Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I Am Beautiful


Tessa

Recommended Posts

Empty

 

Feeling empty inside

Need to feel

Will this feeling subside 

Am I even real 

 

Where do I go when I sleep

Does the emptiness go away 

My mind can think so deep

Does the brain ever just want to run away

 

Away into another body 

A body that is full

A body that feels like somebody 
A body that’s wonderful 


Am I enough for my mind 

Are feelings stronger than what’s true

If I search will I find “nevermind”

Do you feel this way to 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

Link to post
  • Replies 117
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Tessa

    76

  • ToniTone

    7

  • Mmindy

    7

  • Susan R

    7

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Yes Tessa,

 

I love it. When I was first allowed to sit at the Big Table for Thanksgiving, we had a neighboring family (elderly couple) joining us. Mrs. Wallace was a WWII bride from Germany. I was so intrigued by her accent and word choice, that I had ask her a question. Now this was in the early 1970's so she had been in America since the 1940's and learned English as a child, but still spoke German in the home. Back to my question... "Mrs. Wallace, since you've been in America from  before the end of WWII. When you dream, do you dream in English or German? With a smile on her face she asked how old I was, because that is a very deep question for such a young person. She thought for a moment and said she thinks, and dreams in German. That's how I validated my dreaming in a fem persona, and never looked back. I learned not to share my dreams though because I was a boy, and boys don't have those dreams. Well that's what was told by my parents, and attending counselors. Today I follow William Arther Ward's quote- "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. 

 

Best wishes and sweet dreams,

 

Mmindy?

Link to post
Patti Anne
1 hour ago, Mmindy said:

Mrs. Wallace was a WWII bride from Germany. I was so intrigued by her accent and word choice, that I had ask her a question..... 

 

That story was really intriguing. The nature of the question really illustrates intellectual curiosity, and at such a young age. In my profession, I see a lot of older people. They are a wealth of wisdom and a tremendous source of stories. Like a virtual window into the past! Great post! Thanks, Mmindy!

Link to post
8 hours ago, Patti Anne said:

 

That story was really intriguing. The nature of the question really illustrates intellectual curiosity, and at such a young age. In my profession, I see a lot of older people. They are a wealth of wisdom and a tremendous source of stories. Like a virtual window into the past! Great post! Thanks, Mmindy!

Thank you Patty. 

 

My New Therapist has no idea of the the baggage we're about to unpack. I had my last one crying, because I answered her questions. What was your worst 911 response? What keeps you up? It took a couple of sessions to clear us both up. It's pretty bad when the group has to comfort the Counselor. Don't get me wrong, I love her, and she is a good Counselor.

 

Have a a great weekend.

 

Mmindy

Link to post
Patti Anne

Mmindy, I guess that means the therapy is working. My first session (a week ago) I cried a little, but I cried, sobbed really, on my GF's  (ShawnaLeigh's) shoulder. before the sessions when  we were discussing my family history. I had been scared to death to come out, especially to my kids. Shawna kept telling me it was not going to be as bad as I was expecting. And she was right. My 20 yo daughter walked over to me In the first 5 minutes of our talk, told me she loved me and thanked me for loving and trusting her enough to tell her such a deep secret that I had been carrying around for all my life. I was beside myself in disbelief.. She offered to be there  when I came out to my other 2 daughters and son. So I guess I am saying, is that once you get past The initial "unpacking" of your baggage, it seems to get a little better. Although, I haven't finished contacting my baggage either. I am still nervous regarding coming out to other people, but my daughter was the one who was most important to me.

 

But things get better as you ago. I'm somewhat new to this also just having had started HRT at the first of the year. Shawna was telling me how important a gender therapist is. And I totally agree.. He is kind of clearing the way for me to go forward. Keep unpacking that suitcase. The women here are all about helping each other get through this., So don't hesitate to come here for support!

