Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Hannah Renee]

I was taking the recycling out to the dumpster behind the apartment building, walking through a small parking area. A young girl, maybe three, was going after a ball her dad had rolled. Right after she passed by me chasing the ball, she told her dad,"You almost hit the lady!"

 

Does that count as passing?

[Marcie Jensen]

Yes, Hannah it counts. And who can doubt the word of an innocent little girl? 

[SageOakley]

happy belated morning all. 

 

been apply for jobs and interviewing. phone interviews are good, but in person i can tell by the way people look at me they are not impressed. the right thing will come along, and people's looks and judgement seem to bother me so much less now that i have accepted myself, actually. 

 

ive been going to new places, meeting new people, coming out to people, and it feels good. im excited and happy for the future. 

 

i have an appointment to talk to someone about starting HRT mid December. i so wish it were sooner, but the appointment is set, so i have that to look forward to. 

 

i hope everyone is doing well and taking care. kind thoughts 

Sage

[SageOakley]

2 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I was taking the recycling out to the dumpster behind the apartment building, walking through a small parking area. A young girl, maybe three, was going after a ball her dad had rolled. Right after she passed by me chasing the ball, she told her dad,"You almost hit the lady!"

 

Does that count as passing?

awwwe. ♡

[KathyLauren]

4 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I was taking the recycling out to the dumpster behind the apartment building, walking through a small parking area. A young girl, maybe three, was going after a ball her dad had rolled. Right after she passed by me chasing the ball, she told her dad,"You almost hit the lady!"

 

Does that count as passing?

 

Hannah, that counts as the best possible passing.  You can't fool a little kid.

[Bri2020]

11 hours ago, Katie23 said:

Give them a choice fix it, or force them to fix it. Stand your ground. Some of the surgeons have a very dismissive attitude towards the patient. Sometimes others have to make them pay attention for you. If in fact, if procedures were not done and payments were accepted without doing the procedure, they will review not just your chart, but other charts. It is a nasty process. Talk to Kaiser. If they paid the fee...they will not be amused either. 

I did tell my case manager about the lip lift portion not being done and then having to be done in the office and told her to make sure it doesn't get double billed.  At the time I wasn't sure about the brow/hairline because things were still so swollen.

I'm pretty confident the new Kaiser surgeon will have an opinion and observations.  I have to tip toe for now. IF I feel I need a revision on my neo-vagina he is the only surgeon Kaiser contracts with currently. I don't want to "force or report him" for the FFS stuff until I know more about that. 

4 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

Does that count as passing?

Absolutely!!!

[Bri2020]

My 1 month post op check went really well. The PA said it couldn't be healing better (I'm withholding judgement). There were a number of "dissolvable" stitches that weren't showing any signs they were going to dissolve so he removed them. That sucked. Due to traffic, it took almost two hours of driving to get there and I felt like my testcles had been in a vice which is funny because that's exactly how my brain was interpreting the bruising to my neo-labia. It's kinda like ghost pain. Your nerves from your old parts are now relocated/repurposed but the neuro pathways haven't been updated so they still perceive the sensations as if the old parts are still there. ANyways, once he removed about 10 troublesome stitches and I got back into the car (dreading it) I was completely comfortable. Those stitches were what was causing me the most discomfort it turned out!  

I've been cleared to start doing normal activities as long as I ease into it and not do anything strenuous for 2-3 weeks. There are still some stitches that are in the process of dissolving and he said I could tear stuff if I did any heavy lifting, running etc. 

I was so excited to have been cleared and given my freedom back but by the time I got back from the 5 hours of road tripping/appointment all I could do was crawl back into bed. lol

I did get home to my party planner's email showing me the invitation she came up with! How cool is this?  I can't wait.  She's actually going to try and trademark the event name for future marketing. lol

If you are in the mid atlantic area and want to throw a party celebrating the end of your medical transition, she is awesome!

 

[Marcie Jensen]

28 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

 

Hannah, that counts as the best possible passing.  You can't fool a little kid.

Amen! that was well said.

[Hannah Renee]

Thank you all. It really was a special moment.

[JaniceZ]

20 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Good morning everyone, I hope you have a wonderful day and overcome all that you face today. I dreamt about coffee last night, and this morning I’m following my dreams. 

Nice.

