Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Nothing beats being invalidated in the community.


Red_Lauren.

Recommended Posts

Red_Lauren.

So on another fourm I use to go to. I made a topic were I discussed my transition, and it was going well. Till last night I posted a up date. That I expericed pms the last few days. 

 

This morning I saw it was locked, and a mod. Who I don't even know if they are trans, or just a cd. Said trans woman can't experience pms. As we don't have proper equipment, and im locking this fansanity topic. 

 

I wanted to say every gender experiences pms to a degree, and the explain I have been noticeing I've been moody, tired, and have cravings. Typical pms signs, but I knew I would go off on her. So I logged out, and will never return. 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

@Red_Lauren.

I’m sorry you experienced this kind of censorship on whatever site or forum you’re referring. I don’t understand why your experience of a feeling would be invalidated like that. Maybe it was a bad day for that mod!? 

 

I personally believe my emotions to some degree are on cyclical loop of ups and downs especially since beginning a progesterone ~18 months ago. What’s even crazier...my emotions seem to correspond in the same timely fashion as my wife’s who is in menopause and should not experience much of this. I think my sharing that kind of info isn’t cause for such censorship.

 

Luckily, you have us here to share this information.

 

My Best,

Susan R🌷

Link to post
CD Rachel

Red_Lauren,

 

I too am a member of that forum and noticed the locked thread this morning. I do not understand why it was locked. Your experiances and feelings are yours and should be respected. I have long felt that some of the mods "over there" are a bit over zealous and take a "gate keeper" approach that they are the subject matter experts and no deviation from their own experience or knowledge is valid.  Please try not to take this experience to heart and remember that we are all human and make mistakes. 

 

Remember above all else that you are loved.

 

Rachel

Link to post
Red_Lauren.

I'll probably start hanging out here more. Here is the funny thing also. A few woman I have told myself about who know a thing about what I'm going through. They arnt trans. They just understand It better. They said wait till pms, and the emotions hit. 

 

As for that other site. I've been visiting it close to ten years, and finally started posting a few years ago. I knew even ten years ago. That it wasn't going to be a major thing in my life. I felt like I never fit in. Because I wasn't a cd, I'm young, I don't hide who I'm, I never viewed dressing as a fetish nothing wrong with that btw. It just wasn't my thing.

 

A lot of the people there. Would ask for help about presenting as a woman. They would completely blow over help from the woman, and the small amount of mtf. That present as a woman daily, but take advice from the other older cds. That think they know better. I stopped giving my input on them topics a long time ago. 

 

As for the gatekeeping. That also got me. I have had many post edited. Because it didn't fit the nartive of what they wanted to hear. Again I'm sorry my views didn't match what a 60 plus year old cd, but you can't sugar coat every thing..

 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, CD Rachel said:

Please try not to take this experience to heart and remember that we are all human and make mistakes. 

 

Remember above all else that you are loved.

Well stated Rachel!👍

Link to post
Red_Lauren.

I know I'm loved, and never felt unloved. It's just kinda crazy this stuff happens on the community. 

 

Link to post
5 hours ago, Red_Lauren. said:

So on another fourm I use to go to. I made a topic were I discussed my transition, and it was going well. Till last night I posted a up date. That I expericed pms the last few days. 

 

This morning I saw it was locked, and a mod. Who I don't even know if they are trans, or just a cd. Said trans woman can't experience pms. As we don't have proper equipment, and im locking this fansanity topic. 

 

I wanted to say every gender experiences pms to a degree, and the explain I have been noticeing I've been moody, tired, and have cravings. Typical pms signs, but I knew I would go off on her. So I logged out, and will never return. 

 

...

 

WHAT?

 

Really? That is so much crap. You are correct in saying that every gender experiences some form of something that can be considered PMS. Both of my partners are cis-men and have their own versions of a cycle that often mirror mine. I joke about them being on their periods when they experience their own version of PMS. We have a good laugh and I'll pick up their favorite snacks or bake them their favorite treats if I have the energy. Everyone has a cycle of some kind. Just because you don't literally have a period doesn't mean you're not experiencing a change in your hormones.

Link to post

I think I know the CD forum that you're talking about.  It became obvious to me that they are in it for the money.  I quite as soon as I figured that out.

Link to post
Red_Lauren.
4 hours ago, Kiara said:

 

...

 

WHAT?

