Another New Member, another lost soul

[Jackie C.]

Ugh, I keep getting adds for shirts that look SO GOOD on the models and that I would love to wear, but the practical part of me says, "Yeah, that would look good on you... if you were shaped like that." And back to reality.

 

Doesn't keep me from wishing I was shaped like that though. It's just a more low-key envy like any other woman has for a girl that's got something she wishes she had herself. The dysphoria monster only mews now instead of the great roaring and gnashing of teeth.

 

I still wouldn't mind a fuller chest though. ?

 

Hugs!

[Kelsey Brooke]

I came out to my wife a little over two months ago and it has been a rollercoaster. She gets mad, sad, and happy all within the same conversation. It is just as much as a change for her as it is for you. What has worked for me, so far, is taking it slow until she can adjust to the change. I have not started anything yet, such as therapy (which I have tried on several occasions, darn Covid) or HRT, but wanting to soon. She has asked me multiple times how far am I going to go. The answer is always the same: I won't know until I feel like me. She doesn't like that, but it's the only answer I have.

 

I hope everything works out for you and your wife and that you can finally be … you.

[Tori M]

Kathrynn, sacrificing yourself for others will eventually break you.  I've done it, really bad.  I'm a giver, a people-pleaser.  Eventually I grew hateful toward those I was trying to care for and love and subsequently I hated myself and they didn't like me much either.  Making time/space for yourself is a necessity in life.  No matter what the tasklist and the clock says, you simply have to make room for yourself.  Put yourself on the tasklist if necessary.  Do anything you have to do to take care of yourself even for just a few minutes every day.  Enjoying a long bubble bath instead of racing through a shower can work wonders.  Think of it this way... who is going to take care of them and all that work if you're broken?  Keep up the therapy.  It doesn't have to end up disappointing your wife.  She might be scared of losing you.  I think you know that.  The therapy can just help you find a way, a balance, to live your life without sacrificing everything.  It's not selfish... you're doing it for those that you love, too.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

If you're a smart-ass like I am, you can add something like, "I hear it's great!"

 

21 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

that's what we're taught to do as men. "Rar! I'd take a bullet for my family! No hardship is too great! Testicles!"

Haahaa ? OMG! Love you, Jackie ❣️

 

21 hours ago, KathrynnCox said:

Jackie, putting others first over everything is what got me institutionalized for a week back in November.

I'm stuck often in the same place Katie.  Thinking of others first.

Even the last couple of days I thought to myself, "maybe I should trash all my clothes and shoes and just live as a man the rest of my life so I don't have to see my wife so unhappy" (as others on this forum have tried)

 

... BUT, I know that won't work, because in the end she won't like that unhappy man she is living with either.  So, I am now trying to show her the kinder, gentler person I think I would be to her as my true self (whatever that ends up being).  Also, that has seemed to help her take a turn to the better the last couple of days. 

Anyway, I know that often the partner/significant other is a mirror of the turmoil that is going on inside of our own self.  If we can make a fundamental change in our deepest self, it will be reflected back by them.  A calm pond.

For now, finding a time/place to dress might help.  It does for me.
hugs to both of you ❣️

 

[Patrice]

Hey Katie,

I wish you all the best. I was a building contractor and now I'm a brewer, our world is catching up. Girls can do what guys used to do. If you want to be a girl and work on motorbikes you go girl! When I told my sisters recently I am trans they were surprised because of my interests. I'm starting HRT next week. I've got a wife 2 kids and Im 37. My wife thinks that things will work out once I've transitioned but who knows. I think my point is that as far as we know, we get one life to live. I always wished I was a girl and wished that someday (if one can pick their own religion) I would be reborn as a girl....Pipedream. I'm here, I'm alive and I'm a girl , so here I go. I'm terrified of loosing my wife and disrupting family life and work but I'm not content having to be a man so I have to take a chance. In your case, it sounds like the likelihood of loosing what you have to be who you want to be might be high. I wish you all the best in what you choose to do. Being trans and being accepted is not easy. It's the big thing we have to face if we're going to do it. I think people like us are about .6% of the population. I think that makes us weird and awesome. Weird is awesome BTW Good luck

[Erikka]

Recently I came out to a very conservative friend I have known since high school. One of his first remarks was that he didn’t quite understand because 1) I was a veteran, 2) I had been hunter and owned guns and 3) had raced cars. He (his words) just never saw me as girly. I told him that it had always been there despite outward appearances. Later while thinking about it I came to the realization that many of try and overcompensate in order to hide n plain sight. I even worked in an extremely macho environment...the lumber industry, a rough and tumble, politically right wing, racist, anti-feminist and anti-education with the exception of readin’, ‘rightin’ and ’rithmetic. 

we do what we can to fit in and survive. The hiding and denial takes its toll on our souls and that, in my opinion, is why we so often bungle our marriages and our children.

On the positive, my ultra conservative friend, still wants to be my friend and has made it clear that I am welcome in his home. 
How much better our lives could be if from the very start there was no stigma or negativity about being trans and we could from the time we understood ourselves to be trans, to not have to lie, hide and deny who we are. Maybe someday.

[Patrice]

Well said Erikka, 

Glad to hear a conservative freind can come around too.

[KayC]

15 hours ago, Erikka said:

The hiding and denial takes its toll on our souls and that, in my opinion, is why we so often bungle our marriages and our children.

This is the hard part ... how to be true to a spouse and family if you can't be your true self?

[Mmindy]

21 hours ago, Erikka said:

The hiding and denial takes its toll on our souls and that, in my opinion, is why we so often bungle our marriages and our children.

This is about to change in my home. If coming coming out to my wife doesn't force me into separation, and rethinking our relationship. Hopefully I can be ME with her first, and slowly bring the family along, my heart will be eased. This being ?️‍?PRIDE MONTH?what better time to come out. If Suzie can handle the real ME, everyone else will be on the slow to know bases.

 

Happy Pride?️‍?Month

 

Mindy??? 

[KathrynnCox]

You’ve got this @Mmindy!! You’re gonna rock this coming out. I got a ton of hopes and prayers coming your way!

[Mmindy]

3 hours ago, KathrynnCox said:

I got a ton of hopes and prayers coming your way

Thank you Kathrynn.

 

>HUGS<

 

Mindy???