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Orthodox crossdresser


Chanie

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Hi, I’m Chanie. I’ve been crossdressing since before my barmitzvah. I’m very much in the closet. The only people who know about Chanie are my wife and a sister. My wife knows but will not see me dressed, occasionally she will take the children out so I can spend some Chanie time. I know this is a big blessing for me. 
I feel like I’m the only one in my community or anywhere who is pretty much orthodox but have this overpowering need to dress up. 

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums Chanie.  I hope you can use us to handle some of the frustrations you are dealing with.  The psychological needs to be gender variant cut across all lines of ethnicity and religion as this site demonstrates.  I know that Orthodox Judaism is not receptive to Trans people, but here in my So. California area the Reform congregations have been wonderfully accepting.  I belong to a Transgender Chorus here and we have been invited to take part in several Shabbat and Ha Shabbat services by providing special music actually composed by two Cantors who are Trans themselves. 

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Carolyn Marie

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Chanie.  I can understand your anxiety about melding your cross dressing with your religious practices and theology.  There have been posts in this forum with links to articles about how Orthodox Rabbis have addressed trans and other LGBT issues.  There are many transgender Jews (and I used that term in the umbrella sense, so it applies to you).  I am one, although I am not practicing the faith.  I have given lectures at many, many Temples, most of which have been Reform.  Vicky is correct that the Reform branch of Judaism is very welcoming, and its Rabbinical Councill has said so firmly and publicly.  That may be an option for you. 

 

I wish you all the best.

 

Carolyn Marie

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Hi Chanie!  nice to meet you, and Welcome!

I believe you will find this Forum and the Members here to be a great resource for you and your journey. 

On 11/2/2020 at 8:36 PM, Chanie said:

My wife knows but will not see me dressed

I am in a bit of a similar situation as you.  Gender therapy has been a great help for me to find self-acceptance and to also to begin to work within my relationship.  I hope you have access and an opportunity for the same. 

Looking forward to hear more from you.  Deep breaths ... one step at a time❣️

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      Dear @gina-nicole-t, I'm sorry to hear about your experience on social media. It's for reasons like what you describe, as well as keeping a lower profile online due to my profession, that I avoid social media altogether. Mainstream media does no favors to anyone by promoting standards out of reach of all but a lucky few. As a result, body image issues are something that so many people struggle with, myself included. Dealing with those issues *and* being transgender adds complexity because of the dysphoria involved. There is also the very real relationship between the ability to pass, and staying safe in spaces that may not be accepting of transgender people. I strongly believe in body positive thinking. I'm working hard on overcoming my insecurities with my body during transition, but it certainly isn't easy to break out of those cycles of negative thinking. Most of all, surrounding myself with supportive and affirming people goes a long way towards building that self-esteem!   Love, ~Audrey.
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      Seconded, a joint session would probably do both of you good. Presuming your wife can deal with being a lesbian by marriage, she needs to understand that the person she loves isn't going away. HRT isn't going to turn you into a sex maniac hungry for boy bits. I actually saw a statistic the other day (not sure how accurate it was, but it felt about right) that only about 25% of us (MtF) are straight. By straight I mean into men if that's not clear. So you have no plans to leave her. You're still going to be yourself, you'll just have softer skin, less body hair and breasts. I mean sure you're also going to be more emotional too, there will be some personality changes but it's not going to turn you into Ms. Hyde. Just different bits of your personality rotate around to become more prominent while others fade into the background. It's subtle, but you're still you.   That was more than I intended, but the core is that you're still going to be you and you're not going to go anywhere unless she pushes you away. It might help her to hear that from somebody else. Someone with letters after their name.   Hugs!
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      Greetings UKenby, welcome to the forums.   I think my personal suggestion would be to speak to your doctor in confidence about this. At this current time you can even do it over the phone or videolink, at least, that is how my practice does things currently.   If your health centre is like mine, you would have a choice of speaking to your family doctor, or any other within the practice. And of course, this consultation is protected under Patient Doctor confidentiality.
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      As far as I understand thats perfectly normal for all women. I think I read somewhere that those kind of low grade feelings are from liking how you look,when you feel attractive and confident about yourself and really great about yourself you get strong attractive feelings. Cause feeling sexy is sexy. I think a lot of women get that way sometimes on a good day from what I understand.
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      Thank you for posting this,Ive been going through similar issues with my family. I just didnt realize it was guilt. I was always and kind of still am afraid of what might happen if i appear to them one day as the person i really am. My father especially,hes a conservative legally blind tejano kinda guy, machismo plays a big part in his self worth. He hasnt been very stable as hes gotten older, (hes in his 70s) and hes still gets down on himself a lot. I get really worried sometimes if he found out suddenly that his son is actually his daughter, he might break down and never come back, or just disown me entirely, or both. Its still something im working on, but im trying my best to get past it. Little steps.
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