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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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1 hour ago, Willow said:

…she was angry as hell.  Laid into me about what I’ve done for all our lives together.  Even brought up something that happened 50 years ago…

My ex was like this the last couple of years we were together.  It was hard.

She also accused me of a lot of stuff I never did.  If I denied it, I was lying of course.

These days she says she knows I did the best I could.

 

Leaving gave me the freedom (I didn't want at the time) to get to know myself again after 40+ years of "us".

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@Willow and @Ivy you are not alone. My ex did the same sort of thing to me. She even made a chart going back 18 years to try and document all of my transgressions.  She, of course, was blameless... It was quite the learning experience, I must say.

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A major turning point for me occurred while I was working as an office volunteer for a hospice organization about 30 minutes from home. By that time, I'd experienced two other similar situations in which I was fully "out" and accepted, and I was quite sure of my ability to live full-time.

 

On this particular day, traffic on the interstate had come to a standstill. There was a lengthy wait, and after a while other drivers were leaving their vehicles and walking around. Trapped in my small car, suddenly surrounded by a growing crowd of strangers, I began to feel extremely vulnerable. That's not a position I'd been in before, and I didn't like it. Shortly thereafter, I told my confidants at the office that I just couldn't make the trip anymore.

 

That was eight years ago. Now, seeing today's much more toxic climate, I wouldn't even dare to take the steps into public that built my confidence back then.

 

Please be careful out there.  

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7 hours ago, Willow said:

chilly and rainy today.  Another one of @KymmieL’s weather presents 🎁.

 

hugs

 

Willow

Your welcome for the gift. You can send some of your warm weather this way. It may take a while though. As weather normally goes west to east it will take its sweet darn time getting here. LOL probably go cold in the mean time.

 

5 hours ago, Ivy said:

She also accused me of a lot of stuff I never did.  If I denied it, I was lying of course.

My wife does that to me. She accuses me of doing something. I lie  if I did do it like SHE says.

 

On a happier note, I have been getting ma'amed more and more at work lately. An it is not just younger people either. Some older people have too. feels good.

 

Hugs, Kymmie

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Good morning everyone,

 

The coffee is brewing,:coffee: today is a workday out in the shop. I have prop builds scheduled through Mid-March, interrupted by a week of vacation in New Orleans, LA in February. 

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Morning

 

Rough night last night.  I get these pains in the area of my right leg between my hip and thigh.  Well I had it bad last night.  I have a heating pad on it now.  I’ve had various injections over the years, from cortisone to injections in my back to nerve ablation.  I don’t know what it is but I’ve been getting these for at least 40 years.  
 

we are going to the Y for a senior stretch and tone class late this morning.  
 

otherwise, How bout dem cowboys?  Was that a dumb last play or what?

 

Willow

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Good morning everyone,:coffee:

 

This snow event CAN NOT be blamed on @KymmieL it's clearly following the Old Route 66 now I-44 corridor. Once it makes St. Louis, MO it tracks the I-70 corridor. As usual there's a big difference in snow totals. The pink areas are expected to get 7+ inches. 

 

I've also stocked up on items required for French Toast. 

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Winter Storm

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Good but cold morning here.  Woke up to the upper 30s.  @Mmindy  as you wish, I won’t blame @KymmieL THIS time.  Just take away my fun.  Maybe I should pick on someone from Arizona or Northern California,  Any volunteers?

 

Hey, it’s all in good fun.  And we all know that Californians are getting beat up with this weather.  I wouldn’t want to pile on.

 

Got asked by a man from our senior stretch class yesterday if we were coming to yoga today.  It’s nice to be noticed even if that’s all it was.  And yes we are going to yoga.  
 

Talk later 

 

Willow

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Our official temp is -2. I'll take upper 30s gladly. Even as a day time high. I actually would like to get a major snow storm. Last major one we had was 2003.

 

Only bad thing about doing the day shift is you gotta wake up early. I was so comfy in my bed this morning. Coffee is coming shortly. They are preparing the IV bag as I type this. LOL.

 

Have a great day. Stay warm as safe.

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

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More snow...ick.  I'm looking forward to spring.  For now, I'm hiding in my den until warm weather returns.  And my GF...has to go outside for some reason 🙄

artic-fox-snow_49ac44576e.jpg

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@Willowif you want to pick on AZ about weather, go right ahead. I'll volunteer. e actually had a freeze warning here in the Valley of the Sun last night, but we didn't quite make it; it only dropped to 35 degrees. If it gets much chillier I'll have to break out the mukluks. Lol.