 

Really? That is so much crap. You are correct in saying that every gender experiences some form of something that can be considered PMS. Both of my partners are cis-men and have their own versions of a cycle that often mirror mine. I joke about them being on their periods when they experience their own version of PMS. We have a good laugh and I'll pick up their favorite snacks or bake them their favorite treats if I have the energy. Everyone has a cycle of some kind. Just because you don't literally have a period doesn't mean you're not experiencing a change in your hormones.

Yep. Now mind you I never said that hormones would do as she claimed. I never claimed to all of a sudden have female reproductive organs, at least as far as I know. I wasn't born intersex. 

20210109_222536.jpg

Link to post
Red_Lauren.

I was thinking about this on and off all day at work. It is what it is, it did make me mad, and sad. To the point were I felt like crying, but I couldn't. Emotions quite aren't there 100% yet. Maybe if I was with one of my girlfriend's. I probably would have broken down.

 

What hurts me the most. Is this person is part of the trans community, and mod on a trans related fourm. Stuff like she said. Is exactly the reason why I don't interact with the trans community a whole lot. As I've heard, and read a lot worst between the community long before I ever transitioned. Thats what I don't get. We deal with enough bs the way it is. Why make our lives even worst.

 

That is the end of my rant. Now back your normally scheduled programming. 

 

I do plan on sitting down one day this week, and make a journal for you ladies. It might not be super informative, or super interesting, but I've read, and seen a lot of similar things. From older ladies, and younger ones, and how different their journeys are.

 

While it seems like there are hardly any trans ladies 30-50. That are doing them. Probably for many reasons, but think the whole process will be completely different for me at 35. Then them two crowds. 

 

Link to post

Our "community" consists of a variety of different types of people, not all of whom have that much in common, or necessarily understand the situation of others.

 

I have met crossdressers who had no understanding about dysphoria, because they had never experienced it.  To be honest, I don't know what it feels like to be a crossdresser, so I can't really relate to what motivates them.

 

This is no excuse for failing to treat everyone with respect, and just because someone else doesn't understand you, it doesn't mean that what you say is wrong.  A deaf person could argue that music doesn't exist, because to them it doesn't.

 

Robin.

Link to post
  • Admin

In my grumpy days I do not refer to Trans as a community, but rather a Statistical Population which means it is just numbers and not people.   It really makes me  grumpy to angry from the invalidation that goes on.  I too joke about my PMS (which does make me grumpy BTW), but I know darn well it is not what a physiologically correct woman's is.  It sounds like your antagonist was possibly a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist, or from our own world a "True Trans" person who creates their own rules.  When your happiness depends on making someone else miserable, you are really a miserable person. 

Link to post
CD Rachel

I think that the TERF is probably the correct term in this case. There are several over their but their are also a lot of genuine and caring individuals.  Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good. When this happens to me I try letting it go but sometimes that is easier said then done.

 

Rachel

Link to post
Red_Lauren.

Robin ill add to what you said. My hairdresser/brow wax lady is dealing with breast cancer. The worst is over, and just had a slight set back, but will be her self this summer. She only knows me as a guy that dabbles with my female side for now.

 

When she told me she had it. I pretty munch stepped aside, and let the females in her life support her 100%. Its not like I didn't support her. I felt like I couldn't offer munch. 

 

As for a terf. I never heard of that till now, and did a bit of a Google search. I hate the far left or right groups like that. It don't matter what their cause is. You can't force the general public to abide buy your beliefs. There are modern feminist groups. That hate other woman because they are straight, married, and hate straight white males. There are some horrible trans and gay groups out there. Among other group's. 

 

What they don't get is this. Millions of people worked hard to get woman, gays, and trans, minoritys, and other sub cultures. The rights that weren't even possible 60 years ago.  Then these far right or far left group's came around, and I feel like they are are setting back the work. That people did for them so they could have them rights.

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
gina-nicole-t

I have never been a member of another forum except this one, and am glad to be a member of it. The biggest problem I have had with the community has been on social media. I was messaged by another trans woman on a social media account that I have had for 12 years. She demanded that I put up a real picture of myself on my profile. When I explained that I didn't have one due to the pandemic putting off my surgeries, she demanded I change my name or leave the platform. I changed my name and she has basically outed me to every trans person on this platform. I know realize that Pride and everything I was looking forward too will now not be an enjoyable experience post surgery and post pandemic for me. I would honestly like to know who put certain people in charge of making new trans people's lives miserable? We all went through the same thing. Yes some of you are more beautiful than some of us. That doesn't give you the right to make our lives worse. I don't ever hear Lavern Cox, Trace Lysette, or Jamie Clayton judging anyone. 

