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What a wonderful day to lounge in my jammies.  If it wasn’t that I’ll have to take the dog for walks, I’d just might do that.


it is an unusual day in that I just made myself a second cuppa Joe.  Mid 70s today but the heavy storms coming across the country are starting to hit here.  Hence, I’m not leaving the house if I don’t have to.  

interesting things going on here.  First, while making excuses as to why, I’ve noted that my wife has been spending time reading and trying to understand LGBTQIA+ lately with an emphasis on transgender of course.  She’ll say it was an article in her news feed but I’m pretty sure it goes beyond that.


The second is that I have gotten my endocrinologist to put me back on injections but doubled the dose.  Really more than doubled it.  I am experiencing upper body discomfort and frequent hot flashes.  I’m guessing it’s actually doing something for me.  It’s also the injectable that is not approved by Medicare, however using Singlecare or Good RX it’s about 1/3 the cost as either one is using Medicare.  

not happy about the hot flashes but if it means something is working, I’ll deal with it.

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14 hours ago, Ivy said:

We do try to have an annual "Christmas" but it's seldom on Christmas Day.  With 8 "kids" and their families, it's hard to get everyone together at one time.  I do miss it though.

Good morning everyone,:coffee:


Winter has returned to central Indiana today. We're 48 degrees colder this morning than we were yesterday, and it's now 28° F out side with sustained winds out of the west/northwest at 16mph gusting to 32mph. Windchill is 15° F.🥶


@IvyOur family has grown to the point where my siblings and I don't get together for most of the holidays. We all have grown children, with families of their own, including in-laws and outlaws. So we as siblings get together at other times throughout the year. I'm the oldest of 5 and only two of my siblings aren't retired yet, so we pick a time that works best for the two who are still working. It is a sad time of the year to not be included in family functions. I hope you can find a friendly circle to be included in that isn't family. 







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I'm tho only one still living from my birth family.  I do have some grown children within reasonable driving distance though.  They'll mostly be with in-laws though - which is why we do our family thing on not-Christmas.

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15 hours ago, Ivy said:

I'm tho only one still living from my birth family.  I do have some grown children within reasonable driving distance though.  They'll mostly be with in-laws though - which is why we do our family thing on not-Christmas.

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Sorry, I messed that up


@Ivy as you say, I too am the last of my birth family.  My son and his wife are on rhe west coast so no driving to see them.  We do get invited annually to come there but it’s been years since we were able to do that.  Pre dog.


our daughter and our granddaughters are at the top of Virginia be were weren’t invited there last year and may not be this year.  If not Christmas won’t be anything special for us.  My daughter says that once the youngest has graduated from high school, she will sell her house and move elsewhere.  The youngest has 2 ½ years to graduate.  Unlike my wife and I she has lived in the same house since her oldest was a baby.  It’s the only home her kids know.  We moved numerous times.


it’s a good thing I have a therapist close by once again, I always get depressed in December.



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@Willow, according to what I learned in seminary, the time period between Thanksgiving and New Years Day sees the largest increase in depression than any other time of the year. So, becoming depressed in December isn't uncommon. I'm glad you have a therapist who helps you through this period. For what it's worth, me too. It seems to help.


Since I'm estranged from my youngest daughter, and my oldest oldest one lives on the east coast with my grandson, I don't get to travel there for Christmas either. Instead, I volunteer at a local shelter for battered women (something I do weekly) and take a 24 hour shift. This allows other volunteers to spend time with their families who are local. Believe it or not, that helps too. And it's a way of giving back. 


I hope your Christmas is better this year and in the years to come.

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I haven't been posting much lately.  I've just been doing the slow slog of recovery from bottom surgery. I'm finally wearing jeans again without too much discomfort. Just in time as the temps have fallen here finally.

