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call me suzy


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I am on a nontraditional path. I have pages and pages of conversations. With myself, with others on fetlife, grindr and plain old text messages.


What I am I? I started off AMAB. I have tried to find labels that work for me. Every label is imperfect or incomplete.


I love to wear women's clothing because I like the look. I hated that my body shape didn't make the mirror image of myself look as good as I thought I should. I thought that this made me a crossdresser.


I thought that I was bisexual because I enjoy playing with people regardless of gender.


I thought I was transgender (MtF).


Each label was only a 80% match. The dictionary definition always listed out things that was not me.


*** Section about Phytoestrogens removed. It's a violation of Rule #14. We don't talk about dosages and we don't condone herbals or other OTC products here. They're dangerous to take without a doctor's supervision and results vary wildly. ***


Now I look at some pictures from some angles and I want more.


I am blessed with a loving wife. She accepts a great deal and we seem to be successfully maintaining a loving sex-positive marriage. My kids accept me.


So why am I here? There are very few trans people I know. Cis people may be kind and understanding but they don't have similar interactions with their sexual identity. They know their answers in ways that I don't relate to and they don't relate to my ambiguous sexuality.


I suppose I could label myself a genderfluid. I stopped worrying about labels though.


I like smart imaginative sensitive play partners who can accept that I can't give them my set of labels.

Edited by Jackie C.
Section about herbal estrogen removed
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  • Forum Moderator

Hey @suzy, welcome to Transpulse!


You're absolutely right that labels don't matter. They're for other people. You're a Suzy and that's all that really matters.


So yeah, please feel free to post ask questions and join the discussion as the mood strikes you!



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  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Suzy.  I'm glad you have support among your family; that's an uncommon occurrence.  Please do look around the forums, contribute where you wish to, ask questions, and we'll be here to help with support and to answer those questions.


You also might want to have a look at the Community Rules.  Thanks.




Carolyn Marie

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  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, suzy said:

I am on a nontraditional path.

I read this and I had to grin because most of us here are on a “nontraditional” path...thus the need to reach out to others like ourselves. I wouldn’t try to fit into some preconceived label. That’s what society does to anyone who differs too much from the current norm. We know from our own lifetime of experiences that there are rarely, if ever, two of us that have the same needs, desires, impulses, and motives. Labels are only a vague interpretation of several of these combined traits. You certainly shouldn’t feel any uneasiness in not finding a common one that fits you.


5 hours ago, suzy said:

Each label was only a 80% match. The dictionary definition always listed out things that was not me.

Hey 80% is not too bad. If you asked a few people who know you really well, what would they say? Would they think the labels were closer than 90% or something completely different. Well, it’s sort a futile question because it only matters what you think. I’ve never been asked by someone, “How bi are you ?” Who knows...I might try to confuse them by telling them I’m 75% bi with a side of monogamy. Ok, I’ve definitely had too much coffee today but my point (if there is one here) is that ‘just be who you are’ and don’t worry about where you fit within a label. I can tell you without a doubt, you will fit well with our little clan here. So look around and see what’s happening. Glad you found us!


Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷



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Hi Suzy!  nice to meet you, and Welcome!

16 hours ago, suzy said:

I have tried to find labels that work for me. Every label is imperfect or incomplete.

I don't like labels either.  I lived my whole life confined to being AMAB .. and so I hesitate to conform to only one new label.  I even had a hard time deciding what to "label" myself as for this Forum profile, but I settled (as it appears you have) on Transfeminine.  Seemed closest.
My 3d gender therapy sessions (just a few months ago) I fully came to terms with myself, and the biggest discovery was not the "label" but Self-Acceptance.  I know who I am now (the what I am is not as important).

Happy you found yourself Here, Suzy❣️  This Forum IS a Community of unique humans, but on similar journeys.  Hope you feel you can share more, and also gain something from the experiences of others.


Deep breaths ... one step at a time

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Suzy.  When i see non traditional i feel normal is a good synonym.  Both my washing machine and dryer have a normal setting.  I also seemed to have missed that.  At times i call myself Abby Normal.  I've grown to accept that.  Being here has helped me find and enjoy the person i am without the judgment and fear that was so much a part of me.

Glad you've joined us.





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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Suzy,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!


Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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@suzy Welcome. You are you. No labels necessary. Accepting you for who you are is all that is important and feeling good about you is what is necessary to be happy. 

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      I enjoy her personality and sense of humor, but I also realize that she's not everyone's cup of tea. I also learned from some friends that she's six-feet tall. That's relevant because of how she fits into her bathtub. Now I want it even more.   I'm so having a sad, inadequate soak once I finish lunch and put the laundry in the drier.   Hugs!
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    • Bri2020
      Thank you Susan. 😊  I do have to dress nice though, these pics are from my spa/massage clinic where I play receptionist lately so I'm the public face of the company everyday.  However, our clients tend to be pretty low key.  and.....I put in even less effort today. hahaha. there will be no pic as evidence today.
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      Shay, well said. I just have to do it, myself.   Kymmie
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