Respectfully, 

Gina

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

The biggest problem I have had with the community has been on social media.

So sorry to hear about this, Gina. I can’t even see this person’s logic in requiring you to post any avatar pic whatsoever.  It’s this sort of thing that has kept me off of all mainstream social media sites but I had no idea that this stuff could happen on a ‘community’ based social media site put in place to specially serve and help members like us.

 

Susan R🌷

Link to post
gina-nicole-t

@Susan R oh yeah on social media related to transgender you would be surprised at the amount of people who want to make sure you fit into their box, and if you don't out you go with a very swift kick. The fact is I still have many trans friends on my social media site that never abandoned me, it just appears to be the ones who think that their beauty rises above, and believe they can set standards for everyone else. I believe that is what leads to body image issues with everyone not just trans women, but cis women, and men who hate how they look also. I have a few trans friends that are very attractive, but they never rub it in anyone's face. They are some (like you) of the nicest people I have ever met. I guess it goes to show only some people use their beauty for power, and others not. 

Gina 

Link to post

Dear @gina-nicole-t, I'm sorry to hear about your experience on social media. It's for reasons like what you describe, as well as keeping a lower profile online due to my profession, that I avoid social media altogether. Mainstream media does no favors to anyone by promoting standards out of reach of all but a lucky few. As a result, body image issues are something that so many people struggle with, myself included. Dealing with those issues *and* being transgender adds complexity because of the dysphoria involved. There is also the very real relationship between the ability to pass, and staying safe in spaces that may not be accepting of transgender people. I strongly believe in body positive thinking. I'm working hard on overcoming my insecurities with my body during transition, but it certainly isn't easy to break out of those cycles of negative thinking. Most of all, surrounding myself with supportive and affirming people goes a long way towards building that self-esteem!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to post
  • Admin
9 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

on social media related to transgender you would be surprised at the amount of people who want to make sure you fit into their box, and if you don't out you go with a very swift kick. The fact is I still have many trans friends on my social media site that never abandoned me, it just appears to be the ones who think that their beauty rises above, and believe they can set standards for everyone else.

 

I have seen many of those sites, and they are not helping themselves.  By insisting on certain standards of "beauty" they paste a target on their backs, and then isolate to keep from being shot down.  It is the isolation that will keep them from becoming authentic members of their broader communities of Trans and Cis IRL.  It is those actions that give credence to the cis population idea that we are playing dress-up as opposed to real identities.   I have some "Glam" pictures of myself, and they are the ones that broadcast me as Trans and not day to day female (or NB in some cases).  The Glam shots were taken at Trans conferences where I was in a group of a few hundred Trans individuals of CD  up to post surgical people. I like to see them every now and then, but it is not my daily wear which for now is plain cotton underpants, sweat slacks and my supply of T-shirts from various events I attended in the past.  No one looks twice at me, and no misreading of who I am.  If they wonder, it is not about my making a mistake in my wardrobe or combed, but not styled hair and thus they can go ahead and wonder if they have nothing better to do with their time.  It is not my business or doing.  Just my acquired wisdom is that you are more perfect if you are imperfect, if the shoes are flats, and the hair is a little mussed, or if you do not have eyelashes or eyebrows done perfectly then you are the most comfortable, least worried, and probably much happier.

Link to post
gina-nicole-t

@VickySGV I agree with you that by using their beauty they are probably keeping themselves from being true members of the trans community. They are probably the ones that make Pride not a welcoming experience for people they don't feel should attend. I have always wanted to get some pictures of myself taken when I get to a point that I feel I am ready for them. Post surgical, scars healed, hair totally removed, money saved, etc. I guess like you not something I would keep on my coffee table for everyone to look at they would just be for me. 

I am happy the way I look not all dressed up all the time. If I had to do that all the time to impress a few I think I would go broke trying to impress people. I don't think I need to impress anyone. 