 

I just awoke from a dream, nothing special, it was neither frightening nor instructive.  Just my "me" telling me to get up and pee.  In the dream I find myself mowing a property which I think is familiar on a zero turn mower.  There is another person mowing space adjacent to where I'm mowing.  Ahead of me, in my path are branches scattered on the ground.  I think to myself that they don't look too large, I'll just mow over them; however, this is not how I go about things.  I continue mowing and the small amount of branches morphs into a considerably larger area and they become thicker to the point where I'm forced to get off the mower and start clearing the ground.  I start clearing the ground and throwing the wood over a fence.  As I'm doing this I notice that there is a wood pile, stacked nicely, but not a finished stack as if it hadn't been completed or wood had been removed from it.  I decide that I can stack the wood here, because is's closer.

 

While standing on the fence or something which is a higher vantage point, I observe a large snake making its way in my direction.  It is red and black and white striped.  Not common for my area and definitely way larger than anything I'm used to seeing.  I'm not alarmed or frightened, but I don't take my eyes from it.  Then appear a cat and a dog.  The cat, me thinks, is afraid of the snake and wants assistance from the dog.  The cat is between the snake and dog and goes face to face with the dog, then bites its snout.  I think that that is not the way to elicit help and the cat and dog vanish.  The snake continues to approach me.

 

I climb up onto another wood pile and grab a piece of wood.  I start to hit the snake on its head to keep it back.  I think to myself that this isn't getting me anywhere and wake up.

[JaniceZ]

Vocabulary.com defines Nonchalance as "a casual lack of concern, a relaxed state without anxiety or enthusiasm."  I experienced this condition twice yesterday and believe it is a validation of achieving progress on my journey.  First I was over at my friend's place and I Do Not speak of transitioning with him or around him or to him.  I was painting for him and he walked past and said that it looked good.  Then he added something to the effect, "soon I'll be on the catwalk, but just don't let Jim see me".  I took the comment in stride, not really caring for it, but really not bothered by it either.  We're both retired now, but we had worked at the same place for many years and I had announced that I was going to transition to become a woman.  He would make reference to the catwalk as a place for women to parade themselves and it really wasn't a place for a man unless of course one was less of one.  It bothered me then.  Yesterday was different.  There was no bruised ego goading me that my pride had been injured and that something MUST be done about it.

 

Scene II:  I'm with a group of friends last evening.  A group that I feel increasingly comfortable being around.  But not quite comfortable enough yet to share my deepest desires.  Their friendship and acceptance mean very much to me.  We are sitting around the kitchen table and one of us, a man, has been drinking and is his usual vulgar self.  He's funny and he tests us our values and just where any of us would draw a line as being out of bounds with his free uninhibited self.  He leaves us to get a refill and we agree it is fun to have him around even though his mind lives in the gutter.

 

We talk about hanging out at his pool this past summer and he remembers how pleasant it was to see the girls in their "skivvies."  Then the others comment on my having worn a speedo style bikini and how my little tush looked in it. (They noticed!)  He didn't know what to think about it at first and then he didn't care what I wore.  He claims there are no rules at his house, then he proceeds to list some.  He prepares to leave to get another drink and asks me if I'd like a Rum and Coke.  I think about it seriously and then decline the offer.  Too many extra calories I use as my excuse.  He calls me a "pu**y", waits for my response and when one doesn't come he continues out the door.  The comment didn't bother me.  It is't flattering, but the moment was Matrix-esque.  The hurled deprecating words fly through the air and fall dead at my feet.  A tool employed by others when dealing with unwanted comments or advances now came naturally to me.

 

It's so powerful.  Now really my next step is to share my deepest desires such as telling them that I want to be rocking a bikini.  They have already offered me their hand.  I only have to overcome my remaining self consciousness and walk in the light.  There's precious little time left and the door is closing.  Choices like calories matter.

[KymmieL]

Happy Saturday evening all my friends. Not doing much just listening to 80s flashback on the radio. In early out early at work today. Got another Asst manager, a transfer from another store. Finally getting more people.

 

My friend and supporter at work is probably looking to move back to her first store. So there goes my support at the store. Figures, I finally start getting a friend and she leaves. Story of my life.

 

I love the nail polish it is bulletproof I was working on getting the fuel tank out of the wagon. Well more like struggling. I figured I had it all kinds of scraps, and gouges. Not one bit. Slowly getting my hobby corner of the closet set up. Hope to shortly be able to actually work on a model.

 

Hugs, for now.

