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Memories Returned


Kylara Anne Bagwell

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I don't know if this will go here but even closeted as I was I still had trouble and haters. This is another part of me. The second time I died. 

 

FORGOTTEN MEMORIES RETURN

 

Understand this has been an ongoing problem for me almost 21 years. So forgive me if it's a bit whiny.

 

On November 19 1999 I had worked all day in a bike shop and was ending the day to go home and hit the road from home on my Trek bicycle. I have been an avid rider for years and always looked forward to my evening training rides on Monday, Wednesday and Friday notes. So this was a regular event for me and was alway a time for me to break away from the world and leave all the troubles of life behind. So I get home and go in and change clothes and ready the camelback for a short ride to at least stretch the legs and lungs. Now this time of the year brings dark on early so lights are a must. Battery charged and checked. I was ready to leave out. I leave a note telling family I am headed out on a ride with my route listed out so someone would know where I am.

 

THE START:

 

I head out my street, Pine Gap Road and go to Old Boiling Springs Rd and head towards Highway 9. I make it to hwy9 and wait for an opening in the traffic and made my way across the hwy to the other side where I start a slow warm up rythem. Almost immediately a light blue panel truck tries to pull out on top of me but he is stopped short by a car that runs up behind me to keep them from coming out onto the highway. I kept my pace and proceeded on into the ride. Thanking the driver behind me for the block. He waved and went around me and went his merry way. The blue truck had at some time pulled out onto the road and proceeded ahead of me. Now at this moment I figured, well they will head on and that will be the neo of it. But as I approach the red light about a quarter mile ahead, imagine my surprise at who had waited till I arrived. I stop at the light as it was red and waited. Now the passenger had rolled the window down and started yelling at me about bicycles do not belong on r I roads. I never say a word, I just keep my head forward and never look in their direction. Light turned green and I start pedaling to jump out away from the drama. Cars behind me start blowing horns as the truck shoves its way over into the right hand lane. By this time we have crossed over Hwy 85 and was going into Boiling Springs and they were right on top of me. At the next red Light I make it through and they had to stop. So I thought I was clear. I pulled hard and spun like I was a machine. I had reached my riding temp and because of adrenaline I was cranking the peddles so fast and hard I soon put space enough that I did not see them behind me. I went another 5 miles further and stopped at what I saw as a good rest stop and drank from the camelback and rested for a few minutes. I didnt see the blue truck come through so I thought maybe this will be a great ride.

 

THE RETURN

 

I started back with a easy warm up to get the blood pumping and get up to proper spinning speed. After I achieved a good pace I settled into thw ride back. I went all the way through Boiling Springs. Not one problem then going out on the other side I saw the truckon the opposite side of thw highway from me. Both driver and passenger were pointing at me and yelling and cussing me. I got through the red Light and cranked it even harder. They actually did a Uturn at the red Light and I heard the engine rev up as the driver floored it. I thought to myself what did I do to deserve this kind of grief. It wasn't only grief. I was about a quarter of a mile from the light when I felt the first hit to my left side. The passenger actually was hanging out the window wielding a club or something like it. The pain surged through my body and I almost lost control but some how kept the bike upright and going. I was now fleeing for my life. I knew they ment to do serious harm and I needed to get some place where more people would be. Lights! I sea light ahead, the gas station and restaurants near hwy85 will be a safe place. Again I feel a bit in my side. The ribs were broken. 4 ribs grinding with every breath and I was still up and making for safety. That's when the passenger door mirror tangled with my handle bar and the bike was not coming off of it. We were approaching the red light and we sped up. Much too fast to stop and we swerved to the right. The driver ment to rub me off the truck with a telephone pole. I was howling by now and I managed to click out of my clipless peddles and managed to jump away just before the bike smashed against the pole. I didnt care, I was away and safe. Not thinking I was flying through the air into a ravine at a church yard where horse shoes were played. Yeah, I hit the nearest stabb with my head. The helmet saved my life. But as I hit I hit that and the ground like a pumpkin. Helmet shattered 2 more ribs broken now on the right. I couldn't breat and I was laying like a rag doll.

 

THE NURSE

 

I heard her, she was saying I'm lossing this him. Yes I was still seen a boy then, I was not out. I tried to get up to help but I felt hands on me pushing me down and her voice telling me to not move that I was hurt bad. Again she yelled "I'm loosing him" then nothing...

 

Lights were bright and voices were saying he is back. I remember a few other things but I was told they didn't happen...

 

We were in the ambulance now, SHE said she was riding with me to SRHS and was going to stay with me till family was there. I do remember someone comment on my store as it was women's riding clothes and that I was a freak. SHE address the other voice that they should keep their oppinions to themselves. Hi or she just got hammered on and ran down and left for dead and that kind of talk is dangerous for me.

 

THE ER

 

The ER is sketchy at best as they pumped me with morphine to get me stable. I don't have a lot of memories for about 2 weeks after the ER. At one time I didnt remember the time from the rest stop to 2 week after the run down. Just reciently I was sitting at the red light where I flew and landed. I suddenly remembered the pole and said I went just right of that pole and landed there. Then it all popped in and it was all there from the rest stop to when morphine was added to me. I had for years sit at that light and tried to remember, but on that day almost 21 years later I remembered and it was like a wall falling on me. I couldn't move. I had to make myself move. I have had some trouble sleeping since and November is coming up soon. My husband and I have our anniversary on the day this happened and it has been so very disturbing on what I have remembered. Someone tried to kill me and on the anniversary of the day it happened we got married 16 years alter. Now that I know the details and all that happened I am so very fearful of how I will be this November. Yes we have thought of the wedding date to be a better memory for the day and it has but now this horror story has come back with a vengeance. I wish it had never come back.

 

Connecting the past and future is so painful. I want to forget it forever.

 

Kylara Ann Bagwell


 

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  • Forum Moderator

Sadly - sometimes you have to face bad memories in order to disarm their control over you. Therapy really helps and professional guidance helps but it is still up to you. To get past it you need to face it....I have a triple traumatic experience I went through and still struggle with but at least I face it and each time the pain gets less.

Hoping and Wishing you the best.

Mental Hugs,

Heather Shay

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