Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

A bit annoying


TTheta

Recommended Posts

This is having to do with mental health so I believe it is best to put this here. 

 

So a while ago I was in therapy and I told my therapist about my symptoms, hearing voices, amnesia, having other people in my mind and then my psychiatrist gave me meds for Schizophrenia, which is clearly not what I have, well mainly because I took multiple different medicines to try and "Clear" me of my voices, which is one I have had since I was 6 years old. His name is Harley. But there are more and they all have their own personalities, but of course I get diagnosed with schizophrenia, and my stepmom heard about it and told everyone. My therapist was trying to fix the diagnosis that my psychiatrist gave me meds for but of course I get pulled out of therapy and I still have Schizophrenia on my record and that is not what I have. I just wish I was in therapy long enough so I could have been officially diagnosed so I could feel valid, my therapist and I were working on it, but I got pulled too soon :((  There is me Aidan, Harley, Lyra, Caden, Aj, Akos, Keiji, Screw, and Fletcher. That's everyone. I can hear them and I talk to them regularly, usually out loud. But I really don't feel valid without a diagnosis and it's kinda stressing me out too. 

 

I also really like having them around because it makes me feel less alone when I don't have access to internet since I have no irl friends because of virus

 

also if anyone has questions I will be glad to answer them :))

 

And if there is a better place to put this lemme know :0

Link to comment

Something I somehow forgot to include- the reason I was writing this post-

 

I have terrible amnesia and I get bashed for it or my parents say I am faking or lying. It really doesn't make sense and sometimes I feel like they are messing with me. I could be sitting on the couch one minute and find myself in the kitchen or some random room with no recollection of how I got there. It's bizarre and I really wish I still had my therapist to work this out

Link to comment

?Sorry for I'm far incapable of helping at all bout the situation. But you need a different psychiatrist and therapist, even for second opinion just in case of the med situation and diagnosis... but so far you're at your parents mercy. Just hang in there a bit longer if you can.

Do you feel those voices, are a part of you or completely separate? I hope you get the chance to sue your stepmom for inflicting mental trauma and abuse. 

But if you're moving around not knowing how you got there, that's not good. I suggest keeping notes and make a habit of writing the time and place, when you move to a different place. Make a note on your phone, or carry a small notebook. On phone it's easy if you have word excel and just make an excel color coded chart, so it's hard for others to read and easy enough to fill out. Use Google doc on your phone, they let you use excel. 1st column is time, 2nd column is location 1, 3rd column is location 2, 4th column is method of moving from location 1 and 2, 5th column is why moving. Color code places in your house or areas you go, to fill in the columns for locations easily. Example green-kitchen, blue-bathroom, red-your bedroom...etc. Say it's for a school health project, studying how much time we spend in places and how much we move? Best I can think for the situation. Don't go to crazy about it, but try to keep track of your movements and be safe.

Link to comment

Dear @Aidan5,

 

I think your desire to feel validated is so important. A correct diagnosis is incredibly validating because it gives a sense that what we're going through is real and shared by others. I can only imagine how much hardship this is causing for you, especially because schizophrenia can be a very stigmatizing diagnosis and cause others to view you and your experience in the wrong light. They may see what's happening as a "problem" to be "solved" or "cured," rather than something to be accepted and understood. I wonder if others are assuming that the voices you hear and talk with are distressing, when in fact they're not distressing but reassuring for you. The healthcare system in the U.S. often leaps to prescribe treatment without taking the time to fully understand what's going on first. I'm so sorry to hear that your relationship with your therapist was so abruptly ended, especially at a time when you needed that support the most. I really hope you'll be able to connect and work with a new therapist soon, and that you can have a genuine conversation with your family about it too without feeling judged or hurt. We'll be cheering for you! ?