Thank you, 

Gina 

Link to post
gina-nicole-t

@Audrey I know exactly how you feel to not look the way you want. I look in my mirror everyday and think I am never going to loose the weight I want and need to look good, and I am never going to be pretty no matter the surgery I have. My huge problem is no matter how much I practice with makeup I feel I still look like the Joker...lol. I have to have vocal surgery ever though I don't have an Adams Apple like most men do I still have the deep voice that won't go away with speech therapy. So I really understand where you are coming from. 

Gina 

Link to post
Red_Lauren.

Ive been around the internet for a while now. There is bad and good sites for every thing. You can typically tell how bad it is if the forum is full of banned members. 

 

I usually avoid trans related stuff. I've learned a lot of it is full of hatred, or nothing good at all. With the uprising of the trans movement. It seems like now unless you started at 15 yeas old, and didn't have mommy, daddy, or some one else pay for you're operations, and care. You are viewed 180 of what a trans person is. Same can be said for these famous trans people. Just because they are rich, and can afford operation's now. Don't mean I can or want the same operation's. 

 

 

Link to post
Cheyenne skye

@Red_Lauren.I know which forum that is from your screen shot. I started my journey on that forum but soon realized it really wasn't for me. I haven't been on there in very long time. Just remove that bookmark from your browser and move on.

Link to post
Red_Lauren.

I didn't even have it bookmarked. I moved on the night I posted what I said here. 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   12 Members, 0 Anonymous, 42 Guests (See full list)

