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KymmieL

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7 hours ago, Mmindy said:

It was a total success, with everyone (17 total) crowding around our makeshift extended dining room table. Everyone was included in the conversation, and games. We used a whiteboard easel to play, group Pictionary,

Sounds great.  

It's hard for my family to get together anymore.  

 

For many years Pictionary was our go-to for family gatherings.   We wouldn't let spouses be on the same teams.   We do try to have an annual "Christmas" but it's seldom on Christmas Day.  With 8 "kids" and their families, it's hard to get everyone together at one time.  I do miss it though.

 

Holidays can be hard if you're alone.  I did have my youngest here for Thanksgiving this time.  We'll have our "Christmas" in a couple of weeks.  After that I 'spect I'll be alone for Yule/Christmas/New Year, unless someone invites me for dinner or something.  With the kids all grown, and my ex remarried, it's pretty much just Ivy here now.

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What a wonderful day to lounge in my jammies.  If it wasn’t that I’ll have to take the dog for walks, I’d just might do that.

 

it is an unusual day in that I just made myself a second cuppa Joe.  Mid 70s today but the heavy storms coming across the country are starting to hit here.  Hence, I’m not leaving the house if I don’t have to.  
 

interesting things going on here.  First, while making excuses as to why, I’ve noted that my wife has been spending time reading and trying to understand LGBTQIA+ lately with an emphasis on transgender of course.  She’ll say it was an article in her news feed but I’m pretty sure it goes beyond that.

 

The second is that I have gotten my endocrinologist to put me back on injections but doubled the dose.  Really more than doubled it.  I am experiencing upper body discomfort and frequent hot flashes.  I’m guessing it’s actually doing something for me.  It’s also the injectable that is not approved by Medicare, however using Singlecare or Good RX it’s about 1/3 the cost as either one is using Medicare.  
 

not happy about the hot flashes but if it means something is working, I’ll deal with it.

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14 hours ago, Ivy said:

We do try to have an annual "Christmas" but it's seldom on Christmas Day.  With 8 "kids" and their families, it's hard to get everyone together at one time.  I do miss it though.

Good morning everyone,:coffee:

 

Winter has returned to central Indiana today. We're 48 degrees colder this morning than we were yesterday, and it's now 28° F out side with sustained winds out of the west/northwest at 16mph gusting to 32mph. Windchill is 15° F.🥶

 

@IvyOur family has grown to the point where my siblings and I don't get together for most of the holidays. We all have grown children, with families of their own, including in-laws and outlaws. So we as siblings get together at other times throughout the year. I'm the oldest of 5 and only two of my siblings aren't retired yet, so we pick a time that works best for the two who are still working. It is a sad time of the year to not be included in family functions. I hope you can find a friendly circle to be included in that isn't family. 

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

 

 

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I'm tho only one still living from my birth family.  I do have some grown children within reasonable driving distance though.  They'll mostly be with in-laws though - which is why we do our family thing on not-Christmas.

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15 hours ago, Ivy said:

I'm tho only one still living from my birth family.  I do have some grown children within reasonable driving distance though.  They'll mostly be with in-laws though - which is why we do our family thing on not-Christmas.

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Sorry, I messed that up

 

@Ivy as you say, I too am the last of my birth family.  My son and his wife are on rhe west coast so no driving to see them.  We do get invited annually to come there but it’s been years since we were able to do that.  Pre dog.

 

our daughter and our granddaughters are at the top of Virginia be were weren’t invited there last year and may not be this year.  If not Christmas won’t be anything special for us.  My daughter says that once the youngest has graduated from high school, she will sell her house and move elsewhere.  The youngest has 2 ½ years to graduate.  Unlike my wife and I she has lived in the same house since her oldest was a baby.  It’s the only home her kids know.  We moved numerous times.

 

it’s a good thing I have a therapist close by once again, I always get depressed in December.

