Having a relationship while transitioning

[Audrey]

Hi everyone, a penny for your thoughts!

So I'm a little ways into my transition and I've been reflecting on my current (romantic) relationship. We started seeing each other just since the start of the year, we're not married or have kids or anything like that. I'm out to her and she's been super supportive, but I wonder a lot about the future of our relationship. Will it survive my transition?  Would it be better to just be friends instead? What about attraction? We've talked about our future quite a bit and I've asked those questions. She says she wants to be with me and accepts me as a trans woman. I value her love and companionship so much, especially now, but I also want to be honest about the fact that our connection will probably evolve.

I would love to hear from others here who've shared an experience like this. Thanks so much!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Mmindy]

Audrey, the human animal is a social animal, we not only desire companionship, we require it. If this person is willing to be with you on a deeper level than friends, supporting your emotional transition as well as your physical changes, go with it. As for the relationship evolving? That's what makes the relationship exciting, evolution isn't always a bad thing. That's how we grow stronger in our love for one another. Communication and honesty are the key to transitioning from exciting date nights, to supportive crying while embraced in support of each other. Relationships aren't just how you handle the good times, they're also how you handle the difficult time, even the very saddest of times.

 

On my twitter accounts I tweet OldFolkAdvice, and these are two of my most retweeted tweets.

 

"On Relationships, you'll know when you're with the right person when being with them doesn't seem like work."-MMoore

"On Relationships, the person worthy of your heart will meet your high expectations, don't settle."-MMoore

 

I wish everyone could experience LOVE, not just the giving, but also the receiving unconditional LOVE. You are valued, worthy, and loved.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

[Jani]

Audrey I couldn't have written what Mindy said any better!  Good advice!!

 

Jani

[Audrey]

Thank you Mindy for your kind and thoughtful reply. I love both of those quotes you shared! I agree, a truly wonderful relationship does evolve over time. I feel incredibly blessed to be with someone who will walk beside me on my journey. Sometimes the anxious side of me starts putting doubts in my mind that make me wonder about things I shouldn't really be wondering about - something I'm trying to be more mindful of so it doesn't get the best of me.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[DonkeySocks]

3 hours ago, Audrey said:

She says she wants to be with me and accepts me as a trans woman. I value her love and companionship so much, especially now, but I also want to be honest about the fact that our connection will probably evolve.

It's true that relationships in general evolve, though, especially when people feel free to grow and communicate within the relationship. It's beautiful that you feel free enough in the relationship to be real with her.

[DonkeySocks]

1 hour ago, Audrey said:

Sometimes the anxious side of me starts putting doubts in my mind that make me wonder about things I shouldn't really be wondering about - something I'm trying to be more mindful of so it doesn't get the best of me.

If something is nagging at you, though, I think you should feel able to ask your partner about it. You shouldn't have to stew in your own juices.

[Mmindy]

You're welcome and worth it, Audrey.

 

@Jani>HUGS<

 

Mindy???

[Patti Anne]

Hi. Just dropping in. It's been a while.

 

Cutting to the heart of the matter.......... if you're in a relationship while transitioning, especially a new one, DO NOT become dependent on it in ANY WAY! If it's pulled from you, or it ends for whatever reason, it can be not only heartbreaking, but devastating. 

 

Transition is just that. A time of change. The changes are so profound from the beginning to the end of transition (it never really ends), especially in the first few years.

 

Without going into any significant unnecessary detail, it was just a bad idea. Learn who you are. Discover yourself. Figure out who you want to be. That's not to say don't see help or advice from gender counselors and the group here at TP....all these resources are invaluable. But this a journey that ultimately, you have to complete on your own.

 

That's my 2 cents coming from someone who has been through it.

[Audrey]

Thank you everyone for your support and guidance on this. I feel very fortunate that my partner and I are staying together especially with COVID-19 and the start of my transition.

 

I did have a moment with my partner the other night though, when she commented about how my breasts were starting to become more noticeable. She used my old (dead) name and talked about how she wasn't sure she was ready or okay with that, even though we talked before I started HRT about the physical changes and moving from an opposite-gender to a same-gender relationship. For me, I'm feeling so happy to see my body changing, but I think the contrast of that with my partner's experience of my transition is quite hard on her. We had a great conversation last night and we're working on keeping open and honest communication about our feelings. I understand how much of an adjustment this is for her, and she understands how meaningful my transition is for me.

 

Those of you further along this path with partners and spouses... how did you work through these early stages of physical transition within your relationship?

 

Love,

~Audrey.

 

 

[Jackie C.]

The problem we're having right now is with my breast sensitivity. My spouse likes hugs and laying on me and if we're not careful, I yelp and hit the ceiling. She never had much of an issue with the physical changes though. Like she said when I came out to her, "(she) likes boobs." She's had more trouble with the aftermath of the GCS. She treats it like a venomous snake, which is hard, but we're working through it.

 

Basically, keep doing what you're doing: Open and honest communication. Reassure each other.

 

Hugs!