My big news is one of the local gay groups here is having a "HoliGay" party this weekend which I was planning to attend. Its mostly older gay men in the group but I know about 20 women will be attending. Anyways, I casually met a woman who was hanging out with a friend last week and they invited my former spouse (who was with me) to join them for coffee and a bite so we did. I assumed my friend was on a date with her but she told me the next day they weren't a thing. She's drop dead gorgeous albeit a bit younger than me but I really had a good time talking with her so I asked her to be my date to the party and she said yes!  So yes, I am going out on a real date for the first time since getting my right parts!!!!!!  


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I hate the holidays myself anymore. Just isn't as festive as it once was. Being in the service may have desensitized me. T-day, X-mas, new years is just another day. It is sad that it happens to me.


1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

 She's drop dead gorgeous albeit a bit younger than me but I really had a good time talking with her so I asked her to be my date to the party and she said yes!  So yes, I am going out on a real date for the first time since getting my right parts!!!!!!

Bri, you go girl. You two have a great evening.


Nothing new with me, trudging through this life as best I can. At first I was looking at a slim X-mas from me this year. With the house payment and my other bills, I am barely keeping my head above water. With the passing of my Fil my wife gets an inheritance. Don't have a clue what it will be. Knowing how her dad was it could be large. 


Anyway Have a good day. a week till my Friday.


Hugs, to all.



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15 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I assumed my friend was on a date with her but she told me the next day they weren't a thing. She's drop dead gorgeous albeit a bit younger than me but I really had a good time talking with her so I asked her to be my date to the party and she said yes!  So yes, I am going out on a real date for the first time since getting my right parts!!!!!!  


Ooh, fantastic! Congrats to you!!


14 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Just isn't as festive as it once was.


I know our reasons and details may be different, but I feel a definite connection with this, for what it's worth. Christmas just isn't Christmas for me anymore either. It hasn't been, for a number of years now, but last year really drove it home.

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So I've been feeling a little bit weird. Complicated, I guess. I can't believe I'm already just about coming up on my 1-year HRT (or GAHT as my clinic calls it) trans-iversary, on this coming 27th.


I just had my latest bloodtest earlier this week, and my follow-up appointment this evening. My hormone levels have technically gotten better, better than they've ever been, but they're still considerably far from the target. (At least I have breast buds now though!!). The last couple days, since my bloodtest results, I'd been pre-emptively freaking and kind of obsessing over the decision between sticking with patches (at another incremental, unlikely to make much difference, moderate dosage increase) or just saying "this isn't working" and switching to injections (and proceeding to freak out over "what if?"s about things like: side-effects of big hormone fluctuation swings, or to a lesser extent "Is the nurse's how-to instruction going to be enough for my sorry pedantic ass to sufficiently know how to poke myself properly?").


In the end, and with me "on the spot", we settled on another conservative bump in my E patch dosage. I still don't know how to feel about that. Part of me was hyped up to "make the leap" to injections, but another part was freaking out over potential roller-coaster effects from the bigger fluctuations in levels. So I still don't know how to feel about it, but in retrospect, I suppose it's probably for the best we went with the most conservative option since my bodyweight is still a major ongoing problem 😭


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Hi @Heather Nicole. The HRT anxiety is something I can really relate to, as I experienced something very similar. I too use patches (I'm scared to death of needles for a bunch of reasons that go back to childhood) and due to weight issues and age, am on the patch. It took 18 months to get the dosage right, and we added progesterone to the mix as well. That said, once they get the dosage down, the fluctuations have gotten fewer and fewer to the point that all my E levels have done are increase. Additionally, side effects have been minimal to non-existent. So, bear with it. HRT is a process (it took me a while to accept that. I wanted results NOW!) and trust your doctor on this. I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to HRT, conservative is the best approach.




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8 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

In the end, and with me "on the spot", we settled on another conservative bump in my E patch dosage. I still don't know how to feel about that.

