will no longer be married, and I can simply say "my ex." 

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2 hours ago, Willow said:

For example I mentioned our daughter to someone yesterday.  My wife later reminded me that if I am going to be Willow full time I can’t say we have a daughter or a son.

 

I don't see why not.  We had a lesbian couple as neighbours, and their daughter was "their" daughter.  Even in this little conservative community, that is accepted.  (That couple has since split up, but the non-resident parent still has visitation rights.)

 

Would your wife be okay with you saying "my daughter" or "my son" instead of "ours"?  That way, you can talk about them without implying that you had them together as a couple, if that is what bothers her.  I don't have kids, but I would find it hard to disown them and pretend that I didn't have them if I did.

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Finally sent my email to HR at work notifying my name change and I am transitioning. I am not expecting much help, so I guess I will have to formulate a plan which may amount to having a short morning meeting so my immediate coworkers can possibly call me my right name and pronouns.

It seems daunting because outside of them there are about 100 people here during the day that recognize me by name, so I guess I can depend on shop talk to take care of a lot too. So I am thinking of having some name tags made up. We all wear uniforms so I really can't dress as myself except capri pants and womens sneakers. 

So that's the last hill, at least socially. Then its just finish up my name changes. Am glad I have a therapist to keep my perspective.

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My customers being there for support and say I am the same person but much happier.Same with my employees as well.I am glad I did not lose them.

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2 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

Would your wife be okay with you saying "my daughter" or "my son" instead of "ours"?

This is what I thought of as well.  It is what I do, but my ex is now my ex, so…

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HI everyone   have good news I started hrt 2 weeks ago, I have reconnected with my daughter, her husband, and my grand daughter. and they all support me as Rachel, and also the other met my x wife of who i have not seen in 30 years is ok with me being me it is so awesome.  I feel pretty darn good.  I would like to thank everyone here this is a great place to have.

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I'm enjoying a nice late brunch today. My usual coffee, naturally, plus bacon and some pancakes I'd frozen the other day!

 

I really needed a nice pick-me-up like that today. Last night I was wearing one of my nice nightgowns and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. All I saw was some kind of bulked-up linebacker. 😭 It absolutely freaked me the heck out, and I went kind of ballistic. Then I had a dream that had me reliving one of the worst times in my life. I guess I'm not quite as over that as I thought I was. There was also some stuff earlier in the evening that..it wasn't anything bad really, or anything trans-related, it just happened to touch the wrong nerve and left me feeling pretty insecure. Ugh, all in all, not the best night.

 

Luckily today's better so far. My nice, pleasant, slow little Sunday brunch definitely helped 😊

 

The rest of today is mostly going to be about cleaning up around the house. That's been getting neglected more than I'm comfortable with lately (I only have so much time & energy during the week), so that's another thing that's been weighing on me. So it'll be nice to get some of that taken care of. Luckily the sun's out today, too.

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42 minutes ago, rachel w said:

HI everyone   have good news I started hrt 2 weeks ago, I have reconnected with my daughter, her husband, and my grand daughter. and they all support me as Rachel, and also the other met my x wife of who i have not seen in 30 years is ok with me being me it is so awesome.  I feel pretty darn good.  I would like to thank everyone here this is a great place to have.

 

Congrats on HRT and everything else!

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On 7/2/2022 at 6:59 AM, Jackie C. said:

 

At least you're not alone. I've got clients today too.

 

Hugs!

Been working all weekend- my life knows no holidays.

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Thinking about my 25th high school reunion,most of my classmates I graduated with know of my transitioning.Told them I am going to it including my wife

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7 minutes ago, HollyNG said:

Thinking about my 25th high school reunion,most of my classmates I graduated with know of my transitioning.Told them I am going to it including my wife

Glad to hear it!  Have fun!

 

This year would have been my 50th.  I guess nobody cared enough to organize one.  It's a shame because I would have had fun coming out to my classmates. 

 

We had a 25th that was well-attended.  They did a new yearbook, with everyone sending in biographies of what they'd been up to since graduation, even people who didn't attend in person.

