Does Therapy Help?

[Sophie Watson]

I'm incredibly nervous and anxious right now. I've come out as trans to those closest in my life and feel like I can start to dress the way I want. But it's scary, I don't want to be judged or laughed at etc. 

 

Is this someone therapy would help me deal with? Because I want to feel comfortable to go out wearing a dress or tight jeans but don't feel I can. 

 

 

[Jackie C.]

Hey Sophie!

 

Self-Confidence is definitely something a therapist can help you with.

 

That said, the first time I went out dressed as myself was terrifying. It was a short trip: I just went to get the mail. My next trip out was to the gas station. The outing after that was the grocery store and the first time I actually spoke to someone while I was dressed. All these trips were sparked by being home and comfortable, then needing to run an errand and thinking, "Why on Earth should I change clothes do go do THAT?"

The thing is that each outing increased my confidence. I got clocked a couple of times. I was certainly judged. Nobody ever laughed though. Probably my comedic timing. Maybe I should have done a pratfall. ?

 

So yeah, therapy. Having an ally you can talk with about these things is a huge help. They can coach you through methods that help you get past whatever it is that's holding you back. If that's something you need, by all means find a therapist. Together you can become the best version of yourself if you're willing to put in the work.

 

Hugs!

[Sophie Watson]

Thank you so much. When I call my Doctor on Monday I will certainly ask about Therapy. It will certainly be something to at least try even if it doesn't help x

[Charlize]

I found therapy very helpful as i think back.  It was a chance to totally open up about my feelings without being judged.  As i saw and spoke about experiences in my past i learned a great deal about who i am.  Honesty is essential but with that being part of the process i found it easy to talk.

I'm glad you are going to talk to your doctor.  A big step forward!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Sophie Watson]

I know exactly what I need to do and should do. It's just scary and I want to be prepared. Part of my mantra in life is before I do something I typically research it and learn it inside and out x

[Cyndee]

I used the therapy process to work through my personal issues with someone that was empathetic and got to know me. My therapist became my trusted ally over time and helped me in many ways as I became the person I was meant to be. My social and family life are in tact thanks in large part to therapy. It's personally helped me a lot, I am grateful that I don't need the therapy process now days, but in hindsight I can realize it's true value. The practicing of "Mindfulness" was very helpful for my transition, and achieving inner peace.

 

Best to you

 

C

[KathyLauren]

I found therapy helpful for a few things in my transition.  The most helpful sessions were when I was trying to decide which surgery to have: full-depth or shallow-depth.  Talking to a therapist helped me clarify my own though process and decision-making.

 

Earlier in my transition, I scheduled a therapy session to talk about my fears of coming out.  I, too, was terrified of public reactions.  There was a blizzard forecast for the day of the session, so I drove into the city the day before and stayed overnight at a hotel.  Which gave me an evening and a morning to kill in the city.  I emailed some support group friends, and I was invited to go to a trans-friendly nightclub with them. 

 

And the next morning, I dressed as Kathy in preparation for my afternoon appointment, and spent the morning walking around town, window-shopping.  I had coffee and biscuits in a coffeeshop that had a trans-friendly sign out front, ate lunch in a restaurant, and talked to store sales people in between.  I bought some items in a members-only co-op.  When I gave them my member number, my dead name came up on the cashier's computer.  I had a laugh with them about how I needed to update that.

 

By the time my afternoon therapy appointment came up, I was totally relaxed about being out as Kathy!  The therapist wasn't actually much help, but killing time in the city as myself turned the corner for me on my fear!

 

So, yes, therapy can be very helpful for working through issues.  But one of the most effective was to deal with fear is just to face it head-on, get out there and practise!

[KayC]

Hi Sophie

I'm pretty close to the same place you are.  Haven't started therapy yet, but plan to do so as soon as possible (maybe I will call tomorrow for my first appointment ?  why not?)
I have big anxiety problems also, and I hope therapy will help with that, and also discover just how far I will need to go to feel happy. 

 

I have a lot of baggage to unload too.  I'm out only to my wife, but discussing these things with her makes her uncomfortable and just raises more questions than I have answers for.  I hope therapy will also be able to help with that, and ... I have adult kids that will need to know sometime. 

Hopefully we both get a good therapist to help us "launch" our new lives. 

Hugs❣️

[Sophie Watson]

@KayC Make sure you check out my YouTube channel seeming as we're at similar stages. I'm trying to blog about all my experiences to sort of help with my own self confidence and so I can grow as a woman! 

 

I still feel very much like a man which is kinda depressing tbh. 

 

This is my channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtIKyer7-Pgt8SPRGEChUXA?view_as=subscriber

 

It would be nice to follow your journey too if you're documenting it.  

[Susan R]

Welcome @Sophie Watson, I visited your Youtube channel and I have to say your videos are very genuine and heartfelt. I will drop by and watch them from time to time. Stay positive. There are many here, including myself, that want to help and support you through your journey. Being authentic is your goal and you are now well on your way to that destination. Best of luck to you!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[DeeDee]

Hi Sophie, I have watched your videos and want to say, also I used an online counsellor who was great value for money to start.

