Reaching Out

[actuallysage]

Hi lovelies, 

(AFAB) I think I'm non-binary, or maybe gender-fluid.
Ever since I was a little kid, my name (very femme) didn't feel like mine -- there was nothing wrong with it, it just wasn't *mine*. Same goes for being referred to as a "girl" or "woman". I was much happier when my friends referred to me as "dude" or "bro", and while it is sometimes fun to put on dresses and makeup, it always feels like I'm just playing pretend; it doesn't validate femininity for me. I don't mind being referred to as a female, but I don't want to be seen as *only* female. 
Lately, I've been having a lot of issues centered around not feeling at home in my body. I'm not sure if it's dysphoria, or trauma resurfacing, but I've been in therapy for a few months now and we together thought it would be a good idea to explore the non-binary world for me. Ever since talking to my therapist and a couple of my closest friends about it, I've been feeling a lot better. My problems haven't been solved, per se, but they're manageable now, and I feel a little jump of joy when someone refers to me by my chosen name. 
I guess I'm reaching out to say hello, and to hear from people who have had experiences similar to mine, or if anyone has any resources (books, documentaries, etc) that they would recommend to someone just starting out. 

[Susan R]

7 hours ago, actuallysage said:

Ever since talking to my therapist and a couple of my closest friends about it, I've been feeling a lot better. My problems haven't been solved, per se, but they're manageable now, and I feel a little jump of joy when someone refers to me by my chosen name.

Hi there @actuallysage. Welcome! Opening up to a few trustworthy friends and a good therapist are both good especially when starting to explore yourself a little deeper as you are. Getting a sense of yourself sometimes helps when you get someone to help you dig deeper than we’d normally feel comfortable on our own. I think examining your life through a set of different eyes and getting different perspectives is good...and a seasoned therapist should in time help you in those areas.

 

Once you’ve continued using your chosen name and are sure it’s yours for the keeping, it might help to formally change it so that you can use it in all aspects in your life. This was so helpful to me. In my case, it made complete sense since I had been living full time as myself and it made life so much more manageable not having to explain the male name on ID while presenting female. But if you’re experiencing gender dysphoria or just very uncomfortable from others using your given name this may be something you want to discuss with your therapist. I think you’ll know when the time is right. It sounds like you may not be ‘out’ completely and that is definitely a major consideration. I think you’re heading in the right direction reaching out and I think you’ll find there are a lot of resources and support right here. I personally don’t have any specific NB resources I would recommend but I am sure others here may.

 

Thanks for joining our little family and sharing a part of yourself. Hope to read more.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[actuallysage]

Thank you Susan; I vacillate between wanting to shout to the world what I am, and also keeping it a super close secret that only I know about. Telling my therapist was a huge step for me. 
If my chosen name in the future does fit me better, I think I will change my legally. I am very feminine in appearance and I'm okay with that, but I want to experiment with my hair and clothes a little more. Even tucking my hair up under a hat was like, "Wow, this is what I look like." I'm not sure what my body is trying to tell me most of the time, and I know this will be quite a journey (as it is for everyone), but I'm glad I found this forum. I've been reading other posts and found other insights to be helpful. 

 

Thanks again, Susan. 

- Sage

[Ivy]

Welcome Sage

[actuallysage]

Thank you, Jandi!

[KayC]

Hi @actuallysage!  nice to meet you and Welcome! 

Congratulations on seeking and starting Therapy.  Coming to this Forum and then starting therapy have been monumental for me.
You found a great place to help with your self-discovery.  We come in ALL shapes and sizes here, so take you time and don't be shy❣️

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi@actuallysage

[Charlize]

Welcome Sage.  I'm glad you found us.  This site helped me find a path to self acceptance after years of feeling guilty about not fitting completely into the role assigned me.  You are not alone!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[actuallysage]

Thank you KayC, Elizabeth, and Charlize -- it's nice to know that I'm not alone. ❤️ 

[Gabriel]

Hi @actuallysage, and welcome!

 

You've landed in an amazing place. They've helped me so much since I'm here.

 

You asked about resources. I can only recommend the ones that have helped me on my journey. There are a ton more out there I don't know about, but you can have a look at these to see if they can help you

 

http://discoveryourgenderidentity.com/  - amazing book. Includes non-binary identities.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ  - youtube channel of a gender therapist

https://www.youtube.com/user/darahoffmanfox  - youtube channel of a non-binary gender therpaist

 

I wish you a great journey, and we are here for whatever you need

[actuallysage]

12 hours ago, Gabriel said:

 

 

You asked about resources. I can only recommend the ones that have helped me on my journey. There are a ton more out there I don't know about, but you can have a look at these to see if they can help you

 

http://discoveryourgenderidentity.com/  - amazing book. Includes non-binary identities.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ  - youtube channel of a gender therapist

https://www.youtube.com/user/darahoffmanfox  - youtube channel of a non-binary gender therpaist

 

Thank you so much Gabriel! I'll be sure to look into them. 

[Heather Nicole]

On 11/13/2020 at 10:38 AM, Gabriel said:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ  - youtube channel of a gender therapist

 

Oh, yes, Dr. Z is very good. I'm a fan of her channel.

 

There's a book I found at one of my local libraries that I really liked. It's not really a resource per se, though. It's an autobiographical graphic novel about one non-binary person's life. It can get a bit graphic/explicit at parts, but if you don't mind that, I found the book very interesting. Naturally, everyone is different, so undoubtedly there will be differences between this person's feelings and your own, so I think it would be worth trying to keep that in mind and avoid trying to "measure up" (not that that's always easy to avoid!)

 

https://smile.amazon.com/Gender-Queer-Memoir-Maia-Kobabe/dp/1549304003/