Passing Stories

[Sally Stone]

Stana, of Femulate.org is running a series of blogs where her followers are sharing their most memorable passing stories.

 

http://www.femulate.org/

 

 

[VickySGV]

I was hoping from the title up there that you wanted us to share ours here.  Shucks -- Mine is about the time I had a panic stricken male point me to the women's rest room and protected the "Man Cave" with his life. 

 

[Sally Stone]

Vicky, that's a great idea!  So, how about we all follow Vicky's lead and post some of our most memorable passing stories.

[Sally Stone]

I can't say that I actually pass.  In my case it's more that I'm accepted when I present my feminine persona.  That said, I still find myself surprised on those occasions when I do genuinely pass.  One such occasion occurred when I was out shopping.  I was checking out the jewelry section of a department store when an older woman walked up to me and asked if I could help her pick out a necklace for her daughter.  I agreed to help and it took a few moments for me to realize she thought I was a sales associate.  She seemed a little embarrassed when I confessed that I was just another shopper.  However, she did let me help her find something for her daughter and as she was thanking me, her husband walked up to us.  The woman said: "This nice woman helped me pick out a necklace."  They both were appreciative of my assistance.  As I was getting ready to walk away the husband asked me if I played basketball in college (I get that question a lot because of my height).  When I told him that I didn't, his wife then asked me if I was taller than my husband.  It wasn't until that final question I realized they both thought of me as a cis woman. 

 

Who else has a great passing story?

[swallow]

This sounds like a fun thread to keep alive...?

 

This happened to me some years back working on a film set.

 

I wasn't trying to pass.

 

I normally dress in black Dungarees on set with loads of pockets plus a utility belt. In addition, I wear a velcro-weight carrying/spinal support brace which also gives me (off chance) an added more feminine figure...?

 

My hair is pass my shoulder full head the strands are a lot but very very fine. So they frizz up real easy.

 

I normally wear a braid but since I can't manage tying it directly behind (Takes too long...and I get it all wrong), I just wear it on one side topped with a trucker's cap.

 

Well we were shooting in a diner which for some reason they left open to public. It was fairly remote I suppose so they weren't expecting too many 'real' customers ...such was the arrangement with the owners.

 

The bathroom was on the set in the diner itself. ?

 

Normally they'd have a fancy Porta-Loos for the productions out side. But in this case it was where we were shooting which was a congested space...so you had to duck around all the big lights and 'flags' (screens) set up to squeeze (Literally) thru the doors into the bathrooms

 

This was not so good a situation for me bc of course, I dislike going to male bathrooms and with the Porta-loos, that's not a problem...but...

 

Naturally at some point, I could not hold out too much longer, so I took the opportunity when the crew were busy fussing about something (as usual) on the other side of the set to sneak into the male bathroom. I waited for the coast to be as clear as possible plus there was almost too much gear  in front of the door for people to even bother going in at that point.?

 

Since I'm slight, no problemo.

 

I'd normally sit to pee but in the context of a public bathroom, I'm quite happy to exercise the male 'privilege' of standing to avoid those seats?...all the same I went into the stalls 'for discretion'.

 

It takes a while of course with dungarees and gear to go thru the process...every second felt like an embassy trying to shred info as the enemy closed in...

 

What felt like an hour...thankfully no one entered.

 

When I came out of course, as luck would have it, there was a (much) larger older gentleman (a customer) entering....he just about squeezed thru the obstacle course of lights etc out in front (How the...did he get thru???)?

 

In the split second he saw me, his eyes widen then...

 

He chuckled (like Mr Huxtable) and said "Miss! You are in the wrong bathroom!"

 

Without thinking I replied in genuine surprise/confusion... "I am?"

 

...but in (fairly deep) male voice.

 

He didn't register this of course and carried on patiently speaking to enunciate each word carefully as if to a child, "Becuz this is the Men's, the Ladies is next door..."

 

I made a  sheepish embarrassed face, quickly snuck out without saying another word...as I heard an "Oh...err...hmmm..." sound off behind me.?

 

(It was one of those sudden realization "Oh"s.)

 

I avoided him like the plague the rest of the shoot.

 

Poor sweet guy.☺️

 

 

 

 

[Lenneth]

I love this idea.  And I could absolutely use some positivity right now.

It's hard to pick a singular favorite, but the one story that stuck with me was while I was out shopping.  There's a lovely shopping area, not sure what term would be correct for it, close to where I'm staying at the moment.  Since I'm alone and have no schedule or obligations currently,  I decided to walk around and see what was there.  I used to visit the area like maybe 10 years ago when lived much farther away from it.  I was curious to see what changes had been made since I had been there last.  Having no real agenda, I was just strolling along and going in any of the shops catching my fancy.  The last time I had been here I was in no way "out."  I was still trying to be the cis male I thought I had to be.  So it never consciously occured to me I would be in shops and looking at things I never would have before.  In my mind I was just going along.  If I saw something I liked, I investigated.  With that mentality, I wasn't specifically thinking about the interactions I would have with people if they approached me.  There were places to go and things I was interested in because of the woman I am.  I had been in and out of a dozen places without anything particularly interesting happening.  I wasn't really paying attention to how I was passing.  I got a "ma'am" or two, used the ladies washroom at one point, and was just enjoying the trip.  I was also pining from some of the stuff I was finding.  Super cute or pretty stuff too.  It was all taunting me while sitting on a price tag out of my read.  Sadness.  I eventually found myself in front a Victoria's Secret.  I'd never really been in one in any serious context and the times I had been in one were with friends or partners looking for themselves.  So it was legitimately the first time I had ever looked at the store as somewhere I wanted to look around in for my own sake.  Honestly, that was exciting by itself.

