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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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12 hours ago, KymmieL said:

hope that everyone has been having a better time than I have. So I wait for the hordes of locust, or The super volcano i Yellowstone to erupt. That would just clinch it.

 

To be fair, if Yellowstone erupts, we're ALL going to have a read bad day.

 

All I'm going to say otherwise is that your life isn't going to get better until you make it better. No magic fairy is going to come along and make everything right. The thing that worked the best for me is when my therapist asked me, "What kind of woman is Jackie?" I've been moving towards that ever since. The second best advice I got is, "If life hands you an opportunity? Take it!" Be on the lookout for ways to make your life better. When you find one, grab onto it and don't let go!

 

Good luck with the sheltie! I had one growing up and, while I vibe better with cats, she was a very good dog.

 

Hugs!

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On 7/30/2022 at 11:22 AM, DylanB1452 said:

Morning! 

 

Good luck with finals JJ! I'm currently filling out some college applications 😬🥲

Good luck! I hope it goes well, my friend!

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Hey everyone! 

finallmade a good at-home ice coffee. I keep trying to not make my ice coffee too sweet, but it ends up being too sweet. Finally made it less-sweet! 

What is it about waking up and making my own coffee that starts my day off better? ❤️ 

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4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

All I'm going to say otherwise is that your life isn't going to get better until you make it better. No magic fairy is going to come along and make everything right. The thing that worked the best for me is when my therapist asked me, "What kind of woman is Jackie?" I've been moving towards that ever since. The second best advice I got is, "If life hands you an opportunity? Take it!" Be on the lookout for ways to make your life better. When you find one, grab onto it and don't let go!

Excellent advice, @Jackie C..

The best I got was from my sponsor, who after hearing me complain endlessly, asked me: "Well, what do you want?" which I thought was the most ridiculous question I'd ever heard. He kept repeating it until I burst into tears. I'd never asked that of myself. Now, it's the first thing I ask. I believe my higher power gives me "wants" as her suggestions for my life and dreams. AND she's been right. It simplifies and directs every question I have every day. It's like a perfect cuppa tea with magic dust. Mmmm . . . .

hugs,

Davie 

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Well to make life bearable for me. I will not be getting a sheltie yet. Things did get so nice today. At about 1:30 we lost power at the store. Completely, our company is so money hungry. We had to stay open. even when we couldn't look up anything and taking CC was a pure nightmare. I refused to.  We had to stay open till 8pm. I know if it would have been a month ago. it would have been light later so we would have stayed open till normal. Thankfully when the power dies so does the phones.

 

Kymmie

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Good (late) morning! I did some errands, but the lack of coffee is blegh.  

Hope everyone is a having a good day! I got some books at the thrift store and I am excited to start reading them. ❤️ 

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17 hours ago, JJ Orange said:

Good (late) morning! I did some errands, but the lack of coffee is blegh.  

Hope everyone is a having a good day! I got some books at the thrift store and I am excited to start reading them. ❤️ 

WHAT!  no coffee?  *says under her breath*.  "I blame the parents"

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Good morning everyone,

 

I'm enjoying a pot of home brew Folgers Black Silk, after being on the road drinking warm hotel coffee, and burnt training room coffee, at a major refinery in Wood River, IL most of this week.

 

Best wishes, positive thoughts for everyone,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Emotions Diary #9

— I’m feeling like a liar and a phony in two groups of my friends this week. In a group with my oldest friends on Wednesday we had a lively discussion and a good time for almost two hours. And on Tuesday I again had a great time but with all my trans friends for two hours. Back-to-back. Two separate days each I enjoyed myself. In each and with both groups I felt happy and liberated to be accepted and trusted to speak freely and to listen and accept and trust others—in those moments, within each. Sounds fine, right?

But immediately after each event, I felt depressed and angry with myself for putting on a phony mask face and pretending to be someone I wasn’t. It felt like instead of feeling good about both events, I felt awful about them. I felt like a liar and phony to both somehow. And I felt I’d lied about who I was with both groups and to myself. Ouch, that hurts. It feels  like I don’t know who I am and that I’m hurting others by my inability to be honest and caring. Once again: Ouch. Is this just a normal day in Non-Binary Transville or something else?

And then today my friend emails me from Columbia:
A photo of her newborn baby. Lucas, the beautiful.
Just for the moment, I’m reborn, my own baby is me.

— Davie

 

Even bumpy roads show promise.

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@Davie I get what you mean. It's like an old fashioned wooden roller coaster with all the modern twists and inversions. For myself, I have never actually had circles of friends, just acquaintances and co-workers. Had to try to fit in with different people within the groups, without really being myself. Later saying to myself, "Why did I say or agree/disagree with this or that?" Why can't I just be my authentic self, and let the chips fall where they may? Which is worse, that fear, or the anguish of feeling like a phony?

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Good morning everyone 

 

I haven’t posted anything for a few days because I haven’t really had anything to say.  But I have been on here and read every ones posts.

