....

[Mary Jane]

i dont even know why im typing this i dont even feel like typing this but this month i dont know why has been sad for me so far and i keep getting broken every last piece that could break is breaking so yesterday i just gave up trying to be happy but ill still try to hide it from parents, brother, and aunt that lives with us after all its so easy for me to focus or be distracted enough to be happy except is that it? just focus or distraction to be happy? thought it was for a long time but then today i thought about times that i was truly happy and could only think of a few i cant keep fighting the sadness not alone but i can still keep going

 

by the way i know i said this already but thanks to all of you that helped me last school year it calmed this down i am sad maybe depressed i dont really know but thanks to all of you that helped. start of this school year ive only thought of it 2 times 

 

if no one cares well i think ill get the help i need soon also this year ive got a real life friend but there's been about 4 one sided friendships/fake friendships ive experienced so I'll see soon if she's actually a real friend

[Mary Jane]

also im not thinking of suicide for now 

[Mmindy]

Hey there Mary Jane, your name strikes two different memories. My mother's name was Nancy Jane, and my father always used both names when he was calling for her. They truly loved one another. The other is a slang name used in the 1960's for Dope as we called it way back in the 1900s.  I'm not sure how COVID is affecting your area, but here in my community it has rendered many into a sad state maybe even depression. I hope you continue to push forward through this tough time. 

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy

[Jackie C.]

Sweetie, you should be talking to a therapist regardless. Your home life isn't great and having a professional to talk to about it helps just so, so much. I'm glad you've been doing better. Friends are fantastic, I just learned today that one of my favorite people is negative for COVID so I'm flying pretty high (she's high risk and a 40% chance of losing her was entirely too much). They're also really helpful as part of your support network.

 

Hugs! 

[Mary Jane]

yea i think soon i might talk to one because thanks to gym things needing to be online we have log sheets that we need to do, in the daily reflection so far for this month since monday I've been typing more because 1. my teacher told me to and 2. i feel like i just need to get help i could also go to my guidance counselor. but usually while in school i just focus on the work and i dont feel sad but unless something makes me happy im not happy too and pretty much anything can re-trigger that sadness

[Charlize]

I'm glad you are considering going to your guidance counselor.  It is also great that you can express yourself here.  Having others to talk with makes a big difference.  I found great support here as so many here understand the difficulties of a path that isn't quite "normal".  Keep coming.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Sarahnr1]

Late i know but its been an  up and down period  in my  life.  Anyway  Mary Jane my friend  im still RIGHT here same as  as  i said from the  start  dear never left    (HUG )        

[Mary Jane]

12 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

Late i know but its been an  up and down period  in my  life.  Anyway  Mary Jane my friend  im still RIGHT here same as  as  i said from the  start  dear never left    (HUG )        

 

Slowly getting better by the way and at the same day I thought about when I was truly happy I realized Ive mostly been empty/sad all my life but been fighting that emptiness/sadness, then just gave up on November 6 which is when I started to really feel the emptiness before that was just sadness

 

But 3 weeks went by now and it was slow for me but I’m trying to fight it again. and at the same time I’m trying to not somehow hide the emptiness/sadness

[Guest]

Just sending warm hugs and best wishes, Mary Jane. Please take care...

[Sarahnr1]

11 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

 

Slowly getting better by the way and at the same day I thought about when I was truly happy I realized Ive mostly been empty/sad all my life but been fighting that emptiness/sadness, then just gave up on November 6 which is when I started to really feel the emptiness before that was just sadness

 

But 3 weeks went by now and it was slow for me but I’m trying to fight it again. and at the same time I’m trying to not somehow hide the emptiness/sadness

 

Im glad youre starting  to come back my friend . trying to hide or suppress  youre inner  feelings   dont work  i can tell you that  my friend  . it only comes  back and  bite you in youre  ... when you least espect  it  . You have to deal with it  right away.  

[Mary Jane]

22 hours ago, Overalls Bear said:

Just sending warm hugs and best wishes, Mary Jane. Please take care...

thank you! 

 

13 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

 

Im glad youre starting  to come back my friend . trying to hide or suppress  youre inner  feelings   dont work  i can tell you that  my friend  . it only comes  back and  bite you in youre  ... when you least espect  it  . You have to deal with it  right away.  

yea true i know because when i kept making a new topic on here suicide prevention, there was a lot of sadness that i didnt even know was stored up/bottled up and it just kept rushing out. if there's still more stored i dont know how much it is

[Sarahnr1]

2 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

thank you! 

 

yea true i know because when i kept making a new topic on here suicide prevention, there was a lot of sadness that i didnt even know was stored up/bottled up and it just kept rushing out. if there's still more stored i dont know how much it is

 

Youre very welkome   

 

Just dont be afraid to let it out my friend.