Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Even “Inclusive” Churches can have “LGBTQ-phobic” members


Susan R

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

Back in 2003, I stopped going to a Christian church that I had been attending for ten years.  I actually quit all organized religion after that because they didn’t accept my wife for being previously divorced.  They treated her like a second class citizen.  In late 2013, I started a community bible study in my home that I kept going strong until shortly before I came out to the world last May 2019.

 

Shortly after stopping the Bible study, my wife and I decided we wanted some new Christian fellowship that we could do together.   We started looking for an inclusive Christian church together last fall.  We found one we really liked after attending 3 other churches off and on.  It was actually the same church where our PFLAG support group met so I knew they weren’t completely opposed to people like myself.  The new church we found and started to attend regularly had voted in favor of the affirming inclusiveness of LGBTQ+ Individuals almost 2 years ago but is just now starting to educate their congregation about it in an attempt to to get them onboard.  I had assumed the church was much further ahead in their inclusiveness than they actually are.  The church is actively promoting doctrine that is LGBTQ+ inclusive and that is nice to see.  They have an LGBTQ+ Diversity Team which is now creating classes, groups and events that help with this newly adopted “mission”.

 

It was either my first or second visit to this church last year that I encountered my first negative reaction to being either Lesbian or Trans during a service.  It’s very hard to know exactly which part of me the person despised.  I won’t go into details because some of you already know them from a previous post.  I was hoping with all the recently new focus on inclusiveness that this might be an isolated incident within this church...but it was not.

 

Today, during the service, the couple directly in front of us turned around to greet us near the beginning of the service as prompted by the Pastor.  After my wife and I traded introductions and shook their hands, it seemed like all was good.  But then the wife right in front of us leans over to the husband and says, “They’re lesbians!” like we weren’t even there.  I’m not sure how many people heard it too but I actually couldn’t believe the audacity of these professed Christians.  I was curious as to what gave them this impression about our sexuality in the first place.  My wife and I did not show any outward PDA or endearments that could have caused this rude statement.  To top it off, when they turned around at the appropriate time later in the service to offer the ritual of “peace”, they acted somewhat normal.

 

I’m not going to let this event spoil my attempts to become a viable member within the church if I decide to become a member.  I know some of us would just say “forget this bs” and leave for good.  My thought is...If I did leave, they win.  So just because a church has the inclusiveness rainbow stickered all over their windows, it doesn’t mean they've all arrived yet.  This negative momentary event was countered nicely with my wife and I staying afterwards and chatting with a few members for over an hour.  There’s definitely hope but it looks like it’s going to be a long road ahead for the both of us.

 

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Admin

South of you here  I am on the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles LGBT ministry team as a lay person, and have been for nearly 8 years.  The Constitution and Canons of the National Church say that LGBT people are to be welcomed and accepted at all levels of membership and have been that way for LGB for 25 years and almost 5 years for Trans people.  Even with all that, I have experienced what happened to you several times as well.  Usually it is a matter of someone who has not met an LGBT person before and their reaction is really surprise that we are really just the humans that they are.  We are not sexual predators or ferocious animals  but still if they have not gotten to know us or knowingly met one or more of us and it is not an intention to reject us of shun us.  I was at a Parish recently where they were celebrating the dedication of a Service Center for their LGBT members and community members, and it turned into a very nice party.  I was standing around talking to people as the party was breaking up and a 50's age couple came up to me since I had been given a host name badge and were telling me how much fun they had and how welcomed they felt, and then told me they had come late and not known what the party  was really about.  When I told them, the jaws dropped and they looked puzzled, and then we talked a bit more and the smiles came back as they realized that LGBT was not at all what they imagined and instead of other feelings they had imagined about us they now felt wonderfully comfortable with us and not strange.  The wife told me it would take a little getting used to to see same sex couples kissing or holding hands, but their experience had been so nice they knew they could be friends of the community if not allies. Three way hug as they left  -- I never did come out to them as Trans though.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Susan R said:

 But then the wife right in front of us leans over to the husband and says, “They’re lesbians!” like we weren’t even there.  

 

Sorry to hear this Susan, for many "Cis Het" folks anything that is out of their comfort zone can bring out the strangeness. 

 

Mathew 7:2 comes to mind after reading your post. 

 

You are better than this, and rise above

 

Hugs

 

C

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Susan R said:

But then the wife right in front of us leans over to the husband and says, “They’re lesbians!” like we weren’t even there. 

 

I am sorry you had this unpleasant experience.

 

My wife, who is both bratty and very, very quick, might have said something like, "Yes we are.  Aren't you glad you met us?"  She wouldn't let it go, and would have ensured that they knew they were overheard.  Very pleasantly, of course.  :D

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Susan R You could have replied, "We've never been to Greece!" but I'm not sure many would get the connection.

 

@KathyLauren I love it!  Your wife is certainly unique. 

  

Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 118 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • MaryEllen
    • Ivy
    • Wasylyna
    • DeeDee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think the key to that is just not minding eating the same thing repeatedly. Since we produce a lot of our own food here, we end up eating what is in season at the moment. So, when the yellow squash is ripening, we end up fixing squash 20 different ways. When the strawberries are ready, we eat lots of strawberries. It's kind of a different mindset to eat in season when it has become such a part of American culture but the grocery store has everything we want all the time. Like grapes in December.  My family does even things out a little bit by having a greenhouse so we have some fresh things in the winter, but it's not a 100% fix.
    • KathyLauren
      My brothers and I had to eat what was on the plate.  All of it, and nothing else.  Pickiness was not tolerated.  Some of our least favourite were liver and onions, sauerkraut, and especially rollmops (pickled herring).  We finally protested enough to persuade our mother not to serve rollmops, though she kept a jar in the pantry for years afterwards, as a threat if we didn't behave.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I'll go first.  My favorite team is the Yankees.  Loved them since I was a kid.  I was born in NYC so, yeah.  I know everyone loves to hate them, and that's OK.  I just love baseball in general.  It's a game of traditions, strategy, power, grace and skill.   Play Ball!!  ⚾   Carolyn Marie
    • Ashley0616
      I guess you do have a good point. It's just hard to try and not have the same meals over and over again. 
    • Willow
      Hi   I’ll weigh in on being picky about food.  Yes, and I was brought up that way.  We didn’t have to eat everything our parents ate.  They had a number of things they ate that they figured we wouldn’t eat, an acquired taste things or one or the other didn’t like them too.   even as an adult there are many things I won’t eat.  In my defense, there are different things my wife won’t eat.   the weird thing is that after being in E, my tastes have changed.  Sweet, sour, salty or bland, if I eat or drink too much of any one thing and I have to counter act it.   Willow
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...