Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Software Development or Software Engineering


Recommended Posts


I am curious if there are any other software techies out there on the forum. I know this is a male dominated field, and sometimes can be inclusive, sometimes not so much. Has anybody had much experience in transitioning as a Developer or Software Engineer?

Link to post

I think that IT is one of the more common professions for trans people.  Seems that every second trans person I meet is in IT.  Computers don't judge.


I am retired from IT.

Link to post

I came out as non-binary six months after retiring as a senior software engineer, but I can say that at my last company, for whom I worked 11 years, there were two MtF trans engineers.  They held their heads high, were proud but not loud (at least in the workplace), kept their private life private (as was/is entirely appropriate), worked hard, and were treated as equals by co-workers. So, yay!


With all the stress of deadlines, the need to continually keep learning in a fast-changing field, and constant peer review of your code, software engineers are generally very busy, smart cookies, but still are quite varied in their personalities and character.  It was kind of a bell curve, with a few who I wanted nothing to do with, most competent, and a few who were outstanding in many traits (not just coding).


A vital topic is:  how supportive is your company of trans and gender non-conforming people?  Do they quickly put a stop to discriminatory behavior by employees?  Do they provide gender-neutral restrooms?  Do they practice what HR preaches?  

If the answers to the above questions are all Yes, then you've found a good place to work and an environment where you'll most likely be allowed to grow in your career.  However, I'll acknowledge that it can be hard to know the actual situation for some of these, as individual issues and cases usually remain private and are not discussed openly.


Regarding inclusivity, you're quite right -- females often must work harder to be heard at meetings, have their ideas championed by a manager, and so on.  It can be lonely!  Not long before I retired, I worked with a (brilliant, junior-grade) female engineer for several years who was based in India, and we developed a good working relationship and talked about our personal lives. She cried during one conversation, saying that I was one of the few engineers who was actually kind to her.  I was saddened to learn that that was the case.  I've certainly known plenty of engineers both male and female who, after years of internalizing the stresses, cash out and find a different career.  For me, it was a very interesting career, but one not without plenty of bumps along the way...and that's outside of gender issues.


Best of luck, Amber!   Hugs,



Link to post


I think you are right, overall, a majority of people don't care. I do know of a few coworkers who talked bad about a consultant we had that is a transgender female. There seemed a group of them that just said why, they don't understand, and don't accept them as a woman. That was hard to hear as I like working with them for the most part, but that is something I found to be unacceptable, regardless of my own identity.



Thanks for the feedback. I am torn if my managers would follow what HR says, which is supposed to be inclusive. We don't have things like gender neutral bathrooms, so like I was saying before with Kathy, I would have to deal with some of the women that aren't accepting of transgender women in general. I know it is harder for the women I work with to be heard, and I try to support them as I can.


I think maybe me coming out would help those along that had issues in the past since they would know me and how hard I work. It might be different when one of their own comes out as Transgender in front of them instead of a lone consultant that already was transitioned comes along.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
33 minutes ago, MaryMary said:

I have a little story : I was at the christmas party and one of the girl where I work was a little drunk. She invited me to the bathroom (sounds strange written like that but that's very common) and she was telling me how cool I was and how pretty I was. She removed something from her hair and rearranged my hairs and fitted this decoration in mine as a gift. I still have it and I'm keeping it as a keepsake.


That's a sweet story Mary of sisterhood, that had to feel so good.





Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

I work in IT here (networking), I transitioned on the job over 7 years ago.


It really is harder as a female, yet far more rewarding.



Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

Mary that was a wonderful gift you were given by your co-worker, inclusion!  


You two ladies are my hero's for transitioning on the job and being successful at it.  

Hugs, Jani

Link to post

I agee Mary. I didn't come out at work - I was too afraid and although I did report sexual harressment of one of the finest girl engineers on our staff and told her, she acquiecsed and said it was okay. All through my life girls never really let my in their group and the guys were always too macho and sexist to me.


I am happy you found acceptance and what an incredibly beautiful gift of acceptance. I bet you smile every time you look at it.



Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

Very loosly speaking I was in software engineering / development but specialist applied healthcare.