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3 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

Glad to hear it!  Have fun!

 

This year would have been my 50th.  I guess nobody cared enough to organize one.  It's a shame because I would have had fun coming out to my classmates. 

 

We had a 25th that was well-attended.  They did a new yearbook, with everyone sending in biographies of what they'd been up to since graduation, even people who didn't attend in person.

Next weekend

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My 50th was supposed to be two years ago. Cancelled due to pandemic. Someone decided to have a 50+2, which will be in October. I intend to attend, and I will legally be Hannah by then. Should be interesting. 

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My 40th is next year. I would love to go as Kymmie. However, it probably be as they knew me in school. Or didn't know me. I was just a nobody from the autoshop. Maybe if I still had my car from when I was in high school people would then know me.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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5 hours ago, KymmieL said:

My 40th is next year. I would love to go as Kymmie. However, it probably be as they knew me in school. Or didn't know me. I was just a nobody from the autoshop. Maybe if I still had my car from when I was in high school people would then know me.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

Sweetie, after two years of transitioning, people who stood up at my wedding didn't recognize me. Good times.

 

Hugs!

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12 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I intend to attend, and I will legally be Hannah by then.

That's great!

Look what quarantine, and isolation allowed me to do.

A woman never tells her true age. So you'll be 39 and holding.

 

Happy early Birthday,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Happy Independence Day. July 4th is an even bigger holiday for me though. 7/4/2020 my egg cracked and I went "ah -expletive-, I think I'm transgender". 3 weeks later and a lot of anxiety, fear and struggle, I came out to my wife. I received unconditional support for who I was. Over the next week we talked about how I should proceed and after talking it over with my clinic manager to see how the employees might react and or affect biz, I came out full time. So even though this country goes to -crap- more and more every year and I have a harder time celebrating its birthday, I celebrate this day for allowing me to shed the constructs and shame I was living with for 54 years. Happy Egg cracking day to me!

1055729615_Transeggcrack.jpeg.9b8859d9c4f693febec284e16762492d.jpeg

 

