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2 hours ago, Katie23 said:My only question to the pelvic PT therapist was whether I would have a hymen after the surgery!

I definitely want one of those!


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Late enough in the evening I suppose it is almost morning again 😉


Had a good evening with family and friends.  My newest friend is a trans girl who helped me while I was in the hospital.  Totally random, but we actually have a similar appearance.  We've been hanging out, and she's fitting in great with my family.  My husband and his friends sometimes play at the local cafe on the weekend.  Not a paid gig, just something for fun.  Occasionally, others will join them, like my husband's father who plays the piano.  I had no idea my friend plays the piano too, and she absolutely blew folks away with her skills.  She and my husband's father got into an impromptu ragtime duet.  He's normally pretty conservative and barely accepts me...but who knew?

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My wife has a picture of us together at work,she is supportive.A new co worker of hers saw it and said awesome.Found out her husband is a fulltime crossdresser too supportive as well.We are going to meet up this afternoon.With this co worker's husband,only male raised by mom  with 2 younger sisters dressed as a girl at age 10 was his starting

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2 minutes ago, Aggie1 said:

I’m on the fence about vulvo v vag. I talked to a social worker from Kaiser about it yesterday and said I thought it would be cool to go all the way but at my age not sure if I wanted all the maintenance that comes with it.

I debated the same thing. I'm not in a relationship and not interested in men so there was a good argument to not do full depth.  I have no idea what my sexual future will hold at age 56 but I figured if I go full depth, that leaves more options available to play with or without a partner.  If I decide at some point that I'm done with the upkeep, they can always do a revision and close it off. Going from a zero depth to full depth is far more complicated and with poorer outcomes.

In 3 months this will all be much easier. I should have minimal swelling at that point, no pain and go to a morning and night schedule vs 3 times/day. Then sometime after 6 months just a once a day thing. Then after a year or so 1 to 2 times a week.

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3 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I debated the same thing. I'm not in a relationship and not interested in men so there was a good argument to not do full depth.  I have no idea what my sexual future will hold at age 56 but I figured if I go full depth, that leaves more options available to play with or without a partner.  If I decide at some point that I'm done with the upkeep, they can always do a revision and close it off. Going from a zero depth to full depth is far more complicated and with poorer outcomes.

In 3 months this will all be much easier. I should have minimal swelling at that point, no pain and go to a morning and night schedule vs 3 times/day. Then sometime after 6 months just a once a day thing. Then after a year or so 1 to 2 times a week.

That makes a lot of sense, especially at your age. For me, by the time I'm likely to be able to get surgery at 72ish or so - well I'm on the fence. Hard to envision a dramatic negative change in desire in that time frame, but also hard to envision too many opportunities for having any partners. I'm still going to try to get a consult as soon as I can. The second mental health referral my therapist had lined up experienced some medical stuff, so she's (my therapist) still reaching out.

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when it comes to bottom surgery there are several arguments and several methods.  For example, my argument was that there was no way I was going to be penetrated so why put myself through the full vaginoplasty of any type.  But, that isn’t right for someone younger who is still interested in sexual relationships.  My other issue in case you missed it was penetration.  I just can’t get my head around ever being with a man. And of course I am still married.



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It's interesting to hear everyone's different personal criteria for choosing between zero vs full depth.  I'm still quite a way off from making any decisions on surgeries, but if I do end up going for bottom surgery I already know I would definitely go for full-depth. Men don't interest or appeal to me in the slightest, aside from just the occasional platonic friendship, so that isn't the reason for me. For me, it's mainly because not even having the canal there makes up a large part, maybe most, of my bottom dysphoria. (And besides, "fun time" doesn't always have to involve a partner who's equipped with a built-in "outie" 🤭)


Ahem, well, anywhooo...back to the coffee pot for me... ☕


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My biggest contributor to my dysphoria is breasts.  I’ve wished for breasts as long as I knew they were a thing. Otherwise, being able to have a smooth front which just the orchidectomy achieved that.

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3 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

For me, by the time I'm likely to be able to get surgery at 72ish or so - well I'm on the fence. Hard to envision a dramatic negative change in desire in that time frame, but also hard to envision too many opportunities for having any partners.

Yeah this.    I'm already 72, and to be honest, not much to look at.  And there is a lot of money that I don't have involved in it.  And waiting lists, and the recovery time - if you get that far.  The clothing I prefer doesn't reveal that stuff, so that's not an issue.  Sure I wish things were different down there, but…


1 hour ago, Willow said:

My biggest contributor to my dysphoria is breasts.

They're important to me also.  But the hormones have had some effect.  It's obvious to me that they're not just man-boobs.  That accidental bump in a doorway proves that.  They're not like impressive or anything, but plenty of cis-women are on the smaller side too.  I'm not interested in BA either for myself.