The point I came out at work was when my manager asked the group if they could use a home email address to test an online system being introduced by an external company (for patient home use). I put forward my female name which did cause a momentary flutter but the cat was out the bag. Life actually became so much easier after that point. Male / female equality was generally totally accepted. I never went totally female there though, but living pretty much the life with makeup etc and socially being more into the female lifestyle. I chatted together as they would and, on study days with womem I had previously not met, sometimes found them distant at first but usually soon fitted in with the group.


My approach, which is myself, is that I just fall in with women as I just am and always have been. With regard to the job, it is a way of life and in the fields i am interested in I am confident so, although deferring to male dominance quite a lot of the time, I know what I am doing. It is actually as male that I found the greatest problem as men often fight for top dog which, as someone who is only really interested in the work, not position, I usually let go. Occasionally though I felt strongly about something and would assert things. This has sometimes caused major friction over the years, predominantly with men. I think my work skills and cold faceoffs saved me many a time but it's amazing how peoples attitudes changed with me becoming outwardly female. I felt so much better and some men even commented on how much easier it was to work with me. Nothing really changed except perceptions. Jobwise it is difficult to judge as mentioned, equality was the norm, but I think there was no obvious change.



Link to post

@QuestioningAmber When I first saw the title I thought it was an invitation to the flame wars :) Since asking to choose between those is akin to asking whether you should use 2 or 4 spaces for indentation - "the war must go on" and no side has clear reason to win (and yes, the battle over tabs is over, they lost)

Then I read your post and sighed with a relief ?


As I am in the midst of transitioning, I am quite invested to know what the future holds, but I guess my only option is to follow the rest of humanity at one-day-at-a-time pace :)

One good thing about IT field is that unless you are in support or other position involved with users' interactions, you only need to be comfortable with your team. Depending on the size of the company, others either don't need to be made aware before you are ready or they will only meet Amber and would not be burdened with prior knowledge.

For what its worth, I am looking forward to be a girl on the team - we are definitely lacking in female presentation ?


Link to post

@RunValRun That is probably not the best title I could have used. I like being called an Engineer, but I technically lack the 4 year degree and accreditation, so yeah, a little interesting of a choice of job title they gave me


I agree that the nice thing is we don't have the face to face a lot of times with our clients or customers, that is the role of our BA or Scrum Master. I do have some fear though that our IT department is fairly tight knit, yet large. I have also been put on a highly exposed team, or what will be highly exposed and so I do have some reservations there. I am also scared I will be relegated to being the diversity department's token trans woman, saying how great and diverse we are because we have Amber here to showcase.


I just want to be accepted as a person at the end of the day, woman, man, somewhere in the middle. How I dress doesn't change my personality, my knowledge, and my know how.


@MaryMary That inclusion is what I hope for. I don't want to be the third option so to speak. Like I think I said in the original post, I know a few coworkers who will not understand, and I don't feel like will include me into their circle because of the difference. I could be proven wrong because this time they know me as an individual, versus the other woman was an outsider for the company in general.

Link to post

from a work stand point - I saw and reported sexual harressment when I saw it and the guys never understood why I did that. I couldn't stand what they would say about women. And the women just accepted it was being the natural order of things. I met so many women that were heads above the guys who were their managers and it made me sick. I felt the sting of harressment from a lady boss who fired all the guys accept me until I outsourced gage calibration function - then she fired me - the guys took her to court but corporate had too many lawyers. I luckily was able to apply and receive another position as Supplier Quality Engineer and that lasted until the current boss wanted his buddy in - so they said they wanted someone with more experience - he did - but they then had to add another person because this guy didn't do the things I was doing. Again I was luck and managed to move into Project Management and SAP. Then the company was bought and downsized - and I tried and almost got another position but was unable to land the job so looks like 3strikes and I was out. I had 26 years with that company. Had tough time getting another job until I got a job that required me to drive 1 hour each way, every day and report to the worst human being I've ever met and was harressed and saw plenty of hassessment he did on others and I reported it but he was part of the family who started the company and guess who won out. I tried to get him to fire me so I could get some unemployment but he wouldn't do it - so I retired early instead. My wife told me a couple months down the road - she couldn't believe how much I hated that job and she wasn't surprized when my blood pressure dropped 20 points when measured at my next physical.


All in all - I guess if you are brought up as one sex you learn how to behave as that sex. I was raised as male and saw from a female standpoint the unfairness guys did but was too fearful to transition but endured all my depressions, anxiety, anorexia, and on and on until recently and with the comfort and love of everyone on this forum. 


