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I'm Terrified of Starting HRT!


Ellie Jean

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Ellie Jean

Okay, so, I've been seeing a gender therapist since late August; maybe early September, and before that I'd been struggling with my gender identity for over a year, (well, technically my whole life, but I didn't figure out what it was specifically until a year or so ago.) So, a couple months in, my therapist said I should set up an appointment with his go-to HRT person, and I did, and it went okay, but I had to quit smoking before she'd go anywhere near me with hormones lol. So, the past few months, I've been struggling with my various addictions, (I'm a chain-smoking alcoholic pothead.) I have quit them all off and on, but I'm currently "on" again as I puff anxiously on a cigarette as I type this. 

So, a couple of days ago, I made another appointment with the HRT person, telling the receptionist that I've quit smoking and all that, (LIE lmao), but don't worry, I'm not going on HRT before quitting; this is part of my plan to make me STAY clean and sober because I need the FEAR lol. I was able to quit all substance abuse for over a month after having all four of my wisdom teeth ripped out of my skull, and the reason I was able to, is because the dentist person told me sucking cigarettes could dislodge the blood clot, and drinking booze could disintegrate the blood clot; both resulting in dry socket, which is a whole new brand of pain I've never experienced before, (and never plan to), which would restart the healing process all over again, and I have a MAJOR dental phobia, in addition to an overall medical phobia in general. So I successfully quit all substance abuse until I was healed up. Then I was stupid enough to start again afterwards instead of staying quit.

ALL THAT SAID, lol, I made an appointment with the goal of getting hormones for a two-fold reason this time; 1.) I'm pretty sure I'd rather be a girl than a boy, and 2.) With the ever-present risk of developing a blood clot and dying, I'll be able to stay quit forever instead of this constant binge/relapse cycle I've been stuck in; FEAR has clearly been the best motivator for me lol.

But now I'm experiencing a different kinda fear that I experienced a bit the first appointment, but not to this degree; the fear of finally transitioning for real. 

For those who have started HRT, how terrified were you when you were going in? I've been so sure of myself up until this point, but now I'm worried I might be making a huge mistake or something and it's driving me nuts; part of me wants to just give up on the whole thing, but I dunno if I'd be able to live with myself forever wondering what could have been. Up until recently I've always been able to rationalize the fear away by telling myself I can always de-transition later if I find I just can't live with being a girl, and that still helps to tell myself that, as well as researching possible evidence of reincarnation lmao, so like, even if it doesn't all work out it's not like the end of the world or anything, so why am I so freaked out???

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Jackie C.

For me... no fear at all. I was more afraid that my health issues at the time would keep me from being able to get HRT. It was something I both wanted and needed. The idea that the abuse I'd done to my body while I was trying to self-terminate would keep me from my goal? That was terrifying.

On the other hand, the desire to stay on HRT... no matter what... has motivated a whole host of positive lifestyle changes. I've dropped 100 pounds. I've cut caffeine and sugar out of my diet. Well, mostly on the sugar thing. it's EVERYWHERE. The point being that my diet is much better. I exercise five days a week for a good three to four hours (I have a tragic case of white-girl butt that I'm trying to correct) and just generally take care of myself better.

It's funny the kinds of lifestyle changes you can make, and how easy it is to do, when you don't hate yourself anymore.

 

Hugs!

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Ellie Jean
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

For me... no fear at all. I was more afraid that my health issues at the time would keep me from being able to get HRT. It was something I both wanted and needed. The idea that the abuse I'd done to my body while I was trying to self-terminate would keep me from my goal? That was terrifying.

On the other hand, the desire to stay on HRT... no matter what... has motivated a whole host of positive lifestyle changes. I've dropped 100 pounds. I've cut caffeine and sugar out of my diet. Well, mostly on the sugar thing. it's EVERYWHERE. The point being that my diet is much better. I exercise five days a week for a good three to four hours (I have a tragic case of white-girl butt that I'm trying to correct) and just generally take care of myself better.

