Welcome to Trans Pulse, LauraMarie. I'm sure we can learn as much from you as you can from any of us. You are a pioneer! Congrats on your long marriage, too. We welcome your contributions to these forums.
I waver and waffle, but I usually wind up on the right side of the hill by the end. I suppose it's a combination of letting myself feel the feelings, then taking steps to move forward. Sometimes it's journaling about my feelings and tracking them back and forth in words. Sometimes it's having a conversation with a friend or my wife. Sometimes it's a nap. When things are really bad, I think of my wife and kids and how much I love them and how I would march through fire for them.
Welcome Laura Marie! Glad you're here. I stopped to think what my life was like in 1992. It wasn't transitioning, I was deep in the corner of a dark closet, with a lot of self hate & denial. How did you come to accept you as you? Was there any support?
I am having a difficult time with this hiding. So I think I am going to start pushing my boundaries. This week I came out to a friend at work. He is supportive and told me he is available if I need to talk. I then spoke to my brother and he and his wife now know. They both told me that they still love me and though they do not understand that this is about my happiness and they want me to be happy. I plan on talking to my sister soon. Then the hard part will be talking to my son, he worries me the most but this must be done. Then i will start to look at work. I would like to be full time by the end of this summer.
Well had a good feeling today. Our apt is about 50 yrds from the parking lot. It is a PIA. SO today I am walking out to do some work on the wagon. Get her ready for the road trip tomorrow.
I notice that my pony tail is bouncing as I walked. Just like a girls does. I made me feel great.
I forgot to mention. Second day on my new job. Yesterday was all paperwork, today was all over the plant. Introduced to everyone as Hannah, and she this, her that. So awesome. Then I found out that my name badge can't have Hannah on it until I legally change my name. Not what I was initially told.😟 It actually didn't hit me all that hard at first, until I was introduced to a couple of folks in the same job who had their name badges hanging on their shirt pockets. Got kinda triggered.😬
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