Thank you - you saved my life.....and now I'll wave the wand and wish for whatever helps you become and enjoy the you, you are meant to be. Poof... 

Link to post

@QuestioningAmber I see you live in the Columbus area. I live about an hour from there in Mount Vernon... glad to see another Ohioan I can chat with here....

Link to post

Yeah, I am in the middle of another transition at work myself now. I am having to learn Salesforce. I already learned AWS, which I enjoy for the most part, minus the pain it has been trying to setup HTTPS redirection on a personal website I built, but that may come up at a later point because I am about to give up on "securing" it anymore than I have. I am just so unsure of how to manage the work aspect. If I do start hormones, and I do develop breasts, there isn't much choice but to come out? What does that bring regarding my work team. If that doesn't work out, then I will be forced to start going out as Amber and applying for jobs as a Trans woman in a male dominated field. I just feel like that is an insurmountable task. Again, I know some of this is just my mind racing, some of it is unfounded, but I do know there is a glimmer of truth there.


I enjoy developing software. I developed a web application on the side to solve a problem, and pay for it to be hosted on AWS. I don't have an issue with that and actually quite frankly am proud of that. Some of that time I was dressed as Amber, the computer didn't care, nor does AWS care that a non-binary(or trans woman) wrote the code and uploaded it to the platform.


@Shay It is also nice to meet another Ohioan. Sorry to hear about some of your issues with work. I have been lucky thus far with my current employer.

Link to post

I understand you trepidation about starting - when it is time - you'll know - perhaps playing it safe in the short run is wise. 


One thing I do know - it is easier to find a job when you have a job. Perhaps you can explore the market and see what might be possible as a transwoman. You might be surprised. Ours is not a state that tends to be accepting of LGBTQ - my county, Knox, voted 75% for that thing hiding in the White House so I dress as close to fem as I dare go (mainly androgenous). 


I never liked programming and wasn't very good at it. I have learned my way around DAW's and digital recording my songs out of necessity, I do have an engineering mind in a creative arts body - probably why I'm a Gemini.


Would love to keep in touch and help each other as we face this new world together.....

Link to post
  • 1 month later...
Heather Nicole

Wow, I had no idea this was the trans field ;)  I feel more comradery than ever!


Nearly my entire youth, from the time I could read and write (Apple II, back in the day!), up through my 20's, my life was absolutely dedicated to computer code and software development. I was smitten. I even did a little homebrew on the GameBoy Advance, back when I still had free time...I'm burned out on it all now, but yea, that was absolutely my thing! So much that it I know it will always be a core part of me no matter how much I may need to distance from it now. (BTW, I'll happily give my github name if anyone's interested, just PM me and keep it between us.)


I don't know anything about trans-ness in this field (I've yet to ever knowingly meet another trans person in real life or on programmer forums, and I'm not "out" myself.) but I do know from experience that, despite what news reports may say, females can be extremely welcome and appreciated in this field. One of the biggest problems faced in this field is the clear gender imbalance. Like you've observed, it's almost entirely male. Even guys don't like that. But unfortunately. percentage-wise, it is RARE to find a woman showing an interest in software development, let alone genuinely persuing the field. That's why there are efforts such as "Girls who code".


Now, I know what the news reports have said about women in tech, and hey, for all I know, maybe Silicon Valley might actually have a genuine misogyny problem...I don't know, I'm all the way over in Cleveland. But from my perspective, I've literally never seen that. All I've seen, in both Cleveland and online, is tech guys being so happy, and impressed, and surprised to see someone other than "yet another stereotypical guy", actually show an actual genuine interest in the field that...that, sometimes it scares people away. Which of course, just makes the situation all the more unfortunately worse (Imagine if female nurses made a fuss over "Wow! Finally a guy who's joining our field too!!!")


I'd be more than glad to help anyone who's interested with anything I can. PM me if you wish. (Although I'll admit straight out - career advice, or life advice, is FAR from my strong suit ;))

Link to post
  • 2 months later...
Vanessa Michelle

Just found this post! I am also a software dev. I went to bootcamp for full stack development with a JavaScript emphasis, but got a job afterward as a .NET dev using C#. I am not employed in this field currently, but I am always learning more and messing around with apps. Right now, I am learning and designing with WordPress and PHP as well as taking a Udemy course on ethical hacking. It's so cool to know there's more devs here!