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24 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

And my GF...has to go outside for some reason

 

I know how this one works. You unbury enough of yourself that she can see one eye and mumble, "Outside? Tell me how that works out."

Then you burrow back under the covers and resume your nap.

 

Hugs!

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39 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

 

I know how this one works. You unbury enough of yourself that she can see one eye and mumble, "Outside? Tell me how that works out."

Then you burrow back under the covers and resume your nap.

 

Hugs!

Oh, I plan to do that.  Won't change my GF any, though.  I have the world's most stubborn girlfriend.

 

A couple years ago, she was outside in July laying concrete...while 7 months pregnant. 🙄 I've caught her running barefoot in the snow multiple times.  Followed by attempts to warm up her feet on me or carry me outside ❄️🤬.  Sometimes being light and carryable has disadvantages.

 

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Copied from a face book post.  The characters have nothing to do with me.  However, I felt the message applies to us.

 

My dad has bees.Today I went to his house and he showed me all of the honey he had gotten from the hives. He took the lid off of a 5 gallon bucket full of honey and on top of the honey there were 3 little bees, struggling. They were covered in sticky honey and drowning. I asked him if we could help them and he said he was sure they wouldn't survive. Casualties of honey collection I suppose.

I asked him again if we could at least get them out and kill them quickly, after all he was the one who taught me to put a suffering animal (or bug) out of its misery. He finally conceded and scooped the bees out of the bucket. He put them in an empty Chobani yogurt container and put the plastic container outside.
Because he had disrupted the hive with the earlier honey collection, there were bees flying all over outside.

We put the 3 little bees in the container on a bench and left them to their fate. My dad called me out a little while later to show me what was happening. These three little bees were surrounded by all of their sisters (all of the bees are females) and they were cleaning the sticky nearly dead bees, helping them to get all of the honey off of their bodies. We came back a short time later and there was only one little bee left in the container. She was still being tended to by her sisters.

When it was time for me to leave we checked one last time and all three of the bees had been cleaned off enough to fly away and the container was empty.

Those three little bees lived because they were surrounded by family and friends who would not give up on them, family and friends who refused to let them drown in their own stickiness and resolved to help until the last little bee could be set free.
Bee Sisters. Bee Peers. Bee Teammates. 

We could all learn a thing or two from these bees.
Bee kind always.

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@Willow That is a cool little lesson from nature 👍  

 

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Good morning 

 

much warmer today our high will be upper 60s but rain, possible thunderstorms and tornados.  It’s our turn with the storm that spun up the tornados in Texas yesterday.  
 

Pray for our brothers and sisters that have been affected by the storms.

 

hugs

 

Willow

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Good morning everyone, 

 

☕️ Coffee hasn’t always been around. 

The local weather forecast personalities are playing down the snow totals for today. 

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

431CDEAE-A3F9-4F5D-A6B1-3AD666EB104D.jpeg

9EC4CED0-A167-41EC-85E7-5EF6C2B128F6.jpeg

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Ah, @Mmindy you are in good form today!

 

love the snow bird with its wild cousins in the background.

 

 

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The sun poked out here for a few hours yesterday.  I'm getting a bit tired of grey.  It has allowed me to launch into income tax preparation and i just completed the agricultural census.  If you are wondering they still don't have anything other than male or female.  Oh well at least they have never questioned why the answer changed some 10 years ago.  

It's good to be getting those chores behind me.  We never have to pay taxes as our income isn't very great.  We payed plenty when working.  Coffee got me through this morning of figures. A bit more to do and then wait for the hoped for rebate.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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I finally have internet and cell phone back. The ice yesterday knocked out all electricity, and apparently took out the cell towers too.  

 

Thankfully, my family has both generators and solar power.  A lot of other people don't, though. I don't know how long our neighbors will be without electricity.  We live in a very hilly area, so repairs are difficult and winter always seems to affect the higher elevations more heavily. 

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Good morning everyone,

 

The coffee is HOT, black and strong.

The outside temperatures are down.

The bird feeders are extra active, because of the snow cover on the ground.

The snow was a wet heavy snow, that has turned to crunchy ice.

The wood stove in the shop is holding the temperature steady with little attention required.

The thoughts in my head are hoping everyone is safe, warm, and loved.