Link to post

I'm so happy for you Patti,

 

Ive been watching Jackie Rabbit's videos for a couple of years, now and she always closes her videos by recommending TransgenderPulse.com. My wife' company EAP just announced that they came to an agreement with the local hospital's mental health and wellness, for seven free sessions. I seen this and knew exactly what I had to do, and there's no turning back now. I'm in for the long haul and slow ride. I'm not looking for a secret switch to flip. I'm sure my daughter will be an advocate, she may already have me figured out, because she follows my guy mode Twitter Account, and sees the people I engage with tweeting #OldGuyAdvice. My son... I'm not so sure because I mentored him into the Academy and on every one of his promotional board tests, and interviews. He's second generation Public Safety and a Leader. I'm a National Speaker in the Public Safety Industry and it's going to crush is view of me. I know he'll always love me, I don't know if he'll accept Mmindy. Again I'm going slow and deliberate. 

 

I truly love love everyone here on this Forum.

 

?Mmindy?

Link to post

Bridge

 

Standing on a bridge 

Watching cars below 

All this baggage 

Caught in the undertow 

 

As each person drives by 

I wonder where they go 

Sometimes I want to fly 

Away like a bird you know

 

 But I’m only human 

Feet stuck to the ground 

All the places I’ve been 

I hear my heart pound 

 

Like the wheels hitting the pavement

Slowly they rot away 

What has it all meant 

Another day to play 

 

I looked forward 

The bridge does end 

I look backward 

The bridge has a friend 

 

Most people pass on by 

But I’ll stay for awhile 

I’ll sit here and cry 

I’ll fake a smile

 

I’ll remain in the middle 

It’s safe here you see 

Playing my fiddle

Dreaming of being free 

 

Walking all the way across 

Someday it will be true 

Putting behind all the loss 

Doing what I’m suppose to do 

 

(Came to me. I was standing on a highway bridge looking at cars. I’m ok. I was listening to music. Powerful moment) 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

Link to post

Good morning Tessa,

>HUGS<

I'm okay too.

Mmindy

Link to post
Patti Anne

Good morning Mmindy. I'm in it for the long run as well. Shawna and I were discussing details today since she's working on her legal change of name, etc. I came on Trans Pulse 6 months ago. When I was choosing a username, I figured Patti worked because my birth name is Pat. No confusion, right? Then this morning I started to think "do I want to be saddled with Patti as a legal name forever? Think Hamburger Patti, Patti O. Furniture, etc! Lol! No. So we started to look at different names for the long run. Pamela is leading the pack so far, but we'll see. 

 

I came out to my 20yo daughter last week. Her response astonished me. After I told her the basics, she came over, hugged me and told me she loved me and was happy that I trusted her enough to tell her everything that I did. She asked me a ton of questions, which showed me that she was sincere in learning more about it. She also volunteered to be there when I told my 15 and 28 yo daughters.

 

My son? Ehhhhhh...... I don't know. Probably not so much. He's certainly not going to embrace it. Like you, I raised my son on hunting, camping and fishing. I know that he won't out and out reject me, but he's not going to be enthusiastic either. My kids are the most important thing to me when it comes to coming out. Siblings? Friends and acquaintances? As I told Shawna, coming out will be a good filter to weed out non-friends from real friends and see how siblings value their relationships with you. 

 

Well, have a good day and remember, we're all here to support you.

 

Patti. 

 

PS, I love Jackie Rabbits videos. She's full of good advice. 

Link to post

I've always loved the name Patti, because I have the kindest, most caring cousin by that name. As kids we never thought about attaching all of those follow ups to her name.

 

>HUGS<

 

Mmindy ???

Link to post
Patti Anne

Thanks Mindi. I think that I have a bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor. And of course, like most other women, trans or cis, I watch my weight  as best I can. I occasionally come up with nicknames for myself. The most recent one was Hamburger Patti. Shawna absolutely hates that!  I like the reference to your cousin Patty. That's a sweet type of person to have in your life!

 

Have a great evening!

 

Patti

Link to post
ShawnaLeigh
1 hour ago, Patti Anne said:

Thanks Mindi. I think that I have a bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor. And of course, like most other women, trans or cis, I watch my weight  as best I can. I occasionally come up with nicknames for myself. The most recent one was Hamburger Patti. Shawna absolutely hates that!  I like the reference to your cousin Patty. That's a sweet type of person to have in your life!

 

Have a great evening!

 

Patti

Yes I do!!!!  LOL

I'm not exactly sure why but I hate it when she calls herself that.

 

I think we all need to have whatever name we chose be a deeply personal feeling and have meaning to our lives. Either to tie oneself to our old life or to change it completely to erase your old self.  It has to be you to you. No one else. 