This is how it's been with me.  And it has been slow.  The boobettes are real, but not all that impressive.  My problem is my gatekeeping endocrinologist refuses to add the progesterone that would really kick things in.  I'm not sure he'd even give the patches if he wasn't required to do it.

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Good coffee morning


it got cold again last night.  Ok @KymmieL cold is a relative thing.  Anyway, the condo stays pretty warm even with the heater turned off.  I did turn it on for last night and I presume it ran at some point but it doesn’t run much.  Liking my electric bills!


I baked a loaf of bread yesterday.  It came out really well, best homemade white bread,  ever!  I was out of store bought and didn’t want to go to the store.  Now, I don’t know that I’ll ever buy bread in the store again, it was that good!


@Bri2020 happy for you.  Glad you are making friends and getting out.  The holidays are a time when we need family and friends and things to take our minds off our troubles.  It will only take one thing to make my December better, an invitation from our daughter!

 Yes, depression over the holidays is the most common period of the year.  It’s also when a lot of suicides occur because of that depression what ever the cause.  I have had holiday depression for the last 60 years.  Since realizing part of the reason for it it’s actually been getting better.  However, lack of acceptance drags me back down.  

We do have a Christmas party to go to this year.  That hasn’t happened much for us.


I guess we will mostly be doing things around the house today.







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1 hour ago, Ivy said:

This is how it's been with me.  And it has been slow.  The boobettes are real, but not all that impressive.  My problem is my gatekeeping endocrinologist refuses to add the progesterone that would really kick things in.  I'm not sure he'd even give the patches if he wasn't required to do it.

Mine has been very conservative, too. Fortunately, mine is a woman so it only took about 18 months to convince her to add progesterone. That seemed to do the trick and boost everything into high gear.

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8 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

 Fortunately, mine is a woman so it only took about 18 months to convince her to add progesterone. That seemed to do the trick and boost everything into high gear.

I need to talk to my Endo about progesterone. Next time I have a video appt. in March.



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Progesterone vs estradiol discussions.  I know that my estradiol injections with progesterone left me with higher estrogen blood levels.  The issue for me was with no source and a zero blood count of testosterone my endo considered it was not a good idea to continue the progesterone.  Hence he had me stop it.  It was after stopping it that I had the first drop in estrogen.  The second and worst drop came when I wasn’t able to gen estradiol injectable any longer and he had to switch me to the patch.  My E kept dropping he doubled the dose, still didn’t recover.  I was able to convince him to put me back on the injections but it would have to be a different generic he did that and then doubled the dosage.  He just backed off due to side effects, like especially bad hot flashes.  But said we would look at increasing it again but slower next time.  


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On 12/1/2022 at 6:10 AM, Marcie Jensen said:

@WillowInstead, I volunteer at a local shelter for battered women (something I do weekly) and take a 24 hour shift. This allows other volunteers to spend time with their families who are local. Believe it or not, that helps too. And it's a way of giving back.


Not having been in the service or exposed to terrible amounts of trauma, I don't experience the holiday depression.  But my husband does deal with holiday-related depression.  He won't talk about it.  He won't talk about his time in the National Guard either.  I'm not sure what could have been bad about it, or if I'm even close to guessing the reason.  Any thoughts?


Like you, my husband does a bit of volunteering around the holidays.  He's been a reserve Sheriff's deputy for a couple of years, separate from his role in County Defense.  There aren't a lot of spare personnel in our county for internal law enforcement.  Most holiday issues are accidents, squabbles, and minor stuff that doesn't require the authority of a "full" deputy, so he takes some shifts here and there to help out.  I'm thinking of going with him at least once.  Haven't done a ride-along since I was a little kid with my father.  I kind of miss my birth family around Christmas...being rejected by my parents and brothers still stings a bit, I guess.

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Well had a good evening today. We did our normal Friday dinner out. We went to our local Applebees. From the first greeting the waitress gave us. "Hello, Ladies. proceeded the rest of the time there. It was great. My wife kind of went a little glum but didn't correct her. 