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The selfies I’ve been taking of myself recently are a step up from what I looked like a year ago. My goal last year was to focus on the internal consonance with my sense of identity, to remove mental noise. I’m starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I’m starting to feel like the exterior is coming into alignment with the interior. I’m still getting “knowing” looks from people when I’m out walking, but it’s not an unpleasant feeling. More of a recognition that I am in a phase of transition, and I’m ok with that for now. However I know that a year from now I’ll want more than that. I got a letter recommending me for ffs, ba and bottom surgery, and waiting for Kaiser to set up a consult. When I look at the selfies I can see my mothers face in them which I find rather intriguing because we were never close, never got along. Maybe I had more in common with her than I was comfortable with and I suppressed that my whole life. It feels kind of weird, but also affirming in strange way.





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I am still on the fence about bottom surgery. Doubt I would even consider it while being married. I have thought more about an orchi. Anyone have ideas what I can tell the wife why. I would get the third and fourth degree maybe even the fifth if I told her the true reason. To make me more feminine. 


Open to suggestions, LOL?



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Hello Good morning  everyone

coffee is hot , sweet and creamy  , Folgers  black silk is the new favorite,


I haven't posted in a wile , but i read the chat and follow my family as they grow

not being able to go forward  with hrt has left me crushed and I feel like a lie and cheat to chat here ,, sorry if i was seen that way  not  my intent,,,

I think i have found a possible  path forward for me , with all the anxiety i have with dr's, i have all but given up on my journey forward ,

an online co, called Plume was an idea given to  me ,, so much to consider and ponder ,, any thoughts are welcome ,,

had a chat with the spouse about HRT and the health risks possibility for me ,,, that being said ,,the outcome  was i should  attempt to go forward on to hrt treatment , if this turns out to be a workable  avenue for me ,,,  God i Pray it is,,


   really feeling lost at the moment like im sinking  , and scared this door my close to me ,,

    Peace, Love N Hugs

                Betty  B 


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Met my wife's new co worker and her husband yesterday.Found out her husband whom also crossdresses full time also has the same taste in clothing and shoes I do.Learned she wanted to be like her mom and 2 sister after she was dressed as a girl in a way at age 10.Goes by Cory now.

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@Betty_B, Don't worry if you are not on HRT. Your welcome here on TP.  When I joined here I had just realized that I was a woman at age 52. Just beginning my journey. I was told by my medical team that HRT wasn't an option because of my history of blood clots. Ones that put me in ICU for 2 days.


Blood clots caused by self medicating hormones. A deadly situation caused by my own hand. However working with my fantastic medical team with discussions and testing. I was finally able to get on HRT which I have been on for over 4 years. Monitored by my team.


While I don't know the whys of your situation. I would be leery of any online medical place. Medical problems that are restricting HRT needs to be monitored closely by your Doctor. Blood work is almost always a given. For the Dr to see what is going on with your body. Thus able to make changes if needed. Each way of administering medication also has its risks as well.


I know all of us here wish you the best on your journey.




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At my advanced age of (unintelligible), I've found myself off of the daily coffee routine. I drink water mixed with a flavored powder that contains taurine, which I've found quickly provides mental clarity without caffeine's sometimes jarring effects. My work day starts at five in the morning Monday through Friday, and as a writer I like to be up to speed quickly and avoid any need to "ramp up".


Coffee, for me, has become a treat to be savored on the weekend. It's always Cafe du Monde, brewed strong and sipped on the deck by the pool as the dogs and I watch the sun come up. 

Kids At The Pool.jpg

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Good morning everyone, just a quick drop in to catch up. Hugs for you all, I wish I could say it with the sweet tone and southern draw that my favorite aunt did in Memphis, TN.


The Coffee is just finished brewing, and it’s cold outside. 



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Good morning 


i want to respond to some of the comments before I’ve even finished reading all the posts.


excuse to get an Orchidectomy @KymmieL? That’s an easy one.  The level of hormones needed to overcome the T your body is making is dangerous.  The orchidectomy eliminates the need for taking blockers and reduces the amount of female hormones needed hence reduces the chances of cancer related to hrt.


to my NC friends, @Ivy and @Betty_Bcheck into NC University hospital NC State hospital I forget the correct name but Chapel Hill.  They have reduced their backlog and will do surgeries with insurance coverage.  If you have a Medicare Advantage plan it should be covered for just your co-pay.  

gotta start breakfast I’ll be back!



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5 hours ago, Betty_B said:

online co, called Plume was an idea given to  me

I have looked at a couple of these.  From what I saw, they do require you to get blood work which they can consult.  If I were to lose my VA, I might consider it.  But I hope it doesn't come to that.



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8 minutes ago, Willow said:

check into NC University hospital

I know of one person who has gotten surgery at UNC.

I have heard they are trying to ramp up the program there.  One of my daughters actually works for UNC, but not in the medical area.  I have thought of looking into it, but as I've discussed on threads here, I don't expect to pursue surgery.


The Chapel Hill-Durham area is much more accepting of LGBTQ than some other areas.  I started my journey with Planned Parenthood in Chapel Hill while visiting my daughter.


