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Hi im questioning and I would love to hear some opinions from people.


I-think-im-a-girl1808

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I-think-im-a-girl1808

Hi im a born male and im wondering if maybe im a Girl instead. I never really cared that i have a male body, i dont really know how to discribe it, but i didn't really interest me. But for the past 2 year every time i look at a girl i feel jealous. I have this longing for what they have. The clothes, the Hair, the body, the make-up, being A girl in general. A few weeks ago i let my younger sister paint my nails and it felt so right. It felt like there was this void and it was getting filled. For the first time in my life i felt gorgous.  I dont really know what to do right now. I came out to my parents that in questioning my gender and they told me that i really need to be sure, they seem passive about it. I have Trouble expressing my feelings on the topic with my parents. I could use some insider opinions. And maybe Just chat a little and stuff. I know that was a lot of text. I was just pouring my heart out. 

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Hi, and hugs!

We're in a very similar situation to you -- we've been feeling like wanting to be a woman for a long time; it's just slightly more complicated for us because we have a strong female alternate personality that has been with us for as long as we can remember.  One thing to recommend -- find a good gender therapist and start going to sessions.  Your parents are right, you need to be sure about who you are and what you want before you do anything irreversible, and a gender therapist can help you figure that out for yourself.  If you feel like you want to see what you can do on your own, we've had 'My (new) Gender Workbook' by Kate Bornstein recommended to us.  We're working through it, and talking to a therapist, and both seem like they're helping.

 

Welcome to the site, we hope that you find it useful and make new friends here!

 

RachelSB

 

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Hello! Thanks for pouring your heart out. Questioning your gender can be a scary thing to get to grips with, but the fact that you have already told your parents is a great start, it takes a lot of soul searching and a lot of honesty to find out where you fit. As Rachel has suggested the first thing anyone here would recommend is seeking counselling or therapy from a professional qualified with LGBT+ issues who will let you voice your questions and concerns without judgement or hostility. I would also suggest taking some time to read through the threads here as there may be some topics that jump out at you, if you don't see something just ask, there is a LOT of knowledge floating around here! :) 

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Hi! I think it's really great you have the ability to talk to your parents about it and are open to figuring it all out.  It sounds like your younger (I'm 54 so most people are to me). The nice thing is you have lots of time to explore this.  Yes-gender/LBGT+ therapist is so important.  Not only for being able to express your thoughts but they can help you discover some deeper thoughts/feelings by challenging you to explore certain things you may not have been conscious of or burying.  

Some things people do early are trying on clothes in a safe space, learning makeup or doing your nails like you did.  See how it feels. Explore those feelings.  The therapist can help you explore the "why" did it make you feel a certain way which can help give you some clarity.  

Bounce around the forums, ask questions. Everyone here is super supportive.

 

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

Salutations!

 

Yes, absolutely be sure about what you need. That's a good instinct. Transitioning is all about figuring out what you need to do to feel comfortable in your own body. Maybe that's presenting as a woman on weekends. Maybe it's full transition with all the surgeries. Maybe it's any number of steps between. The important thing is your comfort.

 

Now, as other people have said, a gender therapist will be able to help you figure out what's right for you. If you want to do anything besides dress, WPATH standards say you need a doctor's note from one anyway, so you may as well start a relationship sooner rather than later. We can give you advice and support, but the heavy lifting is going to be you and a professional.

 

So yeah, welcome to Transgenderpulse! We're glad you're here. Please feel free to join the discussion and ask whatever questions come to mind!

 

Hugs!

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Welcome, @I-think-im-a-girl1808, it's nice to meet you and I'm happy you've joined the community here at Trans Pulse. As the others have already said, this is an amazingly supportive community and you'll be in wonderful company here while you are at this stage in your journey. I also agree with everyone that connecting with a gender therapist is a great thing to do. That person can help you process your thoughts and feelings around your identity and expression and be an essential ally if you do take steps to transition medically or legally. I also wanted to share that I relate very much to those feelings of envy, and the elation when I took steps to express my femininity. I look forward to getting to know you better!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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Welcome @I-think-im-a-girl1808

I worked through Kate Bornstein's  'My (new) Gender Workbook' when I was trying to figure myself out.  She has an unusual approach.  It was interesting, and kinda fun with the pirates and all.

