Came out to my mom

[Mia Marie]

  I came out to my mom a while back before I started HRT and she told me she would be supportive with me with whatever my decisions happen to take me. A couple of days ago she starts questioning why I feel I need to change myself into someone else to be happy and then brings up a statement I have heard her say so many times, "God doesn't make mistakes" which I asked her why she felt that way. Then she goes on and says "God has a plan for you" and all I could say was he stopped or never listened to me before so how can you say that? I never felt like there was some special reason for my existence due all my endeavors in the past have all crumbled and died before they could come to life and become something great. I still haven't told my father, who I am currently staying with because I can't yet afford my own place, and was told by my mom not to tell him. I also work for an airlines as a gse mechanic and soon enough the real changes will start to be evident and I won't be able to keep the cat in the bag. I have already seen a little physical change in breast, but are small enough that a sports bra is all I need to wear and still not be noticeable. I have been on HRT since September so we are talking about 4 months now. I fear coming out at work because of a couple of guys I work with that already feel I am a target for ridicule and jokes. I know if I went ahead and started the process of a work transition it may not be that good as I will become a bigger target for the guys who pick on me daily already. Being 51 also doesn't make it easier at work. If I had to start over somewhere else it would be harder financially and possible emotionally on me. I recently had to spend 5 days in the hospital for an upper GI bleed and the first thing my mom starts off with is that HRT had everything to do with it. I tried to tell her that it didn't. Then she goes on to tell me not to go back on HRT and just live the life, which I called a life of a lie, and be a productive male. I told her I can't be that guy. I told her the feeling inside will never go away. It almost sounded like she would be more OK with a closet transvestite/transgender than to have me be happy with who I really am. I am also betting that when the time comes she won't be able to use the name of my true self. I wish answers came easier. Life would be so much better we as people of this planet would care and understand one another instead of wanting to control every aspect of life.

[Jackie C.]

Eh, who's to say that God's plan isn't for you to transition? Maybe your special purpose is to transition and be a shining example for trans kids about how to accept yourself. Who's to say? Nobody gave me a copy of the plan and not everybody gets an easy role. I can't imagine that God's plan would be, "You there. You get to be miserable."

It sounds like your mother is much like Doctor C. where she went straight into, "What will my friends think?" and "This isn't easy for me (meaning her)."

 

I'm starting over at 50. There's not a big difference between 50 and 51. I mean I turn 51 in, ugh, three months. The point being that I expect it will be easier to start over as myself than as that miserable SOB I was before I came out and started transitioning. If nothing else, I'll be happier while I do it.

 

Hugs!

[Audrey]

Dear @Mia Marie, thank you for sharing this difficult situation with us. Living your life as a lie just to make someone else's life "easier" or to appeal to God is not really a choice at all. You have done much soul-searching to get to where you are today - and you're absolutely right that these thoughts and feelings won't just go away. That's what I kept telling myself for decades until, like you, I finally stopped denying it and started accepting it and moving forward with my transition. Starting hormones was one of the happiest and best decisions I've ever made, and I'm hopeful you feel the same way. It's never too late to live authentically. One thing I keep reminding myself with each person I come out to is that they're transitioning with me, and each will do that in their own individual way. My hope is that the majority will support me, but I know that some may not or will take a lot more time.

I do hope you continue to mend from your recent hospital visit, and we are all here to support you!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

 

[Heather Shay]

@Mia Marie glad you are standing up for YOU. I am 68 and finally started a little over 5 months ago and I came out to various friends and family before I started. Most accepted. I am so relieved to finally moving forward and I am so proud of you for continuing your journey to being your true self.

[Jani]

2 hours ago, Mia Marie said:

Life would be so much better we as people of this planet would care and understand one another instead of wanting to control every aspect of life.

Yes it would.  Keep you head high and follow your own dreams.  Hitching onto others stars isn't a way to live.   

[Heather Shay]

@Jani and @Mia Marie Oh my yes - I remember a book called BLUE HIIIGHWAYS by William Least-Heat Moon - he interviewed a 96 year old woman on an island of Martha's Vineyard (I think that's where is was). He asked her what she attributes her long life to and she said something like - doing what it is she wants to do and giving others the courtesy to live their lives as they want.