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  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      Many Trans activists that I know consider that behavior to be a form of Violence against us.  Accidents do happen and I evaluate them as they come.  Hanging up the phone, if that is how you talk to them would work for a bit.  Sending them an actual U.S.P.S. letter setting YOUR BOUNDARIES would be highly appropriate, but do get ready for some blow back on it.  Your Gender Therapist can be a big help in strategies to deal with this too.
    • MayBea
      So I've come out to my family for about a a year and a half. And I've been on hrt for over a year. And some of my family still struggles with misgendering me and deadnaming me? My sister seems to be trying but she constantly makes mistakes even during my last visit a few weeks ago(and has misgendered me in public without even thinking about it several times). My cousin did fine for a while, until he started randomly deadnaming me and misgendering me the last few months(all on the phone to be clear). Luckily my friends who known me before transition treat me perfectly. I guess my question is, how do I handle this? Being misgendered and deadnamed is painful for me but I try to remember how long they knew me before my transition and try to understand it might be difficult for them to adjust. I do correct them and they seem to realize they messed up and apologize. But it keeps happening. And I'm not sure how to talk to them about it(if I even should). Am I being unreasonable in being hurt by them?
    • Mmindy
      Good questions Mark, and thank you for being a caring enough person to think about and prepare to meet your cousin. I know she will be very proud of you, when you handle the meeting with love and respect.   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Carolyn Marie
      Mark, you did a good thing in joining this site; it shows you to be an ally and a thoughtful, caring person.   I can't think of a single thing that @Vidanjalididn't cover expertly.  I could not have said it better.  If you think of other questions, or wish to ask anything of anyone off line, once you have five posts you can PM anyone, but you don't have to wait to talk privately to any staff member here.  Good luck to you and your cousin.   Carolyn Marie
    • heatherd
      He will be in for a long time based on his record.Judge is looking at that too.I credit the prosecutor not giving up on me including the police.
    • Vidanjali
      @MarkCT that's kind of you to reach out to this community to ask such questions. Just based on your willingness to learn and be supportive, I am sure you will succeed.    My understanding is that your cousin transitioned male to female. In that case, she's always been "she". Because she was socialized as male, he/him pronouns had been used in the past. But now that she's discovered she's a woman, she should always be referred to as she (unless she tells you otherwise - some individuals use various pronouns for various reasons). If referring to her before transition, still use she/her, but if the context is important to what you're saying, you can specify "before she transitioned" - don't say "when she was he" or "before she became a woman" or "before she turned trans" or anything like that. Think of her as always having been female, but having worn a male mask for several years. Now, she's removed the mask and is her genuine self.    If there's any doubt, just ask her what are her pronouns. She will probably be more appreciative of you asking rather than assuming.   If you slip and say the wrong thing, just apologize and correct yourself, then move on - don't linger on the mistake potentially making it more awkward and putting her in the position of consoling you. If you hear someone else use the wrong pronoun, be a good ally and correct them matter-of-factly. It sometimes takes practice to adapt to a person's new pronouns. There's a learning curve and it requires patience and compassion.    As for her wife, treat that like anyone's ex-partner situation. If it's a given that they're still friends, no harm in mentioning her. If there's obvious tension, don't mention it unless she brings it up. But don't assume to refer to her as her ex's former "husband" as she may or may not be comfortable with that male-gendered title. It's safer to use gender neutral terms like partner or spouse until you know for sure how a person prefers to refer to themself.    Likewise with personal stuff, just use etiquette you'd use with any other person. But, particularly with a trans individual, the details of her transition are her business only. For example, it's not appropriate to ask someone what meds they take, or what surgeries they've had or not had, etc. Don't treat her as exotic. Just chat with her like you would with anyone else. If she wants to share personal stuff, it's her choice.    In big family gatherings, be a good ally and keep an eye on her if you're worried. If you notice she's uncomfortable in a conversation, interject and change the subject or use an excuse to take her away from it. You'll see it's more about common sense.    Again, good on you for caring and asking. I hope you have a beautiful time with your family. 
    • Mmindy
      G'Day @Jamey-Heather I hope all is well with you and yours. I love that this forum has a global reach.   @WillowI've spent time in all of the lower 48 states thanks to Fire Departments, State Police, and Emergency Management. aka Homeland Security. Oh and I can't leave out our Armed Forces, they had us in for Base Management and Hazardous Materials Response to Bulk Deliveries. We always managed to see some local sites while traveling around teaching. Now I'm taking my wife to the most interesting locations. We hope to add Alaska, and Hawaii, completing all 50 states for me. I've also been to several locations in Mexico, and Canada when I was a Safety Manager for a Chemical Tank Truck Company. We're also looking into the British Isles, Dunkirk, and Normandy in France.   Well today's yard 👩‍🌾 work was enough exercise for a couple of days. They're calling for rain and high winds tonight. Saturday we return to normal February Winter Weather.    Hugs,   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
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    • Russ Fenrisson