[Audrey]

@Jackie C. I'm relating to the sensitivity and soreness issue so much right now. Even showering and getting dressed I have to be kinda careful. I'm hoping this is just one stage of the HRT journey and that it'll diminish a little with time. Thank you for the support! We'll keep working on it and hope to grow through my transition, hopefully together.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Mx.Drago]

When I get sore, I find light massaging round the base of the breasts, and underarm, helpful. Especially, if you where a bra, it constricts and bunches up the muscles in your shoulder blades, pulls on everything adding to discomfort. But you be adding weight to your front regardless, so it's best, relax and let your partners have a bit of fun rubbing you down gently. Also warm showers or baths are always nice.?

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

When I get sore, I find light massaging round the base of the breasts, and underarm, helpful. Especially, if you where a bra, it constricts and bunches up the muscles in your shoulder blades, pulls on everything adding to discomfort. But you be adding weight to your front regardless, so it's best, relax and let your partners have a bit of fun rubbing you down gently. Also warm showers or baths are always nice.

 

This is actually part of my morning shower routine. Hot water on my chest and rub in tight circles. I start just above the nipple and work my way around. Twenty repetitions for each of the five "points" around my areola followed by twenty on the nipple itself. Enough pressure so you feel it, but not so much as it hurts. It generally takes about five minutes or so to complete my routine. It's supposed to increase blood flow and keep your lymph glands doing their thing. It also feels lovely and if you have a pulsing shower head you can use that instead of your fingers.

 

Also jealous. My partner doesn't take the time to rub me down gently, though that sounds lovely.

 

Hugs!

[Audrey]

Hi everyone,

 

I know I haven't really been around too much on the forums lately. There's a pretty significant reason... sadly, my relationship with my partner ended about two weeks ago when we broke up. I don't want to share too much publicly about what happened between her and I. It's been very emotionally challenging for me coping with this loss, especially with my fears kind of coming true. But I'm a strong woman, and I'm very blessed to have the wonderful support of my girlfriends to help me through this time. I'm also finding comfort in the fact that I'm in a wonderful relationship with myself and the woman I'm becoming.

 

I'm probably going to be kinda quiet here for a little while longer though. Please know that I'm thinking of all of you, and I hope you are all doing well. ❤️ 

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, Audrey said:

I'm probably going to be kinda quiet here for a little while longer though.

@Audrey I am so sorry it didn’t work out with you and your partner. We will be here when you’re ready and feeling up to posting more again. You’ve been a wonderful support here for others since your arrival and I want you to know how much I appreciate reading your heartfelt reponses and everything you do here to make our forums a friendly place.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

*BIG HUG*

Susan R?

[Jackie C.]

7 hours ago, Audrey said:

There's a pretty significant reason... sadly, my relationship with my partner ended about two weeks ago when we broke up.

 

That's OK, share or don't. We're more about you feeling comfortable. I'm sorry the two of you broke up, but better to find a partner that accepts you for you than settle for someone who's not right for you. May your next relationship be everything you need.

 

We'll be here when you're ready to come back sweetie. Be safe. Heal. We'll keep the lights on for you.

 

Hugs!

[CD Rachel]

@Audrey I have been missing you around the forums lately and wondered about your absence. I have thought about you every time I came onto these forums for the past week and was thinking of sending you a PM. But my internal fears caused me to hold back and I tied my self in knots on Friday night whether to bother you or not. Now I see that I should have.

 

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and you are in my heart,thoughts, and prayers. My words just seem so inadequate but please know that If there is anything that I can do for you please do not hesitate to contact me. I will face my greatest fears to help my sister.

 

You are such a great part of this community and so supportive. As a community we are always here when ever you are ready or need a place to vent.

 

Take time, find peace, heal your heart. Remember that love is the one thing in this world that you have more of the more you give it away.

 

Rachel

 

Comforting kitty sends his support.

 

 

 

 

[CD Rachel]

 

forgot to attach the kitty.. 

 

[Anna A]

I'm in a wonderful relationship with myself andthe woman I'm becoming.
 

I’m so sorry for the separation of you and your partner....I know the emotional toll does wear on you. I don’t know you but I’m here for you! We all have our challenges in life and as women of a common theme we will take you forward!
Dont be too hard n yourself and take time to breath girl!  You are on the right track by your quote! Be yourself and be the best to yourself....you are confident and loving...you will be ok....just take the time you need.

with heartfelt love,

-Anna

[Audrey]

Thank you everyone for your kind words! I'm striving to keep positive and stay focused and hopeful about the future, instead of stuck in the past. I know all too well what dwelling there can do. Difficult moments come and go each day, but they're becoming less intense and frequent than before. I think it's natural to mourn what could have been, but I do believe that when a door closes there's a window that opens. I can see my path ahead, and while I wish my partner would have walked this path beside me, I know I'm heading in the right direction for my own happiness.

 

I do miss everyone very much, but feel I should still take a little time. Sending everyone hugs and happy thoughts! ❤️ 

 

Love,

~Audrey.