Link to post
17 hours ago, Vanessa Michelle said:

but got a job afterward as a .NET dev using C#. 


Good area to be in...lots of demand for C# skills.  My buzzwords 🙂include C#, WPF, XAML, MVVM, T4 templates, and VSTO.  Software engineering is a field where every 5 to 10 years you relearn what you used to do in a new more modern (and usually more abstract) way...I call it JAPL ...Just Another Programming Language.  Just different ways to express damiliar concepts with a few new twists thrown in. Retired in 2017 and then came out ... so glad I didn't hold my gender identity inside any longer. 


Best of luck, Vanessa!



Link to post

@Astrid I have been doing Software for only 5 years, and I am noticing a trend right now to shift from custom apps to moving to more of SaaS programs in the short time I have been doing it. I wonder how long that will last before people realize it is the same thing, just running on someone else's computers, which means you don't control it.


I decided I am going to start on a personal project. My newest project is to create a web application that could host multiple games based on Ultimate Werewolf. I am sticking to the base game, where it is only X number of Werewolves and Villagers (no Seers or Huntresses yet). I know there are others like it, just a personal project to keep my skills in check and keep me busy in my off time.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   10 Members, 0 Anonymous, 88 Guests (See full list)

    • Mmindy
    • Cyndee
    • Maddee
    • Audrey
    • Gabriel
    • Charlize
    • DeeDee
    • Jocelyn
    • Devi
    • Rosie.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Audrey
      Scene from the park where I go for my morning exercise. It was like powdered sugar on everything, so pretty - the camera doesn't do it justice. Now I want a powdered sugar donut for some reason...   @ElizabethStar Melissa? Where did that name come from? Sorry to hear that the clothes aren't fitting how you hoped - always a challenge when ordering online, and especially from somewhere you've never worn anything of theirs.   @Willow Good luck getting your vaccine this morning. Sorry to hear that acceptance at home is so elusive. I feel it's common when coming out is defined exclusively by how it impacts who you're coming out to, rather than what it means to you. No doubt a hard place to be emotionally. I wonder, how would your wife respond to something like, "I feel this is hard for you, but it's also hard for me too"?   Love, ~Audrey.
    • Willow
      Good morning coffee    my friends are strong.  Ok you figure it out out.  I’m still half asleep.   I get my Covid this morning.  I’m still half asleep though.  Oh I said that.  Sorry!  I wish I could come out and be welcomed like is happening but I’m not exactly being welcomed at home and “you coming out is embarrassing to me. “. Anybody got a got answer for that?  I’ll be back later when I’m awake.   Willow
    • ElizabethStar
      I've come to the conclusion that people just don't listen. I was sent out on a call yesterday. I had been working with the customer over the phone earlier, so she knew my name, but the issue came back and we needed to get a tech out there ASAP. My manager sent me. No worries though, I'm happy to get out and spread my wings a little as a female technician. It was a bit of an emergency so I didn't waste any time with pleasantries and forgot to introduce myself. After the work was completed, I was giving the Mrs. the cliff notes on the work I did. She mentioned how she had called our office and work with someone over the phone. I was like yea, that was me, I'm Elizabeth. We talked for a minutes, I gathered my things and headed out the door. I said goodbye and she replies "Thanks Melissa". At least she got my gender right.   Some of my clothes also came in the mail. It was very exciting.  Unfortunately 2 of the 3 tops run crazy small from the advertised size and the jeans run big. I'll see what happens when the rest of them get here.
    • Audrey
      Good morning everyone, happy Wednesday. Coffee is hot and strong today. Planning to go outside for my exercise routine before jumping into what promises to be a busy workday, trying to keep up with the constantly evolving landscape of the vaccine rollout. I should check to be sure I don't need to buy more coffee while I'm out. I'm also seeing a few snowflakes as daylight comes.   @Ann W I hope you'll have that warm and fuzzy coming out experience soon too! I think I'm close to (if not past) the point where it's more exhausting *not* to come out. The one exception is still family, but only because there's one family member on hospice and that's weighing on everyone so it feels like the wrong time to say anything, I imagine I would add stress to an already stressful situation. Yet, I'd want to be out for any memorial service, so I'm pretty torn. I guess it's part of why I wanted to hang on to just one of my men's suits.   @RhondaS I totally relate to wanting to come out in person, especially because we're sharing something so close to our hearts. While I would have wanted to do that with everyone, the pandemic prevented it. The only person I actually did come out to face-to-face was partner - otherwise it's been Zoom, Face Time, and phone calls. Even still, I'm amazed by the emotional closeness I can still feel even though it's not in person. The warm feelings after any positive coming out experience are just so nice!   Hoping everyone has a wonderful day! ❤️   Love, ~Audrey.