When we got home the wife, went to move around me. "Excuse me ma'am." in a joking tone. Nothing else said.


The highlight of the week.



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Hi y’all


Some time back my wife and I were in a fabric store together.  She is making a baby quilt for a friend of ours and was looking for backing fabric.  Any way I asked if she would help me pick a fabric and pattern and teach me to sew.  I thought it fell of death ears.  Then last night she shows me a pattern, what do you think of these?  Then we talked about the cost of making versing buying ready made.  The only savings would be a nicer fabric and multiple pairs off the same pattern.  Today she found where she could get the pattern.  Sounds like she is really making an effort for me.



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Sunday morning, the sun is shining brightly as it should, my coffee is in hand and I’m talking to my friends.  It was comfortably warm yesterday, up and down for the remainder of the week.  December is starting out to be more typical for this area than November was.


I hope wherever you are you have a good day.







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Yea, Christmas lights are up to break. I took the first step to step down at work. Tired of just being a body, nobody respects, tired of not seeing my family, and getting any work done around the house. Sent an Email to our district manager outlining why I want to. Don't expect to hear anything till tomorrow.


Anywho open today.


Hugs to all



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Uh yeah, seeing the lights up again...wow a 1st year of HRT went fast.

More of significance is the memory of being the person in the other body and the other life is quite faded away. I have had a few usual transition-related challenges like surgery setbacks, family member rejection, etc.

I am twenty + pounds heavier. I have developed in an amazing relationship that I have learned much about myself and about emotional maturity. I laugh and cry. I have pretty much found a comfort zone in my presentation where I can still "boymode" a bit but not feel dysphoric about it. 

 I am working on a real life instead of a simulation of one.

But this Christmas I just can't hang with "family" if they don't accept me, and have to stand my ground on this one. I need Community of other trans and LGBs more than I anticipated a year ago, especially given the political climate. 

The first year is a good primer for a lifetime of emotional and other adventures and challenges that come and go and surely never end as long as I am alive. 


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The shattering Christmas lights are almost as odd a holiday tradition as "Grandma Got Run Over by a Raindeer" 

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My "date" ended up being postponed to the next day for brunch and it became clear she viewed this as a "friend date" because she brought another friend with her.  I did clarify that relationship to be sure. Im ok with that. We got along very well and it was a completely comfortable conversation and breakfast. She is new to the area and just looking to find friends and community for now. 

One of my good friends became my backup date to the local gay social club's HoliGay party and we danced for almost 3 hours straight.  It was a blast.  I became a member of the "Sisterhood of the traveling holiday dress". A friend has a cheap polyester dress with peppermints all over it that fits just about anyone and it goes from friend to friend over the holidays to all the events. This is the 3rd year it's been traveling.  Kinda cool concept!  ANyways, not much more to report other than feeling better and better.  I'm getting close to only having to dilate twice a day! (which I admit has had to happen a few time already due to tough schedules.  Pictured is the dress I wore to the party



