Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I Am Beautiful


Tessa

Recommended Posts

Empty

 

Feeling empty inside

Need to feel

Will this feeling subside 

Am I even real 

 

Where do I go when I sleep

Does the emptiness go away 

My mind can think so deep

Does the brain ever just want to run away

 

Away into another body 

A body that is full

A body that feels like somebody 
A body that’s wonderful 


Am I enough for my mind 

Are feelings stronger than what’s true

If I search will I find “nevermind”

Do you feel this way to 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 118
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Tessa

    76

  • Susan R

    7

  • ToniTone

    7

  • Mmindy

    7

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

  • Forum Moderator

Yes Tessa,

 

I love it. When I was first allowed to sit at the Big Table for Thanksgiving, we had a neighboring family (elderly couple) joining us. Mrs. Wallace was a WWII bride from Germany. I was so intrigued by her accent and word choice, that I had ask her a question. Now this was in the early 1970's so she had been in America since the 1940's and learned English as a child, but still spoke German in the home. Back to my question... "Mrs. Wallace, since you've been in America from  before the end of WWII. When you dream, do you dream in English or German? With a smile on her face she asked how old I was, because that is a very deep question for such a young person. She thought for a moment and said she thinks, and dreams in German. That's how I validated my dreaming in a fem persona, and never looked back. I learned not to share my dreams though because I was a boy, and boys don't have those dreams. Well that's what was told by my parents, and attending counselors. Today I follow William Arther Ward's quote- "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. 

 

Best wishes and sweet dreams,

 

Mmindy?

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Mmindy said:

Mrs. Wallace was a WWII bride from Germany. I was so intrigued by her accent and word choice, that I had ask her a question..... 

 

That story was really intriguing. The nature of the question really illustrates intellectual curiosity, and at such a young age. In my profession, I see a lot of older people. They are a wealth of wisdom and a tremendous source of stories. Like a virtual window into the past! Great post! Thanks, Mmindy!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
8 hours ago, Patti Anne said:

 

That story was really intriguing. The nature of the question really illustrates intellectual curiosity, and at such a young age. In my profession, I see a lot of older people. They are a wealth of wisdom and a tremendous source of stories. Like a virtual window into the past! Great post! Thanks, Mmindy!

Thank you Patty. 

 

My New Therapist has no idea of the the baggage we're about to unpack. I had my last one crying, because I answered her questions. What was your worst 911 response? What keeps you up? It took a couple of sessions to clear us both up. It's pretty bad when the group has to comfort the Counselor. Don't get me wrong, I love her, and she is a good Counselor.

 

Have a a great weekend.

 

Mmindy

Link to comment

Mmindy, I guess that means the therapy is working. My first session (a week ago) I cried a little, but I cried, sobbed really, on my GF's  (ShawnaLeigh's) shoulder. before the sessions when  we were discussing my family history. I had been scared to death to come out, especially to my kids. Shawna kept telling me it was not going to be as bad as I was expecting. And she was right. My 20 yo daughter walked over to me In the first 5 minutes of our talk, told me she loved me and thanked me for loving and trusting her enough to tell her such a deep secret that I had been carrying around for all my life. I was beside myself in disbelief.. She offered to be there  when I came out to my other 2 daughters and son. So I guess I am saying, is that once you get past The initial "unpacking" of your baggage, it seems to get a little better. Although, I haven't finished contacting my baggage either. I am still nervous regarding coming out to other people, but my daughter was the one who was most important to me.

 

But things get better as you ago. I'm somewhat new to this also just having had started HRT at the first of the year. Shawna was telling me how important a gender therapist is. And I totally agree.. He is kind of clearing the way for me to go forward. Keep unpacking that suitcase. The women here are all about helping each other get through this., So don't hesitate to come here for support!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm so happy for you Patti,

 

Ive been watching Jackie Rabbit's videos for a couple of years, now and she always closes her videos by recommending TransgenderPulse.com. My wife' company EAP just announced that they came to an agreement with the local hospital's mental health and wellness, for seven free sessions. I seen this and knew exactly what I had to do, and there's no turning back now. I'm in for the long haul and slow ride. I'm not looking for a secret switch to flip. I'm sure my daughter will be an advocate, she may already have me figured out, because she follows my guy mode Twitter Account, and sees the people I engage with tweeting #OldGuyAdvice. My son... I'm not so sure because I mentored him into the Academy and on every one of his promotional board tests, and interviews. He's second generation Public Safety and a Leader. I'm a National Speaker in the Public Safety Industry and it's going to crush is view of me. I know he'll always love me, I don't know if he'll accept Mmindy. Again I'm going slow and deliberate. 

