Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Workplace experience

Recommended Posts

Forgive me if this is just a list of stuff without a point.  But it is my real life experience.


I'm pre op mtf.  My legalities are all female.  

Currently establishing work history in my new identity.  Amaz0nia.  2020 covidia.  Masks, but they come off for breaks.  Working with lots of people.  Gendered correctly more often than not.  Some people with clout do not like me and I am treated unfairly.  The official corporate policy is pro trans.  So if there's a problem with this issue they will not talk to me about it, and unfortunately this could lead them to look for other reasons to get rid of me.  However, so far, I've been pretty good about not giving them any.


HR is pretty much unresponsive to questions about any issue, including mistakes in their schedule and shorted paychecks.


But hey, I use the women's room. Even have had stall to stall conversations and at the sink mirrors.  Have fallen in pretty well with cliques of women of comparable age and attractiveness.  What a funny thing that is.

I blend in ok but it's forcing me to constantly hone my edges. Like how I lift and do work, and speaking over machinery in fast paced physical situations. Also I keep foundation and a little eye concealer and liner going.  Not doing that one day was my worst day treated by others there. 


I never got to go to a normal high school and I suspect this is kind of like that, for grown ups.


Guys are sizing me up I think.

I'm a little imposing and not super confident in my femininity.

Some chat me up a little. 


There are going to be cuts in personel soon and if I'm cut I may never know why, because they can't say out loud where they don't want me to pee.  However I prefer to focus on the fact that I have had perfect attendance/clock, no write ups, and I can outwork most people there without breathing too hard. 


I want to stay. 

I want to become a person.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

@Maddee there is always a point to be made even if it is not self evident at first!  


Remember that HR's purpose is not to protect you the employee, but the company.  (I worked in a corporate environment for ever) That said some HR people are less adept than they should be.  


Sometimes when reduction in force (RIF) take place its a strictly numbers thing, last in first out.  Thats how it was for my company.  I lost some great employees and was stuck with duds because of this.  Sometimes other parameters come into effect, depending upon rules set up by the State Employment Office and internal policies.  


Keep going as you are.  Being a good employee will not be forgotten.  As to being a person, you are.  People see you as real when they interact with you.  Take those little successes and build on them.  


PS: I'm glad to see you back to posting!
Hugs, Jani

Link to post
  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

I agree with @Jani.  You are the ambassador for our community among your peers there, Maddee.  For most, if not all of them, you are the first trans woman they've ever met.  Your success, your presence, helps not only you but all of us.  If they come to accept you (and it sounds like many have already) that is a victory.  Thank you for being strong, for being willing to be seen as your true self, for transition on the job.  You've already made a difference.  Congrats!


Not everyone in my workplace was supportive, but the fact that most of my colleagues were supportive kept those naysayers and nincompoops at bay.  Like your workplace, we had strong rules in place, and the naysayers knew it.  I hope it works out for you in the long run.  Best of luck, and thank you!


Carolyn Marie

Link to post

@Maddee Your post has been on my mind all day as I'm on the cusp of coming out at work. I'm happy to learn that you have enjoyed an overall positive experience on the job, especially socially with your colleagues. I'm hopeful that your excellent service at your employer will play to your favor in the upcoming personnel cuts - so I agree with @Jani, don't underestimate how much that's valued by supervisors and directors. I also really like what @Carolyn Marie said about being an ambassador of the community at the workplace. I think I read on another post somewhere here recently that only a small percentage of people (around 15-16%) self-report that they've met an out trans person in their life? Because of your example, you've done much to advance the cause of transgender acceptance at work beyond just official policy documents but in real life. I'm sure you've also challenged people's prejudices about the community just by being you and living your life the way you want to.


This got me thinking also I will likely be the first trans person many of my colleagues and clients will ever meet too. It feels like a great honor and responsibility at the same time. I hope to be a great ambassador to the community just as you have been, and do my part to help reduce transphobia not just in the workplace but in the wider world.




Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, Audrey said:

don't underestimate how much that's valued by supervisors and directors.