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    • MarkCT
      Hi All   This is my first, and in many was I hope my last, post on this forum but here goes and apologies in advance if it is a bit long winded but I think you’d need to know the full picture if you are going to give me any tips, which I do hope you will.    Back in 1963 my mum’s family (her mum, dad and numerous much younger siblings) emigrated to Sydney as “£10 Pommes”. I was two years old at the time and we were due to join them the following year but for various reasons we didn’t go. My dad had no family apart from his parents, who died many years ago. So, it has always been important to me, my wife and our (now grown up) children to visit the family regularly.     So now we get to the main point. I’ve always been saddened that, whilst everyone of my Aussie family have been so excited to see us when we visit there has always been one exception; a first cousin who was really nice but always seemed very standoffish and distant. You can imagine my surprise when she announced that she had transitioned! I’m not great at social media but my wife contacted her and they converse on and off, not a lot but as much as before she transitioned.    But now with Covid out of the way 🤞we are planning our next trip so (as my cousin is not on the main family WhatsApp group) I wrote to her. I said we (my wife and I) were going to be in Sydney and Brisbane, where most of the family live, but that Ballarat really was going to be just too much of a stretch- especially as she is the only one who lives there. I was amazed and so happy when she immediately wrote back and said she’d make sure she came to see us (if you look at the map and at the cost of flights you’ll realise that is no small commitment).    Now this may seem obvious to you but it is all totally new territory to me and my wife so we are worried about inadvertently saying something that might be hurtful.  so any tips would be most welcome. I have some particular questions:   In chatting do we always use feminine pronouns or do we use masculine when talking about the time before transition (ie our previous visits etc)?   Do we talk about his/her(? )wife, who has now gone her own way, although I suspect they are still friends?    Do we steer well clear of discussing anything at all personal I’m thinking of both emotional and practical issues)? Or perhaps my wife could whereas I shouldn’t?   What do we do about our normal big family gatherings? We’d love her to be there but don’t obviously want to put any undue pressure. We do see on Facebook that some of the family are very kind and accepting but in the cases of a good many others we just don’t know.  Thats just a few of the questions we have but any other comments or tips would be most welcome before we get on the plane from Heathrow at the end of the month.    Thanks 😊    Mark    
    • MiraF
      I think if anyone will take over the US as führer, it will be DeSantis. Trump is already being removed from his position as head of the republicans, with people like fox news and Breitbart saying DeSantis is the future of the party. Considering Trump's incompetence and Ron's actions so far, he may actually be worse.   Apart from that, I agree with you 100%.
    • Vidanjali
      The persecution of Black Americans is not analogous to the persecution of trans people, but there are intersecting features such as disproportionate levels of violence against and systemic oppression. That is, in particular, violence against both groups is not exclusively individually motivated (de facto), but is abetted by systemic oppression (de jure).  So, to gain some context for thinking about this question, I read two articles, one that argues that the 1951 charge of genocide against Black Americans is compelling:   https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/12/26/black-activists-charge-genocide-united-states-systemic-racism-526045   and another which argues it is not:   https://opiniojuris.org/2021/12/30/is-structural-genocide-legally-genocide-a-response-to-hinton/   This second article discusses another article on settler colonialism (linked in both articles) whose author states that settler colonialism is eliminatory, but not necessarily genocidal. The 2nd article's author further suggests that therefore systematic "crushing of spirit" may be better defined as cultural genocide, which was deliberately excluded from the genocide convention, however.   From what I understand, proof of intent is pivotal in charging genocide. That was the main argument against validifying the charge of genocide against Black Americans.    Anti-trans politicians and policy makers tend to (deliberately) mask their intent by claiming campaigns to save the children.    After reading the 2nd article, I began to read about crime against humanity versus genocide.    UN definition of crimes against humanity (CAH): https://www.un.org/en/genocideprevention/crimes-against-humanity.shtml   Note the UN definition of CAH refers to gender. Remarkably, the UN definition of gender acknowledges gender as a social construct.    Also note, regarding intent, that "[an] important distinction is that in the case of crimes against humanity, it is not necessary to prove that there is an overall specific intent. It suffices for there to be a simple intent to commit any of the acts listed, with the exception of the act of persecution, which requires additional discriminatory intent. The perpetrator must also act with knowledge of the attack against the civilian population and that his/her action is part of that attack." Do I believe the trans population is under attack? Yes, without a doubt. Do I believe it's genocide? I view this as an academic question, albeit an important one. I don't know the answer. I do think that it's possible that someone/some people in power will succumb to hubris and unequivocally declare intent to eliminate the trans population. I don't hope for that, but tbh, at least if such intent is made clear, then there is a clearer path to bringing a charge of genocide or CAH. However, I think that using the trans population as a scapegoat to galvanize ones voting constituency is ultimately of greater interest to those individuals than actually destroying us. Nonetheless, we suffer the collateral damage.       
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