It's funny the kinds of lifestyle changes you can make, and how easy it is to do, when you don't hate yourself anymore.

 

Hugs!


Thanks for sharing! Your experience actually helps; maybe not so much in dealing with my fear, but in that it provides better things to focus on instead of fear lol. I've done a whole crap ton of research on all things HRT and transgender issues in general, and the positive changes that happen from transitioning were one of the main things that attracted me to the idea. Getting clean and sober being near the top of the list for me lol; I could definitely relate with your statement about the fear revolving around the abuse you'd done to your body, perhaps in a different way, (or perhaps in exactly the same ways for all I know lol.)

I've also thought about all the diet and lifestyle changes I'd need to make in order to mitigate all the risks I've found associated with HRT, which fortunately all appear to be able to be mitigated with a proper diet and exercise program, which I really oughta be doing already anyway lol; I'm a couch potato who isolates in my bedroom playing video games, disappearing into books and movies, while eating junk food, drinking booze, chain-smoking Marlboro cigarettes, all the while smoking like half a bag of dope a day lmao. "The Picture of Health" I am certainly NOT lol. 🤣

Could be worse though I suppose. I'm twenty-six (day after tomorrow), and given my current lifestyle, I should probably be way heavier, but I'm pretty much skin and bone; a bit muscular too due to years of firefighting; big legs, wirey upper body lol; I call it "kangaroo physique". We had to run with heavy loads, and we also burned a lot of calories...no pun intended lol. I also had a physical not too long ago; the first one I've had in like, a decade lmao, (Remember that medical phobia I was talkin' about lol? I hate doctors and hospitals. Friggin' hate 'em lmao. 😅) And according the doctors, I'm in perfect health somehow lol. 5'9", 155 pounds, (a little underweight), with no STDs, no tumors, no cancer, no nerve damage, no NOTHIN'. I looked confused as hell. Told them, "Well...I guess I'd better start practicing safer sex from now on! ...Like, now that I know I'm not DOOMED!" lol, they got a kick outta that. They also seemed a little surprised that I wasn't dying as the result of my unhealthy, sedentary, substance-abusing lifestyle lol.

Still though, I really do need to knock off a lotta nasty habits lol. I'm probably not going to be so lucky as soon as I start hitting middle-age. Oh, I also have a fear of getting older. I'm scared of like, everything😝

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Timber Wolf

Hi Ellie Jean,

Having had much experience with substance abuse in my lifetime, the thing my life experience has taught me is that regular use of substances, including alcohol, marijuana, and nicotine will catch up to one sooner or later. You mentioned you're afraid of aging. These substances will tend to accelerate the aging process, and become a drain on your health. Sort of like a boxer who stays in the ring too long. The punches taken add up and cause permanent damage. So does substance abuse. Just my experience speaking here.

 

Lots of love,

Timber wolf🐾

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Hi Ellie Jean, it's nice to meet you and welcome to the forums.

 

Anxiety is very natural, and especially at the early stage of the journey where you are today. I recall my anxiety surrounding hormones very well, and relate well to how fear controlled my life. For me, fear kept me in the closet denying my identity for years, until last year's pandemic lockdowns gave me the push I needed to move forward. Like you, I tried to cope with the hardships gender dysphoria caused through some of the very same harmful behavior you describe, like drinking and eating poorly. I also read about all the possible negative effects and was convinced all of them would happen to me and I would die of pulmonary embolism within the first week. When I met with my doctor to discuss HRT, I specifically sought out a transgender-friendly provider and I must have spent an hour or more asking her questions (probably even repeating some of them in my anxiety). She was so patient with me and so when I finally did start, I felt confident that I was making the right choice. Now, it's four months later and I have zero regrets.

 

So, the question I would suggest you consider is, what are your goals with starting HRT? Reflecting on that will help guide you to make the right decision for you. The other thing to keep in mind is that you're working with medical professionals who will support you while on HRT and monitor for any adverse effects from it.