 

I truly love love everyone here on this Forum.

 

?Mmindy?

Link to comment

Bridge

 

Standing on a bridge 

Watching cars below 

All this baggage 

Caught in the undertow 

 

As each person drives by 

I wonder where they go 

Sometimes I want to fly 

Away like a bird you know

 

 But I’m only human 

Feet stuck to the ground 

All the places I’ve been 

I hear my heart pound 

 

Like the wheels hitting the pavement

Slowly they rot away 

What has it all meant 

Another day to play 

 

I looked forward 

The bridge does end 

I look backward 

The bridge has a friend 

 

Most people pass on by 

But I’ll stay for awhile 

I’ll sit here and cry 

I’ll fake a smile

 

I’ll remain in the middle 

It’s safe here you see 

Playing my fiddle

Dreaming of being free 

 

Walking all the way across 

Someday it will be true 

Putting behind all the loss 

Doing what I’m suppose to do 

 

(Came to me. I was standing on a highway bridge looking at cars. I’m ok. I was listening to music. Powerful moment) 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good morning Tessa,

>HUGS<

I'm okay too.

Mmindy

Link to comment

Good morning Mmindy. I'm in it for the long run as well. Shawna and I were discussing details today since she's working on her legal change of name, etc. I came on Trans Pulse 6 months ago. When I was choosing a username, I figured Patti worked because my birth name is Pat. No confusion, right? Then this morning I started to think "do I want to be saddled with Patti as a legal name forever? Think Hamburger Patti, Patti O. Furniture, etc! Lol! No. So we started to look at different names for the long run. Pamela is leading the pack so far, but we'll see. 

 

I came out to my 20yo daughter last week. Her response astonished me. After I told her the basics, she came over, hugged me and told me she loved me and was happy that I trusted her enough to tell her everything that I did. She asked me a ton of questions, which showed me that she was sincere in learning more about it. She also volunteered to be there when I told my 15 and 28 yo daughters.

 

My son? Ehhhhhh...... I don't know. Probably not so much. He's certainly not going to embrace it. Like you, I raised my son on hunting, camping and fishing. I know that he won't out and out reject me, but he's not going to be enthusiastic either. My kids are the most important thing to me when it comes to coming out. Siblings? Friends and acquaintances? As I told Shawna, coming out will be a good filter to weed out non-friends from real friends and see how siblings value their relationships with you. 

 

Well, have a good day and remember, we're all here to support you.

 

Patti. 

 

PS, I love Jackie Rabbits videos. She's full of good advice. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I've always loved the name Patti, because I have the kindest, most caring cousin by that name. As kids we never thought about attaching all of those follow ups to her name.

 

>HUGS<

 

Mmindy ???

Link to comment

Thanks Mindi. I think that I have a bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor. And of course, like most other women, trans or cis, I watch my weight  as best I can. I occasionally come up with nicknames for myself. The most recent one was Hamburger Patti. Shawna absolutely hates that!  I like the reference to your cousin Patty. That's a sweet type of person to have in your life!

 

Have a great evening!

 

Patti

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Patti Anne said:

Thanks Mindi. I think that I have a bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor. And of course, like most other women, trans or cis, I watch my weight  as best I can. I occasionally come up with nicknames for myself. The most recent one was Hamburger Patti. Shawna absolutely hates that!  I like the reference to your cousin Patty. That's a sweet type of person to have in your life!

 

Have a great evening!

 

Patti

Yes I do!!!!  LOL

I'm not exactly sure why but I hate it when she calls herself that.

 

I think we all need to have whatever name we chose be a deeply personal feeling and have meaning to our lives. Either to tie oneself to our old life or to change it completely to erase your old self.  It has to be you to you. No one else. 

