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Coming out Journey


Robin.C

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I have someone that has done it walking me through it.

You can get the forms online. 

I don't know if she was trying to mess with me (I doubt it) or just unfamiliar with the process.  I doubt that many do it in this county.

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@Robin.C and @Jandi, I feel for you both. It’s so frustrating when something that could’ve been made to be such a simple process has been poorly thought out, designed and implemented.

 

Six weeks ago, I had my purse stolen and a lot of other important things (long story). Everything (CC’s, Gift Cards, DL, Misc ID’s, Car Key Fob, etc..) was replaced within a week with the exception of my Federal Passport Card (not my PP book). I won’t get into the gory details of replacement here but let me tell you that the online replacement process and wait times are abysmal at best. I ended up have to pay the full amount for the card replacement and a $35 processing fee to boot. To make matters worse, it took me 2 days to get an Passport processing appointment scheduled over the phone which ended up being over a month out.

 

I just recently had that appointment and everything was finally processed, paid and sent to the US State Dept. Now, I only need to wait another 11 weeks for them to return my original passport book with my passport card replacement and I’ll be made whole again.

 

You’d think in this day and age, a simple PP Card ‘replacement’ could be completed in at most a few weeks. Not a chance!

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So as i try and type this, pussycat has decided i am warm and soft to sit on. Sigh.

 

Yesterday was so lovely we went out to help at the clubs CX race. Everyone was great meeting Robyn since they hadnt seen me in a few years (pretransition).

Admittedly I've been in contact with them on social media during this time. 

We helped set the course up, helped with a bit of officiating until everyone got there and sorted out. Nobody even looked twice or any sideways glances. Just another woman helping out. Felt wonderful. 

Now I want to race again ... lol

 

Anyhow next week I hope to finish all the documents and get the blumin stuff sent back. 

 

Stay safe and hugs

Robyn

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Keep on riding Robin! 🚡

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Sounds like a good time Robin.  Time to get back on the saddle!!

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Sad that different locations, even within the states, have varying degrees of difficulty to change one's name. Here? Fill out a Request for Name Change - old name, new name, state resident for 6+ months, birth date and location. Not a sex offender, no pending criminal charge, stuff like that. Submit to your county clerk, get court date. Publish in local newspaper 3 consecutive weeks. Proof of publication form. Show up at court, answer judge's questions, and POOF! New name. Took 40 days total for me. (Probably helps being in small county - Cook County probably takes a lot longer.) Driver's license? Take Gender Designation Change Form to DMV - name, DL number, address, print name and check desired gender box, sign/date. Pay small fee. There you go.

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It certainly depends on the country you are in and also probably the number of people they need to deal with.

 

However, documents are all certified, scanned and uploaded to the department.

 

Now we wait.

 

Stay tuned. Where's my drums i need to hit a few things ;)

 

Hugs

Robyn

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  • 3 weeks later...

Another milestone day.

I have been dreading getting a massage that i desperately needed for a year or two.

After talking to my hairdresser I decided to try the local massage place.

It turns out she was wonderful. In fact the previous month she had done a seminar/course on transgender clients.

I kid you not. It's like each of my steps has someone ahead of me making the way safe and confidence inspiring.

 

Government still dragging it's feet with certificate, so nothing new there.

 

One of the worst things the week before last was one of our beautiful fur babies past away. No more having this cute, expectant face waiting for me to come home and feed her. Never expected the water works I might add, so damned girly crying over a cat 😪.

Transition has been good in that regard being able to feel sadness and loss (which felt -crap- by the way), however to feel it (wow).

 

Lotsa hugs

Robyn

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On 8/22/2022 at 6:59 AM, Robin.C said:

Now we wait.

Me too.

Prints sent to FBI, SBI for background checks.  It could take awhile for the results, but can't do anything without them.

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@Robin.C My ex and I received money from friends and family at our rehearsal dinner, which was purposed for the German Shepherd we wanted. He turned out to be an extraordinary dog, and lost him to cancer at 6. Never cried so hard in my life, so I get it.

 

@IvyI'm curious as to what the background checks are for. Maybe I missed something.

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5 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I'm curious as to what the background checks are for.

I'm working on a legal name change.  I need that among other things in NC.  I actually got the results today.  But I'm still waiting on the SBI stuff.

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I'm so glad you found a place to have a massage.  Good for you.  

 

I'm sorry to hear about your cat.  We certainly do become attached to our babies.  I love my girl cat.

