Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Should I Come Out?


Recommended Posts

So I'm in sort of a unique position. I've never held a steady job because of mental illness, and live off of Disability. However, because I want to enter the workforce at some point I've signed up to get help finding a job through a vocational rehab that helps people with disabilities find work. 


Do you guys think my worker there should know that I'm transgender? I'm currently unable to transition medically, but would like to transition socially and have people call me by my preferred name. 

Link to post

I am unsure what legal protections there are where you are Mochi, but in the UK I did a similar job for a charity over here helping people back into the workplace, and here the Disability Discrimination Act coupled with wider discrimination laws pretty much guarantees that any company and prospective employer will use your preferred name and pronouns as in theory they are not as important as proving you are capable and work ready (reality can be different and be prepared for that in break rooms\changing rooms etc depending on the environment you seek to work in). Transition is always going to be up to you. The hard part was usually getting employers to give someone a chance in the first place. Once they saw they had someone who wanted to be there and did the job well they usually kept them on and everyone was happy. :)

Link to post

I live in NY and we have the GENDA anti-discrimination law, which protects people's freedom of gender expression. I'm not really sure what it entails exactly because, like I said, I've never held a job. 


A friend of mine recently came out to me as trans, though, and he is out in his workplace and using his preferred name. He just had to clear it with HR first. If I came out to my worker, wouldn't they already know to call me by my preferred name, though? 


Sorry if this is at all confusing. 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

You might tell your social worker you want to tell them something sensitive and let them know.  I don't know that it would affect your looking for a job though.  I don't know how they would know to address you by your preferred name unless you made it clear you wanted them to.  It depends upon how far you want to come out at this time.  



Link to post

Are you a woman, or are you a transgender woman? How you want to be perceived should determine how you present and what you want people to know.

Link to post
53 minutes ago, Beverly said:

Are you a woman, or are you a transgender woman? How you want to be perceived should determine how you present and what you want people to know.

I am FtM with little choice about how I present because my family forced to get rid of the majority of my masc clothes and I have no money for a haircut. If it weren't for the boobs (and glasses), I'm 70% sure I could pass for a longhaired man. 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

I don't know if it helps but i know several trans men who have to or choose to only be out to a few privileged folks who they feel safe with.  It might only be difficult with your "worker" if they used the wrong name and pronoun at the wrong time.

The living in-between time can have problems.

Do you have a therapist with whom you can speak openly?





Link to post
12 hours ago, Charlize said:

I don't know if it helps but i know several trans men who have to or choose to only be out to a few privileged folks who they feel safe with.  It might only be difficult with your "worker" if they used the wrong name and pronoun at the wrong time.

The living in-between time can have problems.

Do you have a therapist with whom you can speak openly?





Yes, my therapist is very supportive. I just came out to her last week, and she was great, but she is not a gender therapist is the only problem. 

Link to post
  • 4 weeks later...

I think it depends on you , the work place and the people you work with . There are decent people everywhere and bad apples to.  There can be all the laws in place and one the books but do you work for an employer that is going to stand by them or ignore them .  Also same employer but different location , you will know it when you get the feeling .  But don't assume someone who appears to be liberal has an open mind many don't and are complete bigots when it comes to LBGT . 

Link to post

Regardless of how or what or whom you come to out....If you have not legal change your name or sex...then your paystud and HR will continue to use you legal ID. As for co-workers...My friends father use to quote this after to us after he gave us advice.." SOMETHING IS ALWAYS GOING TO HAPPRN...UNTIL IT DON'T."   Basically you decide or they will..Good Luck

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 55 Guests (See full list)

    • Drayse
    • Katharina
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Tracie Jada
    Newest Member
    Tracie Jada
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. claire1000
      (70 years old)
    2. nikrs
  • Posts