 

About lifestyle changes, I agree with @Jackie C., once I started down the path of transition and found my motivation there, I found the clouds of depression lifting and it was far easier than it had ever been to take charge of my health. It's easy to be self-critical about choices we've made in the past that we wish we hadn't. Depression often brings us to focus on those and fuels a vicious cycle. While the best time to have made those changes would have been when we were younger, the second best time is today. It's never too late!

 

Anyway, I hope these thoughts are helpful. I'm glad you've joined us here and I look forward to getting to know you better. Happy early birthday too!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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KathyLauren

Hi, Ellie Jean.  Nice to meet you!

 

You ask why you are so freaked out?  You said the answer yourself: fear is a powerful motivator.  There is always fear when stepping into the unknown.

 

I knew that transition was what I needed, but I still had a lot of fear over people's potential reactions.  Mostly my wife's.  I knew that I could not begin to transition without talking to her first, and I was worried how that would go.  What got me through it was harnessing another fear: the fear of going into old age (I started this at age 62!) never getting to know the real me.  That thought scared the crap out of me, and gave me the motivation that I needed.

 

As it turned out, my wife was supportive, and all my neighbours are accepting, so the fear has melted away.  I am four years on HRT (anniversary next week), and almost a year post-op, and I love the freedom to be myself, after sixty years of denial. 

 

You can do this!  Lean on us for the support you need.

 

Regards,

Kathy

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   I was filled with fear about facing the world as myself.  For some time substance abuse eased that fear(dutch courage). Guilt ,fear and shame came back quickly.  My substance abuse became overpowering for me over time.  In my case it was a slow slide into the hell of addiction.  When i realized i couldn't quit i just gave up and wanted death.  It certainly seems you haven't reached that level but if you decide to quit and need help please do take a look at the alcohol abuse forum here.

  I was sober when i transitioned.  I don't think i could have gone full time while using.  The support i found while finding sobriety helped me.  

  Finding this site and talking to my therapist helped as well.  I'm glad you found us.  I know i was scared and perhaps recall feel that.  It gets better with each step.  You are not alone on the path.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

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Jackie C.
2 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

Oh, I also have a fear of getting older. I'm scared of like, everything.

 

Well, I'm terrified of heights (ladders are an absolute no go) so... the Fire Fighter thing would never have worked out for me.

 

Similar poor lifestyle choices. I got away with them through my twenties too. I never drank (alcohol does nothing for me) or smoked (asthma), but I went to work then came home to video games and junk food. I was trying to neglect myself to death. Fairly physical job then too. I spent the first couple of hours running around with reel to reel tapes (like you see in old sci-fi movies) then a couple of hours running around with medium-heavy boxes (which I was NOT lifting properly). The rest of my shift was reading books.

I kind of miss that job actually. The, "I'm being paid to read books for half my shift?" element was pretty sweet.

 

Hugs!

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Despite wanting HRT so bad I was apprehensive as I knew it involved a serious change to my physiology.  Obviously I calmed down because this is what I wanted.  Fear is a great motivator and if thats what it takes to stay on course, so be it. 

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2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

The, "I'm being paid to read books for half my shift?" element was pretty sweet.

 

 

I know the feeling.  I once had a job where they paid me to watch TV.

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Ellie Jean

Thanks so much for the input everyone; helps to know that it's probably normal to be scared of starting HRT and that it'd probably be weird if didn't have a bunch of doubts and fears about it lmao.

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1 hour ago, Ellie Jean said:

T it'd probably be weird if didn't have a bunch of doubts and fears about it lmao.

 

The Endo who started me off actually told me that if I had not been a bit scared and unsure, he would not have written the prescription because my absolute certainty would mean I did not know enough to be safe with it!!

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6 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

For those who have started HRT, how terrified were you when you were going in?

I was not so much scared of the hormones.  I'm not that young anyway - I've had a good run….  

The thing for me was that "if I do this, I'm all in - no going back."  (which is of course not true - at least at first)

The question for me was, am I committed?  And it wasn't easy to make that first appointment.  It was like, take a deep breath, swallow, and go for it.  I have not regretted it.  