We struggled to contain ourselves for so long and when we decided to finally set that person free to blossom and grow you tasked to chose another name.   Chose by feeling it in your heart and soul do not just pick one out of a hat or from someone else life.  

When you find it you will know.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Patti & Shawa,

 

I agree with you both. 

In my guy mode life, I share #OldGuyAdvice and most of it is self deprecation.

When I use someone else's quote I always give them credit.

 

My most shared quote is: Life is a team event, you can always ask for help.

The second builds on that: Life is an open book test, you can always look up the answer or ask for help. 

 

"Listen to your elders advice, not because they are always right but because they have more experience of being wrong."-Unknown 

 

>HUGS< for you both, 

 

Mmindy???

Link to comment
14 hours ago, Mmindy said:

"Listen to your elders advice, not because they are always right but because they have more experience of being wrong."-Unknown 

May I add to this:

"And they lived to talk about it."  LOL

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes Shawna, you may share any of the quotes I post. It doesn't matter if it's one of my original MMoore or a credited quotes.

 

Another favorite: "When it seems like the whole world is against you, remember the airplane take off into the wind, not with it."-Henry Ford

 

For me these quotes are for the benefit of everyone. I'm thinking of starting a thread called "Quotes of the Mature".

 

Hugs and best wishes on your upcoming surgeries.

 

Mindy???

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

No Where To Hide 

 

I’m searching for a place to hide 

Somewhere I’ve never hidden before 

Somewhere I can finally confide 

And end this identity war 


Judging is in all of us 

We forget to look inside 

Why all this fuss 

I’ve no place to hide 

 

So I hide in plain sight 

Feeling all these eyes around me 

It’s a constant fight 

people are blind and can’t see 

 

We are all hiding from something 

But I choose to hide no more 

Misery leads to nothing 

I have much more to live for 

 

Love me or hate me 

But don’t ignore 

This is the truth you see 

My life means more 

 

I’m not here for you

My life isn’t balanced on what you say 

I will love you through and through 

If you hate just walk away 

 

If you choose to be open 

Then I beg you to stay 

Don’t use me as a token 

My life is not yours anyway 

 

So now hide and seek 

Looking for love in plain sight 

Love is not weak 

I know I’ll be alright

 

From 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • 9 months later...

True Love 

 

Have you ever felt it

what does true love feel like 

Here alone I sit 

On this lonely life hike 

 

I get up in the morning alone 

Turn on my computer to work for the day

See if any text’s on my phone 
Isolated at home I stay 

 

I get dressed up all pretty 

But who will even see my face 

I wish I could be free 

Break put from this place 

 

I just want someone to hold me 

To feel again true love‘s heart 

Someone to be with me 

Before this world I depart 

 

by, 

 

Tessa

 

 

Link to comment
  • 8 months later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 199 Guests (See full list)

    • Adrianna Danielle
    • MaeBe
    • MomTGDaughter
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
    • Ivy
      I'm actually in Asheville tonight.  Some of the people in the support group invited me for dinner after the meeting.  We're going to get together again tomorrow again. It's been nice, 4 trans women and 1 trans man, together ar a restaurant.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found https://www.project2025.org/policy/   I will have to read it.  I have not.  What is of concern?   The link provided earlier goes back to this forum.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My parents were life long Democrats. 
    • Ivy
      'Nuff said. Yeah I'm not thrilled with Biden either. There are some conservative ideas I'm good with.  And I do feel that the current Democratic party is too cozy with the bankers and wealthy.  But despite all their talk, when it comes down to it, so are the Republicans.  And it's not the Dems calling for our eradication. Unfortunately, I see this election as existential for trans folks.  
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   @Birdie your CNA Is ill informed about breast and proper bra fitting.   My wife and I are checking out a campground up in Michigan just a little North of Saginaw, MI. We had a great meal at a local tavern serving delicious perch fillet dinner.   We’re going to check out the Saginaw,MI Bay area for summer time activities for when we come back on occasion. We belong to a camping club call Adventure Outdoors and have free camping at their resorts around Michigan and Ohio.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...