 

Hugs,

Jani 

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5 hours ago, Ivy said:

I'm working on a legal name change.  I need that among other things in NC.  I actually got the results today.  But I'm still waiting on the SBI stuff.

I thought that's what it was. Strange how different things can be in different states. Had to fill out a couple of simple forms, one of which was a public notice to be published in a local periodical for 3 successive weeks, and one was the actual order, on which one basically states that there is no attempt to avoid some sort of legal trouble - registered sex offender, pending prosecution  -a couple of things along those lines.  get a court date show up, voila. For me, just short of 6 weeks from the day I filed. Driver's license? Take signed court order, current license, and a simple state form stating that your name has changed and you wish to change the gender marker. Again, voila.

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I need background checks, affidavits of character from 2 (non kin) county residents, affidavit that I don't owe child support, birth certificate, ID, SS card, and maybe another affidavit - don't have the info in front of me at the moment.  Then I have to post my intent for 10 days, before submitting a petition with all that stuff.   After that it's still up to the court - they can refuse.

 

You have to do it in your home county, and can only do it once.  It's nowhere near that complex for marriages.

 

I may be wrong, but I think the gender marker change only needs to be signed by a heath professional.  My birth certificate is in another state where I can just request it to be "corrected".

 

Yeah, every state has its own rules.

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Crazy, the differences. I think birth certificates here in Illinois require physician affidavit or something for gender change. I was born in New York, which does not, and I'm waiting to get my new one in the mail.

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5 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I was born in New York,

Yeah, me too - upstate in Albany County.

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  • 1 month later...

Well ... the other week I came out to my ex.

She had already heard !!

 

Why on earth did I not think that it would have made it through the grapevine that is our small city. Since her son is friends with people where I work, it honestly never occurred to me that they would talk about me ... really I must be an idiot, LOL.

 

Anyhow she was okay and seemed to only interested in breasts and dressing up. So to allay her questions I use told her "yes the boob fairy has visited".

 

So all in all an okay coming out to her.

 

Hugs

Robyn

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  • 2 weeks later...

Omergerd what a insane chaos changing your name on everything from social media to utilities !

It's almost like no-one has ever done this, so many hoops to jump through.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to cancel everything and start new accounts, sheesh.

New drivers license was the easiest thing, completely opposite to what I was expecting.

 

Anyhow just my ranting. Deep breaths and keep going.

 

Hugs

Robyn

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2 hours ago, Robin.C said:

Omergerd what a insane chaos changing your name on everything from social media to utilities

I'm involved in this at the moment.   I think I have my ducks in a row, but I expect trouble.  It's an uphill battle sometimes.  People that think we do this stuff on a whim are crazy.

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As a federal retiree, I have to go through the Office of Personnel Management for not only the update on my annuity, but my health insurance. Could take another couple of months. Took no time at all to get my new Social Security card, but can't get them to update Medicare so I can get my updated card from them.

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  • 4 weeks later...

So it has been awhile and the fun never stops does it.

I had a few ups and downs emotionally. Somethings which I thought were buried turned out not to be. Its always the way isn't it.

So drivers license done, health insurance and medicare, tax done and banks changed.

The thing that surprises me, which I guess it shouldn't is how respectful all the people I have dealt with are.

There might be a slight pause as the wheels click.

With AFL being a big deal here, the fact that a high profile former coach has come out might have paved the way better for those of us not so fortunate to be able to command such legal and media presence.

Still it is slightly euphoric to see my real name on cards and correspondence. then of course the downside is knowing there's still so much to do.

 

Anyhow thank you for reading and stay true to yourself and YMMV ;)

 

Hugs

Robyn

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That is amazing news. Treasure that moment always.

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  Congratulations on such progress!  I remember almost trying to get a traffic ticket so i could share my name.  Years later i did get stopped and my "pretty" face and "sweet" talk got me out of trouble.

  You may always get a bit of male to a dead name but it gets rare with time.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize 

 

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4 hours ago, Robin.C said:

The thing that surprises me, which I guess it shouldn't is how respectful all the people I have dealt with are.

I'm working through this process myself.  And this has been my experience also.  I didn't expect it.

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6 hours ago, Robin.C said:

The thing that surprises me, which I guess it shouldn't is how respectful all the people I have dealt with are.

 

That has been my experience, also.  Most people are polite by nature and don't have any problem with others.  It is just a minority that give humans a bad name.

 

Congratulations, @Robin.C!

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