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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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It went well. Felt better once it got started. Cute little play 😀

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@Heather Nicole I am glad you went and enjoyed it. The more you venture forth as Heather the more confident you will get.

 

~Rachel

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On 8/12/2022 at 9:07 AM, Davie said:

 

Even bumpy roads show promise.

Good evening Davie, 

 

I feel this same thing when I go back to my hometown. Everyone there thinks of me as the hyper male, I use the project as a mechanic, firefighter, and biker. Even my siblings think of me as the patriarch of the family. I’ve never tolerated hate or disrespectful comments referencing the LGBTQA or special needs community. That being said very few from my hometown would understand my transgender feelings. I will be back there this weekend for a retirement party, and again for the Labor Day Weekend with family. Like you said, It will be fun, we’ll tell stories about the good old days, but my wife and I will feel as though we’re wearing masks. Since I’m not out to anyone but her & her sister. I’ll be wearing nice colorful clothes, my hair will be down in curly locks, held back with a multi colored cloth headband or sun glasses. My nails will be manicured, slightly longer than the end of my fingers with a mat finish. I won’t wear makeup, however my eyebrows will be neatly trimmed. I will also be wearing my favorite silver and turquoise jewelry. I’m not sure how I’ll handle or answer questions about my androgynous presentation. I do expect some will notice, and talk will take place once I leave. Maybe these questions will lead to some making the connection to my pro LGBTQA Facebook postings. If I’m questioned directly, I won’t deny my changing feelings. To say I don’t have anxiety building up in anticipation would be a lie. 
 

Hugs, 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖

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Good <timeOfDay>

 

So the vacation is over and time for work. Back to ye ole closet 8hrs a day. Starts feeling like being inside of an iron maiden. But it's also a payday so maybe some shopping therapy is also in order...

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7 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

Good evening Davie, 

 

I feel this same thing when I go back to my hometown. Everyone there thinks of me as the hyper male, I use the project as a mechanic, firefighter, and biker. Even my siblings think of me as the patriarch of the family. I’ve never tolerated hate or disrespectful comments referencing the LGBTQA or special needs community. That being said very few from my hometown would understand my transgender feelings. I will be back there this weekend for a retirement party, and again for the Labor Day Weekend with family. Like you said, It will be fun, we’ll tell stories about the good old days, but my wife and I will feel as though we’re wearing masks. Since I’m not out to anyone but her & her sister. I’ll be wearing nice colorful clothes, my hair will be down in curly locks, held back with a multi colored cloth headband or sun glasses. My nails will be manicured, slightly longer than the end of my fingers with a mat finish. I won’t wear makeup, however my eyebrows will be neatly trimmed. I will also be wearing my favorite silver and turquoise jewelry. I’m not sure how I’ll handle or answer questions about my androgynous presentation. I do expect some will notice, and talk will take place once I leave. Maybe these questions will lead to some making the connection to my pro LGBTQA Facebook postings. If I’m questioned directly, I won’t deny my changing feelings. To say I don’t have anxiety building up in anticipation would be a lie. 
 

Hugs, 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖

Ah, @MmindyI admire your courage. No matter how it goes, we'll always have your back, as will your goddess—she's a tough M-F-er!

— Davie

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53 minutes ago, helena said:

Good <timeOfDay>

 

So the vacation is over and time for work. Back to ye ole closet 8hrs a day. Starts feeling like being inside of an iron maiden. But it's also a payday so maybe some shopping therapy is also in order...

Sounds like a good way to top off your day. Something to look forward to. I'm looking forward to sleep, since I'm 8 hours behind you.

 

Hugs, Hannah 

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Wow, so I finally got in, the recent page wouldn't load for me. Anyways, I noticed that I had been trying to post but kept forgetting to hit the submit button.

 

Top surgery soon. Fifteen days but who's counting? I have 4 different people who really, really want to be there for me. Like be the one to take me. Thinking maybe I should have them fight to the death over it. It would please me🙃

 

I think my blue hair has some secret magical powers. Made so many new friends in the last couple weeks and so many of them want to date me. It's also like no one wants a full time relationship anymore either. I just go from house to house, haven't had to cook myself dinner in over a week and they're all making sure to have vegetarian meals on hand for me.

 

I'm sure the train ride will eventually come to a end but for now I'm enjoying the ride.

 

 

 

 

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Morning, everyone! 

Happy that the site is now available! 
Today is the first day of Fall Semester, so wish me luck! Online classes are a go and I will go make my coffee soon! ❤️ 

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3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I'm enjoying the ride.

Good morning Lizzy,

 

I had trouble logging into the site as well, and figured it was do to the upcoming server maintenance.