 

we’ve been drinking green mountain dark lately. Lots of doctors appointments.  Finally got new Epipens. I have one in my purse so I won’t be without again.  My hand where I got stung is still swollen and still itches sometimes.  I never had this reaction before but I’ve been told it will get worse each time I get stung.

 

it is supposed to be cooler and less humid starting today abundant throughout the weekend.  It also supposed to rain or storm some but so far that hasn’t happened.  Weave been fortunate that no hurricanes have formed.  The weather over the ocean coming off Africa has been blocking them.  I know this is very unscientific but that actually concerns me that when they do start rolling there will be one right after another and bad ones.    
 

Hugs

 

Willow

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@Davie @Mmindy I know where you are coming from.  Stuck in the middle.  Some know the real you, but most don’t.  It’s hardest when you feel you have to live in that zone.  You aren’t being true to yourself, or either group of friends or acquaintances.

 

I had to get past that and just go with being true to myself.  I feel it ultimately reduces the stress and depression associated with being transgender.

 

Willow

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Good Morning everyone. I too haven't had much to say. Things are still getting unpacked and sorted and pitched. We should have started a month ago. Hope to be able to get the wagon in the garage today. Opening up a parking spot. our youngest got a note on his truck yesterday. One of the neighbors complaining about him parking in front of their house, and about the amount of cars we have.

 

Had an appointment yesterday. I am looking to increase my VA disability. Of course, Kymmie went. hope it went good. 

 

 

@Willow I know also were you are all coming from. Very few if any know the real me. I don't think anyone wants to be that good a friend to learn that. That was even true before I came out trans. The story of my life.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

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OK, @Davie, @Hannah Renee, @Willow and @KymmieL... I'm confused. The very, very real me is on display in all her glory since I've transitioned. I've made a TON of friends. As I have no filter, they know me very well and I've had them comment on my energy and the way I light up a room.

 

Is it being unwilling to be yourself? I mean I hang in some very queer spaces, but I am always, always true to myself. I'm honestly asking if you could elaborate a bit because I'm apparently a bit slow and absolutely do not get it unless it's coming from an inability to express at home or express around certain people?

 

Hugs!

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Good morning, everyone! 
Ice coffee is a-go and started to look at the info one of my professors posted for the class. Any suggestions to keep my study area organized? By noon it's a complete mess and it distracts me. 

I start most of my classes Monday so I am trying to organize my schedule for the semester throughout this weekend. 

Feeling very tired and sometimes my brain wants me to drink coffee 24/7. 

Anyways, I hope everyone has a nice weekend and stays safe! ❤️ 

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So another girl asked me to trade phone numbers at my women's meeting. This is very strange for me because now I have several women friends and a trans woman, who I feel I can trust and hang out with....but I also am learning each relation is different and after all, they are just people too.

It might be good for me to hang out with other women and explore a little because I was getting pretty hung up on my BFF in the beginning. I am uncertain if a little of that was "validation" and acceptance from an attractive cis woman I had respect for...like a trans first crush type deal. So by now, I have took her off the pedestal a little because I realize she has some hangups herself. I just try not to assume anything about anyone anymore because most, if not all of my women friends have gone through therapy or treatment programs or have some kind of trauma and it reminds me to be softer and more patient and compassionate with myself and others.

 

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9 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

OK, @Davie, @Hannah Renee, @Willow and @KymmieL... I'm confused. The very, very real me is on display in all her glory since I've transitioned. I've made a TON of friends. As I have no filter, they know me very well and I've had them comment on my energy and the way I light up a room.

 

Is it being unwilling to be yourself? I mean I hang in some very queer spaces, but I am always, always true to myself. I'm honestly asking if you could elaborate a bit because I'm apparently a bit slow and absolutely do not get it unless it's coming from an inability to express at home or express around certain people?

 

Hugs!

Other than the subject of not having friends, my reference was mostly in reference to my previous life. I was basically a people pleaser, not specifically looking for friends. I couldn't acknowledge or accept my own self, my value. Once I finally recovered from a chronic case of cranialrectumitis a few years ago, well, my world changed. I am not willing to be anything/anyone but MYSELF, Hannah Renee. I have to make certain small concessions, on an occasional basis, regarding how I dress when I'm with our youngest (special needs, limited capability to understand).  My wife was extremely PO'd when she found out I was changing my name before the divorce was final - not intentional on my part, BTW. Well, she wanted the divorce, "go live your own life," and, dammit, that's what I'm doing. She doesn't have to like it, nor does anyone else.

 

I've posted updates and a couple of recent photos on a website that allows connections with high school classmates from half a century ago. Getting a lot more visits in the last month than in all the previous 18 months. My father was a prominent member of the community, and though he is long gone, and would be very much against what I'm doing, I'm damn proud of who I am - Hannah, day in and day out - and I'm proclaiming it to my world.

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@Jackie C.  I guess the point I was trying to make got lost.  Like @Davie and @Hannah Renee talking about not having friends or friends that fully knew or understood their being transgender.  I know I went through a period of being conflicted.  Some people and my family knew, but I hide being transgender from others.  I had two groups.  Those that knew and those that didn’t.  I was trying to let everyone know but that wasn’t working.  Now I am fully out.  If someone asks I’ll tell them honestly but everyone sees me as a woman now. Only a few know, but everyone sees me as I am.

