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Hello all,


I'm Lyla, or maybe Larry or who know....  I have spent the last several months wearing out Google while trying to figure out if I'm trans or what.  I guess I at the very beginning of a path I might take.  Unsure of my feelings, unsure my thoughts, unsure of my motives.  If somebody could be said to be questioning it would be me.  I don't think it helps that I'm 70 years old.  It also doesn't help that this came up in the middle of a pandemic.  Thank goodness that the internet exists.  All of the lists of questions I've seen that were supposed to tell me if I'm trans or not have left me even more unsure.  Talking to a councilor hasn't helped either.  Maybe finding one that specializes in transgender would help.   Not too many of those in the midwest.


Glad to be here,

LylBTW: I picked the name to join.  I had wanted to pick Layla from the Kinks song 🙂

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello @Lylaand welcome.  Its all right to be questioning.  We all go through that phase.  Some move on and some don't.  Its up to you Layla.  You're not too old so don't think that will hold you back.  I'm 66 and there are a number of us "seasoned" members here.  I would recommend finding a therapist that works with transgender clients.  It would be more productive.  


I checked and we do have a member with the user name of Layla.  She hasn't been active in a while though. 


Please join in. The pandemic has kept most of us locked inside so this is an active group.  


Cheers, Jani

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  • Forum Moderator

I just saw your profile and the photo you posted as background there.  Are you into radios?  We have a few members here that are too.  Alas I'm not one. 





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@JaniActually the picture is of racks of synthesizers.  I no longer have them but I'm working on building a modular synthesizer.   Way back when I used to repair and restore floor radios but I barely remember much from then.

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Welcome Lyla

There are quite a few here of a certain age.  I’m 70 myself.  Guess it just takes a little longer for some of us to get to this place. 

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Hi Lyla!  nice to meet you, and Welcome! 

17 hours ago, Lyla said:

have spent the last several months wearing out Google while trying to figure out if I'm trans or what.  I guess I at the very beginning of a path I might take.  Unsure of my feelings, unsure my thoughts, unsure of my motives. 

I started out exactly the same way, around the beginning of this year .. then Covid, with more time online searching for answers ... then, to my good fortune I stumbled on this Forum.  Eureka!
I finally found people who were going through the same things that I was going through .. some just starting, some well on their way to completing their self-discovery and journey.
I gained more confidence in my feelings, and then finally made the jump to find a gender therapist, which has been enormously helpful  (I really hope you can find one in your area).
Its still a rollercoaster at times, but I can definitely see a much clearer path for myself moving forward.

I hope you can find a similar path for yourself, and that hopefully this Forum will be the start of being part of a Community for you.

Deep breaths ... one step at a time ❣️

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I did the google thing too. For over a year I took ever silly online quiz I could find. None of them were really any help. Since then, I realized I was looking for validation rather than answering the question "am I trans?"   But I needed more help than an online quiz and was lucky enough to find a therapist that would help me. As we met and I slowly unloaded 40+ years of BS out of my head it help tremendously for me to see myself without really needing to focus specifically on the obvious gender issue. Once I got all the mental static out of head things fell into place.


I know how hard it is to find therapists around here. I'm about an hour and a half South of you and was driving down to the North side of Chicago to meet with mine. The weekly drive got old fast, I was grateful to start doing session via video.

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Welcome Layla!


Yup, going crazy, wearing Google down, being so confused that the brain stops knowing up from down, ... me too. As with many others here, working with a gender therapist was my mind's salvation. It would have overcooked otherwise.


This place has been a wonderful support since I joined. I hope it's as helpful to you

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  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Lyla.  If it helps, we have many members and staff who transitioned when they were in their 60's, and a few who transitioned later than that.  So age is not a non-starter.  Anyway, being transgender doesn't require anyone to transition if they decide its not the right path for them.


We will do whatever we can to answer your questions and provide support.  You are correct that a gender therapist is probably best to help you figure things out.  There are many who offer telehealth services if you're not close to a big city.  Please check with local or state LGBT centers or other resources.




Carolyn Marie

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Welcome, Lyla!  It is never too old to figure out who you really are.  I was 61 when I started to get it, and 62 when I started doing something about it.  At 66 now, things are pretty good.




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Thanks everyone.  Your responses help me feel welcome here.

I have a councilor who has had some experience with LGBT and trans issues but she isn't a specialist like some I've watched on YouTube.  Sounds like switching to a specialist would be worthwhile.  Next I guess is trying to find one either at a reasonable distance or one who does video call visits.  Oh, and accepts Medicare to some extent.  I know this isn't a fast process but I'm impatient to find answers about myself


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Welcome to Trans Pulse, Lyla. I'm in the Twin Cities. So we're almost... sort-of... neighbors (ha-ha-ha.) Several years ago I saw a gender therapist for a short time. (I quit when I got P.O'd about something completely unrelated.) But, while I was seeing her, it was SO comforting to be able to talk about things I had keep secret my whole life. I hope you will be able to find a gender specialist you can work with & that you enjoy the time you spend here on Trans Pulse. ☺️ 

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