    • Drayse
      Hi @Vanessa Michelle,   And I'm still not done! I've never been so impatient to get something done as this, but there are so many people I have to update and a mass mailing seems too impersonal. I'm sure you'll do it when you're ready to do it. No sooner, no later.   Cheers, Drayse
    • Drayse
      Hi @Carolyn Marie I appreciate that.   Cheers, Dryase
    • Drayse
      Hi and thanks @Bri2020   Cheers, Drayse  
    • Jamie68
      It's great that you have that kind of support with your coworkers. I don't think any of mine would have been that thoughtful.
    • Mmindy
      Small World Emily, my baby brother is a dispatcher and batch operator for Arnold Readymix. I hope things are going well for you. GirlMechanicsRock and being in the quarry/mining industry you really Rock.    Best wishes, stay positive, and safe   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Aww, @ElizabethStarthat would be so cool! I would have such a hard time waiting to get home to try them all on! Love it!! That was really sweet of her ❤️
    • Sally Stone
      Ann, I love your new boots and the coat, real nice!
    • ElizabethStar
      Congrats @2beBreanna!   I couldn't stop myself and took mine as soon as I got in the car. Why did I park so far away? Stupid street parking.   One of my friends at work gave a bag of clothes today. She came into my office area with it and immediately started  rummaging through it. Pulling stuff out and showing it to me. I think you'll like this...This'll look good on you. I was only slightly mortified this was happening. My office mates are guys and knew me before, made it kinda awkward. I got some nice stuff though and a dress. A sleeveless dress none-the-less. Of course I had to try it on when I got home (I tried it all on). It fits....really good. I just started going out in skirts and now a dress appears in my life. Just need an occasion to wear it. And the wife thing. I think she said no dresses but I'm not sure if that was no buying, wearing or just not in front of her. Oh well, life's a gamble.    
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @Chloé ReiYes!! Love the trans colors!! Those are also my fav colors coincidentally! ⚧️
    • VickySGV
      My basic relationship with them has not really changed.  I let all of them simply use my first name and I guess there are a few more legitimate hugs that are not "creepy hugs" like the males in my family are infamous for.  HRT has smoothed my temper out and I am not claiming dominance as I used to. My hobbies are still the same, because I had some "girl hobbies" in the past as well. My ex-wife is still my kids Mom and it is her right to have it, and she and my Daughter-in-Law's mother are the Grand kids Grandma's.  If the GK's refer to me it is as Grandparent and they leave it there, but they actually LIKE calling me by my first name.  We do have private "dad and grandpa" moments but even there, the big deal is I am a caring adult that holds them up and whom they can trust, and who gives them validity. 
    • Chloé Rei
      Gym outfit.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      That's a great question! I never thought of getting one of those! That would be really nice to have in addition to pajamas. 
    • 2beBreanna
      Thanks everyone.  It happened a lot faster than I thought it would.  I wish everyone would be able to start as easily.  To many hoops to jump through for many.    Gotta get to bed early tonight so I can wake up at 4 to shovel before work.  Where can I get a cozy flannel nighty.  Can't seem to find cute comfy pjs.
    • RhondaS
      We knew Joe Manchin (WV) would be a hard sell on this,  but then Krysten Sinema (AZ) says she wants to keep the filibuster and won't even consider changing her mind. 
    • Susan R
      @RobynNYC I have 6 actual grandchildren but 7 if you count a step granddaughter. I realize it’s not the same as your own child but in every instance these children whose ages were at the time 7 through 12 were completely open to the idea of me transitioning to a woman and effectively becoming Nanna Susan. Each of my daughters have 2 children of their own. Each daughter allowed the revelation of my transition to be handled differently. My oldest daughters children were told a few weeks later by my daughter and SIL using some age appropriate children’s books on the subject. The then 7 year old grandson cried (He thought everything was going to go away) but after I visited him as Susan, he became very attached...in a different way than before because of the gender change. My then 11 year old granddaughter and I now have the best possible relationship one could ask for.   My oldest daughter and her new hubby decided to use the same books for my then 7 and 12 year old grandsons and then they came over a month later for a BBQ to meet me as Susan. They weren’t shocked as they had been shown many pictures of me prior to meeting me for the first time.   My youngest daughter and her then fiancé allowed me to talk to my then 8 year old grandson and then 10 year old granddaughter. I spent an hour discussing it at their level and then had them ask me any questions they wanted. They had plenty but it was a nice bonding moment. I did this presenting as male. The next day I went to a park presenting as female with them and the were very happy.   The 7th step granddaughter who was 15 is very accepting and happens to be dating a FtM so it was never going to be an issue with her in any regard.   Over the past two years I have met several other children within my siblings family that had known me as my male persona and none of them have had any difficulty with my transition. In my experience, children at these age ranges seem to be very accepting for the most part.   My Best, Susan R🌷
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...