 

She helped me sift through all of the massive thoughts and feelings and I was very open with her, I started everything with my male name, then we switched to her calling me Dee just to see what it felt like, I also talked about the odd foray into the wilderness dressed as Dee, she was also the first person to ever see me dressed fully as Dee. Once I got to that point I realised that I was talking myself round in circles and needed to actually link in with the NHS as I cannot afford private care and actually do some real life trials (far away from home), I stopped the sessions, but the door was left open and I wouldn't hesitate to get back in touch with her.

 

The person I see at the GIC seems to be willing to listen and signpost but I have only had 2 meetings there as the pandemic stopped all appointments.

 

The other thing I do to help sort my thoughts and feelings is blog, both on this site and elsewhere, I use it like a journal and diary.(https://ironicissues.wordpress.com/) It helps me a lot to go and read back how I feel at certain times and there have also been some wonderful people who have commented and shared their insights too, pretty much a written version of what you do with your YT channel..

[DeeDee]

*I have watched your videos and want to say that you are incredibly brave documenting your experience for others. 

[Sophie Watson]

I'm so glad you watched my videos and find them genuine. Well they are. I hope on the next one I smile a bit more but everything is so hard right now as we all comes to terms with it and I come to terms and accept myself. 

 

I read online blogging is a really good outlet and also helps others who might be feeling lonely. So I figured we could all be sad together.  

 

I am 100% going to get some therapy. We have very good trans therapy care in the UK apparently. 

[Erikka]

7 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

he thing is that each outing increased my confidence. I got clocked a couple of times. I was certainly judged. Nobody ever laughed though. Probably my comedic timing. Maybe I should have done a pratfall. ?

 

Very true. My first excursion was to go for a drive that I did not get out of the car until I got home.

Will a therapist help. Yes and yes and yes. I began therapy eight years ago to help with my PTSD that was partly from MST and from Vietnam. I brought up being maybe gender fluid very reluctantly and would take about a bit at first and then more and more often until five years into therapy mom therapist asked me if I was ready for HRT. I asked her why she asked that question to which she responded that she knew I was transgender even if I didn't want to say it out loud. The next day I saw my psychiatrist who told me he had thought I would never get around to admitting the very obvious.

My therapist has been my rock. Helping me through times when I wanted to quit, times the hormones made me crazy, and celebrated with me the many milestones of my transition. I could not have done it without her help. But don't take my word for it...go check it out for yourself. You'll be glad you did and wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

Velsignelser til deg min venn

Erikka

[Sophie Watson]

Reading everyones stories about therapy and how it has helped them has helped me make the decision to accept it when that time comes. For now I'm going to be offered CBT whilst I wait for the gender clinic to give me an appointment. 

 

I made another little video where I mention my mental health a bit too.

 

 

 

[Jackie C.]

OK, so why do we get the Pac-Man shirt for two videos, but the superior Doctor Who shirt only appears in the first one?

 

That's a good plan with your therapist. I think you'll find a Gender Therapist more useful than a more generic one. I've enjoyed all my visits. Just remember that it's a process... well, all of this is a process... don't get discouraged when they can't just throw you on the lift and fix your brain. Be open and truthful with your therapist and you'll do fine.

 

Hugs!

[Sophie Watson]

@Jackie C. I completely agree with you! But I am staying at my sisters for the next few days to give my wife sometime to get her head around the whole thing. The DW shirt will be making a return next week I promise.

 

Yeah, the generic one I think will help when I have suicidal thoughts again. but otherwise a gender specific therapist would be best. 

 

You're saying they can't fix my brain after one session? Oh dear.  I'm hoping they will at least help me cope with my thoughts and understand and accept myself as normal because right now I don't feel very normal. 

[Erikka]

Sophie CBT is really, really helpful. It was the first portion of my PTSD therapy. The perspectives I received ultimately helped make to understand the how and why of what I needed to transition. I balked at first because CBT is all about being totally, brutally honest with yourself, but I resigned myself to being honest for the first time in my life. It works. Be strong. You can do it.

Velsignelser til deg

Erikka

[Sophie Watson]

@Erikka CBT apparantly is very intense like you said. I hope I'll be able to do it. My social anxiety stops me from going to bars, seeing friends and even being honest with myself. I'm not sure how I will cope being honest with a total stranger. 

[SaraAW]

Hi @Sophie Watson, I have found my GT extremely helpful. She has helped both with gender related issues and life issues in general. It's great to have an impartial person as a sounding board and also be there to help you ask the tough questions about yourself and your feelings. The tools she's provided around coping and resilience have been invaluable. Hopefully you find some value in it.  I'll be checking out your YT vids. Have a great day! Hugs!

[Guest Vickie]

I have a question along the same line which I will post after sharing my point of view on fear. Something that has never left me no matter how saturated in the situation I become. Even talking openly here on a basicly faceless site can bring on overwhelming fear.  I had been obsessed with understanding root causes for every issue no matter how  damning they look or to anyone hearing them, I don’t like freudian  theories , he was a sick man ,,as it is more important to be honest with myself. 

