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I Am Beautiful


Tessa

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Us

 

Dark days are upon us 

But that doesn’t mean hope has forgotten us

There is a bond that binds us 

The power of hope is in all of us 

 

We must choose to accept what’s happening around us 

But not let the fear define us 

We must in this time find us 

Hope will find us 
 

When you feel alone you have us 

There are people just like us 

Do no fear what’s come upon us 

Though dark days are in front of us 

 

We know the hope inside us 

Pray for the ones around us 

That they will see the hope in us 

We will overcome this and we will eventually put this virus behind us 

 

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this site. I want to give encouragement to those who need it. I lost my temporary job so I’m feeling it. Still got one job. Soon will be working from home. We’re going to make it through this. 
 

Tessa 

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Thanks sweetheart. We all need a dose of hope in these dark times what with the pandemic and the hostile government.

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  • Forum Moderator
7 hours ago, Tessa said:

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this site. I want to give encouragement to those who need it. I lost my temporary job so I’m feeling it. Still got one job. Soon will be working from home. We’re going to make it through this. 

Thank you for your post and helping us keep the hope alive.   It’s nice to see you here inspiring others with your beautiful words despite having your own difficulties.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

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Holding On 

 

Do you feel like your life is on hold 

With everything crazy around 

Don’t believe what you’ve been told 

Hold your ground 

 

Believe in what’s good 

Fill your mind with hope 

This is what we all should 

Use hope to cope 

 

Your night can be light 

Your fear can be your peace 

Your going to be alright 

Anxiety will cease 

 

Your here for a reason 

We need the hope in your heart 

Will get through this season 

So why not today start

 

be encouraged loves 

 

Tessa

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  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Tessa said:

be encouraged loves

Thanks Tessa! Your encouraging words help. In times like these, there’s nothing better for the soul!?

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Love Sound

 

Can you hear love

As it tickles your ear 

Its gentle like a dove

Love casts out fear
 

It doesn’t run and hide

It holds you through the night

Love will always be by your side

Telling you your alright

 

It waves war against hate 

Live will always win

Love is never late 

Love will lift up your chin 

 

Love will wipe away your tears 

Give you hope for the day 

Take away all your fears

Love never goes away 

 

Love has a sound 
It’s the joy people express

Love is profound 

Its always their to bless

 

Love has a voice 

It calls out in the darkest night 

Love has no choice 

It will rise up and fight 

 

If love is on your side 

You will never lose the day 

All the tears you’ve cried 

Love feels and wipes them away 

 

In times like these words are more valuable than money. More valuable than human touch. Tell that person you love. That you love them so much. 
 

For all those who fear know that love is near. 
 

Tessa ?‍?

 

 

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Peaceful Wind 

 

I feel it on the back of my neck 

My hairs stand up on end

I turn around to check 

It’s just the gentle wind my friend

 

I lay down near a stream 

I see a tree bend 

I wake up from a dream 

It’s just the gentle wind my friend 

 

I walk into a beautiful valley

I watch as the grass begins to bend 
Who is following me 

It’s just the gentle wind my friend 

 

The wind is my companion 

It will always be at my back 

Pushing me on like a champion

With this wind nothing will I lack

 

Should I compare the wind to true love

Always there as a friend 
Love being gentle as a dove 

It’s just love and it will never end 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

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  • Forum Moderator

@Tessa This is another one of your beautiful compositions. It reminds me of the moments when I feel a breeze through my hair against my neck and shoulders...it’s such a peaceful and refreshing feeling much like is described in this poem. Lovely job!

 

My Best,

Susan R?

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Tessa

 

Who is the woman inside me

She haunts my dreams 

Yet to be her is to be free

However it’s not what it seems

 

I am in a male form 

This body does not lie

I face a tormenting storm 

Who am I

 

Everyday Tessa’s is expressed

She is a beautiful soul 

But no one is impressed 

So she never feels whole

 

She had once a love 

Now replaces with pain 

She looks into the skies above 

What is it she is to attain

 

Beauty is her 

Creative poetic Soul 

But sometimes the lines blur

It’s to much to pull

 

The inside war wages on 

However her beauty and charm remain

Tessa is never gone 

Is she their to numb the pain

 

Here is the first poem about the woman living inside of me. 
 

Tessa?‍?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Creating What We Need

 

You never have to be lonely

If you let your mind create what you need

You never have to be a phony 

If you let your mind feed

 

Feed upon what your heart desires

Let your heart do the walking 

Let your heart put out the fires 

Get your mind talking

 

Put away negative thought

Love then you will find 

Let your mind be taught 

Let your heart hug your mind 
 

Let your heart bring your mind peace 

Knowing you are loved and wanted

Let your heart give you the release

So your mind is no longer haunted

 

Tessa?‍?

