Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hi im questioning and I would love to hear some opinions from people.


I-think-im-a-girl1808

Recommended Posts

I-think-im-a-girl1808

Hi im a born male and im wondering if maybe im a Girl instead. I never really cared that i have a male body, i dont really know how to discribe it, but i didn't really interest me. But for the past 2 year every time i look at a girl i feel jealous. I have this longing for what they have. The clothes, the Hair, the body, the make-up, being A girl in general. A few weeks ago i let my younger sister paint my nails and it felt so right. It felt like there was this void and it was getting filled. For the first time in my life i felt gorgous.  I dont really know what to do right now. I came out to my parents that in questioning my gender and they told me that i really need to be sure, they seem passive about it. I have Trouble expressing my feelings on the topic with my parents. I could use some insider opinions. And maybe Just chat a little and stuff. I know that was a lot of text. I was just pouring my heart out. 

Link to post

Hi, and hugs!

We're in a very similar situation to you -- we've been feeling like wanting to be a woman for a long time; it's just slightly more complicated for us because we have a strong female alternate personality that has been with us for as long as we can remember.  One thing to recommend -- find a good gender therapist and start going to sessions.  Your parents are right, you need to be sure about who you are and what you want before you do anything irreversible, and a gender therapist can help you figure that out for yourself.  If you feel like you want to see what you can do on your own, we've had 'My (new) Gender Workbook' by Kate Bornstein recommended to us.  We're working through it, and talking to a therapist, and both seem like they're helping.

 

Welcome to the site, we hope that you find it useful and make new friends here!

 

RachelSB

 

Link to post

Hello! Thanks for pouring your heart out. Questioning your gender can be a scary thing to get to grips with, but the fact that you have already told your parents is a great start, it takes a lot of soul searching and a lot of honesty to find out where you fit. As Rachel has suggested the first thing anyone here would recommend is seeking counselling or therapy from a professional qualified with LGBT+ issues who will let you voice your questions and concerns without judgement or hostility. I would also suggest taking some time to read through the threads here as there may be some topics that jump out at you, if you don't see something just ask, there is a LOT of knowledge floating around here! :) 

Link to post

Hi! I think it's really great you have the ability to talk to your parents about it and are open to figuring it all out.  It sounds like your younger (I'm 54 so most people are to me). The nice thing is you have lots of time to explore this.  Yes-gender/LBGT+ therapist is so important.  Not only for being able to express your thoughts but they can help you discover some deeper thoughts/feelings by challenging you to explore certain things you may not have been conscious of or burying.  

Some things people do early are trying on clothes in a safe space, learning makeup or doing your nails like you did.  See how it feels. Explore those feelings.  The therapist can help you explore the "why" did it make you feel a certain way which can help give you some clarity.  

Bounce around the forums, ask questions. Everyone here is super supportive.

 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

Salutations!

 

Yes, absolutely be sure about what you need. That's a good instinct. Transitioning is all about figuring out what you need to do to feel comfortable in your own body. Maybe that's presenting as a woman on weekends. Maybe it's full transition with all the surgeries. Maybe it's any number of steps between. The important thing is your comfort.

 

Now, as other people have said, a gender therapist will be able to help you figure out what's right for you. If you want to do anything besides dress, WPATH standards say you need a doctor's note from one anyway, so you may as well start a relationship sooner rather than later. We can give you advice and support, but the heavy lifting is going to be you and a professional.

 

So yeah, welcome to Transgenderpulse! We're glad you're here. Please feel free to join the discussion and ask whatever questions come to mind!

 

Hugs!

Link to post

Welcome, @I-think-im-a-girl1808, it's nice to meet you and I'm happy you've joined the community here at Trans Pulse. As the others have already said, this is an amazingly supportive community and you'll be in wonderful company here while you are at this stage in your journey. I also agree with everyone that connecting with a gender therapist is a great thing to do. That person can help you process your thoughts and feelings around your identity and expression and be an essential ally if you do take steps to transition medically or legally. I also wanted to share that I relate very much to those feelings of envy, and the elation when I took steps to express my femininity. I look forward to getting to know you better!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to post

Welcome @I-think-im-a-girl1808

I worked through Kate Bornstein's  'My (new) Gender Workbook' when I was trying to figure myself out.  She has an unusual approach.  It was interesting, and kinda fun with the pirates and all.