 Just a note I am a INTF personality ,so I am told all I know is I over analyze everything and pick up on emotions of others quite easily or in other words very intuitive. “different story ,,never a one word answer”  

Back to fear, untill recently it had been an obsession why anyone would have fear even after years of being out. Out to friends and family , all very supportive, and physically I have been everywhere dressed as I am , work shopping you name it. the fear remains. Even with my besty I always had a level of it. 

 conclusion trans phobia. At first I was like what? how can a person who is openly trans be trans phobic..but it is true. We are barraged with negitive stereotypes constantly from childhood through faith by people we trust. It becomes so ingrained in our psyche that we start hating ourselves for being this way. Girls can be tomboys thats okay but for a boy to be girly well he is gay ,not a man,..I don’t like the word gay it’s derogative hurtful even used by those who are. I have known many ,love them dearly but still it is like using the n word. I am sorry I don’t like it.

So for those who are trying to figure out how they fit in , most not all go into hyper masculine roles. Lord knows I did often to the extent of getting married and fathering children only to come out later to a wife who is stunned by the event. This I recognized early and even though I had beautiful girl friends I would not commit to them knowing one day they would be in that situation. A lot of broken hearts but I am sorry thats not me. 

 In the end what is left is how to truly overcome the self doubt ,hell no ones paying attention anyway, and begin living without fear. 

 Fear it is not a bad thing, like all emotions it is a motivator. Do I fight or flight. It can be the difference between living or ,,,well you get the picture. I apologize for the strong language no offense please just my two cents for what it is worth. ✌️

[Carrie]

On 6/14/2020 at 10:55 PM, Sophie Watson said:

I'm incredibly nervous and anxious right now. I've come out as trans to those closest in my life and feel like I can start to dress the way I want. But it's scary, I don't want to be judged or laughed at etc. 

 

Is this someone therapy would help me deal with? Because I want to feel comfortable to go out wearing a dress or tight jeans but don't feel I can. 

 

 

Hi Sophie

You have made a great start coming out to family is important.  I told my parents that I was going to start HRT in 1990 I told them a few months before I started.  They were a great source of comfort and support throughout my journey. 

Talking to a therapist is a really great thing. A therapist will help you ask the right questions about yourself. Remember A therapist is not there to solve your problems but to help you find your own answers.

Yes it is hard to start out on your journey but it is well worth it.  Your confidence will build as you move into your new life.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

May you become the woman you always wanted to be.

Love and kisses

Carrie Anne

[Guest Vickie]

I am and have always been a woman. My understanding is this . I am not a man that grew up to be a woman but a woman that was forced to grow up and be a man. I have issues but everyone does and that doesn’t go away just because you are a woman or trans into one. the car breaks down either way for whom ever. we face difficulties no matter if I am a daisy or an elk or a man or a woman. coping skills are a given we learn as we go. no one is given a book to explain what to do and when . A parent can tell me that their kids grow with them each learnng along the way. we make mistakes thats learning nothing wrong with that. To much emphasis on being right all the time and to many people try not to make any mistakes, heck I plan on making a million of them and thats not easy to do, you end up getting something right once in a while that can’t be helped. even a blind squirrel fines a nut once in a while. 

 My issue with someone profiteering from others miss fortune . I look at therapist with a jaded point of view. I could careless about money it can’t buy me happiness or one second longer to live. with that being said my question is how many sessions @500 dollars an hour do I have to go before you sign off on hrt before the gate keeper will allow me to become me ,,because I am already me always have been . I am not transitioning into anything , what I am doing is change how others perceive me. I have been dealing with my issues through counseling like forever. I studied psychology . I understand biological factors as well as chemical inbalances and how each play a role in development. For me this Odyssey started over 50 years ago ,back then the gate keeper expected girls to fall into stereo typical roles. I take issue with stereotypes no two girls are exactly alike. there are no set parameters that define how a woman is to act or look. I see to many girls over doing it falling into the same mind set. Your cloths don’t make you a woman , your hair your voice nothing other than someone  elses perception. someone elses veiw of who they think you are. Humans are Visual they rely on it. first impressions so on. 

 For me I have been nothing but a girl a woman, I am not trying to prove to anyone including myself that fact. and like all genders we have our moments of self doubt as well as voices in our head that can reinforce good and bad. 

 one last thing I really do appreciate you point of view and your comment ,with that being said I welcome anyone elses to give a different perspective lord knows I am no authority on the subject. And if I am completely wrong thats cool I want to know either way. I cherish this opportunity to speak with other girls about their experience as no two are the same.  So if anyone wishes to offer theirs I would love dearly to hear from you. Thank you all very much love as always V.

[KayC]

On 6/16/2020 at 12:38 AM, Sophie Watson said:

I'm not sure how I will cope being honest with a total stranger. 

Hi Sophie!  Happy you are getting all set for therapy. 
Just wanted to update you, I got a call from my GP (doctor) today and he accepted without question my request for a referral for therapy.  Clinic is just waiting for the referral to arrive to set up my first appointment.

 

Looks like we are BOTH on our way!  Yeah!!  Looking forward to your YouTube updates.

All the best❣️

[Sophie Watson]

That's amazing news @KayC i'm so happy for you. How long would you likely have wait in Japan? Might move there lol