 

until you come out to yourself and everyone full time, you won’t feel good about yourself.

 

Right or wrong, that’s what I was trying to say.

 

Willow

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35 minutes ago, Willow said:

 

until you come out to yourself and everyone full time, you won’t feel good about yourself.

 

 

Very well said

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10 hours ago, Willow said:

until you come out to yourself and everyone full time, you won’t feel good about yourself.

Yup.

The two tiered thing doesn't work very well for me.  Just gotta rip off that bandaid.  Serious ouch.

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We made it to another Saturday.  That means this week is over and tomorrow starts a new one.

 

Funny thing about that, I suppose we follow the Jewish week instead of the Christian.  Since we always start on Sunday instead of ending on Sunday.

 

Thank you for  the appreciation of my comments.  Like I said, the first time it may not have expressed exactly what I was thinking.

 

We need to go to the boat today.  I want to get pictures of it to put it up for sale (although, I’d like to put its sails up) lol.  Still have some pickup to do to make that happen.

 

really nice night and day, turned off the AC and opened some windows last night.  It was in the 60s which is pretty unusual for August here.

 

8 go5 to get my shower and get going. High tide is noon and I want to flip my boat around, stern in.

 

I needed depth to do that.

 

hugs

 

Willow

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Morning, friends!🌞 
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. 
School is upon me and I am excited to start again! I am also in the middle of making coffee and starting my weekend morning routine. Still waiting for my local LGBT+ center to open 

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3 hours ago, Willow said:

That means this week is over and tomorrow starts a new one.

Not till sundown.  But this is a discussion for another thread.

 

Made my usual appearance uptown today.  Got some okra at the Farmers Market, had some beer at my usual place.  A couple of ladies introduced themselves, and I saw an old friend.  He made a remark about my purse.  I'm not sure he really gets it.  But we're both a bit hard of hearing, so these conversations can get interesting.  

When I first started going fem in public he said "So you're wearing dresses now?"  I just shrugged.  Shrugging is my usual response in these situations.  

Back when I was first trying to figure things out, I ran into a woman I knew in the check-out line at the Kmart.  I was buying some camies.  She looked at me - I just shrugged.  Yeah, caught red handed.  Whatcha gonna do?  This is not that big of a town.

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I'm going to one of those "murder mystery" dinner things in a few hours. It's a fundraiser for my local lgbt+ organization, the theme is a "gay wedding". It sounded really cool, and I'd been wanting to go to one of those murder mystery things for awhile, so I signed up. Since I know this is a safe accepting group, and a safe private venue (and because even people I'm not out to know full fell that there's nothing in heaven or hell that will ever get me to wear a suit), so I'll be going as Heather.

 

It'll only be my second time out in girl-mode. And there's still a lot of firsts involved that I've been nervous about, not the least of which being that this was my first time getting struck by the panic of "OMG, I have no idea what I'm going to wear! I don't have anything to wear!!!" lol. I think I have it pretty much figured out now though. I ended up getting a new dress for the occasion. I like it a lot, but there's a couple things I'm a little apprehensive about. It has a nice side-slit, but on me, the side-slit ends up opening wider than I would prefer. It should at least work well enough, though. It does have a built-in, what I thought was a skirt, underneath for modesty, turns out it's really built-in shorts like a jumpsuit...which is going to be problematic for going to the restroom...Unless I can quickly figure out a way to convert it to skirt without making too big a mess of things, but I tend to not be very handy, so I dunno about attempting that...Speaking of restrooms, I don't know whether there will be a unisex one, so even with an lgbt+ crowd, I'm hoping I just won't need to go. But knowing me that seems unlikely.

 

Tried to do my nails last night for this, but they turned out an absolute horror mess. I'll have to undo that, I give up on them for now. I hope I still have some nail polish remover... If not, I'll have to make do with rubbing alcohol. (Didn't think that one through.) Been worried about just how much I have to do to get ready for this, and make the timing all work, and how in the world my ADHD is going to actually allow me to get everything done. And in a perfect case of bad timing, "ye olde impostor syndrome" has been back hitting me again lately. And I'm even worrying about how to carry my purse without it looking weirdly awkward or manly! And "is this purse too big?" But I guess it needs to be because I wanted to bring a change of shoes, just in case. I wonder how much of this might be the E hitting me? Umm, maybe it's obvious by now, but I've been maybe just a teensy bit "frazzled nervous wreck panic mode".  😬

 

No way I'll let myself back out of it though! I'd hate myself too much if I did that. I'm just looking forward to being DONE with all this "getting ready" stuff and just be there already.

 

Lemme see if I can find that one favorite image of mine that I think sums things up very well...(I have no idea where it's from, I found it in some trans subreddit)...Ah yes, here it is...

 

dpzzl76wg6361.png.fe42d0a2ad615207d890540207f8c2f7.png

 

😆

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