Aurora's Feeling log

[Aurora]

Want to share that when I was over at my parents house for Christmas, I found out that before coming out as Trans, a lot of my family members had thought that I was gay. And these family members were ok with the idea that I might be gay. But when I came out as Trans, the same family members who were ok with the idea of me being gay is not ok with me being Trans and they are the ones that have stopped talking to me and want nothing to do with me. So I am just wanting to know what is the deal between being gay and being Trans? Why is being gay so much more acceptable where being Trans is like taboo and no one wants to really support you or wants to talk to you

[2beBreanna]

Being transgender is a new concept for many.  They don't understand it and don't wanna learn.  Also many thing it's a choice and don't understand why we choose to be trans. Maybe try talking to them.

[Emily michelle]

I have to agree with breanna the concept is new to a lot of people and it hasn’t really been talked about until recently where as it seems being gay or lesbian has been around for quite not to say anyone that comes out as gay or lesbian has an easier road to take. Both are extremely hard. It just seems like people are more familiar with either gay or lesbian.

[Audrey]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

So I am just wanting to know what is the deal between being gay and being Trans? Why is being gay so much more acceptable where being Trans is like taboo and no one wants to really support you or wants to talk to you

Hi Aurora, I think the difficulty with understanding and accepting could have to do with the fact that being transgender is a complex relationship between four interrelated but independent dynamics: biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation. Being gay or lesbian may be easier for some to wrap their mind around, because it relates to mainly one of these. However, being trans demands a much more nuanced understanding because it challenges core assumptions about people that many have never had challenged before. I'm sorry to hear that you have family members who are cutting you out of your life as a result of your coming out as trans. I'm hopeful they'll come around after they've had time to process.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Mmindy]

@AuroraThis was the same thing I encountered when I came out to my wife. She claimed publicly to support the LGBTQ community and the Gay and Lesbian family members in both of our families. She found out her support was one of convenience because it wasn't in her house, and she only had to see family on the holidays. She recently said she had more support for the young transgender community because they had youth on their side and would look more like the gender of choice. People who wait like you and I, until late in life should just stay as we were. I know she's coming around as I talk with her, but it's still support of convenience. Give your family time to adjust, and take the time to be the good example of what a real transgendered person is. I'm transgender, not a fetish, or a choice.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Aurora said:

So I am just wanting to know what is the deal between being gay and being Trans? Why is being gay so much more acceptable where being Trans is like taboo and no one wants to really support you or wants to talk to you

I suppose being trans is a bit more radical.   A gay man is still considered a man - same with lesbians.   I doubt that many cis people have a clue about what being transgender is about.  They don't know the difference between crossdressing and being transgender.   They may associate a transwoman with a drag queen, which is not the same thing.  And many trans women turn to sex work for survival.  We get a lot of bad press.

(note- I'm not condemning the drag scene, just making a point)

[Kellianne]

That is amazing!

[Aurora]

Been following California since my surgery is coming up in March and was hearing about how the governor wants to do a full state lock down now.  I am getting really scared that my GCS surgery is going to get pushed back yet again and I don't think my mental health will be able to handle another push back on my surgery.  I am feeling scared and my anxiety is going crazy.  I dont know if my mental health can handle all this.  I am also starting to cry because I really need my surgery.

[Jackie C.]

How's the part of the state where you're getting surgery doing for hospital space? I was just reading that there are places around Pasadena where they are straight up out of room to stack people. My revision (I know, not the same level of urgency) has been put off too, but I really don't want to end up on a ventilator. I really, REALLY don't want to need a ventilator and have none available. 2020 is just so messed up.

 

Be strong sweetie. You'll get what you need.

 

Hugs!

[VickySGV]

The spaces for GCS surgery and after care are different from the spaces for Covid respiratory ICU care.  I am having some general question appointments done via the internet, but all of my in-office or clinic stuff is going as usual other than wearing a mask and not having people going with me inside. I had a purely routine Mammogram done two weeks ago with waiting distances 6 feet apart, and masks on, but still the girl talk of other patients that is just there. 

I do not know what hospital you are headed for, but even with all the publicity about hospitals bursting at the seams here, other medical care is taking place, including plastic surgery (two friends still have bandages on from FFS the week before Xmas) that was done here in the Los Angeles area.  Hospitals in other parts of the state (SF Bay areas) do not have as heavy a load, and again the two problems are handled well away from each other in their spaces.   Our medical care here is learning how to work with the virus going on.  There is good reason to think yours will go through as planned.  You are strong and you will make it I am sure. 