We struggled to contain ourselves for so long and when we decided to finally set that person free to blossom and grow you tasked to chose another name.   Chose by feeling it in your heart and soul do not just pick one out of a hat or from someone else life.  

When you find it you will know.

Link to post

Patti & Shawa,

 

I agree with you both. 

In my guy mode life, I share #OldGuyAdvice and most of it is self deprecation.

When I use someone else's quote I always give them credit.

 

My most shared quote is: Life is a team event, you can always ask for help.

The second builds on that: Life is an open book test, you can always look up the answer or ask for help. 

 

"Listen to your elders advice, not because they are always right but because they have more experience of being wrong."-Unknown 

 

>HUGS< for you both, 

 

Mmindy???

Link to post
ShawnaLeigh
14 hours ago, Mmindy said:

"Listen to your elders advice, not because they are always right but because they have more experience of being wrong."-Unknown 

May I add to this:

"And they lived to talk about it."  LOL

Link to post

Yes Shawna, you may share any of the quotes I post. It doesn't matter if it's one of my original MMoore or a credited quotes.

 

Another favorite: "When it seems like the whole world is against you, remember the airplane take off into the wind, not with it."-Henry Ford

 

For me these quotes are for the benefit of everyone. I'm thinking of starting a thread called "Quotes of the Mature".

 

Hugs and best wishes on your upcoming surgeries.

 

Mindy???

Link to post
  • 1 month later...

No Where To Hide 

 

I’m searching for a place to hide 

Somewhere I’ve never hidden before 

Somewhere I can finally confide 

And end this identity war 


Judging is in all of us 

We forget to look inside 

Why all this fuss 

I’ve no place to hide 

 

So I hide in plain sight 

Feeling all these eyes around me 

It’s a constant fight 

people are blind and can’t see 

 

We are all hiding from something 

But I choose to hide no more 

Misery leads to nothing 

I have much more to live for 

 

Love me or hate me 

But don’t ignore 

This is the truth you see 

My life means more 

 

I’m not here for you

My life isn’t balanced on what you say 

I will love you through and through 

If you hate just walk away 

 

If you choose to be open 

Then I beg you to stay 

Don’t use me as a token 

My life is not yours anyway 

 

So now hide and seek 

Looking for love in plain sight 

Love is not weak 

I know I’ll be alright

 

From 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

Link to post
  • 9 months later...

True Love 

 

Have you ever felt it

what does true love feel like 

Here alone I sit 

On this lonely life hike 

 

I get up in the morning alone 

Turn on my computer to work for the day

See if any text’s on my phone 
Isolated at home I stay 

 

I get dressed up all pretty 

But who will even see my face 

I wish I could be free 

Break put from this place 

 

I just want someone to hold me 

To feel again true love‘s heart 

Someone to be with me 

Before this world I depart 

 

by, 

 

Tessa

 

 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 60 Guests (See full list)

    • 2beBreanna
    • Stephen24
    • DonkeySocks
    • whatishappening
    • MaryEllen
    • Rorelai
    • CD Rachel
    • Chloe Cozee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      73,716
    • Total Posts
      680,506
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,304
    • Most Online
      8,356

    scotchtape
    Newest Member
    scotchtape
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. brokenshadows
      brokenshadows
      (41 years old)
    2. Harley
      Harley
      (40 years old)
    3. seven
      seven
      (18 years old)
  • Posts