 

Kymmie

[Bri2020]

23 hours ago, JaniceZ said:

Vocabulary.com defines Nonchalance as "a casual lack of concern, a relaxed state without anxiety or enthusiasm."  I experienced this condition twice yesterday and believe it is a validation of achieving progress on my journey.  First I was over at my friend's place and I Do Not speak of transitioning with him or around him or to him.  I was painting for him and he walked past and said that it looked good.  Then he added something to the effect, "soon I'll be on the catwalk, but just don't let Jim see me".  I took the comment in stride, not really caring for it, but really not bothered by it either.  We're both retired now, but we had worked at the same place for many years and I had announced that I was going to transition to become a woman.  He would make reference to the catwalk as a place for women to parade themselves and it really wasn't a place for a man unless of course one was less of one.  It bothered me then.  Yesterday was different.  There was no bruised ego goading me that my pride had been injured and that something MUST be done about it.

 

Scene II:  I'm with a group of friends last evening.  A group that I feel increasingly comfortable being around.  But not quite comfortable enough yet to share my deepest desires.  Their friendship and acceptance mean very much to me.  We are sitting around the kitchen table and one of us, a man, has been drinking and is his usual vulgar self.  He's funny and he tests us our values and just where any of us would draw a line as being out of bounds with his free uninhibited self.  He leaves us to get a refill and we agree it is fun to have him around even though his mind lives in the gutter.

 

We talk about hanging out at his pool this past summer and he remembers how pleasant it was to see the girls in their "skivvies."  Then the others comment on my having worn a speedo style bikini and how my little tush looked in it. (They noticed!)  He didn't know what to think about it at first and then he didn't care what I wore.  He claims there are no rules at his house, then he proceeds to list some.  He prepares to leave to get another drink and asks me if I'd like a Rum and Coke.  I think about it seriously and then decline the offer.  Too many extra calories I use as my excuse.  He calls me a "pu**y", waits for my response and when one doesn't come he continues out the door.  The comment didn't bother me.  It is't flattering, but the moment was Matrix-esque.  The hurled deprecating words fly through the air and fall dead at my feet.  A tool employed by others when dealing with unwanted comments or advances now came naturally to me.

 

It's so powerful.  Now really my next step is to share my deepest desires such as telling them that I want to be rocking a bikini.  They have already offered me their hand.  I only have to overcome my remaining self consciousness and walk in the light.  There's precious little time left and the door is closing.  Choices like calories matter.

What a great story. We all think of our transition as a bodily thing but this is where the work is: social transitioning.  Wait until some drunk guy tries to drag you onto a dance floor against your will. That's an experience I won't forget. lol

I use to see these words of advice from other women posted on social media: Want a bikini body? Step 1. Put on a bikini. Step 2. There is no step two, you now have a bikini body!

The point being, women (and men with social pressures) try and define what a good body is for a bikini, yoga pants, skinny jeans or whatever. Ignore all that BS. Next summer, rock a bikini on and enjoy it.  I was really surprised how well a french cut bikini bottom actually holds a tuck. Look for a heavier weight spandex material and no thong or string styles and they work great.  I lived in a bikini the last 2 summers.  I have to admit though, I am really looking forward to putting them on and going to the gym in a few weeks now that I've had surgery. Not that they will look different, but just because I don't have deal with tucking anymore.

I really liked these from target from a fit stand point.  https://www.target.com/p/women-s-classic-high-coverage-hipster-bikini-bottom-kona-sol/-/A-83365871?preselect=83365844#lnk=sametab

 

this pic is the first time I wore a full bikini. I was on HRT for 9 months and really only had aa cups but I didn't care.  This is a print version of the ones I linked too.  I can still wear that top with my d cups now. Back then it was a lot of boob coverage, not so much anymore. lol. You can see the wrinkles in the top where it has a lot of room to accommodate bigger boobs While I wasn't a "big girl" I had a tummy, no waist line at all and no boobs, but from the aforementioned criteria, it's stilla bikini body nonetheless. Don't forget to get a bathing suit "cover" or a sarong/wrap for when you are walking around. (yes that is my bikini top hanging in the background, clouds moved in and it got chilly with a wet bikini on lol)

 

 

 

[Willow]

Hi everyone 

 

I guess I missed a day.  Yes, I take anyone referring to me as a woman as a good thing.  Even store clerks and waitstaff.  I did get clocked yesterday.  We were walking into a store and a woman ahead of us looked at me then turned around and took another look.  Good news, it didn’t set me off like the one a year ago..  I guess I am in a better place now.