[KathyLauren]

@Mia Marie I am sorry that your mother has decided to become unsupportive.  God made you transgender, and He doesn't make mistakes.

 

I hope things go better for you at work than your fears.  Do you have a shop steward or HR department you could ask for support?  No one should be bullied, whether trans or not.

 

Hold your head up and be true to yourself.  You have us to vent to when things get tough.

[Mia Marie]

I'm not saying she isn't somewhat supportive. She is afraid I will destroy the family, which I don't think it will. I think it will only be my sister with whom I grew up with that will be won't see eye to eye about this. I think when the physical changes really occur, I'll just have to see where my mom's support leads her to.

 

As for work, I know we have set in regulations for harassment but was told HR might not do anything. I don't really know for sure.

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hi @Mia Marie I am sorry you have to experience this. Without going into my whole story, I am a pastor and the whole God doesn't make mistakes thing plagued me once upon a time too. The thing is, people attribute way too much to God, that is not his work or his fault. It is because unfortunately, most believers and otherwise don't fully grasp his perfect goodness, therefore they see (mostly bad) things as having come from him. God gives nobody cancer, birth defects, or even brown hair. A couple verses are taken out of their immediate context and used to say that he makes us exactly the way we are, which includes both the good and the bad. I see know scriptural warrant for such a doctrine. God has granted to human beings the awesome power to create, just as he has. With that, we can create other humans and their souls. That's amazing! But that does not mean he causes all that exists as Calvinist Christians assert. If so, he gave a child cancer. He is the cause behind the evil in this world. God only causes good. He made us, yes, but he gave us the power to create our own kind. If we are born with red hair, he did not do that. If we are born white or black, he did not do that. Nor did he make one person straight and another gay or us transgender. God is not concerned with such details. He loves us whether we are gay, straight or whatever we are. One is not condemned for not being heterosexual. Some great scholars and others have done an amazing job explaining the few passages that seem to write us out of the Kingdom. Kathy Baldock and Matthew Vines are two of them. So, no, God does not make mistakes. Your parents made you. What you look like and how you identify are not something God was concerned about having to micromanage. As scriptures says, He made you mysteriously complex! (Psalm 139:14 TPT) Other translations say, fearfully and wonderfully made. One more thing. For us to be born one way, but want to or need to change some aspect of our makeup is not God's fault nor does anyone consistently live as though it is wrong. We change our hair color, we get liposuction, we get plastic surgery, we work out, we diet, we get tattoos, we take chemo for cancer, we have surgeries for other things that happen to us or that don't belong there, we take medicine for ailments. To use the logic that God doesn't make mistakes is to attribute all of the aforementioned and everything else that goes wrong in the world to him, and means we are objecting to his will for our lives when we fight against those things. Nobody would consciously say that for a person to fight cancer is going against God's will. Just my thoughts. God loves you just the way you are my friend. Bless you my sister ❤️

[Mia Marie]

  Today my mother tried again to tell me to stop. I know it is more to make her happy. She even tried again to say I would not be happy after changing happens. I feel I am losing my mom' support. It is as if she doesn't care if I am happy as long as she is happy. I have tried to tell her that I can't give her grandchildren naturally with a woman. With the way the male me is I can't even acquire a woman's attention to even create a relationship. Right now all I feel is it is all about me and making me happy with me. I am not even looking for a relationship. Who knows, maybe I will turn out as a lesbian later on. I just don't feel like she is going to do as she said and support me no matter what I choose. I know I need to make myself happy and it is not about her. I just know I want at least my mom in my corner. I still feel when it comes time to tell my father, I could become homeless. That to me would be the worst case scenario. I don't have the money coming in to afford my own place and still have the money for either rent or a mortgage. I have a decent job where I make just under 15/hr, but doesn't seem to be enough all the time and I can't let the bills I already have get to the point of over extended and moved to collections. I wish I knew what to do. I just want to be me, the real authentic me. I don't want to be what somebody else wants me to be.