When I entered I was already eyeing things I liked or would wear for my partners.  I was still in that semi-isolationist world.  I was snapped out of it by one of the ladies working there.  She gave me some variation of the "how are you today ma'am"  greeting.  I said I was doing great and thought that was the end of it.  However, the sales lady kept going.  She started in on what deals they had at the moment, what was new, clearance items, and asked if I was looking for anything specific.  I told her I wasn't, but I appreciated her asking.  It was what she said next that really stuck with me.  She told me to ask if I had any questions and if I wanted to take my measurements to help find what would work best for me and they had finally opened the fitting rooms again if I wanted to try anything.  It struck me like a ton of bricks to be honest.  Just like @Sally Stone was sharing, the sales lady identified me as a woman with no hesitation or second guessing before speaking to me, and the exchange between us reflected it.  I can't say if she assumed I was cis, but there was no doubt in her mind I was an assigned female at birth woman.  I only recently began my transitioning process and I was still worried about the impact my appearance had on what anybody seeing me would identify me as.  Sure I'd gotten a ma'am here and there, but that was the first time I was directly, in a 1 on 1 exchange while standing almost next to someone, identified, talked to, and offered things on the basis of that person's perception of me as a woman.  I was glowing all night after that!

[Charlize]

I was driving our dump truck into Lancaster PA to get a load of feed.  I had yet to come out to my family or neighborhood b ut had started using every opportunity away from home to present as myself.  I had to refuel and use the restroom.  There wasn't an option except to use the ladies.  Coming out of the stall i found an attendant busy tidying.  She engaged me in conversation in a relaxed pleasant way!  In some ways that was a turning point for me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Sally Stone]

One incident that was more meaningful to me than any other actually occurred with another trans woman.  I was at a conference and on several separate occasions I kept catching that woman staring at me.  Later, I was dressed in an evening gown, prepared for the upcoming formal and I stopped by the hotel lounge to get a glass of wine.  The same woman watched me intently as I entered and made my way to the bar.  It was early enough there were still a couple bar stools available and as I got seated, the woman approached me.  She introduced herself, we exchanged pleasantries and I asked her to join me, since the adjacent stool was unoccupied.  As we were getting to know one another, she told me that she was amazed at my beauty and my poise.  I was flattered.  Then she admitted that when she first saw me she was certain I was trans, but then she told me the more she observed me, specifically the way I moved, my mannerisms and the way I carried myself, she began to doubt her initial assessment of me.  

 

I really don't dwell much on the concept of passing, but it is obvious that mannerisms and body language are extremely powerful gender cues and probably way more important than looks.  I think the moral of this story is if we are concerned about being able to pass, most of our effort should focus on mastering the poise and body language of our chosen gender.   

[VickySGV]

37 minutes ago, Sally Stone said:

it is obvious that mannerisms and body language are extremely powerful gender cues and probably way more important than looks. 

 

Absolutely MISSION CRITICAL to Transition!!

[Lenneth]

1 hour ago, Hannah Renee said:

Had to pick up a few items at the store this morning. Went to the self checkout, and the very first item I scanned resulted in an error message. The customer service woman was helping someone else and noticed the flashing light at my register, and told the other woman, "Excuse me a moment while I go help this lady over here." Such a wonderful exchange to hear from someone else. Guess I passed.

Always a great feeling isn’t it!  That’s wonderful!

[SheenaT]

On 12/31/2020 at 2:58 AM, Sally Stone said:

Stana, of Femulate.org is running a series of blogs where her followers are sharing their most memorable passing stories.

 

http://www.femulate.org/

 

 

Need to check this out.

[ashsfire]

I've got a good one that just happened this last weekend. We were driving along the coast and I had been drinking way too much coffee along the way, so naturally rest stops had to happen now and then 😅 I knew there wouldn't be one for quite some time, so we pulled into a campground. I figured I could just hop out, use one of their bathrooms, then hop back in and continue on.

 

So it was a wet, cold morning and all the campers looked extremely grumpy as we went past. We came to the first restroom (you know the campground kind that are basically exactly the same disgusting horror show and yet they feel the need to paint a "male" or "female" sign on them). I hopped out and my partner said he'd just loop around in the campground and pick me up on the way back. So off he went, and I went up to the bathrooms.

 

Seeing as there was no one around, I went for the men's first, but no luck. It was locked and probably occupied. So I tried the women's, and still no luck- also locked. I was kind of surprised, so I tried the doors again but nope, definitely locked. By now I was doing the wee-wee dance and wondering if I could just pop into the bushes somewhere.

 

I was about to walk away when the women's restroom door opened and this old lady came out, spotted me, and gave me a thorough telling off about how if I had to use the bathroom that bad, I should have just gone and found a tree like men always do instead of standing there pulling on the door handle or a door that was clearly locked and trying to sneak into the women's bathroom because that just isn't right, a man going into the women's restroom. So she stormed off and I hear the other door open and out comes an old man who claps me on the shoulder as he passes and goes "Don't worry about her, she doesn't understand a tree only goes so far sometimes when nature calls. The bathroom's all yours" and waves vaguely at the men's bathroom and walks off after the woman. 

 

When my partner came back around to pick me up, he said he's never seen me smile so much coming out of a nasty campground bathroom!