Link to post
  • 1 month later...
Mary Jane

well I haven't tried much to figure out my gender because i couldn't but don't try to rush it ive been questioning for about 1 and a half year now but ive tried changing pronouns and name and i like girl ones more and yea dont do anything thats big like surgeries till you know enough that its what you want but it might never be 100% even when you do it, so yea try things out first clothes, makeup, painting your nails. and hey its your choice even your choice for what gender you are, and for 

On 1/15/2021 at 6:44 AM, I-think-im-a-girl1808 said:

im a born male and im wondering if maybe im a Girl instead. I never really cared that i have a male body

im wondering it for me too, but i also dont really care that im physically a boy except maybe my voice

Link to post
Shawnster

I'm on the threshold of HRT... and I'm having some doubts..... is this normal????

Link to post

Well, It does initiate some permanent changes.  So…

For me it was an "are you really serious about this?" moment.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
10 hours ago, Shawnster said:

I'm on the threshold of HRT... and I'm having some doubts..... is this normal????

 

Yes.

 

However, as my endo kept saying, the changes are completely reversible. You can afford to dip your toe in for a bit before you commit.

 

Hugs!

Link to post
10 hours ago, Jandi said:

Well, It does initiate some permanent changes.

 

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

However, as my endo kept saying, the changes are completely reversible.

 

These appear to be opposite opinions.  Which is more true?  I assume both are true to an extent.  Elsewhere I've read that the changes are permanent.

Link to post

Hi @LaurenA, not conflicting - time is a major factor in the permanence so a month or 2 won't make much difference but stopping after 6 years would.

Fat distribution and body hair growth will revert somewhat but the other changes may never go back fully, so you could find yourself infertile with pronounced moobs if you stop after your body has redistributed things.

Always research the effects and possible side effects before agreeing to take any medication and know why you want to go on it.

Perhaps watch detransition videos to make sure you understand that transitioning does not solve other underlying mental health issues and watch transition/hrt timelines while understanding makeup and filters can do a lot of magic.

 

Personally I have already had a vasectomy and children so fertility is not a big deal, I have had zero sex life for the better part of 15 yrs and so the package shrinkage is not a big deal for me personally - it is only by realising how protective cis men are of theirs (discussing GRS with a friend that asked how it was done) that I realised how little I cared about mine lol, and given how I have mistreated my body with food due to not caring about it my moobs are already more pronounced.

 

I am trading slightly decreased prostate cancer risks for slightly increased breast cancer risks but the benefits are that I hate my body hair, I already feel like I am emotionally stunted and want to be more connected and expressive with myself which is one of the big unquantifiable things I have read about and hope to experience, the "rightness" of finally having the correct hormones. My dad gut will become a mum tum.

I am also at a stage where HRT is not central to my need or intention to transition but will absolutely help me fit in better and improve my quality of life with how I intend to live anyway.

Not everyone who transitions can go on HRT or wants or needs the surgery due to other conditions or personal reasons. So know why you do for either. Hope this helps, it was a bit longer than I intended :) 

Link to post

Thanks @Dee Dee.  That does clear it up for me.  I guess I'm going to have to have a long talk with a trans-friendly oncologist.

Link to post
8 hours ago, DeeDee said:

Hi @LaurenA, not conflicting - time is a major factor in the permanence so a month or 2 won't make much difference but stopping after 6 years would.

 

17 hours ago, Jandi said:

Well, It does initiate some permanent changes.

The operative word her is initiates.  It can take quite awhile, there are a lot of factors - age, your genetics, etc.

As much as we might want it to go quicker, that's not how it works for most of us.  

Link to post

@I-think-im-a-girl1808 Glad you are here and you will find many who are like you and experience similar thoughts and questions. You will find helpful advice and things to think about and add questions anytime one occurs to you and you will find hope and joy as you continue you unique journey. 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 23 Guests (See full list)