 

About the smoking -   I smoked for years but had quit long before I started HRT.  And I can testify that it wasn't easy for me.    Now if I try to smoke tobacco, it makes me sick, yuck.

Just for some humor, a bit of Calvin…

 863db05f5f590b90a87cdf1c7795aa0f.jpg.3633ca3c03ea4cb4e8a92d8267c6055a.jpg

 

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I am scared either way. When I talk to my gender therapist, I get the feeling that they are ready to sign me on and get me going right away. I love the support but, at first it actually made me wonder what the catch is. I was surprised to say the least. I think it makes perfect sense to question everything and trust your feelings. That seems to be a good guide quite often. Best of luck!

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Ellie Jean
1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

 

The Endo who started me off actually told me that if I had not been a bit scared and unsure, he would not have written the prescription because my absolute certainty would mean I did not know enough to be safe with it!!

I'm also scared because I wouldn't be getting HRT from an Endocrinologist; I'd be getting it from a "Family Nurse Practitioner" named Helen Weems at a small little "Women's Health Clinic" called "All Families Healthcare". I'd rather see an Endocrinologist, but none of the Endocrinologists in my local area accept Medicaid lol. She assures me she's kinda strict about the WPATH standards of care. ...Even though they might be a little outdated lol. =P

 

 

1 hour ago, Jandi said:

It was like, take a deep breath, swallow, and go for it.  I have not regretted it.  

...Just for some humor, a bit of Calvin…

 863db05f5f590b90a87cdf1c7795aa0f.jpg.3633ca3c03ea4cb4e8a92d8267c6055a.jpg

 

Love Calvin & Hobbs; I had all the books back in Alaska lol. And I can relate to how you look at it; I'm trying to look at it like ripping a band-aid off really fast but fear I also might be rushing things, but these feelings are probably never going to go away anyway, and then my fear of getting "too old" to start kicks in even though I know there's no such thing, but still, I feel like rationally speaking, I should transition now; sooner rather than later. Out of all the regrets I've read from others who have transitioned, like, 99% of them were regrets about not transitioning earlier in life lol. So yep...rationally it feels like the right call lol. 

 

 

1 hour ago, Abi said:

I am scared either way. When I talk to my gender therapist, I get the feeling that they are ready to sign me on and get me going right away. I love the support but, at first it actually made me wonder what the catch is. I was surprised to say the least. I think it makes perfect sense to question everything and trust your feelings. That seems to be a good guide quite often. Best of luck!


I was also surprised at how quickly my therapist suggested I set up an appointment lol. It was probably a couple months or so; I'd been contemplating it all on my own though for at least a year before deciding to see the local gender therapist lol.

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1 hour ago, Ellie Jean said:

I'm also scared because I wouldn't be getting HRT from an Endocrinologist; I'd be getting it from a "Family Nurse Practitioner"

 

People in those positions are actually VERY capable since they work under "Standing Orders" by an actual M.D. in what to look for and what to observe about the patient and how to interpret lab results for specific procedures and conditions.  I am giving great odds that the person is going to do an excellent job.  They too are certified and examined by your state Medical Licensing Board for competency in their fields.

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BrandiBri

First of all, welcome Ellie Jean. I jumped in head first since I was 69 years old at the time. No fear whatso ever (too naïve I guess to be afraid lol) I guess that the knowledge that I'm not getting any younger  was a great motivator for me. The only disappointment that I encountered was that it wouldn't stop the facial hair.😒  My main fear was beginning therapy. Once I got past that hurdle it's been fairly smooth sailing (not counting the bumps and potholes along the way lol

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Andrea Jean

Welcome Ellie Jean, with me just couldn't wait to get them took my first dose of estradiol and my brain just calmed down after that also age as with brandi was a motivator also not getting any younger and wanted a few years as the real me...but would listen to the doctors about smoking and stuff I'm a ex smoker myself and know how hard it is to stop you can do it....