Now that you mention this... I had only been at the company (defense related) for a few years that I ended up retiring from.  Back then I was an hourly employee.  We had a huge RIF and my name came up on the list.  Apparently several supervisors that I supported (not mine) and a general foreman spoke up.  I was retained.  Great for me.  I only found they had gone to bat for me second hand several months later.  Never underestimate that what you do, even the smallest thing, won't imprint and cause someone to have a positive opinion of you.  PS: After I finished night school I was able to move into management where I became rich and famous (NOT!) Blah, Blah, blah.  


On another instance, I lost a great employee in a RIF.  When I got a call about a reference from another small local business I could not say enough about this person.  They hired hm and two years later I hired them back even though he was gun-shy having been caught in a RIF.  I ended up having to pay him top dollar and it was worth it.  


Never give up or sacrifice your standards.



Link to post

Thank you everyone.


I'm one of the newer people there, although most are new since it opened in July.

It upsets me to think about it that way.  I actually applied to this place last summer and might've been one the first employees when it opened, if not for snags I had dealing with applying online then.  One of my shortcomings but I'm getting better.


Grateful for what I have.  Glad that I'm healthy and able to work.  Doing so as female is such a blessing and. I can only get better at it.


Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

@Maddee Glad to read you are staying healthy and doing well, nice update here. 





Link to post

@Maddee I applaud (and have to admit, envy) your ability to be your true self at work.  Just thinking about that possibility is encouraging to me (and as others have said, is an encouragement to those like us and an opportunity to engage others with your best self).

You sound like an awesome employee to me.  I hope things go well for you there, but if your company and management don't see what a value you are to their workplace then they probably don't deserve to have you there.

Wishing you all the best❣️

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 61 Guests (See full list)