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10 hours ago, Aggie1 said:

When I look at the selfies I can see my mothers face in them which I find rather intriguing because we were never close,

I see this for myself as well.  She was also not large "upstairs" which is one reason I'm not too upset with my less-than-some-others results.  One thing I have noticed is my thighs have gotten to resemble hers (and my sisters)


I don't feel like we were all that close.  She and my ex did not get along.  Having said that, we did care for her in our home (Alzheimer's) before her death.


However I do feel that I have been greatly influenced by her mother, my grandmother.

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Hello everyone


Just grabbing at straws i guess 



,,, just cant do the dr. thing ,,,, would never make it in today's medical system ,,,


 back to the corner for now


  Love , peace N Hugs

                 Betty B


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Ok I’m back


breakfast was good.  I made pancakes while my wife took her shower.  We both liked them.  Now I need to get in there and take mine but priorities finish my coffee first. 

Even though I served, I don’t qualify for VA medical. When I inlisted I was told I would because it was during the indochina conflict.  But I wasn’t actually in Nam nor do I have a medical condition caused by my service, and I stupidly did a 4 and done I should have re-upped but I had already requested an early out which was granted before I knew I had earned a promotion which would have made the difference between staying and going.  Maybe I should have re-enlisted and tried for ocs but that never crossed my mind.  So, no retirement either.


for me it’s Medicare or nothing.  Living in South C, doctors willing to help are few and far between. The best we get is to be ignored.


I have a good endocrinologist, I had a good urologist and my therapist s have all been good.  But no chance for anything else surgically.


well, second cup is done so I need to shower.  And no stinky jokes I’m not like that.





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Good morning all. I don't usually start threads, and honestly prefer to respond because there are such great topics everyone presents. THat said, I had an incident yesterday that has left me scratching my head and I would appreciate some input as to whether or not I'm overreacting. I wasn't sure where else to post this, so, here it is.


Yesterday I had a late lunch with a couple I've known since the late 1980s. We were in the Army together, an I'm the one who got them together in the first place. Through the years we've been through a lot together; from weddings and births to the death of parents and children to combat. The list goes on and on. We've always been supportive of each other and have been close. In fact, they were the first people I came out to when I began to transition. Both of them are self proclaimed progressives and say they support trans rights. Sorry this got long winded, but the background is necessary.


So, at lunch yesterday, the waiter misgendered me (first time in a long while), and I responded by saying calmly and politely, "no. It's not sir, it's either ma'am or ms. My pronouns are she and her, please." The waiter pasted a plastic smile on his face, took our ond departed. I thought end of incident. I was wrong.


My friend, the male half of the couple, then told me that I was wrong, and that I should apologize to the waiter because he was gay. My reply was that I didn't know, but that if he was, and thus being part of the LGBTQ+ community, he should have realized, or if in doubt as to my gender, asked me what I preferred. Especially because I was fully made up, in a dress and heels and not presenting as anywhere close to being male. I then changed the subject. Throughout the meal, they both kept coming back to this incident and would not let it go. I refused to engage because our get togethers have become more and more rare since my transition. Finally, they made an excuse about having to run some errands and left. I picked up the check--it was my turn. There have been similar incidents in the past.


:ater, I started thinking about some things that have been happening for a couple of years now. These include, but aren't limited to I'm no longer welcome in their house and they have declined every invitation I've extended to them to come over to mine. We used to spend lots of time together, so this has struck me as odd. Additionally, Kim, the male half, and I would get together for coffee a couple of times a week for coffee before he had to go to work--he works from home so he had no commute of fixed time schedule. This is now down to once a month with a duration of one hour. They have imposed time and day restrictions when I can text (I'm not allowed to call them per their wishes.) I'm the only one who initiates contact with them and it sometimes takes days for them to respond. And there have been other incidents as well.


Bottom line is that I believe I've become their token "trans friend," in a way similar to my late parents' used the phrases "This is XXX, my black friend," and "Meet XXX, my Jewish friend." I've got to admit this makes me angry. SO, it looks like I've got limited options here and I don't know which way to go. These options are, as I see it:

1. Let the whole thing pass and that I am overreacting.

2. Confront them about this, and likely lose their friendship. Something I'm reluctant to do as we've known each other for over years.

3. Just drop them like a live grenade and accept it. and the hurt that goes along with that.


So, I'm stuck. Each option isn't particularly good, but I don't see any onthers.


ANy advice?

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On 10/7/2022 at 8:51 PM, KathyLauren said:

I scheduled a couple of sessions with my therapist to talk about exactly that.  After talking about it for a while, she summarized by saying that the only reason for me to get the full vaginoplasty was (1) if my current marriage ended, and (2) if I met and dated another woman, and (3) if she wanted me to have a vagina to play in.  I agreed that that was an accurate summation, and that it was a very long shot.  It wasn't worth the more extensive surgery and the upkeep, just for that very specific long shot. 


I mean, I'd add dysphoria to the list. Personally, I have a vag because my dysphoria would not shut up if I didn't, but she's not wrong.



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1 hour ago, Marcie Jensen said:

Confront them about this, and likely lose their friendship.

Seems like this may already be the case.  

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