 

Willow

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@Willow, according to what I learned in seminary, the time period between Thanksgiving and New Years Day sees the largest increase in depression than any other time of the year. So, becoming depressed in December isn't uncommon. I'm glad you have a therapist who helps you through this period. For what it's worth, me too. It seems to help.

 

Since I'm estranged from my youngest daughter, and my oldest oldest one lives on the east coast with my grandson, I don't get to travel there for Christmas either. Instead, I volunteer at a local shelter for battered women (something I do weekly) and take a 24 hour shift. This allows other volunteers to spend time with their families who are local. Believe it or not, that helps too. And it's a way of giving back. 

 

I hope your Christmas is better this year and in the years to come.

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I haven't been posting much lately.  I've just been doing the slow slog of recovery from bottom surgery. I'm finally wearing jeans again without too much discomfort. Just in time as the temps have fallen here finally.

My big news is one of the local gay groups here is having a "HoliGay" party this weekend which I was planning to attend. Its mostly older gay men in the group but I know about 20 women will be attending. Anyways, I casually met a woman who was hanging out with a friend last week and they invited my former spouse (who was with me) to join them for coffee and a bite so we did. I assumed my friend was on a date with her but she told me the next day they weren't a thing. She's drop dead gorgeous albeit a bit younger than me but I really had a good time talking with her so I asked her to be my date to the party and she said yes!  So yes, I am going out on a real date for the first time since getting my right parts!!!!!!  

 

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I hate the holidays myself anymore. Just isn't as festive as it once was. Being in the service may have desensitized me. T-day, X-mas, new years is just another day. It is sad that it happens to me.

 

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

 She's drop dead gorgeous albeit a bit younger than me but I really had a good time talking with her so I asked her to be my date to the party and she said yes!  So yes, I am going out on a real date for the first time since getting my right parts!!!!!!

Bri, you go girl. You two have a great evening.

 

Nothing new with me, trudging through this life as best I can. At first I was looking at a slim X-mas from me this year. With the house payment and my other bills, I am barely keeping my head above water. With the passing of my Fil my wife gets an inheritance. Don't have a clue what it will be. Knowing how her dad was it could be large. 

 

Anyway Have a good day. a week till my Friday.

 

Hugs, to all.

 

Kymmie

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15 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I assumed my friend was on a date with her but she told me the next day they weren't a thing. She's drop dead gorgeous albeit a bit younger than me but I really had a good time talking with her so I asked her to be my date to the party and she said yes!  So yes, I am going out on a real date for the first time since getting my right parts!!!!!!  

 

Ooh, fantastic! Congrats to you!!

 

14 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Just isn't as festive as it once was.

 

I know our reasons and details may be different, but I feel a definite connection with this, for what it's worth. Christmas just isn't Christmas for me anymore either. It hasn't been, for a number of years now, but last year really drove it home.

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So I've been feeling a little bit weird. Complicated, I guess. I can't believe I'm already just about coming up on my 1-year HRT (or GAHT as my clinic calls it) trans-iversary, on this coming 27th.

 

I just had my latest bloodtest earlier this week, and my follow-up appointment this evening. My hormone levels have technically gotten better, better than they've ever been, but they're still considerably far from the target. (At least I have breast buds now though!!). The last couple days, since my bloodtest results, I'd been pre-emptively freaking and kind of obsessing over the decision between sticking with patches (at another incremental, unlikely to make much difference, moderate dosage increase) or just saying "this isn't working" and switching to injections (and proceeding to freak out over "what if?"s about things like: side-effects of big hormone fluctuation swings, or to a lesser extent "Is the nurse's how-to instruction going to be enough for my sorry pedantic ass to sufficiently know how to poke myself properly?").

