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I'm not a math guy


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Hello, Ivan, 30.


I've been programming for over 6 years, but I never tried to perform my hobby into a real work. In a real work I have to provide professional code, which I can't due to my intelligence and as I never studied a programming in university. After some time I got sick and I am disappointed in programming. I really very very very disappointed in programming as it was made by people, stupid and simple people and I don't want to waste my time on it anymore.

Another thing is math. I think it's a science given by god, not by people. You can figure out about how universe being created.

I tried to learn math from 5 class of school and I understand that I know nothing in math and I should start doing math  from 1 class. I'm using study books from school and university and get a video solution, where all things are explained in video with voice, which is explaining task.

Another thing to learn math, is it's because a necessary school program and in my opinion everyone should know that on A+ up to 11 class.

In case I want a good work firstly I should know math, russian (my country language), physics, chemistry, history.

There are a lot of things to learn in this life and I live because if that.

My life is suck, I was going to get a disability group into my disease, which will stay for 1 year.

I really have a hard disease.

Another thing is I don't had any kind of relationship, I'm living like schizophrenic. I think I have a schizophrenia, which don't let me to have a relationship and communicate with people. I would like to transform myself into a woman as I am a woman by nature and I feel that, however, it's just insane and nobody can help with that.

I also can't have a psychologist, because it 1) costs a lot of money 2) won't meet me.

I'm keep watching math video from a first class as I think my knowledge of math to 11 class will make my life good.

Maybe there is a complete course with math which does guarantee employment opportunities, so I become not a dude with 9 class of education, but real professional. which is costs in this world.

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Ivan.

   I must admit to not doing all that well in math as a ychild in school.  I certainly understood the concepts but  simple arithmetic mistakes always seemed to set me back.  Odd how time and age have changed that issue.  Now not i not only seem to do some rather large calculations in my mind but there is also a calculator in my phone!   Best of luck with your efforts!  Your persistence will carry you.





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  • Forum Moderator

Hello Ivan,


I have sometimes found maths strange too as I was quite good at school, then bad, then good again. I have since found it a useful tool for sorting out some problems which cannot easily be sorted in any other way so I found it good to learn. Good luck with your studies. I imagine there are no guarentees of employment anywhere these days so you are not alone if such problems. Determination will win you through though.


Languages are difficult, particularly when the alphabet is not the same so I imagine you do not find English very easy. If you have problems we will help if we can.


I am sorry you cannot see a psychologist or gender therapist. I know that there are people who are helpful in your country but please be very careful as I understand the authorites can be hostile. Please don't hesitate to read here and join in as you feel able as we are very supportive.


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I wrote this to a friend, however, I thought to put it here, maybe someone from you can help me with that.


I think in this world exists a Creator of the World or a God. The image of the God is way different then we think, he or she (or probably it) has a crown on the head and he/she perfect in everything. He knows math, physics, languages, and perfect in science. He wasn't been a human, otherwise its -crap-. Probably Creator of the World created this universe. Why I think like that? Because if he was a human we would suffer from a great pain. Universe would been bad, but this universe is good one.  I know how I feel where no God is exists, so if we will be Gods and going to create a universe this universe will be much weird rather then this one.
Another thing is perpetual motion machine. I don't know why I choose such definition, but I think this definition make sense.
I firstly thing that people resources like live being used highly developed aliens for oil and things like that. I made it up for about a three things that being humans been able to use as oil. Second resource is a lack of evolution, we think there are another highly developed worlds and universes, and we know that we can't reach them. This knowledge that we can't reach them is a resource and it might be an electrocity resource for highly developed aliens.
I firstly though that no way to bypass perpetual motion machine because it's life and no way around, however, with time, I think everything operates only by humanity rights. I think most non-thinking or bad people will stand or come to a perpetual motion machine which takes thousands milliards of human years. First reason to stay or come on PMM is when you implement animal instincts, so you -expletive- and you are a best candidate on PMM. I started to think that people is different and very conscious, so I think almost everyone will stay because they didn't believe on God. Again, God might be a different form and sizes, it might be a structure or anything. 
I think it's important to knows what is karma, karma is not a fate how it is a translation.
To say short, I realized everything. I think God loves me and I love god, doesn't matter what form it has. I think I am a pet (favorite) of a God, this way I won't suffered from thousand milliard years on a PMM or something like that. I know this is life and deadlines does matter.
I also created this theory because I have luck of sex and inability to -expletive- with a human, so I developed this theory with time.
Another thing is, my thoughts. If I have incorrect though I feeling extremely bad and feel some kind of a schizophrenia, but when I think right it partially disappears.  I know and it's important for me to be a favorite for a God, because we (or me) get rid from pain and we (or me) realize that almost all people will suffer in a great pain. However,  I can fail and this world doesn't operate humanity. At least, I didn't kill someone, maybe with developing and releasing cheats in public I made a dead game, and some people who loves it suicide, however, even with that, I am still alive and feel myself as a human, however, schizophrenia still owns me, not me owns it.
I don't know what else to say, but I hate people who -expletive- and call them animals and it's about 99,9% percent of people. I don't believe how people have no shame and living only their animal instincts. I call you animal not to offense, but make you realize I feel bad without -expletive- and developing all kind of theories around it. 
I think my last theory is right.
No much to say, I think math is a key to start understanding the laws of universe.
I thank God that probably can get rid me from great pain of thousand of milliards of years at long.
I have to study school program to not fall into degradation and start to have bad habits and to complain about our government. 
Maybe my theory is -crap-, however, I still do trying to believe that this people who -expletive- or tred to -expletive- will stay on PMM without exclusions. I live with this knowledge and I feel good with such thoughts, they will got their punishment for sure and it's not being discussed.
Like I said I should educate myself. Maybe restore in college or take an evening school.
I believe with such though and such understanding in live should bring me an expensive car, however, doesn't matter what I say to Bugatti makes no sense, they simply not replying. I know there are no much people like me, so I believe is possible to get a Lamborghini (I very like a Lamborghini car), however, like I said, there is no result in it.
After holidays I will probably come into evening school.
I must say that I still feeling bad. I know what tables I drink, all of them is from a schizophrenia. I think I don't have a schizophrenia, because in case I would I would feel myself better.
I don't know how to get rid from suffering schizophrenia. I think our doctors can't treat such illness, so I believe only in time. Yes, after a while its better, but not as much as I would drink proper tablets.

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Ivan,


I think that only doctors can help with schizophrenia. Perhaps you can get some advice from a health professional?


It does sound like you really need to get some plans together to make your way forward in life. It is possible without help but not easy. It is possible to get to where you can afford to buy and run good cars but it is maybe best to sort out the little things to start at first. Just don't lose your dreams as they will help you see that there is a future, however bleak.


Take life day by day and put together a foundation that you can work on. Buildings last with good foundations. You will find things easier if you build your foundations. Maybe they are poor at them moment but little things put together help toward the life you wish.



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Hello Ivan

I have a lot of questions myself.  I just try to take one day at a time.  I think there are some things we will never know for sure.

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