 

You deserve to have people from all avenues of your family/friends circle vying to take you to the hospital, doctors appointments, as well as fix you dinner every night. Having them battle to the death is a little strong these days. Your champion will rise and meet your needs.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋 

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11 hours ago, Davie said:

we'll always have your back, as will your goddess

🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖🏳️‍🌈

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20 minutes ago, JJ Orange said:

Today is the first day of Fall Semester, so wish me luck! Online classes are a go and I will go make my coffee soon! ❤️ 

Good luck JJ,

 

I'm guessing that you're a motivated person, and will attack each class with enthusiasm.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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I80 Good afternoon all. Things have been a little crazy. Of course my wife had to go nuts late last week as our grandkids visited. Everything needed to be right.

 

Last few days I have had genital disphoria. Last few times I looked into the bathroom mirror. I noticed that bulge below the belt. I hated seeing it. 

 

Kymmie 

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Good afternoon 

 

I tried logging on and got Petra Janes message.  I knew all would be good eventually so I gave it time and sure enough all is well.

 

JJ good luck with your studies.  I’m not sure how I would handle online classes.  I tend to get distracted and suddenly realized my eyes have been scanning words on the page without actually reading them.  I’m better off with live classes.

 

@Mmindy I believe I could go back to my hometown without issues.  Most of the people I knew have either moved, passed on or know about me through Facebook.  I have no family left so …..

 

@KymmieL my wife goes all nuts when anyone is coming to visit too.  Doesn’t matter who it is or how organized and good the house looks, she just goes nuts.  I had a friend in the Air Force who was like that too.  Maybe I’m too easy going sometimes but I take tasks one at a time and do them in an orderly manner.  My wife goes all helter skelter and can spend a lot of time getting little done.  You mention genital dysphoria.  I get it.  No matter how hard I tried to hide those damn walnuts got in the way.  No more!  I cracked them and gave them to science.  Now if I could just get the melons to grow, I’d be a very happy lady.  But I’ve never had much of a green thumb, and it’s looking more and more like I’m going to have to go to the market and purchase some.  
 

ok I’m all out of funny? Lines.  So I’m going to sign off.

 

oh just one other thing, this will be a busy week, today, Charleston, tomorrow GP, Wednesday colonoscopy and endoscopy.  And that’s all for my wife.  My big day is Thursday.  That’s when I have to be in court.  My lawyer still expects it will end up dropped but until the fat lady sings her aria, it ain’t over.

 

Willow

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1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Good afternoon all. Things have been a little crazy. Of course my wife had to go nuts late last week as our grandkids visited. Everything needed to be right.

 

Last few days I have had genital disphoria. Last few times I looked into the bathroom mirror. I noticed that bulge below the belt. I hated seeing it. 

 

Kymmie 

I spent my teen years and well beyond being embarrassed about my smallish package whenever I was in a locker room. The last couple of years I have realized the advantage as it is far easier to hide than what I thought I wanted all those years. Still painful to look at, though.  

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2 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

being embarrassed about my smallish package whenever I was in a locker room. The last couple of years I have realized the advantage as it is far easier to hide

I'm in a similar place.  I don't like tight clothing anyway so that aspect. of it is not a problem.  I do kinda wish I could swap it out though just because.

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2 hours ago, Jandi said:

I'm in a similar place.  I don't like tight clothing anyway so that aspect. of it is not a problem.  I do kinda wish I could swap it out though just because.

I so, SO want to do just that, even at our age, and just received 2 letters of support/recommendation. Obviously that's not something that can happen all that quickly, but still, the logistics of finding the necessary personal support during the process is rather daunting. As in I don't know anyone.

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5 hours ago, Willow said:

my wife goes all nuts when anyone is coming to visit too.  Doesn’t matter who it is or how organized and good the house looks, she just goes nuts.

 

[Raises hand and nods] My mom was like that, too. Although for her, she was far better at getting things done than I am! (A fact she would readily agree with! 🤣)

 

5 hours ago, Willow said:

You mention genital dysphoria.  I get it.  No matter how hard I tried to hide those damn walnuts got in the way.  No more!  I cracked them and gave them to science.

 

Funny that the topic of genital dysphoria shows up now - it's been on my mind today.  My lower (genital) dysphoria turned out to be somewhat of a repressed one. Repressed dysphorias can be a strange thing to experience. I mean, granted, I always knew I had a fascination with what it would be like to have the other "configuration" down there, and there were also other clues (in retrospect) that it must have bothered me at least subconsciously. But I never had a conscious sense of being bothered by the lower parts I have until my egg cracked. Ever since I realized I was probably trans, I've just been hyper-aware of their existence, like I can always feel them all there down there, hanging like some kind of tumor. (Sorry...like I mentioned, it's been on my mind today...)

 

4 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I spent my teen years and well beyond being embarrassed about my smallish package whenever I was in a locker room. The last couple of years I have realized the advantage as it is far easier to hide than what I thought I wanted all those years. Still painful to look at, though.