    • RhondaS
      It's been at least a month before I came out to someone, I kinda miss it. Since I want to do it in person to the people that matter most it's been sporadic. 
    • Ann W
      I'm so glad to read about your coming out experience @Audrey.  I got fuzzies just reading about it.  I can see coming out to a female colleague in my near future as well.  It's getting harder to hide as I also become less interested hiding.  Reading these stories is so encouraging.
    • Jani
      If its to a job you need for the financial consideration then follow your heart and move forward with your transition.  Don't spend time doing things you don't really want to do.  Life is short. 
    • JustineM
      Just a quickie update. Still waiting to hear from Mom, though given the weekend and holiday plus USPS current difficulties, she may not have even got the letter yet. One of my older sisters called me this morning and was asking about books she could read to help her understand better. So all in all not going to bad. 
    • Jackie C.
      I'd say follow your dreams, but of course I'd say that. That's how my brain works. More practically, I'd ask, "Is the extra money worth the chunk it's going to take out of your life?" I'd probably also ask, "How long were you planning on keeping this job anyway."   I might also ask, "So, what IS this job?" If it was something I loved... maybe. Probably not, but maybe. I see that you identify as bigender though, and most of the other bigender people I know are perfectly content with just expressing their female side during the evening and on weekends.   I couldn't do that, but I don't identify as bigender. How do you think spending your time in this job slot is going to affect your mental health? Is evenings and weekends going to be enough? Do you even want to start down the road of HRT? If you're just getting electrolysis, who's going to notice? If you're planning on growing breasts (or getting implants), well that's a different kettle of fish isn't it?   Hugs!
    • Jocelyn
      Thank you for your service everyone, I am proud to say I was firefighter for 29.5 years. Unfortunately had to retire early due to the mental and emotional toll, 1 of the best discussions I had in the last couple of years. But I still loved my job and the people that I worked with. hugs Jocelyn
    • LaurenA
      What I'm afraid of is that this is the only job I could get.  At 71 they aren't sending you offers.
    • Abi
      Whichever way you choose, I hope it goes well. I would have a very difficult time working for someone else even if they fully accepted and supported me. 
    • LaurenA
      <Stream of thought> I'm caught in a quandary.  I quit my job last March because of the Covid virus.  I liked the job and the people I worked with.  The pay wasn't great but then it was all unneeded extra income.  My job gave me the structure and stability that I needed. Today I received an email from my boss asking me if I was on the list for the vaccine because he really wanted me back.  He said they were going to have a banner year.  Fine so far until you mix in that during my Covid isolation I discovered with my councilor that I was trans.  Since then I have been exploring my feminine side and getting more comfortable with it. Here's the rub.  I worked in a very small factory run by republicans and has no policy at all regarding gender.  If I go back to work it will have to be as a male.  It will also mean I will have to put any plans on noticeable transformation aside.  I have to decide between being who I have accepted I am or working for the psychological benefits it gives me.  I want my cake and eat it too. The only way I've thought of is to only be me when I'm home and playing the male gender at work.  I should be able to go forward on electrolysis but hormone will have to be put on hold or not done at all.  Not to mention any forms of surgery. I have been comfortably retired and don't need the job.  But it's a decision between doing one thing to enhance my well-being versus another.  I have to ask myself which would do more for me.  Since I so recently discovered my true gender I have far less evidence to base my decision on.  I guess I could go back to work and put off making and permanent decision.  Then I think, I'm almost 71, I don't have that much time left to me to be me and I shouldn't waste any of it. </Stream of thought>
    • Abi
      Glad you're home Susan. I'm sure you're tired and happy all at once. Rest is always easier when you're in your own comforts.
    • Abi
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...