 

In the end, and with me "on the spot", we settled on another conservative bump in my E patch dosage. I still don't know how to feel about that. Part of me was hyped up to "make the leap" to injections, but another part was freaking out over potential roller-coaster effects from the bigger fluctuations in levels. So I still don't know how to feel about it, but in retrospect, I suppose it's probably for the best we went with the most conservative option since my bodyweight is still a major ongoing problem 😭

 

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Hi @Heather Nicole. The HRT anxiety is something I can really relate to, as I experienced something very similar. I too use patches (I'm scared to death of needles for a bunch of reasons that go back to childhood) and due to weight issues and age, am on the patch. It took 18 months to get the dosage right, and we added progesterone to the mix as well. That said, once they get the dosage down, the fluctuations have gotten fewer and fewer to the point that all my E levels have done are increase. Additionally, side effects have been minimal to non-existent. So, bear with it. HRT is a process (it took me a while to accept that. I wanted results NOW!) and trust your doctor on this. I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to HRT, conservative is the best approach.

 

Hugs,

Marcie

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8 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

In the end, and with me "on the spot", we settled on another conservative bump in my E patch dosage. I still don't know how to feel about that.

This is how it's been with me.  And it has been slow.  The boobettes are real, but not all that impressive.  My problem is my gatekeeping endocrinologist refuses to add the progesterone that would really kick things in.  I'm not sure he'd even give the patches if he wasn't required to do it.

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Good coffee morning

 

it got cold again last night.  Ok @KymmieL cold is a relative thing.  Anyway, the condo stays pretty warm even with the heater turned off.  I did turn it on for last night and I presume it ran at some point but it doesn’t run much.  Liking my electric bills!

 

I baked a loaf of bread yesterday.  It came out really well, best homemade white bread,  ever!  I was out of store bought and didn’t want to go to the store.  Now, I don’t know that I’ll ever buy bread in the store again, it was that good!

 

@Bri2020 happy for you.  Glad you are making friends and getting out.  The holidays are a time when we need family and friends and things to take our minds off our troubles.  It will only take one thing to make my December better, an invitation from our daughter!
 

 Yes, depression over the holidays is the most common period of the year.  It’s also when a lot of suicides occur because of that depression what ever the cause.  I have had holiday depression for the last 60 years.  Since realizing part of the reason for it it’s actually been getting better.  However, lack of acceptance drags me back down.  
 

We do have a Christmas party to go to this year.  That hasn’t happened much for us.

 

I guess we will mostly be doing things around the house today.

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

 

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1 hour ago, Ivy said:

This is how it's been with me.  And it has been slow.  The boobettes are real, but not all that impressive.  My problem is my gatekeeping endocrinologist refuses to add the progesterone that would really kick things in.  I'm not sure he'd even give the patches if he wasn't required to do it.

Mine has been very conservative, too. Fortunately, mine is a woman so it only took about 18 months to convince her to add progesterone. That seemed to do the trick and boost everything into high gear.

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8 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

 Fortunately, mine is a woman so it only took about 18 months to convince her to add progesterone. That seemed to do the trick and boost everything into high gear.

I need to talk to my Endo about progesterone. Next time I have a video appt. in March.

 

Kymmie

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Progesterone vs estradiol discussions.  I know that my estradiol injections with progesterone left me with higher estrogen blood levels.  The issue for me was with no source and a zero blood count of testosterone my endo considered it was not a good idea to continue the progesterone.  Hence he had me stop it.  It was after stopping it that I had the first drop in estrogen.  The second and worst drop came when I wasn’t able to gen estradiol injectable any longer and he had to switch me to the patch.  My E kept dropping he doubled the dose, still didn’t recover.  I was able to convince him to put me back on the injections but it would have to be a different generic he did that and then doubled the dosage.  He just backed off due to side effects, like especially bad hot flashes.  But said we would look at increasing it again but slower next time.  
 

Willow

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On 12/1/2022 at 6:10 AM, Marcie Jensen said:

@WillowInstead, I volunteer at a local shelter for battered women (something I do weekly) and take a 24 hour shift. This allows other volunteers to spend time with their families who are local. Believe it or not, that helps too. And it's a way of giving back.

