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Well that was interesting


JustineM

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So over the last few days I’ve come out to my other sister and a sister-in-law.  It turned into a mutual coming out with my sister in law (she’s pansexual). She was very supportive.

 

My sisters response was kinda funny. She told me she wasn’t even surprised, explains a lot of the things I was doing as a kid. We had a nice talk where I found out I’m going to have a niece or nephew again in December. She also offered to help me write a letter to my Mom to come out to her.  
 

The journey continues. 

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That sounds like a VERY PLEASANT surprise.  It is amazing how many of our relatives and friends caught clues about us years before we know it ourselves.

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1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

It is amazing how many of our relatives and friends caught clues about us years before we know it ourselves.

True

When I came out to my ex (we were already split up by then) She was not the least bit surprised.  She is actually quite supportive.

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I can’t emphasize enough how blessed I’ve been through this journey so far.  Every time that I’ve been so terrified of reactions it’s been the complete opposite. 
My sister agrees that my Mom probably won’t take it very well, but she says she is trying to grease the wheels so to speak. She has been trying to gently persuade Mom to a more accepting view of LGBT+. She and I both agree that a letter would probably be the best way to come out to Mom, let her absorb and react in her own time.  

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Heather Nicole
3 hours ago, JustineM said:

I can’t emphasize enough how blessed I’ve been through this journey so far.  Every time that I’ve been so terrified of reactions it’s been the complete opposite. 

 

It's a wonderful feeling isn't it? I'm glad it went so well.

 

5 hours ago, VickySGV said:

It is amazing how many of our relatives and friends caught clues about us years before we know it ourselves.

 

I had a little bit of that, too. My mom's the only family I've told so far, and even though she didn't seem to have noticed the teensy mini-hints I'd started leaving (or even the much bigger hints I'd feared I'd accidentally left out in the wide open) she did still manage to surprise me: She said when I was a kid, she'd noticed I was a little different from the other boys and not always into quite as much of the boy stuff as the other boys. I hasn't even sensed that myself back then! And looking back, I always thought I had always been much stealthier at gender-conformance. I would never have thought!

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  • 5 weeks later...

Well I knew it would happen eventually, though I dared hope otherwise. My string of near total acceptance finally came to a halt. Told my wife’s sister and she is asking me to get a second opinion from a Christian councilor. 
I’m a little hesitant to see a Christian councilor because of the general “against the Bible” attitude most seem to have against LGBT+ 

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QuestioningAmber

@JustineM It sounds like you had a good run of luck, like you said it was bound to happen. I don't blame you for not seeing a christian counselor, especially just to please one person. I am sure the therapist you are seeing is more than qualified to make a pronounced determination. I am having a similar problem with my brother, he went to school for psychology. He thinks that my therapist put it into my head that I am transgender, not that I am transgender. It sucks when you get that first person who digs in their feet a little bit.

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@JustineM 

In counselling the Christian part is the counsellors framework and not yours and should not be a part of the actual counselling process or they shouldn't be qualified. That said: 

I 100% agree with Amber, if you are already seeing a therapist then you are already receiving counselling, I would also point out that not only am I Christian, but I am a pastor and God is not now and never has been the problem. It's not bootcamp - you do not need to jump through arbitrary hoops to prove yourself to anyone just because they want you to, perhaps your wife's sister needs to speak to someone about her struggle to love her neighbours as herself. ❤️ 

(Sorry feeling a bit petulant today!)

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12 hours ago, JustineM said:

Told my wife’s sister and she is asking me to get a second opinion from a Christian councilor. 
I’m a little hesitant to see a Christian councilor because of the general “against the Bible” attitude most seem to have against LGBT+ 

Yeah.   I lived in this world for years.  I tried to conform myself to what was expected.  Eventually I began to accept reality.  It was very liberating.  I wouldn't say I am an atheist now, but my view of "God" has been drastically altered.  But that would belong in a different thread.

 

4 hours ago, DeeDee said:

I would also point out that not only am I Christian, but I am a pastor and God is not now and never has been the problem.

I don't have a problem with Christianity really.  A lot of Christians I know are fine people.  I guess it was just having spent so much of my life in a toxic conservative-christian environment I had to let it go.

It is encouraging to see more Christians becoming more accepting of people like us.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well... I talked to my councilor today and told her about what my SiL said.  She said that if I felt the need to see a second therapist she would support me in that.  Although neither one of us really see what that would accomplish.  It was kind of funny though, she decided to see what the DSM 5 said about GID.  Read it off to me and while I only need 2 of the 6 criteria to be "officially" diagnosed I actually meet all 6 criteria.  I did have the thought though that if I decided to see a 2nd councilor it might actually be kinda helpful in that if I decide down the road that I want to pursue the surgeries it would help pave the way for the 2 letters I would need.  

 

I guess food for thought.  :thinking:  

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6 hours ago, JustineM said:

I did have the thought though that if I decided to see a 2nd councilor it might actually be kinda helpful in that if I decide down the road that I want to pursue the surgeries it would help pave the way for the 2 letters I would need. 

Yes, but later when the need arises and definitely see a non-partisan counselor.  Your current therapist might be able to suggest someone to work with.  I actually saw one that was with my endo's medical practice.  It worked out well as I got an appointment relatively quick and only needed one appt, to convince her a letter was due.  

 

All my best, 

Jani

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Like I told my therapist, I'm not against a second therapist's opinion in and of itself.  If time and finances allow I may.  However I'm not going to see a second therapist just because one person wants me to find someone who may say that its not real.  Its a waste of time and money, that I don't have a lot of to begin with.  As she put it, it would really be unethical for her to try and convince me that these issues aren't real and that they aren't really a problem.  I don't need anything else to tell me that the path I am on is the right one, I know it is.  I knew it from the first instant that I truly let Justine out of the closet.  Trying to accommodate an impossible request would be devastating and, if I'm honest, more than likely fatal.  

 

So at this point I guess my SiL can either accept it and move on, or she can deal with it and move on.  I just hope she doesn't take this out on my wife or kids.  

 

Sorry I had to get that out. 

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Well finished my letter to my Mom. I asked my sister to proof read it and give me her thoughts and she said it was perfect and made her cry. So now I just need to wait til after the holidays so I can send it. Then figure out how to tell my Dad. 😔 There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s NOT an oncoming train. 

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Good news indeed!   If there was a train coming, hop on!!!  

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