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    • VickySGV
      This was from my May 2018 Face Book post and a friend of mine IRL asked to use it on a blog spot for the Personal Stories Project which is an effort of love for he and his husband.   From Diversity To Sameness, A PRIDE Meditation    May 21, 2018   It is Pride season again, and on Saturday I was at the Pride event in Long Beach CA to help out the San Gabriel Valley LGBTQ Center which I volunteer at these days. This was the first of several events I will be going to over the next few weeks, and others stretching over the next month or two. One of the people I was with made the comment that “We really are a diverse group here!!” The comment got me thinking, and re-opened my eyes to something that has amazed me in the relatively few years I have recognized that I am part of the LGBTQIA**** (the letters keep adding on) alphabet soup of life that does and will exist. My friend was right about the scope of the diversity that does exist and is on display at Pride events without shame and yes, with PRIDE in what and who each individual really is. To many people Diversity is one of those concepts that ranks up with blasphemy against a deity and the most horrendous of demons the Evil One (human imagination) has ever created. A person who is different is to be hated, feared, shamed and made valueless. The fear of diversity fuels minds to pull away from others, and to protect themselves by taking on feelings of superiority and exclusiveness above the different person. For the most part people with those feelings are good people in many many ways, but the fear and false god of superiority they have created masks that goodness terribly. At Pride events such as the one I was at, the diversity is so intense and so visible that after a moment or two the differences become the sameness of those who participate in them. We celebrate our differences to achieve our sameness and oneness by mentally stripping off the visual differences that at first overload us and can be dizzying to the point of a feeling of sickness for some who fit the pattern I described above. With the sameness we become even more aware of the other person’s humanity, and begin to look for the good elements that we share and find them more readily. Our conversations become how to help each other and take that helpfulness beyond those immediately with us. We reassure ourselves of our value, and explore new ways to add to that value in all ways, not just for ourselves, but those of our fellow humans who fear us and thus hide themselves deeper and deeper from the good that we could share fully. The LGBTQIA**** margin is not the only place where this can be present. The reason for other Pride events such as cultural gatherings of people “othered” and devalued, or even those of persons with what are declared to be disabilities, or mental diversity do the same thing, and people of different margins, as well as those who consider themselves “mainstream” are invited to submerge themselves in those groups by the same process of celebrating the diversity that will create the sameness of humanity. One group though who has suggested that it hold massive “Pride” events does not suggest their pride to be a celebration of diversity within that group, but rather enforced rigidity of an imagined sameness for only that group. Where that has been tried in recent months, there has been universal tragedy in many ways, the least of which has been murder. A celebration of false arrogance and even more false superiority is a hell on earth, and not a thing of pride, only of tears that they are afraid to show. I could have been in this last group believing it’s agenda and set of beliefs, but I was not allowed to be there because of something strange and wonderful in me that I did not accept about my life for over 50 years until it was to celebrate or die with my Gender Dysphoria. Today it is so “ordinary” for me to see inside of the differences in the outsides of people that I forget the lesson I relearned this past week.   Pride and Peace be in your lives.
    • VickySGV
      I for one am actually pleased with how this one played out.  Local issues need to remain local and I am not on the States Rights bandwagon for all cases.  The facts of the matter did not constitute a case or controversy since the plaintiffs did not show actual or immediately impending harm to their children.  Now if the parents can show that the child had developed some type of sleep and eating disorder because they were in a bathroom with a Trans child or are involved in self harm over the idea (which is probably the parent's doing and not the school) then there might be something of a case or controversy for the court to take up.   I have six text books on U.S. Constitutional Law grinning down evilly at me that all say the SCOTUS should avoid this type of case, and shows where they have done it consistently for a couple of centuries. 
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      When I was a kid growing up, I was considered the baby sibling of the family. I was often the last to know of everything, and since I wasn't old enough just yet to stay home by myself, I had to tagged along with my family members who drove their cars, this included going to church. I never knew other religions existed; all I knew was about the teachings of Christianity. It's easy to join a church, but what if things aren't what it appears to be than what is preached? Strange things began going on at the church in which group leaders didn't want the news media to know about it, such as an almost drowning during a baptizing among other things. The preacher/minister began to sense I wanted out of the cult. Followers that was nice to me in the beginning, was now talking behind my back, not encouraging me to find another church that I would feel more spiritually connected to.     
