I'm Sarah \m/*_*\m/. Nonbinary, most likely

[sarahmetal]

Hello Everyone; my name is Sarah. I've actually never used a forum before (and I'm in my 30's... don't know how that works out), so please forgive any poorly-positioned weirdness in my future posts/replies. Learning as I go.

 

I'm an American living and working in Japan. I've always struggled with my gender identity and been a bit of a loner, and living here has made it even harder to find friends or a support group. All my life--as far as I know--I've never met anyone like me struggling with similar identity feelings. At the behest of my therapist, I decided to join this forum in the hopes of meeting relatable people, maybe make some friends, and foster the beginning of some kind of support in my life.

 

I've never felt like a woman or a man; for the longest time, the only thing I was sure of was that I was not a woman. I went through a period of introspection as to whether I was a man or not... Unfortunately, as much as I wish it was the case, who I am isn't so clear cut. I'm obsessed with the juxtaposition of masculinity and femininity being present simultaneously, either through clothing, presentation, or anatomically. I feel like I'm neither gender... Or that I want to be both binaries. It's a whole thing I'm trying to figure out. I hope I'm not alone, and I hope that isn't too unusual.

 

I'm a lefty that loves hiking, listening to music (mostly, but definitely not exclusively, metal) and watching horror movies. I'm the kind of amoral abomination that loves licorice, horehound candy, and root beer. Kettlecorn is the best popcorn flavor. Feel free to fight me about it.

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, sarahmetal said:

I feel like I'm neither gender... Or that I want to be both binaries. It's a whole thing I'm trying to figure out. I hope I'm not alone, and I hope that isn't too unusual.

Hello Sarah and welcome to our forums. I think you’ll get the hang of these forums really fast. The information available on the forum is abundant and I’m sure with a little effort you’ll find answers to many of your questions. I know without much doubt, you’ll find you’re not alone and that many have the same questions you do.. 

 

I sounds like your starting to figure out a little about your gender identity. If you haven’t found a therapist that’s deals with gender identity issues, That would be another “next step” you may want to research. IMHO, It will help tremendously. If they’re any good, they’ll help you look honestly and inwardly at yourself. You may start to see life in a different frame of mind and perspective. The mental journey is just as valuable as the physical journey. In the end, you hope both arrive at the same destination. Therapy helped me and many others here understand and accept ourselves ...something that is hard to do if you feel different or an outcast of society. Thanks for reaching out tonight. I hope our forum can be of some help to you.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R

 

 

[Gabriel]

Hello @sarahmetal, welcome!

 

You are definitely not alone. Not in being confused, not in needing deep introspection to figure out what is what, and not in feeling alone and isolated for a long time. I totally relate to all of those.

 

Gender is never cut and dry and we are all scattered through that line of the gender spectrum, o even out of it. I found really helpful to draw that line  Male-------MidPoint-------Female and put my finger on the place I feel intuitively is my place. 

 

As @Susan R said, a gender therapist was (and is) a huge help for me to sort things out and almost dissolve confusion and anxiety.

 

There are lovely people around here that identify as NB, bigender, and others. So, welcome  

[KayC]

7 hours ago, sarahmetal said:

I've always struggled with my gender identity and been a bit of a loner, and living here has made it even harder to find friends or a support group.

Hi Sarah!  nice to meet you, and Welcome! 

as you can see, we share some geographical (and emotional) commonality.  I know how hard it is to find Community here in Japan, but this Forum has been a great help to me and I hope it is for you also.  I think you will find many of us here who are unique individuals but also carry very common feelings and experiences. 

Happy you found a gender therapist too!  I know how difficult that is here.  I was fortunate to also find a great therapist and it has been immensely beneficial.

 

Welcome again  Deep breaths ... one step at a time

 

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

You are not alone.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf

[Jandi]

Welcome Sarah

[Confused1]

11 hours ago, sarahmetal said:

Hello Everyone; my name is Sarah.  I've always struggled with my gender identity and been a bit of a loner, and living here has made it even harder to find friends or a support group. All my life--as far as I know--I've never met anyone like me struggling with similar identity feelings. At the behest of my therapist, I decided to join this forum in the hopes of meeting relatable people, maybe make some friends, and foster the beginning of some kind of support in my life.

 

I've never felt like a woman or a man; for the longest time, the only thing I was sure of was that I was not a woman. I went through a period of introspection as to whether I was a man or not... Unfortunately, as much as I wish it was the case, who I am isn't so clear cut.

 

I feel like I'm neither gender... Or that I want to be both binaries. It's a whole thing I'm trying to figure out. I hope I'm not alone, and I hope that isn't too unusual.

 

 

 

Hi Sarah,

 

I CAN ASSURE YOU that you are not alone! I am twice your age and felt the same thing all my life. It made me feel all alone also. I've always wished I had a switch where I could switch back and forth at will. I have at least come to the conclusion I am gender fluid. That came after many conversations on forums. I think you will find many here you can relate with.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[DonkeySocks]

Welcome, Sarah!

Horehound candy is delicious! It's occasionally available around here in brands marketed specifically for their old-timeyness.

[sarahmetal]

I'm a little overwhelmed how kind and welcoming all of you are; thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I'm looking forward to figuring some things out about myself, and I'm so glad I found this forum and all of you in it.

 

20 hours ago, KayC said:

Hi Sarah!  nice to meet you, and Welcome! 

as you can see, we share some geographical (and emotional) commonality.  I know how hard it is to find Community here in Japan, but this Forum has been a great help to me and I hope it is for you also.  I think you will find many of us here who are unique individuals but also carry very common feelings and experiences. 

Happy you found a gender therapist too!  I know how difficult that is here.  I was fortunate to also find a great therapist and it has been immensely beneficial.

 

Hi KayC! I'm so happy someone else who lives in Japan is here too. If you know of or discover any local groups of support, please let me know! I'm extremely shy, but more local friends and support would do me some good.

 

I don't actually have a gender therapist; my therapist is just... a therapist lol. He's fully aware of my feelings however and is very kind; he helps me as much as I could hope, but he admits having support from inside of a community of like-minded people with similar struggles would be invaluable to me, in tandem with therapy. So I sought this place.

 

Many other posts I've glanced at here have mentioned that specifically having a gender therapist is deeply helpful. I've begun looking for one to communicate with online. I imagine it'll be easier and more fruitful than finding one locally. Hopefully I'm successful and things go well.

 

Thanks again, everyone. I'm beginning to feel a little less alone. I'm nervous but I'm excited to be here.

[DeeDee]

@sarahmetal You're not alone... I love liquorice too.

Honestly I can't add to the previous advice, other than to say that the journey is just as important as the destination, don't look for a particular label and try to see if you fit it, but find out what gives you the most internal peace and then look at the description that matches. I found starting by deciding what I was not (cis male) helped me to gain the momentum to explore outside that box.

Like most therapists gender therapists wont give you answers, but they will help you to find your own, it just helps to have someone who has expertise in that field.

[Peter]

Thank you for sharing your story and opening up about your feelings. I often wonder if, by trying to think if i am one gender or another am i dismissing the middle person who i might be. It is something that the labels associated with LGBT seem to not get that labelling could be narrowing our opportunity to be authentic. But then i do think that i am talking from an inexperienced stand and if i felt the joy that i suspect i might by being trully male then i might not say that!

[KayC]

IMAGINE ... !  if when we are born, there is no Box on the birth certificate for Gender?  (maybe a new lyric for Lennon's song?)