The ones who have doubt or fear of being safe, warm, and loved. Require our attention.

The limited resource I have, leave me to only sharing digital hugs.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Good morning 

 

strong black coffee is done, ate two homemade (scratch) cinnamon rolls and I’m having Special K now.

 

rained all afternoon and into the night but today is sunny but cooler.  That’s the thing about SC weather in the winter, if you don’t like it today, it will be different tomorrow.

 

I took a giant leap of faith yesterday, I became an Ordained Minister.  My hopes are to eventually join forces with a newly formed church for Transgender in Wilmington and bring it to Myrtle Beach.  Baby steps,  the Christian church didn’t happen over night.  I’ve been studying Paul’s Church building and how the Bible talks about us.  But I still have a ways to travel.  This was just the first step in my reply to accept Gods calling.

 

hugs

 

Willow

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    • VickySGV
      Many Trans activists that I know consider that behavior to be a form of Violence against us.  Accidents do happen and I evaluate them as they come.  Hanging up the phone, if that is how you talk to them would work for a bit.  Sending them an actual U.S.P.S. letter setting YOUR BOUNDARIES would be highly appropriate, but do get ready for some blow back on it.  Your Gender Therapist can be a big help in strategies to deal with this too.
    • MayBea
      So I've come out to my family for about a a year and a half. And I've been on hrt for over a year. And some of my family still struggles with misgendering me and deadnaming me? My sister seems to be trying but she constantly makes mistakes even during my last visit a few weeks ago(and has misgendered me in public without even thinking about it several times). My cousin did fine for a while, until he started randomly deadnaming me and misgendering me the last few months(all on the phone to be clear). Luckily my friends who known me before transition treat me perfectly. I guess my question is, how do I handle this? Being misgendered and deadnamed is painful for me but I try to remember how long they knew me before my transition and try to understand it might be difficult for them to adjust. I do correct them and they seem to realize they messed up and apologize. But it keeps happening. And I'm not sure how to talk to them about it(if I even should). Am I being unreasonable in being hurt by them?
    • Mmindy
      Good questions Mark, and thank you for being a caring enough person to think about and prepare to meet your cousin. I know she will be very proud of you, when you handle the meeting with love and respect.   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Carolyn Marie
      Mark, you did a good thing in joining this site; it shows you to be an ally and a thoughtful, caring person.   I can't think of a single thing that @Vidanjalididn't cover expertly.  I could not have said it better.  If you think of other questions, or wish to ask anything of anyone off line, once you have five posts you can PM anyone, but you don't have to wait to talk privately to any staff member here.  Good luck to you and your cousin.   Carolyn Marie
    • heatherd
      He will be in for a long time based on his record.Judge is looking at that too.I credit the prosecutor not giving up on me including the police.
    • Vidanjali
      @MarkCT that's kind of you to reach out to this community to ask such questions. Just based on your willingness to learn and be supportive, I am sure you will succeed.    My understanding is that your cousin transitioned male to female. In that case, she's always been "she". Because she was socialized as male, he/him pronouns had been used in the past. But now that she's discovered she's a woman, she should always be referred to as she (unless she tells you otherwise - some individuals use various pronouns for various reasons). If referring to her before transition, still use she/her, but if the context is important to what you're saying, you can specify "before she transitioned" - don't say "when she was he" or "before she became a woman" or "before she turned trans" or anything like that. Think of her as always having been female, but having worn a male mask for several years. Now, she's removed the mask and is her genuine self.    If there's any doubt, just ask her what are her pronouns. She will probably be more appreciative of you asking rather than assuming.   If you slip and say the wrong thing, just apologize and correct yourself, then move on - don't linger on the mistake potentially making it more awkward and putting her in the position of consoling you. If you hear someone else use the wrong pronoun, be a good ally and correct them matter-of-factly. It sometimes takes practice to adapt to a person's new pronouns. There's a learning curve and it requires patience and compassion.    As for her wife, treat that like anyone's ex-partner situation. If it's a given that they're still friends, no harm in mentioning her. If there's obvious tension, don't mention it unless she brings it up. But don't assume to refer to her as her ex's former "husband" as she may or may not be comfortable with that male-gendered title. It's safer to use gender neutral terms like partner or spouse until you know for sure how a person prefers to refer to themself.    Likewise with personal stuff, just use etiquette you'd use with any other person. But, particularly with a trans individual, the details of her transition are her business only. For example, it's not appropriate to ask someone what meds they take, or what surgeries they've had or not had, etc. Don't treat her as exotic. Just chat with her like you would with anyone else. If she wants to share personal stuff, it's her choice.    In big family gatherings, be a good ally and keep an eye on her if you're worried. If you notice she's uncomfortable in a conversation, interject and change the subject or use an excuse to take her away from it. You'll see it's more about common sense.    Again, good on you for caring and asking. I hope you have a beautiful time with your family. 
