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Dysphoria affecting romantic relationship


spring5376

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Hi everyone. Thanks in advance for reading this and for any thoughts you can provide me. Some background - I am currently 21 y/o female identifying, but I have know that I feel like a man on the inside since I was young. It has been pretty constant in the back of my head for many years, but recently the dysphoria has began to affect me in most aspects of my life, particularly in my relationship. I feel very uncomfortable being intimate with my girlfriend because of my dysphoria getting worse during those moment. I also get sad because I wish she treated me like a boyfriend, rather than a girlfriend because I just feel so uncomfortable as a girl. I am not out to her, or to anyone, so it makes it much harder to hold on to this inside. I feel badly that I get so anxious being intimate and feel insecure so often because I just have so little self confidence in the body I am currently in. I constantly am envious of men in every way - which makes me feel quite bitter. Does anyone have experience with gender dysphoria affecting their relationship? Being honest with myself about this is very new to me - so I am just looking for anyone to relate to. Thank you in advance. 

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Salutations @spring5376! Welcome to Transpulse!

 

Being uncomfortable with intimacy because of your gender dysphoria isn't that uncommon with us. It doesn't feel right. You know what your body is supposed to be doing, but it's just not capable. You're not alone there. Not by a long shot. Personally, I took comfort in pleasing my partner over pleasing myself. I wasn't going to be completely satisfied no matter what, but I could take pleasure in giving my partner pleasure.

 

Now that said, you need to talk your feelings over with a gender therapist and work out a path that's right for you. You don't sound very happy now so I'm guessing some corrections are in order. At some point you're going to have to tell your girlfriend. It may end badly. It didn't for me, but it has for lots of other people on this site. There's every chance that she loves you for you, and is willing to stay with you so don't give up on her. This isn't some terrible secret that makes you unlovable by any means. You're also very young, so either way you have almost your whole life ahead of you.

 

i should mention that my wife is straight. She still loves me. We're still intimate. I've had surgery to correct my gender dysphoria problem. She loves me after that and we're still intimate (though she's still getting used to the new hardware). We've been married 28 years. My personal experience says that being open and honest with your partner is the way to go. Always.

 

Hugs!

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4 hours ago, spring5376 said:

Does anyone have experience with gender dysphoria affecting their relationship? Being honest with myself about this is very new to me - so I am just looking for anyone to relate to.

Hello @spring5376.  Nice to meet you.

 

Yep, I fit very well into that category and I know several others here that would say they do too.  I had 22 years of trying to live with gender dysphoria and living as a cis male with my cis wife. I lasted about as long as humanly possible...for me at least. It wasn’t bad at all, it just wasn’t me. Ultimately, my life in that capacity came to a precipice and I had to change some things.

 

You may be living under the same circumstances (in reverse) but I couldn’t begin to tell you if this was the case. I worked through my particulars with a very good therapist that knows a great deal about gender identity issues. She has many clients like myself and it wasn’t more than 5-6 months into therapy that I realized a major change was needed and it wasn’t going to solve itself. Therapy may be something you might try also. They can be of so much help sorting out all the details and helping you make a determination on what direction is best for you.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I can relate to this. I’m 47 and been married 10 years. My wife is beautiful and we have a good marriage but the intimacy is dying.  I used to be aroused all the time around her but now it’s difficult because of my gender dysphoria and my recent self acceptance. When we are in bed I feel like and want to be the female.   I have a online therapy session for next week.  At some point I look to get on some low dose of hormones to help with my dysphoria 

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