    • Petra Jane
    • ValerieRun
    • Dawn W.
    • Harlyqynn
    • ElizabethStar
    • MaryEllen
    • Ann W
    • AwesomeClaire
    • Willow Farmer
    • TaylorF
    • Pumela
    • Valfole
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      73,389
    • Total Posts
      675,999
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,178
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Harlyqynn
    Newest Member
    Harlyqynn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alex.G
      Alex.G
    2. GurlinCanton
      GurlinCanton
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Willow Farmer
      I'm proud of you!  That is one more hurdle you can check off.  That leaves you more energy for tomorrow's goals.    I just got back from electrolysis.   My upper lip hurts.   When I try to stop transitioning,  I always hurt more.  
    • Pumela
      Thanks for the replay. Hopes and dreams. I just want him to be happy and feel loved. It’s ripping me apart seeing him like this. He is so angry dosen’t want to talk to his counseler anymore and is sick of all the dr calls. 
    • HollyNoel
      Well I did it. I turned it into the news paper today this morning. Lol. I’m so excited that I know that in about a month I will be Holly legally. Omg it seems like a dream. 
    • Willow Farmer
      I have 3 seriously Christian customers that know what I am doing, -trans-.   They don't preach , they live by example.   They have always liked me and support me now.  
    • Shay
      OMG - same is tryue here and I never remembered much about my dad and my wife notices I am remembering more in those areas - the almost continuous life of hints and clues and smacks in the sub-conscious - my sub-conscious now says .... duh .... what did you think was going on?   @claire1000 - I forgot to mention numbing the pain with pot (gave it up but it didn't help) and drinking heavy (gave it up but that didn't help either) - the only solution has been "quit denying yourself and find the resources you need." the current society acceptance and with more and more folks coming out - it is getting easier - and I can't deny the frustrations of the past and wished I lived in an era of acceptance back then - I choose to be BETTER not BITTER about the past - that was my journey and only I could go on the journey.
    • claire1000
      There doesn't have to be a HAHA moment as I said before it was constant hints through childhood that made me feel different from other boys, and my teenage years were a nightmare as I tried the hyper masculine {playing football}way of trying to hide how I really felt which in the sixties would have been looked on with disdain or even thought to be a mental illness. When I was sixteen or so I found a copy of DR Harrry Bengamin's The Transexual Phenomenon  when I read it I cried thinking there was a solution but cried realizing that the chances of me being able to do this was slim and none. Forty  plus years of frustration, and 20 years of drinking alcoholiclly left me little hope for real happiness. What happened when I started HRT wasn't any physical change{they were relatively slow} but just the general feeling of well being of feeling this must be what being a female is, not sure if it was the estrogen finally in me, or the Knowledge that I was on my way but it was if I was walking on a type of cloud nine that the weight of the male world was finally beginning to lift that for me was my HAHA moment.
    • Shay
      I gave up hiding - after 50 years of depression, anxiety , panic attacks, anorexia, multiple therapists and gray market self-HRT - I finally said I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I TRY SUPERVISED HRT AND A GOOD GENDER THERAPIST. And that is what I did - I knew I was trans but denied it all my life asnd the previous therapist knew depression and anxiety but never went to gender dysphoria even when I was caught by my wife using gray market HRT. 
    • Teri Anne
      Sounds awesome Myles97  Post a pic if you want but if you choose not to thats OK too. How the clothes make you feel is the important thing. Went out yesterday looking for a few clothing items and didn't find anything I was looking for but it was nice getting out .
    • Jandi
      While I do look at a certain chain of events, really I find that I am still constantly processing it all.  As time goes by I remember more things in my past.  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had made different choices.  But there's no point in that, since the past is past. And I wonder how much do I break from my past?  How much is just a continuing story?   Sometimes I feel as if I'm still in a holding pattern.  I suspect the covid pandemic has something to do with that. I'm not young, but I don't know where to go from here - it probably won't be far, LOL. Guess I'm just rambling now.
    • Linda Marie
      No turning back. All the dreams come out, now you can't turn back. Now you are face to face with yourself, you think to yourself, what have I done. Where do I go from here?   My no turning back was when I came out. What was yours?  
    • Linda Marie
      Well, when did I know I was in DEEP.... When my sister moved out, she left a lot of clothes. I hit the gold mine! Dresses, panties, hose, the whole nine yards, That is when I knew, I was in DEEP.  
    • Linda Marie
      Gosh, when did I realize I was in deep. Was it the time I dressed upped in my sisters clothes? We shared a bed room back then. Or was it when all I could of think was, I want to wear what's she's wearing?   What woke you up to that  Deep inner person you are today? I gave my hints up there ♥️
    • Dee Jolly
      Hi all! My name is Dee Jolly and I'm a nonbinary researcher at Boston Children's Hospital's Center for Gender Surgery. We're doing an interview study to understand transfeminine people's experiences with needing to discontinue their gender-affirming hormones (particularly estrogen) before a planned surgery and wanted to pass along our information. We are interested in understanding both what it's physically and emotionally like as well as how information is communicated about this process.   We are asking people to participate in a 45-60 minute 1-on-1 interview over Zoom with a member of the research team. People can be located anywhere in the United States or Canada to participate. The audio will be recorded. Participants will only be identified by a pseudonym of their choice to protect anonymity.   To participate, people must be: - Aged 18 years or older - Have been asked to discontinue their gender-affirming hormones (i.e., estrogen) before a planned surgery at a time when they were taking estrogen for a minimum of 12 continuous months (Surgery does not need to be gender-related). - Able to reliably access the internet - Comfortable with having audio recorded (for research purposes only).   For more info and next steps, please email [email protected] or visit cgsresearch.org/estrogen  
    • Linda Marie
      So to finish my dream and outcomes, I hope my story helps those just starting or thinking about coming out. Electrolysis came next, then the meetings, sometimes my wife would take me and read outside, she even baked cake for our meetings. I went through counseling and approved for srs, one thing was in the way...me. I still had obligations to the family. What do I do now? I called HR and my union reps, sent them pictures of me as Linda Yeah that was a rough one. But I had to protect my job. Being a federal employee also helped. We were protected!!!! This is stuff I never DREAMED I would go through.  So now I'm set so what's next. HRT, yes, and approved, also approved for breast implants.  Then I wake up. Why at my age should I go any farther? I have it all as it is, I'm outed to all and free to me at any given time.   As far as the HRT, my doctor who knows all about my lifestyle recommend I not start HRT at my age but he referred  me a plastic surgeon for breast implants, gosh  that was a bright day at the doctor's office. ( will I have them?)  I'm leaning that way. ♥️    
    • Linda Marie
      By now I'm very well known on the circuit and home life has settled. Still the fear in my wife's eyes when I went out.  I had been noticing this for a while now and finally asked her, and she blind sided me again. She told me she was scared I would not come back home, she said, and believe this...I'm scared the -transgender- circus will take you away from me. The -transgender- Circus...never heard that one before she had said it. I had a good laugh, and we both laughed. waking up from a dream I stated calling her every chance I had while I was out as Linda. I mean at least 3 times a night. I kept her up dated, Then.....electrolysis...the the meetings, counseling, ext. And finally where we are at today.  We have been married 45 years now, rain or shine♥️   
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...