    • Mmindy
      G'Day @Jamey-Heather I hope all is well with you and yours. I love that this forum has a global reach.   @WillowI've spent time in all of the lower 48 states thanks to Fire Departments, State Police, and Emergency Management. aka Homeland Security. Oh and I can't leave out our Armed Forces, they had us in for Base Management and Hazardous Materials Response to Bulk Deliveries. We always managed to see some local sites while traveling around teaching. Now I'm taking my wife to the most interesting locations. We hope to add Alaska, and Hawaii, completing all 50 states for me. I've also been to several locations in Mexico, and Canada when I was a Safety Manager for a Chemical Tank Truck Company. We're also looking into the British Isles, Dunkirk, and Normandy in France.   Well today's yard 👩‍🌾 work was enough exercise for a couple of days. They're calling for rain and high winds tonight. Saturday we return to normal February Winter Weather.    Hugs,   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Glad that there's been some progress. Hopefully things will continue to improve over time.
    • Vidanjali
      Great to hear that @Russ Fenrisson . Any progress is a relief and helps to strengthen one's faith that things can be even better. 
    • Willow
      Hi @Jamey-Heather.  Nice to see you.   @Mmindy  that sounds like an interesting trip.  I’ve never been to either state. Actually I’m down to about 10 I haven’t been to yet.  And I don’t mean stopped in an airport but spent at least an hour.  I’ve also been to the majority of the US territories.  Just not American Samoa although I spent several hours in Samoa and in Okinawa and I don’t know that I’ve stepped foot in Guam.  I think we will try to close out Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee and Arkansas, then Minnesota and Wisconsin this summer.  That leaves me with Alaska.  Places in Canada I’d like to go are Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island.    Willow
    • Russ Fenrisson
      Just wanted to address a slight change in the situation.   Things are about the same but I was able to come up with a nickname that is pleasing to both me and those around me. The new nickname has been used on and off, but at least I can see an effort to try to make me feel accomodated.   I also wrote down my thoughts in a letter and after getting my feelings out, I felt a lot better. I probably won't need to use it now but if there is a time I feel not understood again, I always have it to use to get my thoughts out in a clearer manner.   I want to thank everyone again for responding and providing me with advice. I really appreciate it.
    • Russ Fenrisson
      I've also wondered about the same thing, especially since a lot of media I see, if they include a trans character at all, is usually transfeminine. I think it really boils down to what @Carolyn Mariesaid: how said individuals are perceived in society and the acceptibility of it. It's a shame transwomen and transfeminine people are made to feel bad for who they are or to be afraid of how they identify or choose to present themselves. This might be why you see more stories concerning them. To spread awareness and to show transwomen are not scary and are people just like everybody else.   In regards to transmen and transmasculine people, I've done much reading and thinking, and have come to the conclusion that perhaps such individuals are not explored or discussed is because of a private, safety factor. I've read more and more individuals have been coming out as FtM compared to recent years, such as in the 90s or early 2000's, and they may not be as transparent or as seen as MtF individuals just because of the fact they could face ridicule or repercussion for coming out or exploring their identity. It appears the expression of women is much more flexible nowadays than it was before, but that doesn't mean it is all inclusive. It probably just depends on where you are and the kind of atmosphere that is present.   What I always think is, whether I know it or not, I've at least run into someone like myself without knowing it. It provides a sense of mystery but it's at least a little bit comforting in these strange times.
    • MarkCT