 

This has to be taken one day at a time, just a single day at a time.  You let two or three days, or even a week in the future gang up on you and it terrible.  One day at a time.

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

The spaces for GCS surgery and after care are different from the spaces for Covid respiratory ICU care.  I am having some general question appointments done via the internet, but all of my in-office or clinic stuff is going as usual other than wearing a mask and not having people going with me inside. I had a purely routine Mammogram done two weeks ago with waiting distances 6 feet apart, and masks on, but still the girl talk of other patients that is just there. 

I do not know what hospital you are headed for, but even with all the publicity about hospitals bursting at the seams here, other medical care is taking place, including plastic surgery (two friends still have bandages on from FFS the week before Xmas) that was done here in the Los Angeles area.  Hospitals in other parts of the state (SF Bay areas) do not have as heavy a load, and again the two problems are handled well away from each other in their spaces.   Our medical care here is learning how to work with the virus going on.  There is good reason to think yours will go through as planned.  You are strong and you will make it I am sure. 

 

This has to be taken one day at a time, just a single day at a time.  You let two or three days, or even a week in the future gang up on you and it terrible.  One day at a time.

I am scheduled for my surgery at Marin hospital at 7:30am on March 11 with Dr. Satterwhite.  I will be up in the SF Bay area.  Then Dr. Satterwhite wants me to stay in the area for 3 weeks for my post-op follow ups, so I am looking for a Airbnb close to Align Surgical in North SF.  I have followed my doctor's recommendation and then some on bottom hair removal and I so smooth and clean for him that it will be easy for him.  All my letters are turned in and good to go.  They will call my insurance in January to start the insurance process.

 

I have been in contact with the office staff at Allign Surgical and I am sure they are tired if hearing from me, but yet they are glad how I have been in contact with them.

 

Dr. Satterwhite takes safety to a whole new level.

 

I looked up where Marin hospital is, which I guess it's just north of the golden gate bridge.

[VickySGV]

That does sound like it is out of the hubbub of Covid.  The area up there there has had less than 2K cases, and less than 150 fatalities, probably from San Francisco workers who live there.  That is nowhere close to our problems here in Los Angeles.  It is a beautiful area up there in March.   San Francisco has 90% more than that area. During my last two weeks in late 2012 and 2013 I was ringing the phone off the hook for Dr. Bower's office too.

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

That does sound like it is out of the hubbub of Covid.  The area up there there has had less than 2K cases, and less than 150 fatalities, probably from San Francisco workers who live there.  That is nowhere close to our problems here in Los Angeles.  It is a beautiful area up there in March.   San Francisco has 90% more than that area. During my last two weeks in late 2012 and 2013 I was ringing the phone off the hook for Dr. Bower's office too.

My mom is showing me all socal hospital are putting elective surgeries on hold.  I guess Kaiser has put everything on hold but the COVID crap.  It sounds like SoCal is just all messed up and where I am going, I am not hearing to much since it's up in SF Bay area.  

[VickySGV]

My suggestion is to look at the Marin County area news and find out what they say.  As bad as it is here, it is not as bad as some out of state newspapers are saying.  I am sure that there where you live that anything our governor does is going to sound worse than it really is since he is a Democrat.  I think he has overdone a few things, but even he is evening out as this goes on.   I still think there is good reason to keep your hopes up.

 

We are getting a pretty active rain storm coming through right now, what a year end send off.

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

My suggestion is to look at the Marin County area news and find out what they say.  As bad as it is here, it is not as bad as some out of state newspapers are saying.  I am sure that there where you live that anything our governor does is going to sound worse than it really is since he is a Democrat.  I think he has overdone a few things, but even he is evening out as this goes on.   I still think there is good reason to keep your hopes up.

 

We are getting a pretty active rain storm coming through right now, what a year end send off.

I was planning on calling Marin hospital to ask directly as I don't believe the media anymore.  And I want to buy my airline ticket in January with enough notice so the flight will be cheaper but don't have the money to be cancel or wait till last minute.  Same with getting a Airbnb,. Want to get early where prices are cheaper at the early time.

