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Any Advice?


Abi

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Well, I know it's been a while but, I finally had my first visit with a gender therapist. He was a really nice guy. We talked about some life experiences that I have had briefly but, never really put much into the gender side of the conversation. The little we did talk about was nice. I did not have to say anything specific. I'm fairly certain he could tell what is bothering me. He said the next visit would be about those goals and how to keep my feet moving towards my goals. We didn't discuss my isolating at all yet but, I have the feeling he knows. Overall a nice conversation but, there was no breakthrough epiphany declaring my womanhood to the world yet. The world needs time to prepare for me. ☺️  Maybe next time.

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As with most therapy it usually isn't major epiphanies but little lights that go on. Some of your therapists words will resonate most then others and sometimes nothing seems to appear. But empty your soul... The more you share the more they can help. He is trying to access you as a person and the more he gets to know your true self the better. Don't be afraid to let it all out. He isn't a mind reader so be open and a whole new world will open to you. The world you were meant for.

Hugs

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I perhaps remember my second visit more than my first. I had become acquainted with my therapist and i trusted her not to judge, mock or put me down for what i said to her.  I opened up.  I shared experiences i had had throughout my life. She simply listened but as i drove away i realized how long and how persistent my feelings and actions actually were.  As i shared some of those experiences here and with others who had transitioned i began to look for a path forward.  

Her help with my guilt for simply being me and my fear made that path easier.  Perhaps honesty  and openness were the  most important part of the process.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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That's GREAT @Abi!  Congratulations! and I am really happy for you.  I know how much of a BIG step that is.

 

I agree with what everybody else said, and @Shay's to "let it all out".  That's what I did on my first visit (my poor therapist could barely catch her breath and keep up with her notes), but the better your therapist knows you and the sooner you can build that bond of trust, the more progress you will make.

My big breakthroughs came on my 3d and 4th visit, but there is not set schedule.  Remember Self-Acceptance is the goal.  Whenever that occurs you will know it.

Keep us updated if you can, and MERRY CHRISTMAS to you❣️🌲 (and to everybody!)

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I don't plan on withholding anything about the life I have lived. I think he was feeling pretty bad for me once I told him just a little bit. I want to share that stuff and feel better. I can accept myself already. I just don't want to go out much, if at all. There are a lot of reasons for that and they all seem to be less stressful, the less I go out. Thank you all for the encouragement too. I have become much more comfortable with everything since I found this forum.

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The anxiety and stress of opening up to a society, that for a long time displayed a distressing amount of distain and hatred towards people who just didn't fit that idealized nature, definitely gives pause to the thought of expanding them horizons. It's ok to hold back, safety first and comfort second. We all progress through life in single steps forward, and we all have our limits. One foot in front of the other is always good start, and you don't have to be alone or rushing anywhere. But always try live free and find peace.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have my second visit with the therapist today. I am looking forward to it but, I'm nervous as well. I always wonder if the way I say something or answer a question will make explaining myself harder than it needs to be. I'm really glad the holidays are over. They are rough alone. I'm glad I finally have a therapist that I can talk to about all things. 

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You'll be fine. Just a friendly conversation with a professional listener and guidance helper. Slow small steps and don't feel rushed to answer questions, even though you are on a clock, it's all for your benefit in the end. Give yourself a little time to think over the questions you are answering, it's not and shouldn't be a grade school test. If you don't know or still can't determine an answer in what you feel is a timely manner, just state the status of the reality and table the question till you are ready for that answer. Depending on how long your session is, you can determine how much time you can dedicate to answering questions and giving questions to discuss. You can also write down questions you have before entering a session, and you can keep notes for yourself in case you run out of time and need a bit of a reminder for next session to keep track of things.

Holidays were always a pain for me, but never realized how not seeing my family after mostly a year, while losing family members in that year, would really take chunks out of my morale.

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My councilor and I have come up with a method to make the session be more productive.  We have sessions about every other week.  In the alternate week I send her a list of issues I'd like to talk about.  That way we can get right onto it when the session starts.

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I take notes every time. I have already found the information to be very helpful. We are still kinda getting to know each other but, they have been very kind so far. My impression is that it will stay that way. They are going to help me work on a goals plan and put together some resources to achieve that. Today was productive and it seems we will be meeting every other week for now. I explained some of my perspective on my isolating and he seems to believe I will not feel that way forever. I don't avoid people that I really want to see. I just don't have many people like that and trips to stores are not a favorite of mine by any means.

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😊I'm glad the sessions are helpful, and the doctor and staff are treating you well.

🤣Totally hear you about trips to the store.

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To anyone reading this now,

    I want to say something about this thread. It is amazing, to me, that there have been over a thousand views in just over three month's or so. I never expected my little request, for help with feeling comfortable about parts of the therapy process, would draw so much attention. In hindsight, I guess I should have though.

    Each of us has a question or something to offer. We all know this experience is different and similar for each of us but, we all support each other in our own ways. I'm truly glad about that. ❤️

    It seems to me that this thread needs to be a place where any and everyone can ask for advice about therapy. As far as I'm concerned, if anyone that wants to use this thread, to seek or give advice, you're welcome to do so. If not, then that's fine too. 

    Advice is really helpful. It can't replace the actual professionals that will help us as we make decisions and stretch our arms out to reach our goals. If anyone has a question or something to offer that they think might help, please feel free to do that here. Maybe that will help someone else as much as it has been helping me. That's my hope at least. 

 

To anyone that has offered a helpful word so far, Thank You, so much,

Abi

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  • 2 months later...

    I guess what I am about to share may be therapy related. It really doesn't matter who reads this at this point. I don't feel like anything I say will make any difference to any of you.

    I am filing for disability because I can barely walk and my strength has all but left me. I've exhausted all my money and options. I have no quality of life. I sit alone all day, every day. Only two people actually reach out to talk to me and rarely at that. Neither want to spend any time in my actual presence. I am done hoping for things to get better. I have given so much thought to what my options are and I have none. My family that does know I'm trans, does not really understand or support. I tried to come out and got told to go back. I don't see how it makes any difference who or what I am. I am done trying to figure out what will make me feel better. It just feels like I was fooling myself all this time, to avoid the fact that my body is ruined.  

    Either way, best of luck to all of you on your journey. I'm done here.

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1 hour ago, Abi said:

I don't feel like anything I say will make any difference to any of you.

I don't understand?

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Carolyn Marie
2 hours ago, Abi said:

  I am done trying to figure out what will make me feel better. It just feels like I was fooling myself all this time, to avoid the fact that my body is ruined.  

    Either way, best of luck to all of you on your journey. I'm done here.

 

Abi, I wish you would reconsider.  Have you really no options left to help yourself physically?  Filing for disability is a good decision, but there are options for ways to seek medical care.  Are you on Medicaid or the Affordable Care Act.  Do your doctors know what's wrong with you and if so, are they treating you for it?  If you get help at the hospital, please ask to speak with a social worker, who may be able to offer other good advice and solutions for you.

 

Giving up should never be an option for you or for anyone.  As long as you are breathing, there is always some solutions.  Certainly you should not give up on spending time here, as we are always willing to help however we can, even if its just to provide a virtual hug and a place to vent.  Only a little while ago on this thread you were talking about how much its meant to you to talk with us and read the advice folks have given you and others.  Those benefits remain for you.  We want to help.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Carolyn Marie

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