What Are Our Dreams Telling Us?

[Sally Stone]

It always grabs my attention when another trans person comments on dreams. I too have trans dreams, but in them, I am always dressed as a woman.  In all my years, I cannot ever remember having a trans dream where I was actually a woman.  I think that is telling.

 

My earliest trans dreams tended to follow a fairly common theme, where being dressed as a woman was causing some sort of problem or personal stress.  In one dream for example, I was forced to venture out without a wig, and in another, I remember having to walk home (a very long walk) with one broken high-heel.  In other dreams, my feminine presentation would create identity issues for me or for others.  Generally, all of those early dreams elicited uncomfortable feelings and I honestly think they mirrored the conscious struggles with my own identity.

 

Later, when I reconciled my gender identity - got comfortable in my own skin, the substance of my dreams began to change.   Gone was the stress and discomfort I experienced previously, but, still, I never dream that I am actually a woman.  Instead, it is always clear to me that physically I am male, even though my presentation is decidedly feminine.

 

It is said the subconscious drives the dream machine, so I can’t help but wonder if my subconscious held the answers to my gender identity questions all along.  It’s also possible that my reconciled gender identity aligning with my dreams is nothing more than simple coincidence.  I don’t know the answer, probably never will, but it is certainly something else a trans person can ponder.        

[KayC]

I tell my therapist some of my dreams, and I have had some weird ones over my lifetime, but she doesn't seem to read too much into them.  I think maybe she gets a kick out of them though ?

I have recently started having dreams as myself (Kay).  Even though I am not Out socially yet, I feel like my mind is somehow preparing me for the future.  Its nice to think so anyway.

[Lee H]

Hi mon copine -

Sorry I missed this on Tuesday.

On 9/8/2020 at 6:36 AM, KayC said:

I feel like my mind is somehow preparing me for the future.  Its nice to think so anyway.

 

I can't remember my dreams, but I know what you mean. For me, it's a feeling of femininity. Can't really explain it. Like ... mellow? Just got off my first VA Gender group online session. Only two of us, because they're just starting the group up again after the Covid layoff, and apparently some were having trouble getting into the teleconference. Anyway, I found myself being comfortable talking about my wish to transition, and relating to the other person's similar wish, without much hesitation, and now under my new screen name. I think that might be the same kind of thing. I often say, changing who we are takes practice. As a girl's fastpitch coach, I am certain you can't just drop a girl into fastpitch shortstop, and say, "You're a shortstop now." It takes a lot of practice.

 

A common saying is, "Fake it till you make it." I think that's right on. So I agree with your quote above.

 

~~Hugs, Lee H.~~

[Abi]

    I dream about shopping with groups of girls sometimes. I am trying on clothes and being told I'm beautiful... occasionally. I love the dreams where I am just walking in fields of beautiful flowers. That is my most peaceful sleep. Sometimes the dreams can spiral into bad places but, most of the time my dreams are comforting lately. A year ago I wasn't sleeping enough to dream very often. Times were really bad then. I've been trying to embrace my happiness more and I think that changed my perspective a lot in real life and in my dreams. I have been trying to stay positive about the way I see myself and be loving about who I am, rather than always calling myself names. It's hard to see your own worth when the person you've devoted everything to and sacrificed your own comfort for, is telling you that you have none. I'm better off alone and dreaming I have friends here to be myself with, than with someone that is trying to chase away the people that really care about me. One day I will have these friends here and until then I have what I need with the few that really helped me see my dreams are worth fighting for. Much thanks to all of you. I love reading and sending so many comforting posts every day. We are all showing each other support and sticking together, just like the dreams I always longed to see become reality.?

[Lee H]

Hi Abi, sweetheart

You said,

7 hours ago, Abi said:

I have been trying to stay positive about the way I see myself and be loving about who I am, rather than always calling myself names.

Me too. The mirror is compelling, but cruel.

Searching for the silver bullet that will change someone else is no-win. In some recovery methods, we have the "three C's." I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it." Maybe the idea of "detach, with love" is apropos? Letting our own happiness become  contingent on someone else's permission is a dark hole for the soul.

We really are here for you, and we really are a sisterhood. I feel it too.

 

Take care of yourself, and here's a great big hug from,

~~Lee~~