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Ellie Jean
13 hours ago, VickySGV said:

 

People in those positions are actually VERY capable since they work under "Standing Orders" by an actual M.D. in what to look for and what to observe about the patient and how to interpret lab results for specific procedures and conditions.  I am giving great odds that the person is going to do an excellent job.  They too are certified and examined by your state Medical Licensing Board for competency in their fields.


That's good to know! 😊

 

 

11 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

First of all, welcome Ellie Jean. I jumped in head first since I was 69 years old at the time. No fear whatso ever (too naïve I guess to be afraid lol) I guess that the knowledge that I'm not getting any younger  was a great motivator for me. The only disappointment that I encountered was that it wouldn't stop the facial hair.😒  My main fear was beginning therapy. Once I got past that hurdle it's been fairly smooth sailing (not counting the bumps and potholes along the way lol


I'm kind of terrified of starting when I'm older, so that has been a good motivator for me lol. It's been kind of a game of trying to which fear outweighs my other fears the most, and "spending most of my life as someone I don't want to be" is kind of like, one of my bigger fears lol.

 

 

2 hours ago, Andrea Jean said:

Welcome Ellie Jean, with me just couldn't wait to get them took my first dose of estradiol and my brain just calmed down after that also age as with brandi was a motivator also not getting any younger and wanted a few years as the real me...but would listen to the doctors about smoking and stuff I'm a ex smoker myself and know how hard it is to stop you can do it....


Thanks for the encouragement; I figure I'll quit all substance abuse on my birthday tomorrow; probably early morning; maybe 4:24 AM Mountain Standard Time, because I have a habit of getting baked at 4:20 lol, and because I want the digits of my Quit Date to add up to a number than can be reduced to eight by adding the two digits of the sum together because 8 is my Birth Number and I'm quirky like that lmao. 🤪

PS: Omg I love your name! My sister's first and middle name is Audra Jean. "Jean" as a middle name is a family tradition for me lol; mom's "Kathy Jean", my niece is "Nina Jean", my grandma was "Betsy Jean" and so on and so forth. I decided to take my grandmother's maiden name as my surname instead of my birth surname, because my whole family is kinda like...cursed lmao. I don't want my name to have anything to do with my father or grandfather lol. Both of them were monsters😕

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hi. from my person experience and the many things ive read here and there when you are transitioning soo many people want to look like a woman, like how you feel. my change came easy to me on account of something i read that sunk in. it went something like this.. its not how you present on the outside but more of how you feel on the inside, because the outside will come as you grow into your new self. i found this very insightful for myself as i was trying to do all things at once, dress, look, walk, talk...yeesh too much lol. start slow..baby steps. change clothing style and wear out in public..people dont notice but you will. wear some low heels with long pants things like that. after a couple of years i was presenting as a full time woman..myself. then i went on hrt. it fit perfectly. tip: make very subtle changes and people wont even notice. trust me it took my sister a year to figure out i had been changing because i did things soo slow...eyebrows, light makeup just a little at atime and before long it felt natural for me to present this way and made me soo confident that i began to not even care what people thought if i did get clocked. ps kids are the most observant of all! i can go on and on with tips i used. look me up if you like..chow.. 

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On 1/17/2021 at 12:09 PM, Ellie Jean said:

I'm also scared because I wouldn't be getting HRT from an Endocrinologist; I'd be getting it from a "Family Nurse Practitioner"

I agree fully with what @VickySGV says about this. I also work with an FNP and she is fully qualified to both prescribe and monitor my HRT. Her experience working with other transgender women was really the other most important qualification I was seeking when choosing a provider. At the time I started, I had a lot more anxiety about doing so than I do today, and working with her helped me feel accepted at a time when I was sure no one would (I know differently now).

 

6 hours ago, breee said:

its not how you present on the outside but more of how you feel on the inside, because the outside will come as you grow into your new self.

This is absolutely right. People can be very perceptive of our emotional state. When we present as happy, confident, and relaxed, people pick up on that and will treat us accordingly. Siimlarly, if people see we are anxious, depressed, or paranoid, people will pick up on that instead and react to that instead. I like Bree's description of making subtle changes that might be imperceptible to others to build our confidence and comfort levels, and not trying to do everything all at once because that will become overwhelming quickly and undermine both of those.