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Wow, stuff I was just talking to my therapist about. Not for me exactly, but I was trying to learn more about DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) for another member. So yeah, definitely therapy and a real diagnosis is in your future. I'm not sure about suing anybody. Your wardens (they sure as heck don't ACT like parents OR guardians) should face some sort of punishment but I don't think it needs to be delivered by your hand. I just want you to be well. On the plus side, my therapist recommended Internal Family System therapy (though she might be biased, IFS is kind of her jam) for treatment and that's always fun for artists. Getting to know your various facets and what purpose they serve in your psyche is very enlightening.

 

Be well sweetie. Thanks for sharing!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

I'm sorry that happened..  a close friend of mine had DID and your symptoms kind of sound similar but I'm NOT a doctor.... I hope you get everything sorted out and stuff...

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

Do you feel those voices, are a part of you or completely separate?

It's like somebody else, I have no idea what they are going to say, it kinda feels like having someone on the phone, but in my head- 

 

8 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

But if you're moving around not knowing how you got there, that's not good. I suggest keeping notes and make a habit of writing the time and place, when you move to a different place. Make a note on your phone, or carry a small notebook. On phone it's easy if you have word excel and just make an excel color coded chart, so it's hard for others to read and easy enough to fill out. Use Google doc on your phone, they let you use excel. 1st column is time, 2nd column is location 1, 3rd column is location 2, 4th column is method of moving from location 1 and 2, 5th column is why moving. Color code places in your house or areas you go, to fill in the columns for locations easily. Example green-kitchen, blue-bathroom, red-your bedroom...etc. Say it's for a school health project, studying how much time we spend in places and how much we move? Best I can think for the situation. Don't go to crazy about it, but try to keep track of your movements and be safe.

This is a good idea though I have been terrible with keeping notebooks of any kind because they get taken away, and phone was taken years ago haha. Though I like the idea and when I move I will use this. 

 

@Jackie C.Since I got a sketchbook, I was planning on doing a system chart, or draw them all out. 

2 hours ago, Ainsley said:

I'm sorry that happened..  a close friend of mine had DID and your symptoms kind of sound similar but I'm a doctor.... I hope you get everything sorted out and stuff...

Thanks bud. I will be going to a doctor/therapist when I move. Hope you are well too! :))

 

5 hours ago, Audrey said:

I wonder if others are assuming that the voices you hear and talk with are distressing, when in fact they're not distressing but reassuring for you.

This is 100% the case, none of them have ever harmed me in a malicious way. Honestly I find them to be better than my family. There are 4 other adults in my house and none of them listen to me, or they talk over me like I am not even there. They only talk to me when making fun of me or they want something. 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Aidan5 said:

@Jackie C.Since I got a sketchbook, I was planning on doing a system chart, or draw them all out. 

 

Oh that is SO on my to-do list. I'm working on improving my art skills right now. I've let them lay too long and I'm getting back in the groove, but I desperately want to draw them out. I just don't feel like I have the skills to do them justice.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Ainsley said:

I'm only just realizing now that I said "I'm a doctor" instead of "I'm not a doctor" I'm -censored- dumb...

It's fine...not like we can edit the post ourselves. I'm dyslexic and no matter how many times I read my words over before posting, always forget to fix one thing. Just get one of the forum moderators to change it if you need to make a change.

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

If you are really struggling, download Grammerly, it helps me no end as it checks my grammar, spelling and even if I've missed a space between words. It words with most browsers, you do have to create an account for it to work fully, but I've had no privacy issues since I started using it in February this year, which is when I found it.

Link to comment
17 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Oh that is SO on my to-do list. I'm working on improving my art skills right now. I've let them lay too long and I'm getting back in the groove, but I desperately want to draw them out. I just don't feel like I have the skills to do them justice.

 

Hugs!

So far my favorite one of my alters to draw is Keiji :)) But Harley is always asking for me to draw him and I have not gotten to it yet haha, yeh lately I just have not had any time to do anything, but the future holds promise!!

 

15 hours ago, Ainsley said:

I'm only just realizing now that I said "I'm a doctor" instead of "I'm not a doctor" I'm -censored- dumb...

I'm dyslexic too and I read it as "I'm not a doctor" lol so you are fine haha.