 

Not having been in the service or exposed to terrible amounts of trauma, I don't experience the holiday depression.  But my husband does deal with holiday-related depression.  He won't talk about it.  He won't talk about his time in the National Guard either.  I'm not sure what could have been bad about it, or if I'm even close to guessing the reason.  Any thoughts?

 

Like you, my husband does a bit of volunteering around the holidays.  He's been a reserve Sheriff's deputy for a couple of years, separate from his role in County Defense.  There aren't a lot of spare personnel in our county for internal law enforcement.  Most holiday issues are accidents, squabbles, and minor stuff that doesn't require the authority of a "full" deputy, so he takes some shifts here and there to help out.  I'm thinking of going with him at least once.  Haven't done a ride-along since I was a little kid with my father.  I kind of miss my birth family around Christmas...being rejected by my parents and brothers still stings a bit, I guess.

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Well had a good evening today. We did our normal Friday dinner out. We went to our local Applebees. From the first greeting the waitress gave us. "Hello, Ladies. proceeded the rest of the time there. It was great. My wife kind of went a little glum but didn't correct her. 

 

When we got home the wife, went to move around me. "Excuse me ma'am." in a joking tone. Nothing else said.

 

The highlight of the week.

 

Kymmie

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7 hours ago, Willow said:

Progesterone vs estradiol discussions.  I know that my estradiol injections with progesterone left me with higher estrogen blood levels.  The issue for me was with no source and a zero blood count of testosterone my endo considered it was not a good idea to continue the progesterone.  

Willow

The problem for some healthcare providers is that there have not been many studies clearly demonstrating superiority, however, it can be very useful. I have been on progesterone in addition to injections starting 1 month after I started estrogen. The key is the micronized progesterone. I had put out a few references regarding progesterone. The reality is that cisgender women have both during their developmental years and through middle adulthood. It makes sense to just mimic nature. 

I will try to dig up those research articles. I found the same elevation in estrogen levels and reduced testosterone with progesterone. Progesterone suppresses gonadal androgen production.

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Hi y’all

 

Some time back my wife and I were in a fabric store together.  She is making a baby quilt for a friend of ours and was looking for backing fabric.  Any way I asked if she would help me pick a fabric and pattern and teach me to sew.  I thought it fell of death ears.  Then last night she shows me a pattern, what do you think of these?  Then we talked about the cost of making versing buying ready made.  The only savings would be a nicer fabric and multiple pairs off the same pattern.  Today she found where she could get the pattern.  Sounds like she is really making an effort for me.

 

😀willow

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Sunday morning, the sun is shining brightly as it should, my coffee is in hand and I’m talking to my friends.  It was comfortably warm yesterday, up and down for the remainder of the week.  December is starting out to be more typical for this area than November was.

 

I hope wherever you are you have a good day.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

 

 

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Yea, Christmas lights are up to break. I took the first step to step down at work. Tired of just being a body, nobody respects, tired of not seeing my family, and getting any work done around the house. Sent an Email to our district manager outlining why I want to. Don't expect to hear anything till tomorrow.

 

Anywho open today.

 

Hugs to all

 

Kymmie

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Uh yeah, seeing the lights up again...wow a 1st year of HRT went fast.

More of significance is the memory of being the person in the other body and the other life is quite faded away. I have had a few usual transition-related challenges like surgery setbacks, family member rejection, etc.

I am twenty + pounds heavier. I have developed in an amazing relationship that I have learned much about myself and about emotional maturity. I laugh and cry. I have pretty much found a comfort zone in my presentation where I can still "boymode" a bit but not feel dysphoric about it. 

 I am working on a real life instead of a simulation of one.

But this Christmas I just can't hang with "family" if they don't accept me, and have to stand my ground on this one. I need Community of other trans and LGBs more than I anticipated a year ago, especially given the political climate. 

The first year is a good primer for a lifetime of emotional and other adventures and challenges that come and go and surely never end as long as I am alive. 

 

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