    • Ivy
      An option to opt out is one thing, but removing the content entirely (for everyone) is something different.  I don't think it's beneficial to isolate one's kids from the broader culture since they are going to have to live in it eventually.  If something about it bothers you, you need to explain why.  Pretending it doesn't exist is a disservice to them.   In my (and my ex's) more conservative past, we considered homeschooling.  But we also realized our kids had to live in the broader culture and needed the socialization. Two of my adult children do homeschool now.  I have mixed feelings about that. Another of them is a public school teacher.   I personally would prefer that scarce resources not be diverted from public education.  The current move against public education bothers me.  For many kids it's all they have. 
    • April Marie
      Looking in the mirror brings joy.   The woman smiles back at me.
    • Charlize
      Perhaps a bit of light might exist if i look at this as a further verification that simply disliking the existence of a school's policy is not a reason to sue.  The rights of these parents or their children are not harmed.  They simply cannot dictate policy because of dubious beliefs.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Mmindy
      Life has its twist, and who knows what the future holds. She may only want to know your family and medical history’s long term chronic health history. Then again she may become your biggest supporter in your current life situation.   I am an optimist. So much so that if you put me in a room full of puppy poo, I’m going to look for the puppies.    Hugs and best wishes,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Charlize
      Managing a support group takes a great deal of work.  When i found this site there were ,to my knowledge, only 2 sites that supported anyone whose gender was out of the "norm".  I had searched before and only found porn.  i'd almost given up. I hope that you are finding what you need here.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • RaineOnYourParade
      This also isn't necessarily trans-positive in itself. They're just saying the case doesn't have strong enough ground to sue because the plaintiff didn't bring enough evidence to court. Basically, that could mean that, rather than not wanting to do the case, they feel that there is insufficient information given to do so. By leaving the suit be, it also leaves no precedent for future cases to be built off of. This just leaves holes for court to get messier in the future. Precedent is essential in all types of cases. Giving a ruling, one way or another, would be pretty essential to building cases of the same nature in the future. By letting this go, they aren't really supporting trans people -- they're just dismissing the issue all together, which, in reality, doesn't help either side of it. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I don't personally agree with people opting out of LGBT education, but I suppose it would depend on the context it was taught in. Parents do have the right to opt their children out of sex ed and such for various reasons, so if it was taught in line with sex ed (which would make sense, as those classes also cover puberty as well as sometimes relationship health, so it would be about in-line with how heterosexual students are taught about their own types of relationships), I would understand them then being able to opt out. Similarly, parents often have options to opt their child out of reading books with "disturbing" content, so if the novels chosen for LGBT discussion have a large focus on homophobia/etc., an opt-out option might be made available due to the intensity of the content rather than the content itself. I've seen these for books like To Kill a Mockingbird and All-American Boys that discuss racism in-depth, as some parents might not be comfortable with their child/teenager reading intense content. I disagree with the choices to opt-out of reading these books since I think they're important, but I do understand why they're provided.   So, I think whether an opt-out option would be provided for these topics would depend on the way that they were presented. I didn't see anything in the article saying where the topics were being presented (though correct me if I'm wrong). Are they being talked about in sex ed or in content that may be considered disturbing? In that case, it wouldn't necessarily be LGBT-phobic legislation, per se -- It's about in line with what is in line for dozens of topics. 
    • Birdie
      I feel much better after a nice nap, breakfast, and a cup of tea.    I go to see a specialist today at the hospital, so I won't be at the day-centre till this afternoon. ☺️
    • RaineOnYourParade
      G'morning! Green tea for my morning beverage. My mom made me eat breakfast so I could take a pill... and now I feel sick, thanks to my weird stomach .-.   Stomach issues aside, I signed up for a story gift exchange a little while ago and just got in the story with four minutes to spare! Liiiiittle close for comfort, but, hey, it's in!   We're at that point in the school year where we aren't doing much. AP testing is done for my history class, so we're watching a WWII film rn (Dunkirk). My college course is already over as well (the semester ends earlier), so I've really only got two classes to worry about, and one of those is an art class. Lowest stress I've had all year.
    • Heather Shay
      Another Hidden Treasure I heard for the first time today. Well written, wonderful vocals and nice instrumental work throughot and even covered two Dalton and Dubarri songs.  
    • Ladypcnj
      I noticed that there is not too many online intersex support groups?  
    • Lydia_R
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