    • 2beBreanna
      Thanks.  I will look into these. Not sure how many places we are looking for yet but it will probably be 4.. one for each week in june.
    • DonkeySocks
      Hey, this news (long time coming) made me smile. Sounds like you are in a good place emotionally and physically.
    • DonkeySocks
      Sounds like a great day. Thanks for sharing.
    • DonkeySocks
      Oh, and I think a loose, long skirt looks more gender-neutral than a form-hugging knee-length skirt, when you have thigh/hip curves. Kinda draw the eye down to the lower leg instead of sticking at the curves.
    • DonkeySocks
      Plaid flannels in a size or two larger than your usual shirt size. Lace-up boots or ankle-high shoes, even if you're in a skirt. A masculine hat over the short haircut. Turtleneck shirt or sweater. Leather bracelets/wristlets or a masculine watch. So many people associate skirts with females that they will gender based on the skirt without looking at anything else, but if you're in pants, a hat can really help. Also, straight-cut jeans look more generically masculine than sweatpants do, I think. You will have to experiment with size because of the men's jeans not being made for your hips. If you live in an area with a farm store that sells Carhartt brand jeans you might try those.   When you want to look twink and still make people do a double-take, you might try a hat, a button-down shirt that's more dressy than flannel, but still a size or two larger so it won't fit your curves too closely, and high-top shoes. All that with a skirt. Also, plaid skirts might make people think more masculine, depending on the color.
    • VickySGV
      The Scots and Irish, and gay men I know wear a Kilt which is a skirt of sorts.  I have a couple used for various statements I like to make. Mine are not tartan plaid, one is black and another is a pinstriped fabric, but definitely male attire to most people.  For me they are gender neutral.  Utilikilt and Stump Town Kilts are where I have gotten mine.
    • VickySGV
      National Center for Transgender Equality (HQ in New York, but active nation wide) Transgender Law Center (San Francisco based, but active nationwide.) Trans Life Line which is listed on our page in Suicide prevention   Local LGBTQ Centers have Trans Programs, and can be found here: https://www.lgbtcenters.org/LGBTCenters Donations can be earmarked for Trans Programs.   Equality Texas is working to help Trans and Families in the current legislative maelstrom.   I will quit there, because there are many groups that will be happy to receive donations.    
    • 2beBreanna
      Hey all.  My company has started a business resource group for LBGTQ+.  I somehow managed to get picked for a chair position on the board.  We are just starting things up and will be discussing plans for pride month this week.  Part of what the company is looking to do is make a donation to a LBGTQ group that supports the community in a positive way.  Something that is nationwide or west of the Mississippi River would be preferred.  So far we have suggested PFLAG and Pride Sports USA.  What other groups would you all suggest. I would like to find something more trans related to suggest to the group.  Even if it's something local we can look into it.     I am sure I will be looking for more help as I go through this journey as I am newer to the group.  Thanks in advance for all you all do.
    • Susan R
      What used to work for me early in transition before ‘something’ shrunk into obscurity, was a medium absorbency pad along with a moderately tight pair of panties. I would wear that to the gym and I had no issues with bulges. You again look great as usual.   Susan R🌷
    • Elizabeth Star
      Thanks everyone. I do like this outfit but the downside is keeping the parts in place all day. I know I could wear a pair of two of tight undies to get the same effect but I’m weird and don’t like panty lines in leggings. I just remembered I have some cutoffs I could try this with when I get rid of these pasty-white winter legs.    I love this thread. Everyone has great looks. 
    • Davie
      A Believing Sonnet  Numbness is close to godliness when I miss you.  Feeling is believing when you speak to me.  At lunch my hands keep busy spooning miso soup,  as I count noses, yours and mine don’t equal three.  What women wear means nothing to my poetry,  but I remember all the dresses you wore this fall,  as if outside visions of cotton mattered to me— 
 as if a fitbit counted important feelings for all.  Do brown leather boots with black heels mean  anything to a small wallet and a phone poem?  I count the times you smile infinity beams 
in disgust at my hope to dispatch all wrongs.  My feet don’t remember bread gave them power.  My words don’t know how I can love the hour.   —— Davie     
    • Beatriz
      Wow, that sounds great! Congratulations! I'm very happy for you.
    • whatishappening
      Thank you!
    • Jackie C.
      While I'm not an expert (Hey, I went the other way), I can say that it takes a LOT of weight training to build big muscles on E. You'd want to focus on your upper body (Arms, chest, shoulders) and core work (Waist, obliques). Fun fact: If you do your obliques (those are the muscles on either side of your waist) with a weight, the muscle swells and you'll have a more boyish appearance. The thing is, that if your body is only producing female levels of T, it's going to take a pretty major lifestyle change. I spend two hours in the gym every morning and I pass pretty easily as female. If you want to build muscle mass, it's gonna be work.   Otherwise, you seem pretty on-point. Binder. Short hair, etc... I'm sure some of our other FtMs can chime in with better advice, but Welcome to Transpulse! We're glad you're here!   Hugs!
    • Jandi
      @Red_Lauren.Sounds like things are going well for you.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...