    • Susan R
    • Petra Jane
    • Kasumi63
    • Pumela
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      73,381
    • Total Posts
      675,904
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,177
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Dawn W.
    Newest Member
    Dawn W.
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alex.G
      Alex.G
    2. GurlinCanton
      GurlinCanton
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Kasumi63
      Yeah, it’s International Women’s Day! (I’m in Japan, so I might be a day head of you.) Let’s celebrate the diversity of women and fight for a society where all women can pursue their dreams!   https://www.internationalwomensday.com   Be sure to page down and listen to “Choose to Challenge” by Anita Nandaula”!
    • Kasumi63
      So what do I hope people (especially transgender people and loving partners) learn from my story?     First, about communication.  Many people emphasize the importance of communication, and of course, I agree with those comments. However, I also think it’s important to consider the conditions that make free and open communication possible.  I think the most important condition is that both people feel SAFE to tell the truth. If telling the truth means being abandoned and cut off, few people will have the courage to do so. This is precisely why coming out is so painful and difficult for transgender people. And I don’t recommend that people come out—unless they have a safe place to land in the event of not being accepted. Just saying, “Let’s have a discussion,” even in a calm and loving voice, doesn’t cut it. You need to let the person know that they’ll be safe regardless of how things turn out. Of course, this cuts both ways.   Second, about third party support. Related to what I said about communication, I think each party should find an independent friend, relative, or counselor, to whom they can talk about the relationship. This is so they’ll feel safer to be more honest with their partner. I have to admit that this is one reason my wife and I have had such a hard time, neither of us have any really close friends to confide in.   Third, about self-knowledge. Some people, such as my wife, can and do give very straight answers to just about any question about their feelings and beliefs. To be honest, I am somewhat in awe of such people. Are you happy? Do you think you’re female? Are you homosexual or straight? Why are you like this? Though I’ve gotten much, much better, I’ve found most of these questions to be impossible to answer, and confusing in the extreme. Needless to say, self-knowledge is important, and perhaps another important prerequisite to good communication, but at the same time, I don’t think human beings can be reduced to simple, straightforward answers all the time. So, even though you might just want a straight answer to a simple question, the person might not even have such an answer.   Fourth, about eliciting answers. This is where communication gets really tricky. In speaking with my wife, I often used to think to myself, “What does she want me to say.” Or, “What answer would make her happy?“ Or even, “What would be the best answer to this question?” But then I would get confused and puzzled. Now I can hear everyone saying, “Kasumi, what the hell are you doing?! You shouldn’t be trying to tell the person what they want to hear; you should just be honest and answer as best you can!” I know this, but as someone who mostly confused about her own feelings, and very sensitive to how the other person feels, trying to response to their feelings often seems more honest, than not. To summarize all this, I doubt many people are as bad as me about this, but I suspect that all communication is distorted by this type of dynamic. In fact, it’s hard to even be conscious of it, but empathy and strong feelings inevitably shape all communication.   I’m afraid this has turned into another rambling note, and I suppose you can summarize all this by simply saying, that while communication is important, it’s also extremely complex and has many pitfalls. Which brings me to my final point.   Fifth, about love and respect. As I mentioned above, I think humbly treating the other person with respect is the most important thing in moving forward. I admire how the original poster (myt10) has such a deep respect for her partner. Her humble admission of “being so selfish,” when she clearly is being the opposite, almost made me want to cry. She just wants to feel safe—like we all do. I agree with what other people wrote that in his essence and in his attitude toward you, he won’t change, but I also feel pretty sure that some things are certain to change in your relationship. However, if you both treat each other with love and respect, you have nothing to fear. It’s scary, maybe even terrifying, but I hope can also feel excited and thrilled about all the new possibilities.    Please be brave and try your best to continue to be understanding and respectful of your partner! If you both can be that way, you will certainly have a wonderful adventure together. And part of an adventure is not knowing how it will turn out, while knowing it almost certainly will be something worthy of the love you’re willing to share!   I’m sending love and warm wishes from Japan—as I continue on a scary adventure of my own!
    • Pumela
    • Red_Lauren.
      Me deciding on going in to nails was purely a accident. I got my first set over the summer, and with me being hands on. It intrested me. I don't know what I would have done other wise. Retail, and food bores me. I left the manufacturing world. After being around it my whole life. Because it destroyed me body. I even was going to school for engineering at one point. I was good at it, but it really bored me, and I couldn't see my self sitting at a computer all day. 
    • KymmieL
