Hi....

[Hully]

Hello. I'm Guy (Hully, as an old girlfriend, of my best friend, used to call me. Based on my first name: Hulbert. I don't know what name to use. I've always liked Sara)  I'm somewhere near the start of my transition. Six months on low dose hormones and now up to full amount. I'm 63. I've always known I was this way yet I tried to suppress, kill, that part of me since around second grade. I've begged doctors, therapist, anyone to fix me. Self-loathing and suicide have been unwanted partners throughout my life. I've even said that I am a freak. I've waisted my life trying to conform and excel at manhood yet have failed continually. Because of that, I've been called a loser, flake, and worse. I've also been called many cruel things like, "You think like a girl/woman!", or "You're not a man!", etc. They were absolutely right. These and most comments like this were from women whom I want to be friends with. Anyway this post has no direction. Neither does my transition. I don't know where it will lead. I only know that I cannot go backwards. Death awaits there. I've "come out" recently to my wonderful loving wife, best friend, and one of my beautiful sisters. They all are very supportive. I always thought, coming out is what other people did. Not me. I've always loved people that are different. I've pretended not to as an attempt to fit in. I have the best therapist and doctor now. Very experienced with trans persons, kind, fascinating, beautiful people. Transition thus far has been without change.  I am, and have always been, overly empathetic, emotional, caring, etc. All very woman like. I'm an Aspie also. I have somewhat severe Tourette. Swearing kind.  ADHD, OCD, T1D,... I have a tough time remembering all of my challenges. I'm trying to be upbeat and positive for myself. I can be for others, yet not myself. I've been reading many of other's posts for a while. I guess its my turn to be "out there". Peace to you all interesting fascinating wonderful diverse people....

[Petra Jane]

Hi Hully,

Welcome to the forums, I hope you find what you are looking for here, you'll get plenty of support I do know that!

 

Should you decide on your name, just ask a Moderator or Administrator to make the change, always assuming it is available.

 

Stay safe and enjoy your journey.

 

Petra Jane

[Hully]

Thanks Petra. I hope so too. Could really use someone to talk too........

[Charlize]

Hully or Sara are both lovely names.  I transitioned at 63 after a life of fear and shame, very much as you describe.  My time here has helped me a great deal.  I was also told to see a gender therapist.  I did and shortly afterwards i went full time, took his clothes to a drop off and over the last 9 years i've found peace.

Perhaps knowing i wasn't alone helped the most.  The ability to share my journey with others who understood was important as well.

Glad you are here!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Gabriel]

Hi @Hully/Sara, 

 

Keep sharing and asking whatever you need. This place is full of kind people who will relate to your story.

 

Welcome  

Gabriel

 

 

 

[Ann W]

Welcome @Hully

So much of your post sounds familiar.  I think a lot of us can relate.  I'm finding therapy very helpful, as this fine community here has also been.

[Hully]

Thank you everyone. Now that I am here, I don't know what to say or ask.  What I saw and read in videos and posts were a rather immediate sence of peace each person felt. I find that still illusive. That is what I want the most. I don't know if, when, how, where, I can find it or whether I ever will. I used to watch enviously my sisters, when I was very young as they were people magnets, attracting, yet I seemed to repulse people. I felt cursed by god, yet I could not figure out what I did to upset god so much as to do this to me. That eventually turned into hatred. I thought god had created me as a joke, clown, freak, to be laughed at, reticuled, found worthless, to him and everyone else.  So I had to hide myself. First by appearing invisible to bullies, etc. But by fifth grade, I found that being invisible does help with one's success. So I had to study successful people and try to mimic them. That has been the rest of my life. That mimicing has failed at every turn. Sorry for such negative verse. I don't want any of it. You are all such beautiful people. Could I be one too........

[Lexi C]

Hey Hully

Congrat's...its great to hear that your finally found yr path

Be safe, BE Proud and KICK ASS

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Sara,

I'm calling you Sara because you mentioned that you like that name. I think it's a nice name.

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Jackie C.]

3 hours ago, Hully said:

I don't know what to say or ask.

 

Literally whatever you like. We were all just starting out once and there's a lot you can learn. We look forward to getting to know you better.

 

One of us! One of us!

 

Hugs!

[Hully]

Thank you all! I don't know what to say. I've been cruising the forums. Lots of fascinating people here. Kind of a "home like" feeling here. Peace......

[Ivy]

Welcome Hully/Sara

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hey @Hully! Welcome to the group!! It's nice to meet you and thanks for sharing your story! I hope you feel welcome and at home here. This is a great place to explore who you are in a loving and safe environment. I love this group and I hope you will too! ❤️