 

Hoping you had a nice birthday yesterday, Ellie Jean!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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On 1/17/2021 at 8:02 AM, Audrey said:

 

 

About lifestyle changes, I agree with @Jackie C., once I started down the path of transition and found my motivation there, I found the clouds of depression lifting and it was far easier than it had ever been to take charge of my health. It's easy to be self-critical about choices we've made in the past that we wish we hadn't. Depression often brings us to focus on those and fuels a vicious cycle. While the best time to have made those changes would have been when we were younger, the second best time is today. It's never too late!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

^This

I struggled my whole life with self abusive behaviors as part of my denial of who I was. Drugs, drinking, eating like -crap-, avoidance behaviors, etc etc.  "Tried" to correct them to various levels of failures and repeating.  It wasn't until I realized I was trans and committed to owning that and transitioning that I was able to put all of that behind me.  Most of those bad habits and behaviors were because I didn't like myself in one way or another.  Transitioning (and HRT) was my salvation and motivated me to treat myself with love.  

I'm not saying this is the case with you, but I know I'm not alone in this. It is pretty common among transgender people.

Kisses

Bri

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12 hours ago, breee said:

…its not how you present on the outside but more of how you feel on the inside, because the outside will come as you grow into your new self.

I think this is important to remember.  And it is a process that can't happen overnight unfortunately.

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Andrea Jean
On 1/17/2021 at 11:58 PM, Ellie Jean said:


That's good to know! 😊

 

 


I'm kind of terrified of starting when I'm older, so that has been a good motivator for me lol. It's been kind of a game of trying to which fear outweighs my other fears the most, and "spending most of my life as someone I don't want to be" is kind of like, one of my bigger fears lol.

 

 


Thanks for the encouragement; I figure I'll quit all substance abuse on my birthday tomorrow; probably early morning; maybe 4:24 AM Mountain Standard Time, because I have a habit of getting baked at 4:20 lol, and because I want the digits of my Quit Date to add up to a number than can be reduced to eight by adding the two digits of the sum together because 8 is my Birth Number and I'm quirky like that lmao. 🤪

PS: Omg I love your name! My sister's first and middle name is Audra Jean. "Jean" as a middle name is a family tradition for me lol; mom's "Kathy Jean", my niece is "Nina Jean", my grandma was "Betsy Jean" and so on and so forth. I decided to take my grandmother's maiden name as my surname instead of my birth surname, because my whole family is kinda like...cursed lmao. I don't want my name to have anything to do with my father or grandfather lol. Both of them were monsters😕

I want to be named after my mom which her middle name is Jean also she is Dorothy Jean

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Ellie Jean
21 hours ago, Andrea Jean said:

I want to be named after my mom which her middle name is Jean also she is Dorothy Jean


Coolness; I have an aunt here in town named Dorothea lol.

 

 

On 1/18/2021 at 9:05 PM, breee said:

hi. from my person experience and the many things ive read here and there when you are transitioning soo many people want to look like a woman, like how you feel. my change came easy to me on account of something i read that sunk in. it went something like this.. its not how you present on the outside but more of how you feel on the inside, because the outside will come as you grow into your new self. i found this very insightful for myself as i was trying to do all things at once, dress, look, walk, talk...yeesh too much lol. start slow..baby steps. change clothing style and wear out in public..people dont notice but you will. wear some low heels with long pants things like that. after a couple of years i was presenting as a full time woman..myself. then i went on hrt. it fit perfectly. tip: make very subtle changes and people wont even notice. trust me it took my sister a year to figure out i had been changing because i did things soo slow...eyebrows, light makeup just a little at atime and before long it felt natural for me to present this way and made me soo confident that i began to not even care what people thought if i did get clocked. ps kids are the most observant of all! i can go on and on with tips i used. look me up if you like..chow.. 


