Just pronouns

[Mei]

Hello everyone! This is my very first post in this community although I have been coming here back and forth for quite some time now!

Going back to the topic of this post...  

My friends have been using male pronouns with me for quite a while now, although many years ago it started as an inside joke I grew up to find it soothing and comfortable. But I don't want to change for it tho. Idk how to explain this, I mean i don't want to change my body, nor change my personality or my clothes or even the way people look at me. I don't want to change anything, not even start the paperwork for changing my sex from female to male on my Id. I just want for everyone to refer to me as HE. Even when I like wearing shorts or tops or long hair, and even when obviously everyone can see I have a bigger chest than the average boys and I use bra from time to time and wear a one-piece bikini to swimming class or the beach and I like wearing make up. Well, even when I'm persuading a career that will possibly make me wear a skirt and look extremely femenine 24/7 (flight attendant) I still want to be adressed as a boy.

 

People using male pronouns towards me make me so happy, is something so subtle but so warm to me.

It took me a *very* long time to come clear about myself being confident with the way I look, dress and act, but I would like to know if wanting to use male pronouns still make me transgender? Or agender? I'm unsure if using a tag at all is needed, but I'm thinking very serious about commenting about my pronoun change with family and related people around me (my friends already know and respect it). I don't want to make a big deal out of it since I'm not looking for much change but I would like for people around me to respect it anyway.

 

Any opinion is welcome, also if something I wrote can't be understood please let me know to avoid any misunderstanding (english isn't my first language).

This a lovely community by the way I'm glad to have finally joined :)

[Jackie C.]

Salutations @Mei! Lovely to meet you!

 

Preferring different pronouns and/or just changing your name is perfectly valid. I wouldn't worry about labels too much. We're all different. Some of us fit some stereotypes, some of us don't. I always felt that the LGBT+ tag was about accepting everybody. Maybe you get a letter. Maybe you get the +. They're all equally good. You're still very welcome to join us.

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

Welcome Mei 

 

 

[Gabriel]

Welcome Mei! Nice to meet you

 

If it makes you happy, it is perfect for you. I'm glad you got to the point of accepting yourself. No labels are needed, unless you feel the need for one.

And I think you fit here perfectly.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi @Mei.

Sometimes labels don't even work right. A good friend of mine. Sometimes she  wears skirts, sometimes guy clothes, sometime a little of both. Although she uses female pronouns, she prefers to be referred to as male when making statements such as "I'm an evil little boy" (she actually said that). And don't call her miss or ma'am, It's sir. Her dating preference is just as complicated. We tried for fun one day to figure out her labels. The best we could do was cis, non binary, pansexual-lesbian, male nouns/female pronouns. We found it easier just to call and refer to her by name. No labels needed.

[DeeDee]

Hi Mei, the other folks are right. Labels are overused and underwhelming. Concentrate on being you and if something seems right keep it and move on.

[Guest]

Hello Mei: Welcome to Trans Pulse! I'm just a little old man (well... sort-of... it's complicated.) But, anyway, I don't really understand all of the different labels that are in use nowadays or the emphasis on personal pronouns. So I can't really offer anything with regard to your desire to be referred to using male pronouns. But I certainly do understand what it's like to not be treated, or referred to, in the manner with which you feel comfortable. So if being referred to using male pronouns feels right & makes you happy then I think that is a fine thing. I hope you enjoy the time you spend here on TP. ?

[LaurenA]

I guess I've never been bothered by what pronouns were used to refer to me.  I had several periods in life where I had really long hair (70's and 90's) and was referenced with female pronouns often.  I guess I was a little proud when the female ones were used, if that doesn't say something about me ?  Either way I guess I follow the old saying; "You can call me anything you want as long as it's not late for dinner".

[Jani]

2 hours ago, Lyla said:

I had several periods in life where I had really long hair

Me too and I would quote that old adage often!!  

[Guest]

It just occurred to me that on a couple of occasions over the past few years I got mammed by strangers when I was out walking the dog. I doubt it was really because they thought I looked like an old lady. I think they probably just weren't paying attention. Still, under any circumstances, it was nice to hear. ?

[Elizabeth Star]

Hmmm. Got me remembering. Happened to me a lot when I was younger. It was a mix between long hair and my higher pitched voice. I used to think it was a curse; now it's a blessing.

[Ivy]

5 hours ago, Lyla said:

I had several periods in life where I had really long hair

Me too, but never was m’amed.  Growing up I was so jealous of the girls.    My parents always made me have buzzcuts. 
I haven’t cut my hair in years, but there’s just not much of it left.    Dysphoria big time. 
Not being sir’d makes my day.   Unfortunately it doesn’t happen often. 

[Heather Nicole]

On 11/26/2020 at 6:01 PM, Overalls Bear said:

It just occurred to me that on a couple of occasions over the past few years I got mammed by strangers when I was out walking the dog. I doubt it was really because they thought I looked like an old lady. I think they probably just weren't paying attention. Still, under any circumstances, it was nice to hear. ?

 

Oooh, yeah! Just recently, I was getting my car's regular eCheck. My hair is just past shoulder-length and I have brand-new still-healing cubic zircon studs in my earlobes, but, aside from that, I was totally still in my usual public "guy mode" when I stopped into the local eCheck just after getting out of work.

 

Facemask, sure. Will Riker beard and stubble just under and around that, check. Clothes and everything, basic generic "guy" stuff. My voice (according to "Voice Pitch Analyzer") right at the bottom of the "male" range (drat ). Stature, 6 foot. But the older guy who was working there that day...there were a couple points where I could've sworn he nonchalantly, and respectfully, referred to me as "ma'am". And I never detected the slightest hint of contempt or sarcasm. It was just, a very below-the-radar, super-subtle, easily-overlooked "ma'am". Wasn't even sure he was saying "ma'am" instead of "man" (although the "man" colloquialism did seem a bit modern for him).

 

I still find myself puzzling over that one, but I do know I certainly didn't have any objection to being "ma'am"'d. I just found it odd and happy in a "just how badly does he need glasses?" kind of a way

 

[Masonjar191]

On 11/26/2020 at 3:38 PM, Lyla said:

I guess I've never been bothered by what pronouns were used to refer to me.  I had several periods in life where I had really long hair (70's and 90's) and was referenced with female pronouns often.  I guess I was a little proud when the female ones were used, if that doesn't say something about me ?  Either way I guess I follow the old saying; "You can call me anything you want as long as it's not late for dinner".

I had the opposite. I really started questioning my gender when, after getting my hair cut short, I got referred to as male by a cashier. I felt really good, but I didn't know why. I had just recently learned about transitioning, but it couldn't be me, right? Flash forward a bit and I come out as a trans man. I'm lucky to be blessed with more masculine features which I hated when I had long hair, but am thankful for now as it means I get gendered correctly most of the time.