 

My wife has been assisting me with makeup lately.  Sometimes she’ll just out of the blue say let’s try something and we will got into the bathroom where she will show me how to moisturize, or add color highlights.  I am so happy she is doing that with me.  It’s nice having your own personal ex Mary Kay Consultant.  
 

Teaching myself to play the keyboard is progressing, slowly but progressing.  I’m having a hard time keeping my fingers on the correct keys.  I keep wanting to use the wrong finger for the note to be played.  Maybe scales are in order.  I recall doing a lot of that when I played the French horn and that was only three keys.  This is 61 of those things and even though they repeat, they require more coordination.  One thing I don’t like is that middle C is not in the middle of the keyboard it is shifted to the left by an octave.

[Willow]

All this talk of bikinis.  If I was younger and better endowed I might consider it.  But a. My age, bikinis aren’t really appropriate b. I have a nice tankini  c. I wear either that or a on piece to the pool or beach and am comfortable.  Everyone has to find their own way through this maze we call life.  Sometimes we follow the path that makes us realize we are going the wrong way and we Adjust.  As long as we find our own real path in the end, we will be fine.

 

Or at least I hope so.  I must admit I am getting more and more concerned for my safety with all the poll watchers and intimidation going on. My wife suggested I dress male to vote but I reminded her that my drivers license picture I am dressed as Willow.  I’ve had two attorneys tell me they could get my name changed but I don’t want to do that.  Just one of the things I promised I wouldn't do.

 

Enjoy your Sunday.

 

Willow

[Willow]

@Katie23  I have few if any issues when I visit Charleston, but I live in Myrtle Beach.  Myrtle Beach and Charleston are both more accepting then when you move inland off the coast. I suppose that’s because we get a lot of northern retiree relocates.  Even more now.  But in both MB and Chuck town you have to be very careful where you go.  Charleston created a center for all LGBTQI+ but in a part of the city is not considered by many to be that safe.  The Trans group was invited to locate there but by unanimous vote decided not to go.

 

the MB group spreads itself out under 18 doesn’t meet in the same location as over 18.  I prefer to go to Wilmington NC.  Much more secret.  Under and over meet in different locations and there is apparently yet another adult group and a PFLAG. So Wilmington is far more supportive.

 

I knew where I used to live in Pawleys Island I could only count on my neighbors and not the other 450 families.  I haven’t run into anyone here that treats me badly, but I know they are here.  One of my supporters told me that there are a number of haters that talk about me.  
 

What scares me the most are the Oath Keepers and poll watchers.  Our voting place is easy walking distance, just across the entrance road at a church.  An unaccepting church!  

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

 I must admit I am getting more and more concerned for my safety with all the poll watchers and intimidation going on. My wife suggested I dress male to vote but I reminded her that my drivers license picture I am dressed as Willow.  I’ve had two attorneys tell me they could get my name changed but I don’t want to do that.

I already voted here.  We don't have to show ID if we're not a first time voter.  I do have to vote under my legal name though.  I never dress masculine anymore - for 2-3 years (I don't remember exactly when)  and I certainly do not pass.  I still use my deadname legally, although I am working that one.  I just take a deep breath and walk in there.  The crowd at the door can probably guess how I'll vote, but there's nothing they can do about it.

 

As far as I can tell, I might be the only openly trans-woman in town.  I think I'm mostly tolerated as an oddity around here.  I think my age works in my favor somewhat.

 

This is a solidly red area, and since I don't have anything to do with the schools, I'm probably not seen as a threat.  We still have a democratic governor in NC, so some of the worst things haven't happened yet.  Of course that could change.

[KymmieL]

Would love to have a bikini ready body. A lot of us would but alas I don't, probably never will. OH, well a girl can dream can't she. I've a cute gray camo one piece that I swim in.

 

Knock on wood, I have never been hassled when I have been out and about. Knock----- Where's the wood?? Its some where? Most of the time I do have Mr. Smith and Mr Wesson to keep me company

 

For the prelim vote. I had to show my ID with the move we are in a different district. My license says I am legally a F. Still can't find any wood. Wait I am at the dining room table nice heavy WOOD. I can be such a blonde. LOL.

 

Waiting for the wife and youngest to get home they were in Ogallaha, NE. at 1:30. Should be home in about an hour. See what the wife will complain about. I've folded our laundry and changed the cat box. Probably complain that I bought a fire pit. Saying we don't need one. OH, Well.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

 

[JaniceZ]

20 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I use to see these words of advice from other women posted on social media: Want a bikini body? Step 1. Put on a bikini. Step 2. There is no step two, you now have a bikini body!