    • Abi
    • Cyndee
    • DeeDee
    • Red_Lauren.
    • figuringitout
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • ElizabethStar
      I've come to the conclusion that people just don't listen. I was sent out on a call yesterday. I had been working with the customer over the phone earlier, so she knew my name, but the issue came back and we needed to get a tech out there ASAP. My manager sent me. No worries though, I'm happy to get out and spread my wings a little as a female technician. It was a bit of an emergency so I didn't waste any time with pleasantries and forgot to introduce myself. After the work was completed, I was giving the Mrs. the cliff notes on the work I did. She mentioned how she had called our office and work with someone over the phone. I was like yea, that was me, I'm Elizabeth. We talked for a minutes, I gathered my things and headed out the door. I said goodbye and she replies "Thanks Melissa". At least she got my gender right.   Some of my clothes also came in the mail. It was very exciting.  Unfortunately 2 of the 3 tops run crazy small from the advertised size and the jeans run big. I'll see what happens when the rest of them get here.
    • Audrey
      Good morning everyone, happy Wednesday. Coffee is hot and strong today. Planning to go outside for my exercise routine before jumping into what promises to be a busy workday, trying to keep up with the constantly evolving landscape of the vaccine rollout. I should check to be sure I don't need to buy more coffee while I'm out. I'm also seeing a few snowflakes as daylight comes.   @Ann W I hope you'll have that warm and fuzzy coming out experience soon too! I think I'm close to (if not past) the point where it's more exhausting *not* to come out. The one exception is still family, but only because there's one family member on hospice and that's weighing on everyone so it feels like the wrong time to say anything, I imagine I would add stress to an already stressful situation. Yet, I'd want to be out for any memorial service, so I'm pretty torn. I guess it's part of why I wanted to hang on to just one of my men's suits.   @RhondaS I totally relate to wanting to come out in person, especially because we're sharing something so close to our hearts. While I would have wanted to do that with everyone, the pandemic prevented it. The only person I actually did come out to face-to-face was partner - otherwise it's been Zoom, Face Time, and phone calls. Even still, I'm amazed by the emotional closeness I can still feel even though it's not in person. The warm feelings after any positive coming out experience are just so nice!   Hoping everyone has a wonderful day! ❤️   Love, ~Audrey.
    • RhondaS
      It's been at least a month before I came out to someone, I kinda miss it. Since I want to do it in person to the people that matter most it's been sporadic. 
    • Ann W
      I'm so glad to read about your coming out experience @Audrey.  I got fuzzies just reading about it.  I can see coming out to a female colleague in my near future as well.  It's getting harder to hide as I also become less interested hiding.  Reading these stories is so encouraging.
    • Jani
      If its to a job you need for the financial consideration then follow your heart and move forward with your transition.  Don't spend time doing things you don't really want to do.  Life is short. 
    • JustineM
      Just a quickie update. Still waiting to hear from Mom, though given the weekend and holiday plus USPS current difficulties, she may not have even got the letter yet. One of my older sisters called me this morning and was asking about books she could read to help her understand better. So all in all not going to bad. 
    • Jackie C.
      I'd say follow your dreams, but of course I'd say that. That's how my brain works. More practically, I'd ask, "Is the extra money worth the chunk it's going to take out of your life?" I'd probably also ask, "How long were you planning on keeping this job anyway."   I might also ask, "So, what IS this job?" If it was something I loved... maybe. Probably not, but maybe. I see that you identify as bigender though, and most of the other bigender people I know are perfectly content with just expressing their female side during the evening and on weekends.   I couldn't do that, but I don't identify as bigender. How do you think spending your time in this job slot is going to affect your mental health? Is evenings and weekends going to be enough? Do you even want to start down the road of HRT? If you're just getting electrolysis, who's going to notice? If you're planning on growing breasts (or getting implants), well that's a different kettle of fish isn't it?   Hugs!
    • Jocelyn
      Thank you for your service everyone, I am proud to say I was firefighter for 29.5 years. Unfortunately had to retire early due to the mental and emotional toll, 1 of the best discussions I had in the last couple of years. But I still loved my job and the people that I worked with. hugs Jocelyn
    • LaurenA
      What I'm afraid of is that this is the only job I could get.  At 71 they aren't sending you offers.
    • Abi
      Whichever way you choose, I hope it goes well. I would have a very difficult time working for someone else even if they fully accepted and supported me. 
    • LaurenA
      <Stream of thought> I'm caught in a quandary.  I quit my job last March because of the Covid virus.  I liked the job and the people I worked with.  The pay wasn't great but then it was all unneeded extra income.  My job gave me the structure and stability that I needed. Today I received an email from my boss asking me if I was on the list for the vaccine because he really wanted me back.  He said they were going to have a banner year.  Fine so far until you mix in that during my Covid isolation I discovered with my councilor that I was trans.  Since then I have been exploring my feminine side and getting more comfortable with it. Here's the rub.  I worked in a very small factory run by republicans and has no policy at all regarding gender.  If I go back to work it will have to be as a male.  It will also mean I will have to put any plans on noticeable transformation aside.  I have to decide between being who I have accepted I am or working for the psychological benefits it gives me.  I want my cake and eat it too. The only way I've thought of is to only be me when I'm home and playing the male gender at work.  I should be able to go forward on electrolysis but hormone will have to be put on hold or not done at all.  Not to mention any forms of surgery. I have been comfortably retired and don't need the job.  But it's a decision between doing one thing to enhance my well-being versus another.  I have to ask myself which would do more for me.  Since I so recently discovered my true gender I have far less evidence to base my decision on.  I guess I could go back to work and put off making and permanent decision.  Then I think, I'm almost 71, I don't have that much time left to me to be me and I shouldn't waste any of it. </Stream of thought>
    • Abi
      Glad you're home Susan. I'm sure you're tired and happy all at once. Rest is always easier when you're in your own comforts.
    • Abi
    • LaurenA
      The section on dragons brought back memories of a group called the Dragon Family who were poly.
    • Audrey
      Dear @Susan R, It's so wonderful to hear that you're back home now and recovering well from your surgery, and with so little pain. Sending you positive energy all the from NYC!   Love, ~Audrey.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...