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Will she still want me as a partner?


Onlyhuman96

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My partner came out to me as a transwomen and it I'm ok with it. I love her, that's all that I care about. I've been doing some reading and I'm scarred. She is pre HRT right now and I'm afraid that once she starts her transition she wont love me as her partner anymore. We have been together for 8+ years and she is bi. She has said that of coarse she will still think of me as her partner but I'm afraid that the hormones  will change how she feels about me. I understand that MtF transition may result in a lower sex drive and that doesn't bother me.  I want her to still love me as her life partner. Can someone please tell me if this has happened to you and your partner or if I'm being silly. We are also monogamous.

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Everyone is different.  In my experience talking to people on forums like this, most transgender people in relationships want the relationship to continue when they transition.  But, unfortunately, there are no guarantees.  All you can do is to keep communicating. 

 

When I came out to my wife, I knew that I wanted to stay in the relationship, but I knew that she would worry about whether or not I did.  So I made a point of telling her right away, in the first minute or two if the discussion, that I had no intention of leaving her.  I stayed, she stayed, and now we are closer than ever. 

 

You are not being silly, but I would urge you to stay hopeful.

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  • Forum Moderator

You sound a lot like my spouse when I started transitioning. It was actually a little funny. Both of us were all wound up about the idea of the other one leaving. It's still a bit of a struggle. She's convinced that I'm going to go skipping off into my new life without her. I'm terrified that she'll meet some guy she likes better... though I've come to realize that I'm closer to bi than I thought. If she brought a guy I found hot home, we might be able to work with that. 😋

 

Anyway, it comes down to the two of you. If you communicate with each other and keep each other close, you'll be fine. The official rate of marriages that survive this is 55%, but I think that if you're both willing you'll come out the other side. I won't say that it's all sunshine and unicorns. There have been adjustments, but we've both been willing to make them to keep each other.

 

Between you, me and the wall, the sex is actually better. It's not as frequent, but between being able to love myself and the extra layer of empathy things get pretty amazing in the bedroom.

 

So yeah, you're not being silly, couples break up over this but they don't have to. If you're both willing to work on the relationship you'll be fine.

 

Hugs!

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  • 1 month later...

I have not transitioned and not sure how far I am going to go, but I am in line to get bottom surgery.  I had prostate cancer and have almost no hormones right now for awhile. I will go to estrogen after this and not testosterone. I never want T in my blood ever again! Not one thing has changed about my love for my wife, but I am a lot more emotional. Each of us is different as has already been expressed above.

 

Most of the group I talk with stay focused on their spouse, but there are some that don't. Sometimes the spouse leaves because they cannot accept the change.  My marriage has been all over the place, but I think my wife has realized a lot of what she thought and feared will not come true.

 

Hugs,
Mike

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Thank you everyone so much! Your words have helped me to feel a bit more secure about the future. :) <3

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I won't say if will be easy and smooth sailing because each transition and relationship is different.  I have not change my orientation and have no need to. 

 

Welcome aboard!!  I love your user name.  Aren't we all!!

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 12/22/2020 at 3:06 PM, Confused1 said:

I have not transitioned and not sure how far I am going to go, but I am in line to get bottom surgery.  I had prostate cancer . . Not one thing has changed about my love for my wife, but I am a lot more emotional.

        Mike my father had prostate cancer, docs put him through 'ell, and it was him and I discussing treatment that put me on the path I was once on, but not now. lol Saw the "emotional thing" too, he said "your mother was the only one who ever truly loved me"  . . two divorces & three marriages later! 

 

Skip the "srs" and love her the way she's always liked you!

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Confused1
4 hours ago, Kiera said:

        Mike my father had prostate cancer, docs put him through 'ell, and it was him and I discussing treatment that put me on the path I was once on, but not now. lol Saw the "emotional thing" too, he said "your mother was the only one who ever truly loved me"  . . two divorces & three marriages later! 

 

Skip the "srs" and love her the way she's always liked you!

 

Hi Kiera,

 

I've had dysphoria much of my 65 years and I think I could have made it to my grave without anyone even knowing I had it. I love my wife as much as life itself. Until now it has been worth suppressing it.

 

The SRS is to fix something done to me at that prostate surgery. It is something that I cannot live with and there seems to be only one way to fix. The problem I have is something almost no one gets. I have talked to hundreds of PCa survivors. I didn't realize how much the testosterone was affecting me until it was gone.  If this doesn't make sense PM me.

 

Hugs,

Mike

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