      I am more girly than my wife. She is a tomboy.   Well my son came into the store and finally seen me in my new shirt. Of course he starts in at home, Kim possible and other BS I just ignored him. Don't know if he told my wife. If he did She hasn't brought it up.   Hope to find some info tomorrow on the transfer. Even news on the possibility of leaving would be something.   Got the bike out today. Felt good to ride again. Even if it was around town.   Kymmie
    • Kasumi63
      I bet you’re excited! Congratulations! Even if there are some painful moments, you’ll get through it! I wish you all the best!
    • Kasumi63
      Hi, myt10,  Valfole, Kay-san, and everyone else on this thread!   I have a very loving relationship with my wife, but we have been struggling with this issue for about ten years now. I just had GCS (a week ago!), and we are very close to finding a pretty happy resolution. However, this has been a long road with lots of struggles along the way, so I hope those of you here can learn from my experience, just as I can surely learn from you.   Without going into too much history, just let me explain that my wife is Japanese and we communicate in the Japanese language. We’ve been married for about twelve years, and for most of this time, I have been struggling with dysphoria and my gender identity. For a couple of years, I kept this hidden—not meaning to deceive but simply because I was struggling to make sense of everything myself. Eventually, however, it became more obvious to her what was going on—and she basically hit the roof. She used to barrage me with questions, and ultimatums, asking about my sexual orientation, gender, motivations, etc. And whenever she did, I completely shut down. I know I am fault here, too, but I simply could not share my deepest, mixed up feelings, knowing that it would mean the end of our relationship. Partly, it was because I honestly couldn’t answer all her blunt questions in the direct way she wanted; partly, it was because I was terrified of being rejected, especially knowing that I would not survive being abandoned, and also because I am extremely fond of her. Sometimes, months would go by and we’d be as happy as can be, and then something would set her off, and she would start lecturing me for hours (and I do mean hours) while I would just listen passively in silence. To be fair, from her perspective, she was struggling to communicate and just wanted answers. But from my perspective, I didn’t feel safe, confident, or secure enough to reply. On those rare occasions when I did reply, the result was more questions that would confuse me even more, leading to another shut down. Sometimes, I would try to stop dressing or transitioning for our relationship, but those efforts would never last long. Basically, she wanted me to choose between transitioning and her, and that was an impossible choice for me, so I kept wavering back and forth. There is no way I will abandon her, but I also can’t stop being my female self.   I think here I need to pause and comment about our sexual relationship. I know this is a difficult subject for everyone—and there is a ton of diverse here—but it’s obviously important for couples, if they want to clarify their relationship. As for me, I’m almost as confused on this topic as I have been about my sexual identity and orientation. Basically, when I was a man, I felt exclusively attracted to women, but what has become very clear to me over many years is that that attraction was more of an identifying with than an attraction to in the normal sense of the word. In other words, I’ve wanted to look and be like the women I’ve been with, if that makes any sense. On the other hand, whenever I was dressed as a woman, I mainly felt attracted to men and nothing excited me more than having a man be attracted to me. These were the times that I most felt like myself. For about ten years now, we haven’t had a sexual relationship at all.   And yet we love each other. Apart from this issue, we get along great. We share many of the same interests, thoroughly enjoy being with other, travel together, etc. I guess you can say we are the closest of friends. Still, there has been this gender issue, and as I’ve very slowly proceeded with my transition, the issue has become more and more difficult to ignore. And then everything came to a head when I started taking hormones—and she found them. Of course, she initially got upset, but I think something broke for her, too, and she started researching and reading up on transgender issues. At the same time, she also made up her mind to support me, instead of resisting. This in turn made it easier for me to open up, and I have gained even more respect for her. The past couple of years we have been moving forward more positively. Last year, I came out to my place of work, and last week I had GCS. I have my own apartment, but spend weekends and other times here with her. We also chat online everyday without fail. I may move back in with her in the future, but I don’t know.    I suppose another important issue in this that many people don’t like to talk about is finances, but this also has a huge impact on relationships. Luckily, I have been blessed with a great job that pays well. My wife has a decent job, but probably not enough to live where we live now. Anyway, I am determined to take care of her to the end, and she has made up her mind to be emotionally supportive and friends with me.   We will probably be getting divorced soon, maybe even this month. If you’ve read this far, you might be surprised to hear that, and I think most people think of divorce as an absolute end, but I don’t, and I don’t think my wife does either. However, this will be a big change. Obviously, she won’t be able to think of me as her husband any more (that’s been slowly changing anyway), and I won’t be able to think of her as my wife. A big reason for our decision (and it’s a negative one) is Japanese law. Here in Japan, same-sex marriage is illegal; consequently, it’s illegal to change one’s gender while being married. In other words, for me to legally become female, we have to get divorced. (I acquired Japanese citizenship many years ago.)   