      Hi All   This is my first, and in many was I hope my last, post on this forum but here goes and apologies in advance if it is a bit long winded but I think you’d need to know the full picture if you are going to give me any tips, which I do hope you will.    Back in 1963 my mum’s family (her mum, dad and numerous much younger siblings) emigrated to Sydney as “£10 Pommes”. I was two years old at the time and we were due to join them the following year but for various reasons we didn’t go. My dad had no family apart from his parents, who died many years ago. So, it has always been important to me, my wife and our (now grown up) children to visit the family regularly.     So now we get to the main point. I’ve always been saddened that, whilst everyone of my Aussie family have been so excited to see us when we visit there has always been one exception; a first cousin who was really nice but always seemed very standoffish and distant. You can imagine my surprise when she announced that she had transitioned! I’m not great at social media but my wife contacted her and they converse on and off, not a lot but as much as before she transitioned.    But now with Covid out of the way 🤞we are planning our next trip so (as my cousin is not on the main family WhatsApp group) I wrote to her. I said we (my wife and I) were going to be in Sydney and Brisbane, where most of the family live, but that Ballarat really was going to be just too much of a stretch- especially as she is the only one who lives there. I was amazed and so happy when she immediately wrote back and said she’d make sure she came to see us (if you look at the map and at the cost of flights you’ll realise that is no small commitment).    Now this may seem obvious to you but it is all totally new territory to me and my wife so we are worried about inadvertently saying something that might be hurtful.  so any tips would be most welcome. I have some particular questions:   In chatting do we always use feminine pronouns or do we use masculine when talking about the time before transition (ie our previous visits etc)?   Do we talk about his/her(? )wife, who has now gone her own way, although I suspect they are still friends?    Do we steer well clear of discussing anything at all personal I’m thinking of both emotional and practical issues)? Or perhaps my wife could whereas I shouldn’t?   What do we do about our normal big family gatherings? We’d love her to be there but don’t obviously want to put any undue pressure. We do see on Facebook that some of the family are very kind and accepting but in the cases of a good many others we just don’t know.  Thats just a few of the questions we have but any other comments or tips would be most welcome before we get on the plane from Heathrow at the end of the month.    Thanks 😊    Mark    
    • MiraF
      I think if anyone will take over the US as führer, it will be DeSantis. Trump is already being removed from his position as head of the republicans, with people like fox news and Breitbart saying DeSantis is the future of the party. Considering Trump's incompetence and Ron's actions so far, he may actually be worse.   Apart from that, I agree with you 100%.
    • Vidanjali
      The persecution of Black Americans is not analogous to the persecution of trans people, but there are intersecting features such as disproportionate levels of violence against and systemic oppression. That is, in particular, violence against both groups is not exclusively individually motivated (de facto), but is abetted by systemic oppression (de jure).  So, to gain some context for thinking about this question, I read two articles, one that argues that the 1951 charge of genocide against Black Americans is compelling:   https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/12/26/black-activists-charge-genocide-united-states-systemic-racism-526045   and another which argues it is not:   https://opiniojuris.org/2021/12/30/is-structural-genocide-legally-genocide-a-response-to-hinton/   This second article discusses another article on settler colonialism (linked in both articles) whose author states that settler colonialism is eliminatory, but not necessarily genocidal. The 2nd article's author further suggests that therefore systematic "crushing of spirit" may be better defined as cultural genocide, which was deliberately excluded from the genocide convention, however.   From what I understand, proof of intent is pivotal in charging genocide. That was the main argument against validifying the charge of genocide against Black Americans.    Anti-trans politicians and policy makers tend to (deliberately) mask their intent by claiming campaigns to save the children.    After reading the 2nd article, I began to read about crime against humanity versus genocide.    UN definition of crimes against humanity (CAH): https://www.un.org/en/genocideprevention/crimes-against-humanity.shtml   Note the UN definition of CAH refers to gender. Remarkably, the UN definition of gender acknowledges gender as a social construct.    Also note, regarding intent, that "[an] important distinction is that in the case of crimes against humanity, it is not necessary to prove that there is an overall specific intent. It suffices for there to be a simple intent to commit any of the acts listed, with the exception of the act of persecution, which requires additional discriminatory intent. The perpetrator must also act with knowledge of the attack against the civilian population and that his/her action is part of that attack." Do I believe the trans population is under attack? Yes, without a doubt. Do I believe it's genocide? I view this as an academic question, albeit an important one. I don't know the answer. I do think that it's possible that someone/some people in power will succumb to hubris and unequivocally declare intent to eliminate the trans population. I don't hope for that, but tbh, at least if such intent is made clear, then there is a clearer path to bringing a charge of genocide or CAH. However, I think that using the trans population as a scapegoat to galvanize ones voting constituency is ultimately of greater interest to those individuals than actually destroying us. Nonetheless, we suffer the collateral damage.       
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