 

1 hour ago, Petra Jane said:

If you are really struggling, download Grammerly, it helps me no end as it checks my grammar, spelling and even if I've missed a space between words. It words with most browsers, you do have to create an account for it to work fully, but I've had no privacy issues since I started using it in February this year, which is when I found it.

Why didn't I think of this? haha

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Petra Jane said:

If you are really struggling, download Grammerly, it helps me no end as it checks my grammar, spelling and even if I've missed a space between words. It words with most browsers, you do have to create an account for it to work fully, but I've had no privacy issues since I started using it in February this year, which is when I found it.

Many thanks for the info, will look into it.

Link to comment
20 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Oh that is SO on my to-do list. I'm working on improving my art skills right now. I've let them lay too long and I'm getting back in the groove, but I desperately want to draw them out. I just don't feel like I have the skills to do them justice.

 

Hugs!

I always go back to my shadow into light drawings to get my focusing back. Slowly going through the darker colors into the lighter colors, bringing the subject into light. Looks like a blob painting at first but it helps me losen my hands and it's like sculpting with molding clay except 2d. Or another favorite, scribble art. Don't let all that fancy stuff online deter your artist spirit. It's a skill that takes time, love and patience.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 100 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • Stacie.H
    • Betty K
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Stefi
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, HIPAA is basically useless for keeping government out of your medical stuff.  It doesn't seem to prevent employers from making workplace medical demands either.  About the only thing it seems to do is keep somebody's sister or spouse from having the tools necessary to help you when you're in trouble.  As usual, government made things worse and added unhelpful red tape.  I really doubt HIPAA will be any use in the area of trans rights either.    Honestly, I don't see anything good will come of this no matter how it goes.  If some state AG's win on this, it will cause issues for trans folks.  If the Feds win on this, it'll be a precedent to stomp on states' rights even more than has already been done.  And I'm not sure which way things go will make a difference when it comes to officials from one state trying to do nasty things to people who have left that state and gone elsewhere.    What a crap sandwich... and no matter which plate it gets served on, "We The People" get to eat it. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      At least you tried!  Something equivalent or better may come up, and the waiting could be worth it.  Just keep trying and you'll eventually get what you need and want.      For me, having somebody to love was the most important.  Everything else follows after that.  I waited a long time to find somebody...and she ended up leading me to more than I ever thought possible.    Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I have something work-like outside of my home responsibilities to do for the first time in about 18 months.  Nobody seems to mind the real me.  And this evening, my husband said something that just really made me feel special.  He was rubbing my back, shoulders, and chest while we talked, helping me relax.  He told me that he thought I was really cute in my girl form, but that he thinks my boy form might even be cuter.  And that he's proud of his "smart little Pocket Fox."    For me, the combination of those sweet words and the physical affection was exactly what I needed. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Hi!   That was probably hard to write and then read and say, did I really write that?  Been there.   I'm glad you call it a journey.  It is.  One step at a time, and sometimes two steps forward, one back.    Abby
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Violet! We glad you found us! No one here will judge you. Each of us is unique yet we all share some similarities. And many of us are in the relative early stages of self-discovery.   Take time to wander the sections of the forums. You’ll find lots of information and ideas.   Ask questions if you feel comfortable. You will find lots of people willing to share their experiences.   Is it possible for you to possibly work with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be extremely helpful in finding our identity and out true selves.   Just jump in. We don’t bite! We’ve all been in some version of where you are.
    • April Marie
      Literally. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
    • Sally Stone
      That's me too, Mae.  I don't think it's me as much as it is the camera (that's my story anyway).  Cameras hate me.  I never met one that liked me.  I often wish I was photogenic; sadly, not so much.   However, you look terrific in that selfie! 
    • Sally Stone
      April, I'm so glad things went well when you came out to your spouse.  So often, things can go sideways.  It's a hurdle we all have to jump at some point.
    • violet r
      I totally understand what you just said. I can relate to this very well. I have a lot.of similar feelings.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...