 

I had some characteristics that went the other way. As a teen, I got the big "manly" trio of deep voice, hairiness, and large overall stature. I figured "Oh! These are all considered good things for guys! Right? Enviable even! Better yet, they prove I'm finally, finally growing up!" I didn't have much to feel good about as a teen, so that all seemed like quite a pretty descent consolation prize for "the game of life", even encouraging. But then in my 20's, they proved to be useless in any practical or social sense (at least for me anyway). And now, over the last several years or so, well, I think it's safe to say my opinions on the matter have fully reversed since my teen years. There's plenty of people it all would have been much better off going to, and I'd gladly donate if I could! 😄

 

4 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Obviously that's not something that can happen all that quickly, but still, the logistics of finding the necessary personal support during the process is rather daunting. As in I don't know anyone.

 

I'm quite far from any of the surgeries myself, but that's something I often worry about, too. :( The one and only person who's even a slight possibility has a couple very young kids, and it's going to be a long time before the combination of parenthood and work won't be dominating their time and energy. (Although, if I'm ever able to clear the financial hurdles, it probably won't be until the kids are grown and she's retired...)

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8 minutes ago, Heather Nicole said:

 

I'm quite far from any of the surgeries myself, but that's something I often worry about, too. :( The one and only person who's even a slight possibility has a couple very young kids, and it's going to be a long time before the combination of parenthood and work won't be dominating their time and energy. (Although, if I'm ever able to clear the financial hurdles, it probably won't be until the kids are grown and she's retired...)

Especially having the letters in hand, it's nice to dream about getting it all done - and torture, as well. Maybe I'll win the lottery and get all of us our surgeries, along with home health care nurses for those who need them. (If you're going to dream, dream big.) Maybe I'll go broke playing the lottery. Maybe I'll just take the consolation prize of an orchiectomy, and at least get rid of some of the useless baggage.

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15 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Especially having the letters in hand, it's nice to dream about getting it all done - and torture, as well. Maybe I'll win the lottery and get all of us our surgeries, along with home health care nurses for those who need them. (If you're going to dream, dream big.) Maybe I'll go broke playing the lottery. Maybe I'll just take the consolation prize of an orchiectomy, and at least get rid of some of the useless baggage.

 

Every once in a great while (maybe a time or two every few months) I'll go ahead and pick up a couple lottery tickets. Even won a few times...no, not the jackpot of course. About a dollar or two. Just enough to cancel out what I paid for the tickets, lol!

 

But I like the way you think! 😉

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I just wonder what my wife would say if I was the poster girl for the first VA funded GRS. (that wasn't a needed thing) I believe i would be single.

 

Anyhoo, My Friday a day earlier. With the boss on vacation, the other manager is opening the store. Then he has Friday off so I get too open then. Well at least I am working days. Then next week back to closing. I am getting more sure that the boss doesn't like me. (a transwoman) but nothing I can prove.

 

Take care everyone. off to the grind.

 

Kymmie

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9 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

 

Funny that the topic of genital dysphoria shows up now - it's been on my mind today.  My lower (genital) dysphoria turned out to be somewhat of a repressed one. Repressed dysphorias can be a strange thing to experience. I mean, granted, I always knew I had a fascination with what it would be like to have the other "configuration" down there, and there were also other clues (in retrospect) that it must have bothered me at least subconsciously. But I never had a conscious sense of being bothered by the lower parts I have until my egg cracked. Ever since I realized I was probably trans, I've just been hyper-aware of their existence, like I can always feel them all there down there, hanging like some kind of tumor. (Sorry...like I mentioned, it's been on my mind today...)

 

 

It feels like the further along I go in transition and the more E does its stuff, these things become more pronounced for me.

Like recently, any kind of razor or shaver on my face is REALLY not feeling right and although I disassociated with bottom dysmorphia, it's really becoming uncomfortable even tho there I have no real difficulty tucking. I always felt like my stuff was disconnected from my brain but that must have been a psychological block. Many trans women do not end up getting bottom work and I understand that women can have any parts, but I admit it is triggering to see a trans woman with stock equipment.

There is a question I suppose in the Community whether this is hetero conditioning and getting rid of "binary opression". There seems to be more movement and visibility for NB people than ever before, and I suppose cultural conditioning plays a part in identity. Myself, I am unapologetically binary. The supposed "trappings" of "trad" womanhood are actually liberating for me. 

This is prob. for another thread, but poltically, there is strong pushback against any semblance to the "opressive cis hetero white male" and for me, it feels a bit reactionary and ideological. Authenticity is an entirely personal matter.

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@Mmindy @Willow Thank you both for your kind words! I will try to work hard and remember that you motivated me! 

 

As for morning time, I will be making my coffee soon. 1st day of online classes was chaotic but somewhat average. 2nd day is today so I have most of my week in order now. It's mostly introductory readings and ice-breakers. ❤️ ☕

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2 hours ago, Willow said:

this one’s for you

Hahaaaa, 😅

 

🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Good morning from the other side of the world 😁

 

Time for some ICT-training for the rest of the week. Actually looking forward to it. Getting some well deserved distraction from my inner feelings and conflicts 👏

 

Good night to @Hannah Renee. I suppose you're about to get some sleep 😁. And of course everybody else in the western timezones.

 

Cheers, Helena

 

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