The point being, women (and men with social pressures) try and define what a good body is for a bikini, yoga pants, skinny jeans or whatever. Ignore all that BS. Next summer, rock a bikini on and enjoy it.

 

Thank you Bri2020 and Willow, and I agree with some additional thoughts in this thread.  Self image is important, but there are other concerns such as safety.  There is so much to transitioning.  It's all just overwhelming, even last night I share my misfortune of being transgender with my friends.  I wonder what I could achieve if I didn't have to waste time transitioning.  I'm truly taking this one day at a time, not really certain what my next move will be.

[Mmindy]

On 10/28/2022 at 2:29 PM, Hannah Renee said:

Does that count as passing?

Good morning Hannah,

 

Yes it does, and I love your new AVI photo.

 

Happy Halloween,

 

Mindy

[Willow]

Good morning

 

Well, if you don’t like the weather here it will either get better or worse!  This time it’s better.  It hadn’t been out of the low sixties most of last week.  It’s already in the seventies today.  It’s supposed to be very nice for trick or treat tonight, although there is a slight chance of light showers.

 

@JaniceZ I think you may not have conveyed the correct thought when you said “if I didn’t have to waste time transitioning “. I think you meant if you were born a girl (or boy) but if not, then I’ll say I don’t find transitioning a waste of time.  I apologize if I’m being too picky.

 

transitioning isn’t easy and it takes time and effort.  But I believe that affords us the time to learn and be comfortable with who we are.  Nothing new is ever easy but I look ahead to the reward what ever that may be.

 

Willow

[Bri2020]

Yesterday was fun but I totally overdid it and by 3pm was in agony.  I did brunch with a friend but forgot my donut pillow. Then threw on my witches outfit for our annual SUP witches coven paddle across our local lake to the shopping plaza. I rode a pontoon boat because not allowed to paddle yet but still, by the time we got to the brew pub I had to ask someone to take me home.

Today I took a more moderate approach to things.  There was a training event at the real estate office for an hour and I wanted to see if I could get up and get my morning dilation /breakfast/grooming and dressed up routine done and get to the office in a timely manner.  I discovered once there that office chairs, even with a donut won't work for me yet. Luckily we have some more "lounge type" chairs which I switched to and was reasonably comfortable sitting on.  I think I am actually better off with a couch like chair without the donut than a normal chair with one.  Anyways, it was so great to get all dressed up in a dress, put my hair up and wear jewelry for the first time in 6 weeks. (I isolated prior to surgery)

The real fun part was putting on knee high leather boots without bending much. I discovered if I lay in bed I could do it. hahaha

Have a blessed Samhain to those who celebrate.

 

[Bri2020]

Fear and safety comes up alot in these threads. I do not discount anyone's feelings on this. However, my experience has been that that with the exception of one cray cray homeless guy who was yelling threats at anyone that walked by him, I have never been harassed or threatened. Sure, people have clocked me or misgendered me but whatever.  I've travelled down into the deep south and into Appalachia, through Ohio and the rust belt etc etc.  Before my boob job and ffs, there was no questioning that people knew I was transgender.  I did have some fear initially. However, what I've discovered throughout transitioning is that fear is the thing that stops us. It stops us from coming out to people, it stops us from taking forward steps in the medical process, it stops us from enjoying ourselves socially etc etc. Most often, that fear ends up being way overblown.  Yes, we need to be somewhat safety conscious much like every woman does. When I would push my boundaries, whether that was shopping for the first times, using women's restrooms, going to a bar or wearing a bathing suit, I always had another person with me. Just having a wing girl will eliminate 99% of any harassment or threats. After pushing myself past the fear I've gotten to the point where I don't even think about it anymore. I still practice common sense safety stuff like not walking alone at night or if I'm out at a pub taking a girl friend to the restroom with me.

I leave you with the words of Frank Herbert. : 

 

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

[Mmindy]

17 minutes ago, Bri2020 said:

I still practice common sense safety stuff like not walking alone at night or if I'm out at a pub taking a girl friend to the restroom with me.

I leave you with the words of Frank Herbert. : 

 

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Very well stated @Bri2020 I like this advice.

I'm also glad you're pushing the boundaries of your recovery.

 

Listen to your body,

 

Mindy

[Hannah Renee]

10 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Good morning Hannah,

 

Yes it does, and I love your new AVI photo.

 

Happy Halloween,

 

Mindy

Thank you so much.