 

 

 

 

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Rare

 

As I wake up in the morning light 

I feel a special calling on me 

Got a revelation last night 

That opened my eye to see

 

I’m a rare jewel to this earth 

Spreading my love and light 

Hoping to give it a new birth 

A hope that will guide it through the night 

 

I will never be famous or rich 

I will only love because that’s all I know 

I’m here to enrich 

Show people where to go 

 

I will inspire you 

Make you love deep

Guide you through 

Kiss you to sleep 

 

I will not be understood 

Many will turn me away 

I’ll be their fire wood 

But I will never stray 

 

I’m here for you in every way! 
 

Tessa ?‍?

 

 

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Rare

 

As I wake up in the morning light 

I feel a special calling on me 

Got a revelation last night 

That opened my eye to see

 

I’m a rare jewel to this earth 

Spreading my love and light 

Hoping to give it a new birth 

A hope that will guide it through the night 

 

I will never be famous or rich 

I will only love because that’s all I know 

I’m here to enrich 

Show people where to go 

 

I will inspire you 

Make you love deep

Guide you through 

Kiss you to sleep 

 

I will not be understood 

Many will turn me away 

I’ll be their fire wood 

But I will never stray 

 

I’m here for you in every way! 
 

Tessa ?‍?

 

 

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COVID 

 

C is for connection. In this season the pandemic has called us all to connect more to our love ones. 
 

O is for Obstacles. In this time of reflection we we reminded of the many obstacles we have to face. 
 

V is for vent. This pandemic has caused us all to vent out our frustrations because we can no longer hide them in work or social activities. 

 

I is for internal. This pandemic has made us all internalize who we are inside and see our bad and good sides. 
 

D is for determination. Covid has made us more determined to help those in need and help as many people as we can get through this dark season. 
 

Tessa. 

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Her

 

I feel an ache coming on

My bones begin to creak 

Could this feeling be wrong

The truth I seek

 

Only some will understand 

Many will turn away 

This wasn’t the life I planned 

But She’s here to stay 

 

I can’t deny who’s inside 

She has to come out 

No longer can she hide 

I can hear her shout 

 

To deny ones self 

Is to not live at all
To long she’s been put on a shelf 

Tonight I hear her call 
 

Tessa

 

 

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11 hours ago, ToniTone said:

Ooo I like the firy energy in this one!

Thank you

 

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Normal?

 

So far from normal 

How far will I go 

How deep is the rabbit hole

I don’t know
 

Here starts my journey 

Discovering who I am 

Expelling the phony 

But how will I tell the fam

 

Will I be rejected and shamed 

Told I have to change myself 

Will I be blamed 
Told to put Tessa back on the shelf 

 

Back to my misery

My life of pain 

All so they can judge me 

This is insane 

 

Who can say who I am 

 Better than the person inside me

I have to break through the dam

And let them go free 

 

If they love me that’s fine 

If they hate me that’s ok to 

I forever am mine 

Torn to know what to do

 

Tessa.❤️

 

 

 

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T.S. Elliot just  gave you a  Wayne World bow. Amazing inspirational spoken word. thank you for sharing.

 

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My Own Skin 

 

This morning I woke 

I felt my own skin 

Not the past choke 

Not knowing where I’ve been 

 

I felt love in my heart 

For the one who is most dear

Embracing my female part 

Expelling all my fear 

 

A hot bath to feels so good 

To put my mind at peace 

I know now that I should 

Let all the wrestling cease

 

I will let my true self come out 

Bathed in her own beauty 

Not feel my mind with doubt 

But enjoy the serenity 

 

Let love breathe through my lungs today

A love I can share to everyone 

My sweet voice take their pain away 

Let my light show like the sun 

 

Today you will make it through

Let love be your friend today

All you can be is you 

Thats enough I say

 

Tessa?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Shattered Mirror 

 

Someone dropped me 

I shattered into pieces

Now I can’t see

All my brain ceases 

 

I lay broken on the floor 

Each piece crafted by pain 

What is life for 

Hurting again and again 

 

If you pick me up you might bleed 

So best to leave me shattered 

If it’s love you need 

I’ll let you know I’m bruised and battered 

 

Should you feel for me 

Or even try to fix the mirror

Would you care to see 

Would you recognize I’m here

 

I want to hang in your heart 

A place you can be proud of me 

I want that bran new start 

Can you make me see

 

Tessa ?

 

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    • April Marie
      I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career.   This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it.    Thank you for sharing your story, Sally.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
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