 

So I figured that if I call Marin hospital directly, they will tell me the truth

[Aurora]

https://sf.eater.com/platform/amp/2020/12/31/22208293/san-francisco-lockdown-quarantine-shutdown-outdoor-dining-sf

 

After reading that San Francisco is in a in definitely lockdown.  I am scared that I will never get my GCS surgery with Dr. Satterwhite.  I have started looking for another doctor and to be starting over again.  I am looking at setting up a consultation with Dr. Crane in Austin TX.  But it sucks that I have to start all over again.

 

I hope Dr. Crane can get me in fast for my surgery.

[Jackie C.]

Well that sucks. Not going to lie.

 

May you get what you need sooner rather than later.

 

Hugs!

[Mmindy]

@Aurorathat is a real setback and I hope you can resolve it in a timely manner.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

[VickySGV]

This is a link to Dr. Satterwite's medical group.  It says they are performing all surgeries with proper medical safety precautions.  

 

https://www.alignsurgical.com/

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

This is a link to Dr. Satterwite's medical group.  It says they are performing all surgeries with proper medical safety precautions.  

 

https://www.alignsurgical.com/

I have his website saved and I am worried cause I am reading how SF is in lockdown till who knows when.  The hospital that I am going to be at is in Marin.  I want to get my airline ticket and Airbnb in January when prices are still cheap but dont know what's going on in SF.  Which is why I am setting up Dr. Crane in Austin TX as a backup

[Aurora]

So I dont mind going to California for my surgery, but my mom who is my support system and will be there to drop me off and pick me up at the hospital is afraid of California with how high the COVID cases are.  Which is why I am now having to look for another doctor outside of california for my support system to be there and help me out.

 

I just hope that Dr. Crane can get to me pretty fast and dont have to adjust my FMLA too much.  I have already been following Dr. Satterwhite's recommendation since Oct. 2019 and I am hair free down their so it's just a matter of getting my refresh letters over and get Dr. Crane to set me up pretty fast to get my birth defect out of here.

[Aurora]

Just feeling sad that I never got to grow up as a little girl.  I see these pictures and in real life of these little girls out with their mom's and it makes me really sad that I never got to do that.  I just want that mother daughter time.

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

Just feeling sad that I never got to grow up as a little girl.

 

Yeah, that gets me in the feels sometimes too. It certainly would have been easier. Then I think about all the wonderful people I never would have met if I wasn't trans and remember that growing up as a lesbian in the 70s and 80s wouldn't have been a picnic either.

 

I can't do anything about growing up in the wrong body. I can make the best of things now though. Most days that's enough.

 

Hugs!

[Aurora]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Yeah, that gets me in the feels sometimes too. It certainly would have been easier. Then I think about all the wonderful people I never would have met if I wasn't trans and remember that growing up as a lesbian in the 70s and 80s wouldn't have been a picnic either.

 

I can't do anything about growing up in the wrong body. I can make the best of things now though. Most days that's enough.

 

Hugs!

I am probably a baby to you.  but I am an 80's child where I was born in 1981 and that I know how all this was never really around.  I know that when I was growing up, all I heard was gay and lesbian in the 80's and 90's.

 

But still I so wish that I was able to grow up as a little girl and be able to have the mommy daughter day and be able to go shopping with mommy and even grocery shopping with mommy.

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

I am probably a baby to you.  but I am an 80's child where I was born in 1981 and that I know how all this was never really around.  I know that when I was growing up, all I heard was gay and lesbian in the 80's and 90's.

 

But still I so wish that I was able to grow up as a little girl and be able to have the mommy daughter day and be able to go shopping with mommy and even grocery shopping with mommy.

 

Your mother is almost certainly less of a pill than mine. Mommy daughter bonding was not going to happen no matter what.

 

I've actually got people in my friend group younger than you by at least ten years. My car is actually older than one of them (who happens to be a transwoman, go figure).

 

I'm in the Midwest though so through at least 1988 gay was the WORST thing you could be. Trans wasn't even a word we knew. That was like finding a unicorn in the ads in the back of a men's magazine and it was NEVER something that was presented positively. It was starting to become more of a thing you'd hear about, but it wasn't anything anybody actually saw. I was two years out of high school before I had a friend who had a gay sister.

 

Though looking back on things, my aunt Melba, who I adored, was almost certainly gay. Lived with a longtime female companion who she never brought around. Never interested in men. Super-butch haircut. High school gym teacher. It could have just been a selection of stereotypes, but looking back, I'm pretty sure she was gay. She was a popular member of the family. Nobody talked about it.

 

So yeah. The American Midwest. We're like the deep south, just scale it back about twenty percent. ?

 

Hugs!