So what will the future bring for us? I honestly don’t know. We’re both in our fifties, and nearing retirement, and we’re both pretty down on the idea of marrying again. However, she might find someone and fall in love, and I might, too. Personally, I would love to have a boyfriend, but I don’t know if I can make any commitments. My wife seems to be the same way. Of course, I want her to be happy more than anything, and I deeply respect her for supporting me, even if it’s taken some time for her to get to this point. I will be moving to an apartment that’s very close by, and she will stay in our condo, and I do not doubt that we will stay as close friends.   Conclusions? Message of the story? I think there are many, but this has gotten way too long, so I’ll leave that for a follow up post. For now, I’ll just say that if you love and respect each other, you have nothing to fear moving foward.    
    • Aurora
      First off, I am getting really excited.  45 days and counting till April 21st for my GCS.   Then also, when I had my major surgery on my stomach area back in early 2009 for cancer.  I found that just holding a pillow over my stomach area really helped out with pain when I sneezed or cough.
    • Myles97
      Thank you so much for that!! ❤️
    • Jamie68
      Well you should have known better than to challenge her womanhood. You probably would have responded the same.   I love that you two can share. I don't know if my wife would be so accommodating.   I normally didn't have to shave for 2 days. Tomorrow I'm going to try out my electrolysis machine. It's been about a week since I pulled all my face hairs. About half of them are 1/4" long now. The instructions say that it only works well on new growth.
    • 2beBreanna
      @ElizabethStar Sounds like you finally have support from your wife. That's great!  I've tried saying I am more girl than my wife once..well.. it did not end good.  That was one of the few times we had negative conversations about me being trans.     Today we went out with her mother to some stores looking for yard decor mostly.  We ended up going to an outlet mall that had a Vera Bradley store. I fell in love with on of their new patterns and so did my wife.  I tried getting a backpack purse. That was shot down but we ended up with a cute regular style purse we will share.     I keep my arms and legs shaved all the time.  My face is my biggest concern.  The hair grows slowly so if I try to shave daily it looks bad cause I can't get a close shave.  So I end up having to wait at least 3 days but then it's a little longer and can't stand stubble for those days.  I decided to wait on laser or anything until hrt has an effect on hair growth.  Hoping it will lessen the amount of sessions needed.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I like the statement; very definitive.  Took 'em long enough.    Carolyn Marie
    • ElizabethStar
      I did what I could to clean up my story.   What started my trigger was a motorcycle accident. I broke my back and fractured my knee. It was just an off-chance I was wearing a helmet. I usually didn't and it saved my life. After that self abuse became my normal. Years later my migraines started to get the best of me. To the point my Dr. swore I had a stroke. They tested me for everything but found nothing except migraines, lots of migraines. I was put on meds for them. Although it didn't do much for my headaches but I did started to feel more feminine. After a couple of months I realized I had been thinking about my gender identity for years. Then one day it hit me. It was like like a computer had been running a calculation for 40 years and finally got an answer. I'm a girl. I didn't know if or what I could do with this new information but I had my answer. I tried to tell myself I was too old and emotionally messed up to transition. It didn't help the girl wanted out. Eventually things came crashing down and I tried to delete myself. It's just by a miracle I'm still here. That night I promised myself I would set aside my fears, be strong and accept my true self. Since then I quit drinking, smoking and have been taking better care of myself. Even my migraines are gone now. I really wish I would've done this sooner but I'm here now and that all that really matters.
    • Mmindy
      Looks great Linda, I'm with @Jackie C.on this, you've out dressed most people at Walmart.    Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Kasumi63
      For many years, I have been going to a Japanese snack bar (a quaint karaoke bar) where I’ve been dressing up for years. I’ve worn Lolita fashion dresses, a sexy kimono dress, and other interesting outfits. Although I was a regular customer, other customers, especially the non-regulars, often mistook me for a hostess and would call me to their tables. Of course, I always played along! Anyway, I think my most popular outfit was my AKB48 (Japanese girl idol group) outfit. (See my photo below.) Whenever I wore this outfit, customers would urge me to sing a AKB48 song, so I learned a couple. That always got people dancing. Unfortunately, I don’t have the outfit anymore. (I wore it so often that it just got too worn out!) By the way, I haven’t been to this great snack for over a year now, because of COVID-19, and I have been transitioning in the meantime, so I think everyone will be quite surprised when they see me again! I can’t wait!  If you’re ever in Okinawa, you absolutely have to come here, so let me know, and I’ll bring you!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...