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Should I Come Out?


mochi90

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So I'm in sort of a unique position. I've never held a steady job because of mental illness, and live off of Disability. However, because I want to enter the workforce at some point I've signed up to get help finding a job through a vocational rehab that helps people with disabilities find work. 

 

Do you guys think my worker there should know that I'm transgender? I'm currently unable to transition medically, but would like to transition socially and have people call me by my preferred name. 

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I am unsure what legal protections there are where you are Mochi, but in the UK I did a similar job for a charity over here helping people back into the workplace, and here the Disability Discrimination Act coupled with wider discrimination laws pretty much guarantees that any company and prospective employer will use your preferred name and pronouns as in theory they are not as important as proving you are capable and work ready (reality can be different and be prepared for that in break rooms\changing rooms etc depending on the environment you seek to work in). Transition is always going to be up to you. The hard part was usually getting employers to give someone a chance in the first place. Once they saw they had someone who wanted to be there and did the job well they usually kept them on and everyone was happy. :)

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I live in NY and we have the GENDA anti-discrimination law, which protects people's freedom of gender expression. I'm not really sure what it entails exactly because, like I said, I've never held a job. 

 

A friend of mine recently came out to me as trans, though, and he is out in his workplace and using his preferred name. He just had to clear it with HR first. If I came out to my worker, wouldn't they already know to call me by my preferred name, though? 

 

Sorry if this is at all confusing. 

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You might tell your social worker you want to tell them something sensitive and let them know.  I don't know that it would affect your looking for a job though.  I don't know how they would know to address you by your preferred name unless you made it clear you wanted them to.  It depends upon how far you want to come out at this time.  

 

Jani

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Are you a woman, or are you a transgender woman? How you want to be perceived should determine how you present and what you want people to know.

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53 minutes ago, Beverly said:

Are you a woman, or are you a transgender woman? How you want to be perceived should determine how you present and what you want people to know.

I am FtM with little choice about how I present because my family forced to get rid of the majority of my masc clothes and I have no money for a haircut. If it weren't for the boobs (and glasses), I'm 70% sure I could pass for a longhaired man. 

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I don't know if it helps but i know several trans men who have to or choose to only be out to a few privileged folks who they feel safe with.  It might only be difficult with your "worker" if they used the wrong name and pronoun at the wrong time.

The living in-between time can have problems.

Do you have a therapist with whom you can speak openly?

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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12 hours ago, Charlize said:

I don't know if it helps but i know several trans men who have to or choose to only be out to a few privileged folks who they feel safe with.  It might only be difficult with your "worker" if they used the wrong name and pronoun at the wrong time.

The living in-between time can have problems.

Do you have a therapist with whom you can speak openly?

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Yes, my therapist is very supportive. I just came out to her last week, and she was great, but she is not a gender therapist is the only problem. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
Kris-Boston

I think it depends on you , the work place and the people you work with . There are decent people everywhere and bad apples to.  There can be all the laws in place and one the books but do you work for an employer that is going to stand by them or ignore them .  Also same employer but different location , you will know it when you get the feeling .  But don't assume someone who appears to be liberal has an open mind many don't and are complete bigots when it comes to LBGT . 

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Regardless of how or what or whom you come to out....If you have not legal change your name or sex...then your paystud and HR will continue to use you legal ID. As for co-workers...My friends father use to quote this after to us after he gave us advice.." SOMETHING IS ALWAYS GOING TO HAPPRN...UNTIL IT DON'T."   Basically you decide or they will..Good Luck

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