Thanks for sharing; wonderful insight. =)

 

 

On 1/19/2021 at 2:30 AM, Audrey said:

 

Hoping you had a nice birthday yesterday, Ellie Jean!

 

Love,

~Audrey.


It was okay; not much to report lol. 

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    • Charlize
      Holly that top certainly does push the PG label.  A bit close to X.     I once dressed a bit over the top.  After all i had somehow noticed the women with short skirts  and low tops more than the "plain" ones.  It was also fun at first to excite that glance from men.  Time has lengthened my skirts and yet somehow i feel just as feminine even in dirty jeans and top working the farm.    We all have our styles which makes the world go round.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • MiraM
      Sounds like it may be loosely based around DBT but maybe not as in  depth.
    • Kiera
      😉 lol I am very well liked at work but, problem is, son works there as well and doesn't like talking 'bout "my issue".   Big rigs? Used to drive a '78 "extended hood" KW aerodyne  with a "3408" when cabovers were the standard (55/60' length laws)
    • ValerieRun
      I have a similar style top, also sleeveless but a bit wider should straps, and while it’s on a hanger it does look a bit “adventurous”.  But when I wear it it flows perfectly over the contours of the bra (bra cups needs to be separate enough though). Of course, when you bend over it will hang down and show the bra but it’s inevitable. And you will be tempted to adjust it to a perfect position all the time 🙂 But it is absolutely lovely once you get used to it.
    • KymmieL
      Had an unusual comment from my youngest son. We had gone out for our Friday night dinner out. Our son met us at the restaurant. While we were eating. He comments nice color finger nails. It wasn't a sarcastic comment either.   Kymmie
    • Petra Jane
      I used Faceapp for a bit of fun and this was the result.   But honestly, I think I prefer my profile picture which is all me, with just a little photomagic makeup.  
    • Red_Lauren.
      Yea, all my friends now do have big hearts, and I know they care about me. Just like I care about them. Its just hard to look at these woman some days. Knowing ill never be as good looking as them. They do say I look good, and am beautiful, but I wonder if they really mean it or are saying it because they are my friends. I'm hoping its because I really am beautiful. Its not like we are in competition with eachother over men, and they know im not in to men. 
    • Maid In Bedlam
      Wow Lus You are going back a bit. I would love a picture of that I havent seen one of those in ages. Many years ago I had an Avenger with GT badges stuck on it. It wasnt a GT in any sense of the word. Drop me a picture when you have time. I was actually always brought up with Fords. My old dad had numourous Mk1 Cortinas. My only real dip in the ford ocean was a Mk1 facelift Capri. The first ever car that I brought with my own money. Im so showing my age now lol. Im glad i dont look it   Anyway. Back on topic.   Simply Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  If you use the above as a guide. I think Citreons are an abormination to my eyes. But others love them.  You cant please all of the people all of the time. But why would you want to? Its an old rule of thumb. But I always go for how big a persons heart is. Looks are just skin deep.
    • Red_Lauren.
      For me I was sick of living everyone else's life that they had planned for me, and me being miserable among many things.    Covid happening was my start of my transition, and I didn't know it at the time, but I got to spend more time as my self. I was still working, but now I wasn't seeing my soon to be ex any more. Once the locks downs were lifted. I was going out, and enjoying my life for the first time, and made friends. With people that supported me.    As for losing things. I had nothing to lose. No kids, no wife, a dead end job. Yes I know i have had easy, but im a lot happier now. 
    • Red_Lauren.
      ,  I did think about wearing a tank or cami under it. I will show my boss a picture of it first, and see what she says.    I think I'm scared to wear it for a few reasons. One as munch as I love my chest, and show a bit of cleavage once and a while. I'm not sure im comfortable  showing that munch yet. Two people thinking it's not age appropriate. While I think its age appropriate for me at 35. Younger or older woman might not. Three being called slurs I can't say here. 
    • VickySGV
      Wear it but have a camisole in your purse or lunch bag to put under it if needed.  Then ask your boss what they think.  For ladies retail though I would think it was appropriate.  
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