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  • 1 month later...
Mary Jane

well I haven't tried much to figure out my gender because i couldn't but don't try to rush it ive been questioning for about 1 and a half year now but ive tried changing pronouns and name and i like girl ones more and yea dont do anything thats big like surgeries till you know enough that its what you want but it might never be 100% even when you do it, so yea try things out first clothes, makeup, painting your nails. and hey its your choice even your choice for what gender you are, and for 

On 1/15/2021 at 6:44 AM, I-think-im-a-girl1808 said:

im a born male and im wondering if maybe im a Girl instead. I never really cared that i have a male body

im wondering it for me too, but i also dont really care that im physically a boy except maybe my voice

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Well, It does initiate some permanent changes.  So…

For me it was an "are you really serious about this?" moment.

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  • Forum Moderator
10 hours ago, Shawnster said:

I'm on the threshold of HRT... and I'm having some doubts..... is this normal????

 

Yes.

 

However, as my endo kept saying, the changes are completely reversible. You can afford to dip your toe in for a bit before you commit.

 

Hugs!

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10 hours ago, Jandi said:

Well, It does initiate some permanent changes.

 

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

However, as my endo kept saying, the changes are completely reversible.

 

These appear to be opposite opinions.  Which is more true?  I assume both are true to an extent.  Elsewhere I've read that the changes are permanent.

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Hi @LaurenA, not conflicting - time is a major factor in the permanence so a month or 2 won't make much difference but stopping after 6 years would.

Fat distribution and body hair growth will revert somewhat but the other changes may never go back fully, so you could find yourself infertile with pronounced moobs if you stop after your body has redistributed things.

Always research the effects and possible side effects before agreeing to take any medication and know why you want to go on it.

Perhaps watch detransition videos to make sure you understand that transitioning does not solve other underlying mental health issues and watch transition/hrt timelines while understanding makeup and filters can do a lot of magic.

 

Personally I have already had a vasectomy and children so fertility is not a big deal, I have had zero sex life for the better part of 15 yrs and so the package shrinkage is not a big deal for me personally - it is only by realising how protective cis men are of theirs (discussing GRS with a friend that asked how it was done) that I realised how little I cared about mine lol, and given how I have mistreated my body with food due to not caring about it my moobs are already more pronounced.

 

I am trading slightly decreased prostate cancer risks for slightly increased breast cancer risks but the benefits are that I hate my body hair, I already feel like I am emotionally stunted and want to be more connected and expressive with myself which is one of the big unquantifiable things I have read about and hope to experience, the "rightness" of finally having the correct hormones. My dad gut will become a mum tum.

I am also at a stage where HRT is not central to my need or intention to transition but will absolutely help me fit in better and improve my quality of life with how I intend to live anyway.

Not everyone who transitions can go on HRT or wants or needs the surgery due to other conditions or personal reasons. So know why you do for either. Hope this helps, it was a bit longer than I intended :) 

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Thanks @Dee Dee.  That does clear it up for me.  I guess I'm going to have to have a long talk with a trans-friendly oncologist.

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8 hours ago, DeeDee said:

Hi @LaurenA, not conflicting - time is a major factor in the permanence so a month or 2 won't make much difference but stopping after 6 years would.

 

17 hours ago, Jandi said:

Well, It does initiate some permanent changes.

The operative word her is initiates.  It can take quite awhile, there are a lot of factors - age, your genetics, etc.

As much as we might want it to go quicker, that's not how it works for most of us.  

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@I-think-im-a-girl1808 Glad you are here and you will find many who are like you and experience similar thoughts and questions. You will find helpful advice and things to think about and add questions anytime one occurs to you and you will find hope and joy as you continue you unique journey. 

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