Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Gender dysphoria vs. generic body image


Recommended Posts

TW/CW for potential - at least discussion of - dysphoria and specific body parts



I thought this might be the best place for this since dysphoria when you're nonbinary - which I am - is often trickier to identify, if you do have it. I guess it's more of a question than anything, does anyone else have generic body issues (i.e. not the "ideal" weight/body shape for their assigned gender) that make it hard to distinguish whether body negativity is about gender or about The Ideal? To specify an example, my breasts aren't very "photogenic" when I'm shirtless and braless, and they often make clothes shopping difficult when I'm presenting as feminine because they don't always sit in the way that's attractive or comfortable. I sometimes feel like I want them gone, or out of the way. I can't know how I'd feel if they looked "perfect", but I put that down to negative body image (and just boobs being Awkward) rather than dysphoria. But then other times, on days I'm identifying as masculine I also feel I want them gone. But I don't always want them gone, which again makes sense being genderfluid, but its tricky to identify that divide between "I dislike my breasts because of my gender identity" and "I dislike my breasts because they're not photogenic". 

On the other hand, if my feelings about my chest are just body image problems, then it's trickier to justify how I feel about my genitalia. I've never liked the area. Aside from keeping hygienic, I don't really like to touch it or look at it. Although I have no plan to ever surgically transition, in contrast to the confused feelings about my chest, I have actually specifically felt a desire for a penis instead since I was a child. Sometimes I feel like something is "missing" down there. I've strongly considered getting a packer to see how it feels. I've tried soft packing for like, a few minutes just to see how it felt and it was a positive feeling, although I was nervous. Also in contrast to the way I feel about my chest, I don't consider it to be an objective issue with the way my genitalia looks compared to other people with vaginas, and I don't have a negative opinion of vaginas look/feel on other people. It's just my own. So, is that dysphoria? 

Obviously, the answer might be that it's both body image (about my chest) and dysphoria (about my genitalia) but my main question is, does anybody else have trouble distinguishing between the two?

Link to comment

That is tricky, if it was tied to a specific general cross gender anatomy preference, I would say it probably is dysphoria, if it's more a I wish this was prettier or handsomer, maybe more of a dysmorphia thing. If you have a therapist, I would say that this is something you should definitely explore with them. Also, maybe experiment a little more, try packing, try stuffing try minimizing. See what feels right and if it really depends on which gender you're feeling more attached to at that moment in time, maybe you need to have several options available so you can tweak things as needed.

 

For me, being MtF, it's pretty clear for me that the parts I have issues with are related to dysphoria. Once I develop some more clearly feminine features as a result of HRT, it may get messy and become a blend of the two.

 

Hope you can find some relief in how you feel, as regardless of what's the cause and it's name, it sucks when it rears its head. Hugs!

Link to comment
9 hours ago, pastelcryptid said:

I guess it's more of a question than anything, does anyone else have generic body issues (i.e. not the "ideal" weight/body shape for their assigned gender) that make it hard to distinguish whether body negativity is about gender or about The Ideal?

Hi Pastel! 

my answer is absolutely YES!  Being AMAB I had dysphoria issues from a very young age crossing over both spectrums.

 

Pre-puberty I was already secretly crossdressing in my mother's/grandmother's clothes because it felt so natural to me, but as a late "bloomer" to the male side I was also ashamed at how Non-masculine my body was.  I think this IDEAL of what society bound me to being AMAB was difficult for me (one reason I grew facial hair as soon as I could in my early 20s, to try to play the Role). 

I am pre-HRT and just starting therapy so this is one of the aspects I want to resolve with my therapist.  Am I more transfeminine? (as the way I think I am, or want to be) or am I Fluid?  Non-binary?  something else?

The final label is not so important to me, but I do want to make sure my hormones match how I truly feel. So, prior to HRT (which I pretty sure I want to do) I want to feel confident in my path forward. 
Body parts at this time are less important.  I do now greatly appreciate the more feminine aspects of my body type, slim muscle mass, wide hips and narrow shoulders.  And I would like to think I would welcome the feminizing aspect of HRT as well as just feeling better inside. 
Right now I am not considering bottom GRS, but I know that could change.

I hope my experience and perspective gives you some comfort that we are all unique and there is not any ONE specific answer to anybody's Questioning. 
I am sure you will also receive a lot of other great experience from Members here with similar stories.

Wishing you all the best❣️

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/17/2020 at 8:29 PM, SaraAW said:

That is tricky, if it was tied to a specific general cross gender anatomy preference, I would say it probably is dysphoria, if it's more a I wish this was prettier or handsomer, maybe more of a dysmorphia thing. If you have a therapist, I would say that this is something you should definitely explore with them. Also, maybe experiment a little more, try packing, try stuffing try minimizing. See what feels right and if it really depends on which gender you're feeling more attached to at that moment in time, maybe you need to have several options available so you can tweak things as needed.


Thank you, I think this is very good advice. It's funny, I was just saying to another bi NB friend the other day that like, you finally come to terms with your sexuality and what terminology works best for you, feel proud of yourself. And then it's like Gender pops up to say "hey!!! Got some more confusion for you!" and it's a time warp to 10 years ago. I know figuring this out, and what works best for me is a process, but at the same time I'm happy because it did always feel like there was another secret half of myself I was denying, and this is what it was. And now I'm finally in a place where I'm happy to openly present how I feel.

 

On 7/18/2020 at 4:10 AM, KayC said:

Pre-puberty I was already secretly crossdressing in my mother's/grandmother's clothes because it felt so natural to me, but as a late "bloomer" to the male side I was also ashamed at how Non-masculine my body was.  I think this IDEAL of what society bound me to being AMAB was difficult for me (one reason I grew facial hair as soon as I could in my early 20s, to try to play the Role). 

[...]

I hope my experience and perspective gives you some comfort that we are all unique and there is not any ONE specific answer to anybody's Questioning. 
I am sure you will also receive a lot of other great experience from Members here with similar stories.

Wishing you all the best❣️

It's interesting, I think, how the two tie together. Because you are caught between the internal issue of your body not conforming to your gender, and then also the issue of your body not conforming to society's idea of your assigned gender. And it's stressful having to deal with coming up short on both sides, so I think quite a few trans/nb probably go through the process of "look I can only deal with disappointment from one camp at a time". And often you end up having to please others because its safest. 

I went into high school (starts age 11 in the UK) very much as a girl, but I was bullied very heavily. The bullies made me feel very unattractive, so I believed I couldn't present femininity successfully. And one of the ways I was bullied implied I had masculinity in a very negative context. It was very much "you are a thing, not a person", and I compounded that by just trying to be as invisible as possible. I presented as nothing at all for about six years, but perceived as female by default.

It was only when I did cosplay that I started to feel confident in my body. Suddenly, I wanted to stand out, I wanted to embrace the styles that I loved, and I began to believe I could be "successful" at femininity. I liked how I looked, I finally started to enjoy clothes shopping. But also, since I mostly cosplayed men, it got rid of that fear left over of being "caught out" as masculine, or being perceived as masculine in a way that was explicitly ugly. I got to present as a man and be praised for it. That was a huge game-changer. Steadily I began to acknowledge and embrace all the things about masculinity I'd loved but had been forced to hide. This might be a cliche, but I think the real kicker for me was when I decided to get my hair cut very short. Part of it was, I no longer felt like I needed the help of my long curly hair to "be pretty enough", and just wanted to try it. But from the moment I got it cut I was like "holy [bleep] I feel amazing". Because yes, I could still present as feminine with the short hair and it looked great, but it also enabled me to explore presenting as masculine without cosplay. And because my personal presentation of masculinity is one that incorporates some femininity, this really felt like I was living my true self.

 

On 7/18/2020 at 4:13 AM, KayC said:

Oh... and my apologies Margot for mis-naming you Pastel ❤️  (sometimes I forget to remember ?)

That's okay! I think it's really cute to be called Pastel, and it's gender-neutral ?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 113 Guests (See full list)

    • Braxton9312
    • Petra Jane
    • CDORDaddy72
    • Betty K
    • Astrid
    • MaryEllen
    • awkward-yet-sweet
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,945
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...